Pregnant friends and strangers

[achintyasamma]

Lately, whenever I find out that someone I know is pregnant, I feel like asking, "Have you thought about having your baby at home?" It's okay if it's someone I know and I know they would be open to the idea, but sometimes the person I want to ask this is almost a stranger. Example: there is a woman in my pottery class who gives me a ride home every week. Yesterday she drove me to the class and she wasn't feeling well. I mentioned something that happened during my pregnancy, and she told me "Well, it's too early to notice, but I'm pregnant." She's only 6 weeks and hasn't told anyone, but figured I'm safe since I'm practically a stranger. So what pops in my mind is "Are you going to have a midwife or a doctor?" Then I realize that I don't know her at all and that she might think it's a weird question. But shouldn't I be at least telling whoever I meet that they have the option of birthing at home? In the past I've tried to somehow slip in something about ds's birth to lead into the topic, but it doesn't always happend. Just wondering how everyone else handles this.

[pamamidwife]

I sometimes just ask women, in a really positive way, "Oh, so whose your midwife??"

[jessemoon]

I think that it can be appropriate (depending on the person and sometimes on how far along the pregnancy is) to gently and positively bring it up.

I sometimes say something like "I don't know if this is something you are considering, but I just have to rave about my midwife and my homebirth. I am so glad that that is what we chose!"

If the pregnant woman is open to the idea, it gives her a chance to ask questions..voice concerns etc. If she is absolutely opposed to the idea, then she can tell you so without feeling as if you are quizzing/judging her by bringing it up.

[kathywiehl]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

I sometimes just ask women, in a really positive way, "Oh, so whose your midwife??"

That's what I do, too! In my perfect (imaginary) world, people would only see doctors when they really need to, not when they are experiencing a normal pregnancy, so I just assume everyone is seeing a midwife. Then when they ask why I didn't see a doc, I say something like "oh, I had a normal pregnancy, no doctor needed!"

[LadyWulf]

I do ask women if they are seeing a doctor or midwife.

[sarajane]

What about people you know are already seeing a doctor and know they complained last time about the prenatal visits......and ended up with a $10,000 bill for a c-section they probably didn't really need?

What then? I already know her situation, I know her insurance doesn't cover everything and her doc has already had her have 7 ultrasounds last I checked! Oh, and everything is okay. So, um, why the ultrasounds? So much money and well, I'm sure you all know they aren't for sure it is safe to do so many but they do it anyway.

[achintyasamma]

Thanks for the input. I think I was a little discouraged because I've met a few mamas who seemed pretty crunchy, but when I asked them where they had their babies, they gave me this look like they didn't know what I was talking about and said, "The hospital?"
I also have a friend who moved to my area in her 8th month, and I would talk about my birth all the time, but she never showed any interest in having a midwife. I was concerned for her because the hospital she chose has a pretty bad reputation. Well, she ended up having a 3.5 hour labor and by the time she got to the hospital there was no point/"need" for any interventions and the baby was small. She didn't even get an episiotomy in spite of having no particular preference about what the doc did. Lucky. The reason I mention her is because I never felt comfortable asking her directly if she'd be interested in a midwife since she was so far along when I met her.

[kathywiehl]

Originally Posted by sarajane

What about people you know are already seeing a doctor and know they complained last time about the prenatal visits......and ended up with a $10,000 bill for a c-section they probably didn't really need?

What then? I already know her situation, I know her insurance doesn't cover everything and her doc has already had her have 7 ultrasounds last I checked! Oh, and everything is okay. So, um, why the ultrasounds? So much money and well, I'm sure you all know they aren't for sure it is safe to do so many but they do it anyway.

When she is talking about her doctor visits, concerns about needing a c-section, spending money on unneccessary tests, etc. You can say take the opportunity to educate her about whatever the issue of the moment is. Just gently say things like "Did you know....." "Studies have shown that ........" "many mothers do_________ to avoid _______ problems" Give her a book, maybe something by Sheila Kitzinger, that outlines everything, not just what the docs want you to think. Encourage her to take a Bradley class or something.