Tandem nursing, but not always loving it. Am I the only one?

[majazama]

My 27 month old DD is a nursing ADDICT... she wants to nurse a million times per day. It is getting really wearing on me. I am ending up saying no to her so much of the time, and she constantly has tantrums. I nurse her all the time, just because I know she will have a tantrum if I don't. I just DON'T feel like nursing her. She's HUGE for her age. She's gotten the very best start. She's taking away from the nursing relationship I have with DD2. She's soooo needy. :

But I see the romanticizm of CLW. haha. But I can't imagine letting her nurse ALL THE TIME, WHENEVER SHE WANTED. I would be nursing her for about 90% of the day, if that was the case.

I guess I just want to cut back on her nursing, but I don't know how to do it. I don't think weaning her would be a very good idea (though, I'd love it if she would comply!!) because I'm still nursing her younger sister who's just 7 months old, and I think there would be major jealousy issues.

I'm also thinking, that constanly rejecting her can't be very good for her development. I try to distract her all the time, but she just wants the "mee-mee", while her eyes tear up and her lips turn purple. She has to be one of the MOST boobyaholic babies I've ever seen.

Is there anyone else here going through something similar? Can we commiserate? It's so difficult when tandeming.

[milk4two]

My story was similar when my girls were 2 & 4. I found that when I introduced a few limits it made me fall in love with nursing again. What worked well for me was counting to 10. I tried to never tell her no, but when I didn't think I could stand it I'd tell her she could nurse to 10. We were both happy after that.

[HelloKitty]

I've only been Tandem'ing a couple of weeks but I already feel your pain. My 27 month old DS was previously only nursing at night, once in the morning and at nap time - but since DS#4 was born, DS#3 wants to nurse ALL THE TIME. I like the counting to 10 idea but I know he wouldn't "get" it.

*Sigh*, no advice just wanted to whine with ya.

Kitty

[majazama]

I've never tried the counting to ten thing before just this moment,and it worked!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to have to use that all the time now.

[cinnamonamon]

My ds1 is 25 months & ds2 is 10 weeks. I started saying "one more minute, then all done" some months ago during the painful preggo nursing period. He now unlatches by himself 80% of the time -- and all most all the rest of the time he doesn't complain/fight it when I unlatch him. I try really hard to remember that if I let him nurse for just a minute, he is usually pacified (bad pun ).

Re: night nursing -- it was really hard the first month. Ds1 had a hard time understanding he had to wait til I could unlatch/move away from ds2. Now he usually just goes back to sleep without nursing. When he does nurse, he lays on a pillow that's beside me that raises him up a bit so he can nurse while I lay flat on my back so I don't disturb ds2's sleep (he will sleep a 6 hour stretch if not bothered! -- thank you God!!! :LOL). When he wants to nurse while I'm nursing ds2, he kneels behind me (I'm laying on my side) and leans over me. Or he lays on me which is actually more comfortable.


Now, can anyone tell me that their supply eventually evened out? Ds1 will nurse constantly on & off during the day if we are home, but not at all if we are out & about w/ friends, etc. Poor ds2 has a terrible time half drowning in milk some days... It's really depressing to have to unlatch him then give him the pacifier, then go back to the breast, etc. etc. He actually prefers to nurse, unlatch & be given the pacifier -- THEN fall asleep.

And what about your appetite?? I've taken to ordering 2 adult meals for ds1 and I, then pretending he is going to eat most of one of them... :LOL It's unreal how much I can consume in a seating -- I just never seem to be full!

[HelloKitty]

OK so the counting to 10 doesn't work for us with nursing but I did find out the other day that it works for getting DS out of the shower!!!! He loves taking a shower with me and never wants to get out (another time for him to nurse non-stop! :LOL ) but the other day I tried counting to ten and then turning the water off and it worked out great! So that's the new shower trick anyways.

Regarding appetite - I have the appetite but not the ability to eat like I want to / need to right now because I'm always so busy. I laugh at the prospect of getting 600 extra calories a day because some days I'm lucky to get 600 total I think. I need to buy some healthy finger foods I think.

Kitty

[TalkToMeNow]

Wow, Mamajaza, I could have written your post! Dd1 is 33 months and dd2 is 3 months. Dd1 wants to nurse more than dd2!! It really drives me crazy sometimes. I've taken to counting, too. We make it a race... "I bet you can't finish nursing before I get to 10!!" She loves it. But man, she comes into our bed mid way through the night (while I'm nursing dd2) and all I hear for the rest of the night is, "Turn over, Mommy! I want the boobie. Give Elsa to Daddy!" Ugh!!

I hate resenting her and rejecting her nursing need, but it sometimes just makes my skin crawl to think of nursing her for the millionth time that day. Anyway, I just keep trying to change my attitude about it. She was also one of those that nursed maybe twice a day before the baby and now wants it ALL the time. It is just so amazing to me how much she still needs to nurse. Boobies are her life!

Cinamonamom, I'm with you on the appetite! When we eat out, I always get food for dd1 knowing she won't eat it. :LOL Everyone is amazed by how much I can eat... I keep fearing I'm just being a pig, but it's not like me to eat so much. Plus, I haven't gained a pound, so I guess my body just needs all that food.

So, uh, we should keep this thread up to share each others' pain... and joys, of course.

[TwinMom]

Oh, wow, I was going to start a thread like this but title it something like, "I HATE tandem nursing!" I do, I HATE it! Alec is 3.5 years old, Joe will be 5 weeks old tomorrow, so I obviously haven't been doing this very long. Alec wants to nurse every time he sees Joe nursing, but I'm usually able to distract him throughout the day. He still nurses about 5 times a day. I nightweaned him when I was pregnant, partly because I didn't want to be nursing two all night and partly because he was waking 7-9 times a night (at over 3 years old) to nurse and I needed more sleep to be a good mama. I've only nursed them together about 5 times; it really skeeves me to do it, but when Joe is hungry and Alec is obviously upset or tired or just really needs it I will nurse him at the same time. Most times he is okay (not happy, but okay) to wait until Joe is finished to nurse. I do try to make sure that when I nurse him I let him nurse for a good chunk of time, at least 10 minutes. Until I had Joe he was used to nursing 30-45 minutes at a time, 3-4 times a day, so this is much less than he's used to, but he's usually okay with it.

What I do to help him know that it's time to stop is I will sing the alphabet song two times or count to 20 or 30. I've thought about using a timer since sometimes he'll ask for "two minutes on each side, pleeeeaase??" but I always forget to get the timer before I sit or lie down.

I thought I had a real commitment to CLW, but I just don't think I can do it. I'm going to wait until Joe is 3 months old so Alec doesn't feel like Joe is taking his nummies away from him, and then I'm going to be more assertive about weaning him. I figure it will take a few months and he'll be 4 by then, so he'll probably either be lessening his nursing on his own, in which case I might be able to handle tandem nursing for longer, or he'll be old enough to really understand more why I have trouble with it.

This is so hard!

[majazama]

yes, it is so hard, twinmom. I never thought I would feel how I do about tandeming. I was totally all for CLW too. Now, I can't imagine doing this again. If I have another baby, I'm definatly going to wait till my youngest is weaned.

I really wonder sometimes if my DD2 is so *little* because of all the nursing DD1 did during the pregnancy. DD1 is gynormous for her age, whereas DD2 is so itty-bitty. It could just be how they are, but I sometimes wonder if all that "breasfeeding through pregnancy and tandeming afterwards is totally fine" idea is a bunch of LLL propaganda. (just a thought, don't flame me )

If people are totally relaxed and happy with tandem nursing, fine. But not everyone is the same. Not everyone has the same level that they get overstimulated. Don't some monkeys wean their babies earlier than others?

What I have done is to assign my babies their designated boobs. H gets the right one *only*, and I'm trying to cut her down to 3 times per day (yah, right ) And S gets the left one full time and right one part time. Of course, she gets a lot more that way which is her milk in the first place.

I was thinking that if I was still just nursing DD1 and DD2 wasn't born, I would have almost no milk, and H would probably be cutting down significanly. But because I have this delicious new little baby milk, she'd rather have that then ANYTHING. (right now she's trying to lift up my shirt, saying meemee...) It's just about 10:00 and she's wanted to nurse 3 times since we got up. Oopps, shouldn't have sat down...

[TwinMom]

Mamajaza, I think the size of the baby doesn't have anything to do with nursing during pregnancy. Joe was 9 lbs. 7 oz. when he was born at 38 weeks (HBA2C! I have to tell everyone ). Alec was 9 lbs. 8 oz. at 40 weeks and my twins were just under 6 lbs. each (37 weeks), so I might just grow 'em big, nursing during pregnancy or not.

I know what you mean about not sitting down. I think I'm still losing weight not so much because of tandem nursing but because I'm constantly moving, with a baby in the sling! A moving target is harder to nurse from! :LOL

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

hate it

i hate it too.
hate it hate it hate it.
i never intended to tandem nurse. thought it was a beautiful thing and absolutely NOT for me.
oops, i had #2 WAY before it would be ok to wean #1.
i really don't think i'll wean either one, ever, i believe in CLW too strongly.
it really only bothers me when they play boobie war. but it also bothers me that i can't get a darn thing done OTHER than nurse my toddlers.
if i stop, breathe, remember that my most important job is to nurse the babies, then i am usually ok.

[Mom2baldie]

I am tandeming a 3 year old (Paityn) and 5 month old (Naiya) and not really liking it too much either, but it has gotten better within the past month or so, only because I did start setting a few limits with my 3 yo DD. When Naiya was born, Paityn was so happy to have milk again that she stopped eating solid food and ONLY nursed. I let her do this for 3 months because I didn't want her to feel rejected AND because I knew that she would throw a long screaming fit if I said no. She nursed ALL day long though and it just got to be too much for me. I finally got her down to nursing 3 times a day and the 1st few days were hard, but I tried to keep us out and about so she would be distracted. It worked sometimes and sometimes it didnt.

Now she is only nursing 2 times a day and 2 times at night. We still have bad days every once in awhile but I just ride it out.

Also, I dont think that nursing through pregnancy has anything to do with a babys birth size because Naiya was 9 lbs 10 oz at birth and she was also born at 41 weeks, which was my longest pregnancy so far. And now at 5 months she is just the cutest, chubbiest (spelling???) thing you've ever seen!

[ebethmom]

My ds is 3 1/2, and dd is 7 months old. When she was a newborn, ds nursed almost as much as she did. I was glad for the jumpstart on my milk supply - I had low supply issues with ds. Dd hasn't had a drop of formula, and I'm very glad for that.

But ds's latch just drove me nuts!! I think it was the 3 yr. old's teeth vs. newborn's gums sensation. We had started counting to 10 when I was pregnant (thanks to helpful suggestions from these boards! ) That led to saying months, and now it has changed to reindeer.

When dd was a newborn, I decided to let ds nurse whenever he wanted. He nursed and nursed for about 5 or 6 weeks, then he went back to first thing in the morning, maybe once during the day if he was sad, and at bedtime.

I do think that nursing helped his transition. I'm glad that we did it, but I'm just as glad that his need for nursing seems to have passed.

I thought I would be sad or wistful when he gave up nursing, but for the most part I'm just relieved!