Am I the only one not telling?

[kathma26]

When I went to my fathers for xmas my sister was also there. Since they did not bring it up I did not mention where I am birthing. I did hear them discussing "him" and "he". I assume they mean the doctor I have moved so I don't know if they assume I am going to the same hospital or not. I also got away with just stating the month the baby is coming.

My sister I hope can show this time. I doubt she would have any issues with it anyway.

Kathy

[calebsmama03]

We haven't told yet and are debating whether to tell at all I'm leaning towards saying something just b/c I feel weird lying by omission. I did say that I'm switching to a midwife so if I "slip" and say "the midwife" it's not a big deal. DH thinks we shouldn't say anything at all. I say, you do what makes you most comfortable!

[Music-mommy]

We didn't tell my inlaws about the homebirth till after the fact. Now I felt terrible not telling them but in retrospect it was the thing to do. My inlaws are VERY mainstream, my MIL had twighlight sleep births for all 4 of her kids, and her 2 daughters had c-sections/medicated births.

They already had 9 grandchildren and who would I have been coming in there and telling them I was having a homebirth....?

My mw had told me not to tell people if I was sure they would argue with me about it, and that a happy healthy pregnancy was more important than trying to convince people hb was safe. Plus with a first child/pregnancy, it would not be taken well, by people who had had children and knew "better".

Though I felt guilty the entire pregnancy, and almost told them in the 9th month, we didn't. And I was glad. I'm sure they were slightly insulted, but in the end, I got the birth I wanted, and now they know I'm having a hb for my second, but since I've already done it once I'm sure they're expecting that.

[LoveChild421]

I'm selectively "not telling"- everyone knows I'm having a midwife- but they think it's a hospital based one- we have told some family and friends who we know will be supportive and not report us or our midwife since we live in a state where unfortunately homebirth is illegal.

[nmccarroll]

We've told everyone we're seeing a midwife. I told my sister and her husband about our hb plans right away. My ILs asked where we were having the baby, so we told them. I haven't told my parents -- Mum has always been very opposed to hb, and is not the kind of person to listen to stats or trust our judgement. We'll just tell her afterwards.

Nikki

[orangebird]

My MIL knows but she wouldn't expect anything else from us and was very supportive last time. My own mom won't know I'm even pregnant until after the baby is born.

I try not to tell co-workers but they all seem to know by now. I just hate them all (almost all of them) thinking I'm crazy and telling me how much they are worried about me. I don't need to hear that, that peole are worried about me!

[Marlet]

Unless someone asks us directly what we are doing we don't say (and then dh usually answers for us as people seem to accept it more com,ing from him...like I'm some dumb little girl who doesn't know any better.... At least they don't question him like they do me). We especially don't say over at WIC because of how anti anything but hospitals they seem. Very few people know that we don't have a midwife either. As far as they are concerned we found one early on (because that was the original plan) and they just assumed we have one. We find it easier not to correct them.

[Patchfire]

Originally Posted by CarrieBeary77

Isn't is A-legal? As in, not ILLegal, but something... I don't know what I'm talking about. : My sil is planning a hb near atlanta, also.

Yeah, I think you're right about 'alegal' - the law says that the state DHR is supposed to issues licenses to midwives, and that midwives have to be licensed. But it's hard for a midwife to get a license since DHR refuses to issue them - and has refused since 1963!

The overall climate surrounding hb has gotten worse of late, though - my midwife's apprentice is 'retiring,' another one didn't start, because there are more investigations and what have you. :/

[LoveChild421]

yeah GA is really strange- my midwife was investigated and could have faced charges for "practicing medicine without a license" but the investigation was dropped I believe. It's not so much of an issue for the parents but for the midwife- I am so glad there are still wonderful women here in GA who are willing to go against the system to help us have the births we desire and have a right to. I wish it were more like Oregon or California here in GA (in many ways) but here we are and I guess we have to deal the way things are and try to help change them.

I have always been worried that since homebirth isn't really legal here that it would be grounds for CPS to investigate us- although my midwife has never known this to happen in GA- I still have it in the back of my mind.

[annakiss]

I tell everyone I meet. Even the OBs in the high risk ward I had to go to after a recent car accident. I do try to avoid mentioning it to my in-laws, but then I try to avoid my in-laws all together. I don't even know if they'd say anything about it. I'm definitely trying not to talk about it with my step-mother as well after I got an earful about how I should be getting co-care. And I'm definitely not mentioning my wishes to be as unassisted as possible, while not unattended.

[mimim]

I don't tell unless is comes up when I'm talking to those people who I know will be against the idea. If they ask straight out where I'm having the baby I always tell them though. I do the same thing with extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, etc.

My mom just told my MIL about our planned HB. Actually, she specifically mentioned the waterbirth. So yesterday, I had to explain it to everyone at my BIL's birthday party. They were all cool about it - to my face at least.

The only person who I will purposely NOT tell is DH's G-ma (on his dad's side). She started telling me horror stories about homebirths after she overheard me talking to DH's cousin about my friend's homebirths. I'd rather not deal with the negativity she'll give us a bout it. I'm sure she'll hear about it eventually, though.

[jraohc]

You are unfortunately not alone. It's too bad we can't all share the news, but that definitely seems to be the case. I'm not sure what we're going to do when the time comes (I'm not pregnant right now, but am planning a homebirth). I know that during my first pregnancy my mil was upset about us only having one ultrasound and kept bugging us about it and that was extremely irritating and mildly stressful to have to keep arguing with her over. I don't know that we'll be able to tell our parents, but at the same time, it feels like a huge secret to keep. Either choice feels like it has stress attached.

[hmg7500]

we're having a uc, and are not telling dh's family. i'm a little disappointed, as dh's sil has had 3 or 4 homebirths and i think that she'd be a great resource, but their family just doesn't talk very often. not to mention that the inlaws think i am so far off the rocker, i'm not even on the front porch any more. i try to avoid anything parenting related with them... homebirth would definitely be one of the topics to avoid until it's done.

when deciding on the uc, dh insisted i tell my family (we are all very close, both in distance and relationships) in case we needed them for anything. only one sister is truly excited for us-- everyone else is worried, and i wish i didn't have to deal with that, but it's what we needed to do.

[runes]

My MIL (who is awesome) is so excited for us, and she has expressed her wish that she had known more about hb during her own pregnancies.

My mother (I'm not too close to her) is supportive.

Other family, well... only thing that's happened so far is that when they talk about the "doctor", we just say "midwife", very matter of factly and without a 'correcting' tone. I'm not sure if it just hasn't registered yet or if they're ignoring it for now, but further discussions haven't come up.

Both DH and I have done tons of research and reading on the subject and feel ready if and when the questions start coming.

[KariM]

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[MamanFrancaise]

I tell everyone if the subject comes up, sometimes I sneak it into the conversation, LOL. I enjoy the different reactions I get and couldn't care less if someone gives me the look. I used to be the one giving the look so I guess I understand it's just ignorance.

[dnr3301]

I'm a talker and told almost everyone about my homebirths. Seriously, almost everyone. The only people I specifically didn't tell were my mother's co-workers. She is a L&D nurse and I visited her at work a few times and it was inevitable that someone would ask if I was having the baby at their hospital. My mom knew about our hb and was cool with it (she had all of her kids at home), but I didn't want to get her in trouble at work, so I would answer, "This is where I'm registered" which was true, I had preregistered at her hospital in case of transfer and it let me avoid talking to those people about my plans. But anyone else who would listen, heard it.

[Hayes]

My in-laws know. My family does not know. I don't plan on teling them until later, if ever. I feel certain my 5 year old will share though.

[fiikske]

Everybody knows, except my parents and inlaws and anyone that could tell them

I know my mom would freak out. Well, she would not freak out, she would tell me that I am insane. With dd we announced that we would only have a short stay at the hospital, and her idea was that that is already irresponsible behavior. So no thanks. I prefer not to tell her, and simply do it my way without judgment.

My MIL, that is another issue. I'm still having doubts about telling her or not. The point is, she lives right next door. I prefer her not to know (because in a minimum of time the whole neighborhood and family would know), but it would also be good to have her know as well...

Probably I won't tell them till after the facts

Greetz,
Fiikske

[jetsmom]

i am planning my second homebirth in july.
thank goodness my mom had 5 of her 6 kids at home, she did a lot of the work for me. her whole side of the family is fine. my husbands family, not sure what they think, they are too polite to offer their opinion.
my first baby died at 5 mos (completely unrelated to the labor and thank goodness no one ever brought up the homebirth as a contributing factor) and i think some folks thought i might go to the hospital for #2, but i'm stubborn.
i am also a nursing student and love telling fellow students and our instructors that i'm having the baby at home. i like starting the discussion.