Am I the only one not telling? - Page 2

[alexia_i_aa]

I want to GIP, so we only told one supportive couple our plans. I do talk about my midwife, but everyone assumes that's a hospital-based intervention-happy medwife, like I had last time. I don't correct them. My midwife can't legally practice here, so I'm not interested in getting her in hot water anyway. After the birth, I'll be open about it (except to protect my midwife as needed).

Alexia

[mnnice]

I have told many of my friend and family and have gotten mostly positive reactions. My IL's think I'm crazy I'm sure, but have been uncharacteristically quiet about it.

I refused to tell anyone were I work. A parent of some of our students recently had a baby (her 7th or 8th). It was her first hospital birth. She told people it was because of her age. I suspect that it had to do with the fact that the youngest child has a different father than the rest of her gang and he wasn't supportive. Boy did people rake her over the coals (not to her face) for her previous homebirths.

[Attached Mamma]

I wished I hadn't told my family, my mother freaked out, and now whenever I talk to her or my sister they try and sneak in a horror story about how so & so had an emergency and this & this happened. If they bring it up again, I am going to have to say "this is not up for discussion, and if I hear 1 more horror story, they will be left out of the pregnancy & birth completely". The in-laws seemed to take it better, just kind of asking questions, don't really know if they support it or not. My SIL (who was induced with all 3, by choice) actually said "if you don't want an epidural, you may as well have it at home, that's the only reason I went to the hospital was for the epidural". Of course that shows also how ignorant she is at the same time.

[jetsmom]

Originally Posted by Attached Mamma

"if you don't want an epidural, you may as well have it at home, that's the only reason I went to the hospital was for the epidural"

that is great!!! lol and, actually, kind of a good attitude

[tsfairy]

We've told all of my close family and all of DH's family. We've gotten mixed reactions. I had decied on a homebirth long before we ever started TTC, so I had already prepared my family for the most part. Even though Mom had the last two of her four babies at home, she was still freaking out a bit because this is my first baby, until I took her with me to meet our midwife. Now she wants to be a doula!

One of my sisters who had 2 losses and a very difficult pregnancy with her daughter was really scared for me at first, but after talking with my mom, and now that I'm nearly finished with the first trimester she's ok. My other sisters are totally excited, but a little skeptical - they think I'll head straight to the hospital as soon as the pain hits :LOL

We waited a bit to tell DH's family, and his mom's reaction was, oh it's like you're going back to the old days. BUT she's from the Netherlands, and a close friend of hers just had her baby at home in Holland, plus the hb rate is pretty high there in general, so she's pretty ok with it. She's a trip though... last time I talked to her she said I should take sleeping pills for labor and afterward. I said no because that will get to the baby. Her response - oh you're going to breastfeed?

[applejuice]

I selectively told and not told when I had my four homebirths.

I is really no one's business anyway.

It is your body, your baby, your life, and YOU will pay the bill, so why does anyone have anything to say about it?

[Sagesgirl]

We were just discussing this, actually, & I told DH I'm not planning to tell anyone whom I'm not sure will be 100% supportive. So my mom will probably be the only one we tell, & maybe my best friend (he knows not to argue with me). All of my cousins have had very highly medically-managed pregnancies & births--including at least one induction "just because." I still remember what happened when I dared to say that circ was a bad idea. : And the ILs are all pretty standard too. I don't feel bad for not "being able" to tell anyone. It's a matter of maintaining my peace of mind, frankly.

[Autumn Breeze]

We've told MIL and FIL about our homebirth choice, mostly because for the 6 months we lived with them I talked about it all the time. they're fine with it. The one time I mentioned it to my parents they nearly hit the celing. So I don't want to deal with telling them. But everyone else knows, I'll tell a total stranger. LOL

[Rach]

I think we're selectively telling.
Personally, I only want my boyfriend and his mother to know about it.
My nephew was born last year with HLHS, and of course, my family is freaking out because they want me to have a hospital birth in case the baby has something life threatening, that we didn't find out about before hand.
My pregnancy with my daughter was very stressful, and I don't want the stress from a decision to homebirth [and a VBAC, at that!] to create drama for this pregnancy!


Best of luck to you!! I wish you all the best!!

[honeybee]

I would like to have a homebirth with my second child (which we'll start trying for in a few months). I'm still working on bringing dh on board! When I've discussed homebirth with others (mostly pals from LLL), I've joked that we're NOT telling MIL or my dad. They'd both freak out. MIL about had a hernia when we told her we were having a family practitioner and a doula for the last pg (we had to explain what a doula was several times before she "got" it. Finally, she said that was okay, but if we were going to have a midwife --even in the hospital!--- she would have something to say about it! Well, I'm just not going to give her the opportunity. I would tell my mom, though. I want her at the next birth (dh wanted it to be just us the first time), and she's open minded.

It'll be fun to tell my whole extended family on my dad's side after the fact... they are already so confused about using cloth diapers and how I'm *still* bf a 16-month old! I guess I'm just the family hippie!

[jeanine123]

We're not pregnant yet, stupid little swimmers keep getting lost. But we've already decided that we probably wont tell either family, except BIL and SIL on dh's side. All of our family lives 2,000+ miles away so it shouldn't be too hard to keep them in the dark. I had a midwife with my last hospital birth so that's no big deal. As far as friends here, I don't know yet. I've already told a couple about my plans but I knew they would be cool with it. The rest I'll probably tell if it's brought up. If they don't like it tough, then they probably aren't worth hanging around with. Depends on how much grief they give me. Wishing you all the best!!!

-jeanine mom to connor 8-10-03 :

[alissa_redclogs]

we've been deciding on an individual basis. i am very lucky to have supportive parents and a MIL who had a homebirth herself.

a wonderful person who helped me when i was in very difficult situation told me, "You don't have to tell anyone who you think won't support you."

i'm sure after the fact that i will feel stronger and probably tell everyone i meet. but now i am trying to protect myself from collecting other people's fears and horrors.

[amydidit]

I've told my friends about our upcoming HB, but I won't tell my mom... when I had DD she was very pro-hospital and tried constantly to talk me out of using a midwife and a birth center. This time I told her again I was going to a birth center, and I was originally planning that... when we recently switched plans I told her I was switching midwives... she asked if I would be delivering at the same birth center, I said no... she asked if I'd seen the new place, I said yes... after all, I live here... so I have seen it already... not really a lie, though definately misleading..... I don't feel bad about it though... I wish I could tell her, but I have to do what's best for me.