No memory

[Emilie]

Last night while with my best friend- we go to talking about the good old days( or not so good- old days!) and I found that I remember significantly less about alot of things
She spoke about things we used to do, stories I told her, etc etc- and I have NO recolection- at all.
I have been friends with her since I was 10 years old- and we are and always have been the others major confidance- this woman knows me better than I know myself- and it turns out to be true.
It is weird because I always just thought that other people did not remember stuff too- but after that discussion- I am really freaked out.
What should I do- anything? What could have caused this?
Emilie

[candiland]

This happens to me ALL THE TIME. Seriously. Everyone around me talks about us and our past and I honestly don't remember ANY OF IT. At all. I used to think everyone was this way, too, but apparently we are in the minority. I have huge gaps - like, of years - where I barely remember anything at all. I can remember a few extremely vague things, but most of it is totally blank. I also can never tell when certain events occurred... it could be a few months and I'd think it's been a year, that type of thing. I also don't remember any details of raising my own kids! They're 3 and 5 and I don't remember much of anything from the past several years.

Bizarre, huh?

I've always assumed it's because a lot of my life was kind of traumatic, so my brain is in a habit of blocking everything out. Add on years of psychadelic drug use to that and it makes a little more sense. Would either of these things relate to you?

[Emilie]

Me too. i keep telling myself to journal it so I can recall it- but I never do. I am going to start now. I can not picture ds as a baby- or even feel myself in that spot- ya know.
have you seen anyone about this? Do you have any idea what causes it and how to stop it?
Emilie

[magemom]

me too. i always assumed it was an abuse thing. i really blocked most of my childhood. comforting to know a normal mama has memory loss as well.

took a photography class once. oops, that was twice. i 3/4 through the year long class through the class before i realized i had taken the class FROM THE SAME TEACHER before. (middle school)

i have always been this way. what i do remember isn't pretty anyway.

[Emilie]

Ha ha. What makes you think I am a normal mama?

[Emilie]

um

[Emilie]

I guess my main question is- do I go there? Do I want to try to remember that that my mind saved me from?
I feel that I am sad for not being able to remember the good either- ya know?
If I did go into intensive therapy- would I then feel better?
Hmmm...
If you do have big memory loss- what do you feel caused it- if you care to share?
Emilie

[magemom]

i think for me it started with molestation. i forgot that for 10 years.

i appologize for assuming you are normal, it won't happen again. :

It would be nice to remember the names of teachers or places i have been. my kids would lke to hear those kinds of stories. i am in therapy, but memory is not the goal, accepting me is. not sure i want to remember more than i do- if i can't choose.

[Emilie]

thanks

[Emilie]

I guess for me- I have no clue if I was molested or not.
It would add up- but by who and when- ya know?
And do I want to know? And then why?
Also- I do know that I was physically and mentally abused by my brother since I was about 9 or ten. Pretty severely too.
Could that just be it?
Emilie

[magemom]

i assume every one but me is normal.

i started therapy for depression. i am such an overachiever i don't let dh do anything so he does nothing then i am overwhelmed and freak out.

my life today is fine, i think. (my teen years i was a mess) i am very possesive of my kids, i am that over bearing parent at times. my mother was distant growing up- i am working on understanding why. my dad was a violent drunk. that was almost easier to get over than anything else. i like my therapist, she is like a friend i pay to be nice to me. i do have to be careful as i will fritter my time with her on BS instead of working on me.

[magemom]

Originally Posted by Emilie

I guess for me- I have no clue if I was molested or not.
It would add up- but by who and when- ya know?

yeah. it was years later i learned it wasn't normal.

Originally Posted by Emilie

And do I want to know? And then why?

probably not, unless it would help. being molested by a neighbor really set me up for some unhealthy relationships and experimintation.

Originally Posted by Emilie

Also- I do know that I was physically and mentally abused by my brother since I was about 9 or ten. Pretty severely too.
Could that just be it?
Emilie

i would say so, but do you have an age where your memories are better?

[Emilie]

thanks

[Emilie]

the

[Emilie]

I guess this is something that has always been in the back of my head- but I have just not wanted to really acknowledge.
I am glad i am not alone- cause I am very scared about this right now.
and feel very unsure about everything- and think maybe it is time to make some big changes- ya know.
Emilie

[neveryoumindthere]

my memory is horrible..dh can remember specific events, scents, what ppl were talking about etc 30 years ago (he's much older than me) and meanwhile i cant remember anything but a few specific memories in elementary and highschool adn a lot of univ. is even lost (that was just a few years ago)

i know some of it was abuse..lots of that is blocked but i do remember a lot too...

nowadays my shortterm memory is pretty bad too (has been teh past few years) and i thought it was the depression..and repressing things so i wouldnt have to think about it...

my lack of concentration..now that's a whole other story :

so, no ur not alone in this...i know i readsomewhere about certains herbs/vit/minerals taht help with memory...i've been meaning to check them out but u know i keep *forgetting* grr

[candiland]

I don't think it has to be sexual abuse/trauma that creates these gaps in our memories... maybe a traumatic home life where people fought and you felt insecure a lot is enough to create these memory lapses.

It makes sense that your brain kind of "gets in the habit" of not remembering the past, ya know?

[Dar]

I don't remember a lot of things... I specifically remember being 25 or so and having the weather change from hot to cold, and specifically remembering that during the same month a year ago, the weather had also gotten colder... I had lived in the same state for 15 years and could not have told you when the summer ended and fall started, other than the sorts of generalities you'd learn in school... I was very "unstuck in time" until then... now was now, and I had some fragments of past swirling around, but none of it was linear.

I also remember specifically making myself forget things when I was little... I don't remember what I forgot, but I remember consciously making myself forget. Later I think it became a habit...

Therapy was helpful in getting me stuck in time again, which is a good thing. Before it was like a kind of tunnel vision, like all I could see was right here.

And I think there is some natural variation... some people tend to be better observers and remember more things. People pay attention to different things, and at different levels. Visual people tend to have more visual memories, and mauditory people have more auditory ones.

I did have an abusive childhood, for the record and all... but I don't think not remembering things your friend remembers means bad things happened that you don't remember... maybe they did, but not necessarily.

Dar

[neveryoumindthere]

so are there any ways we can improve our memory?
has anyone ever read connections btwn poor memory/concentration and vitamin/mineral deficiencies?

[lauraess]

Hi. just wanted to join this discussion since i have always had a terrible memory. I feel like i can relate to a whole lot here. Dar (was it?)mentioned the weather changes , and although im not sure what exactly she meant, i recall how it was a few yrs ago that i realized that most people in general have a memory of last year, the year before and so on--- and the weather during those winters or summers. Like:" two years ago we had a really mild winter "---- - I started to try to remember LAST year and still have trouble with it.
a year ago my best friend told me some things that i didnt remember, some i did -after she reminded me- I know this was very shocking for me in some ways and then in other ways not since much of it was during the time of a lot of trauma in my home and then when i entered teen-hood and then in the days when i was using drugs a lot. And when she told me it was with a "knowingness" -like she expected that i didnt remember. Maybe she's put up with a lot more from me than i ever realized.
I do definately think some of us get really good at forgetting when it is a coping mechanism.
~l