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Anyone else experiencing high anxiety

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
I felt so calm when I was preg with ds, but I'm in such a different place with this pregnancy. i just can't seem to relax. I have started takinga Yoga class and reading Ina May's positive birth stories which has helped but I'm just so wound up all the time. With ds I just had this inner peace, with this pregnancy I feel lonely alot. Is anyone feeling this or have suggestions on how to cope. I feel guilty for feeling this way and really want things ok before the birth (coming up so soon!).
post #2 of 22
I felt lonely alot a couple months ago. I was such mess. All I could do was talk to my husband about it. I stay at home and he has been really supportive and patient but I still felt alone because I felt nobody understood what I was going through and what I am facing with labor and delivery. It really helped to have my mother over and just do things with her. We got the baby's room ready together. I felt so much better after that!

I could tell she knew how I felt, she knows when something is too heavy for me to pick up and won't let me do it. She knows where I am hurting and when I need a rest and understands it more than my husband can. As wonderful as he is he is still a man and can't understand exactly what this feels like, made me feel really alone because I want us to share this experience but there are somethings he just can't share with me I guess. That kinda hurt me and made me feel alone.

Now I have been getting nervous about the labor and delivery part, it is coming quick! Even with my mother and mid-wife and her assistant who have all had children and know what it is like.....I only can get this baby out! That makes me so nervous, feels like such a huge responsibility. I really don't have much of a way of coping with that.

I just try to think of how things will go. What I will do, how to relax when the time comes. Try to think of all the things I know I will love about it and I talk to my little one and she kicks and squirms and that makes me feel nice. She is a part of this too so I'm really not exactly entirely alone that day, she is there, my daughter. She will definately share in my experience even though later one she won't remember it. I'll have to be sure and tell her all about it.

We were made for this and we can so do this and in the end it will be wonderful!
post #3 of 22
if you can afford it financially at all- get a reccomendation for a good hypnotherapist in your area and do a fear release session or two. it can work wonders. also, guided imagery relaxation tapes are awesome just for a more general sense of wellbeing. ideal if you can do the hypnotherapist and have her/him reccomenend a tape to listen to every day- the hypnobirhting 'rainbow relaxation' tape has been very good for me, you can oreder it online of you do a hypnobirth search. i have tendency toward high anxiety levels, so i know its no fun. hugs. you still have time to work this out before the birth.
post #4 of 22
Without being pregnant I suffer from a mild anxiety and panic disorder. I had a complete meltdown at the end of December that was just awful. And like you - my first pregnancy was a joy. This one has been so hard, and tiring, and guilt ridden because I feel like a bad mommy and I want the little guy inside to not be subject to my mental ups and downs.

So.... rather than go on meds I decided on acupuncture. What was interesting to learn is that anxiety and hypoglycemia are related in chinese medicine. Since I started eating regularly at 3 hour intervals and super high protein stuff I haven't really had an anxiety attack. The acupuncturist also prescribed a customized Bach flower tincutre (since I am trying to heal past birthing trauma). I also use just straight Rescue Remedy when I feel an attack going on. Maybe some of these changes could help you too.

And lots of hugs. Everyone needs lots of hugs.
post #5 of 22
All my dreams last night had to do with death and dying. Not exactly reassuring! I was able to cope, though, and just reminded myself that this is my brain's way of processing and dealing with fears.

I've found it very helpful to do yoga and walk throughout pregnancy. I'm a worrywart when it comes to this baby, but I've noticed that the exercise helps me to stay on a more even keel.

I also love the hypnobirthing tapes -- "Rainbow Relaxation" and "Birth Affirmations." In addition, I also ordered a CD, "Dr. Larry's Birthing Naturally Program," from the internet. It's a guided self-hypnosis session that has taught me to relax almost instantaneously.
post #6 of 22
Yup I'm a basket case with #2 after being totally relaxed with #1. I think about pg and birth all the time. You'd think that I'd be calmer because I'm so much more educated and in a more empowered birth situation this time around but all that responsibility does weigh more heavily than ignorance did with #1. Every time I have to make a descision about a test or have a weird symptom I spend every waking moment obsessing about it.

I was chatting the daughter of one of my MW about this and she says she went through this with her second child also. Her take is that you just don't really get enough time to relax and get lost outside of yourself when you already have kids so it's hard to capture that same peace of mind with the second as with the first.
post #7 of 22
Thread Starter 
Oh I'm so happy that I'm not the only one and that others feel the same especially with their second! I like the theory about not having enough time to lose yourself in the pregnancy. I just feel like I'm rushing through this one. I worry all the time that my anxiety and sometimes plain depression will effect my relationship with this child. I also obsess about something going wrong and for some reason keep thinking about still births and sad things like that. Maybe its because I actually know people who have gone through situations like this now where as with my first child I hardly knew any other moms. MY birth experience with my ds has also shattered some of the confidence I had about myself, my abilities to birth, etc. A fourth degree episiotomy and vacuum suction lingers in my mind when I think of giving birth.
My dh has also not been as on board with this pregnancy. He got diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis shortly before I found out I was pregnant and so is in a lot of pain now and coping with his own emotions at not being able to do the things with his kids that he wants to. He also started a new high stress job and other health conditions. Most days he has little sympathy for the discomforts of pregnancy when he is dealing with his own problems. We did get an u/s with this pregnancy and that helped him some. I have convinced him to be present for the birth but he wants nothing to do with coaching. He feels that the birth of our son was very traumatic for him and he has not fully recovered. We moved to a new place recently also and there are no doulas, midwives or birth centers here. I am hoping my mom makes it over (3 hours away) to be my support at birth. Otherwise it will be a doc and random nurses. I feel very lonely about it.
post #8 of 22
Wow mama that is hard.

The birth trauma is a hard thing to get over. I have been reliving and analyzing my last birth in attempts to cleanse myself of it before this baby arrives. I have been doing the Birthing From Within work - have you tried any of it? It has helped me and I intend to do more before april.

I so know what you mean though, about not having confidence in your ability to birth. I am so afraid of the pain I do not know if I can actually get through it.

Have you made any friends yet in your area that might be able to be with you at least through early labor? Do you have a sister or another friend that you can put on speaker phone so you can hear positive words? Also check out dona.org on the web and maybe just maybe you might be able to find a doula in your area.

So no you are not alone. There are 1000000s of us across the planet all walking this path.
post #9 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qerratsmom
We moved to a new place recently also and there are no doulas, midwives or birth centers here. I am hoping my mom makes it over (3 hours away) to be my support at birth. Otherwise it will be a doc and random nurses. I feel very lonely about it.
Kyra, this pregnancy has been stressful for you in so many ways! Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you find the support you need. Have you tried contacting DONA (a doula organization)? Sometimes there are doulas-in-training who aren't in the online directories because they're still working on their certification, and they'll often attend a birth for free. CAPPA is another one you can try to find doulas who aren't listed or certified yet. Good luck!
post #10 of 22
I'm a first timer and had a week of spotting back in October, around week 12. It scared the **** out of me. Set the tone for this whole pregnancy- I've never been a high strung or anxious person until that. I stopped yoga, I stopped exercising, I tossed away my ideas about being super-prego who could do anything including work in the proverbial field, stop to give birth by a tree, then go right back to it.

It took a good month for me to start feeling better about it and I finally turned a corner some time after the new calendar year started. I don't know what caused it, but I've been feeling better. Well, until last week- I've had BH ctx for a week now. While I'm completely calm and rational about it and don't freak out, and know what they are and what I'm supposed to do about them, I am SO nervous about carrying to term. We're planning a home birth. I DETEST hospitals and do not want to have my child in one. I keep holding on thinking that in another month, It'll be safe to have baby at home. I'm not scared of the labor and birthing process, just of it happening too early. That's where the majority of my anxiety is.

I meditate every day, and have my hypnobirthing book and cd and I'm looking forward to my hypno class next week.

Hugs for all of us!!!

xoxoxo

Beth
post #11 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the hugs and hellos
julsmiel and Goodcents, I'll check out the doula info but I have little hope. I live in a pretty rural area and have been networking for a doula since I moved here 6 months ago without any luck. I do have a friend here but I have asked her to help with my ds if my dad doesn't get here on time. Having ds taken care of by someone I trust is worth a lot of peace of mind right now.

Boof, I am sure you will have a beautiful birth. keep talking to your little one and telling them to wait a little longer Both my dh and I feel that this baby wants to come early, but I think if *she* does, its because it was on her terms and she was ready.

Natashaccat, Eight months ago we sold our house, DH ended his job and we were ready to move out to Fairbank actually so DH could get his PHD in arctic anthropolgy. Then all he** broke loose when he was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and we realized we would need better health insurance among other things. I was really worried about being so far from family, we had trouble findiing housing on a students income, etc. We ended up not going and he miraculously found another job by August, but sometimes I wonder if we would have been better off going. I would probably still be feeling the same though except be 5,000 miles away from family with a dh who was still having health problems and probably overly stressed by grad school, plus I probably wouldn't have running water . Anyway I do love ALaska (DH and I taught in a village outside of Bethel a few years ago). Maybe we'll still end up there some day.


I remember when I was pregnant with ds a woman telling me "enjoy this pregnancy because you won't have time to enjoy the rest". I didn't know what she meant at the time, but I guess I do now . Its so different when you've got another little one to care for. In the early stages of pregnancy I kept forgetting that I was pregnant I was so preoccupied.

Anyway hugs to all!
post #12 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qerratsmom
Natashaccat, Eight months ago we sold our house, DH ended his job and we were ready to move out to Fairbank actually so DH could get his PHD in arctic anthropolgy. Then all he** broke loose when he was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder and we realized we would need better health insurance among other things. I was really worried about being so far from family, we had trouble findiing housing on a students income, etc. We ended up not going and he miraculously found another job by August, but sometimes I wonder if we would have been better off going. I would probably still be feeling the same though except be 5,000 miles away from family with a dh who was still having health problems and probably overly stressed by grad school, plus I probably wouldn't have running water . Anyway I do love ALaska (DH and I taught in a village outside of Bethel a few years ago). Maybe we'll still end up there some day.
Gosh it sure would have been fun to have you here, we could have had good fun complaining about being pg w/o running water I KWYM about insurance on a student income though, you and your kids probably would have been covered by Denali Kid Care but it might have been hard for your DH to get coverage.

FWIW, I'm working with the hypbirth homestudy program and it does seem to be helping me feel calmer.
post #13 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boof
I'm a first timer and had a week of spotting back in October, around week 12. It scared the **** out of me. Set the tone for this whole pregnancy- I've never been a high strung or anxious person until that.
Beth, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I had bleeding at 8 and 13 weeks, but everything has been fine since then. The hypnobirthing and relaxation is definitely helping, and I keep talking to the baby and telling her/him to hang in there!
post #14 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by goodcents
I have been doing the Birthing From Within work - have you tried any of it? It has helped me and I intend to do more before april.
I started this, too . . .I like that she says you DON'T have to be calm about the birth process . . .it's OK to have anxieties, you just have to take time to acknowledge them. As she says, "Worry is the work of pregnancy."
post #15 of 22
Thread Starter 
Ok I just started worrying about a couple more things
A friend of mine jsut found out that she was pregnant and was telling me how she was told not to eat hot dogs or lunch meats because of the nitrate load. Normally I don't eat hot dogs or lunch meats anyway but for some reason this pregnancy I've been craving hot dogs and have eaten quite a few. I totally forgot these past 8 months about nitrates and pregnancy and now I'm paranoid. Does anyone no what exactly can happen? I"ve heard something about "blue baby" syndrome.
I'm also worried about the strep test. I denied it last time and plan to this time as well but I'm not sure how my new physician will take it. I just don't want antibiotics, no way.
Ok one last thing, Early in the pregnancy the baby's heartbeat was in the 150s, then in the second trimester it went down to the 140s and now the last 6 weeks its been in the 130s. Is this normal???
Ok i think I'm done for today..whew... :
post #16 of 22
I didn't hear about the nitrates or listeria things until after I had DS1. Throughout my pregnancy, I had a salami sandwich for lunch almost everyday!!! Anyway, DS was fine and yours probably will be too. I have to admit I've been more careful this time and have only had one or two deli sandwiches!

Good luck with the GBS stuff. I was positive and got the antibiotics which wasn't a huge deal except that it took the hospital nurses a full hour to get the IV into my arm! While I had contractions! And puked! And had to be in triage rather than my room! Fun! The funny thing about it was that the pedi was very nonchalant about the GBS stuff and it was only the OBs that seemed to take it very seriously.
post #17 of 22
I just wanted to add that there is a very real disorder called OCD or Obsessive compulsive disorder. My Sister had her first huge flare up of OCD when she was pregnant with her first child. This usually involves repetative fears that are overwhelming and uncontrollable. Please if you find yourself worrying to the point of obsession...call your dr!!! They are there to help. Many pregnant women experience OCD. It is a very real thing.

ETA: I just wanted to make sure my post was not taken as a slam in any way. Worry in Pregnancy is normal to some extent. I just wanted to put this out there because of what I have seen my sister suffer through.
post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thanks Trisha'sTribe for the info. I don't think I really have OCD. I think the real problem is that I just moved to an area where I don't know very many people. I have one friend with kids here. Other than that I am home alone most of the day with no one to talk to (I'm sure this sounds familier to some of you). ANyway i miss my old tribe, but they are 5 hours away now and most of us can sympothize with how hard it can be to have a meaningful conversation over the phone with toddlers running around. . ANyway I do hope this anxiety dissapates when the baby is born and also I think spring weather will help!
post #19 of 22
Can you afford to join a gym?

I wouldn't have survived the stress of this pg w/o my gym time, I work out, swim with dd, and listen to my hypbirth cds in the yoga room.

It's great because they have a daycare and I meet lots of nice moms there.
post #20 of 22
First off, I wish I saw this topic when it first came out. I swear you were channeling my thoughts exactly in the OP, Qerratsmom!

Secondly, it is so nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. With dd, it was nice and peaceful. I revelled in the life that was growing inside, spent time daydreaming about what she'd look like. I could journal, I did yoga, I ate great,... I could even sit on the porch in quiet contemplation about the new frontier we were going to embark upon...

Now? It's constant chaos. I work part time, and when I'm not at work, I'm working all the time at home. Dd has two babysitters at the moment (both close friends of ours), and one is really good about helping pick up after her, the other isn't. Dh never was great at keeping house, so every time I asked for help it came with a sigh or lament for time he doesn't get to relax. : I understand that he works in a warehouse doing physical labor all day, but washing some dishes now and again without being asked to do so, wouldn't kill him. Of course, since my recent mini-breakdown modes, he's gotten much better about pitching in -- last night he made dinner.

My mother has finally "found" herself through a new job and some friends. It's very long overdue and I am happy about this. There's just times where I wish she was around a little more for me. I guess she feels that she put in her time with my first pregnancy. I do see her, she does help some, but just as I'm feeling good about spending time with her, she suddenly has something else she's scheduled that's she's off to.

I've tried looking for support groups in my area, but haven't had any luck. I can't seem to get to an LLL or Moms Club meeting because they are always on days where I'm working (who would've thought that my times clash even more when working part time?) I try to walk to exercise, but lately it's been rainy and there's always so many errands to do that its hard to find time. I'd love to yoga, but the only time I can find is just before bed and I fall asleep. Dh and I were taking a Tai Chi class, but he had to drop when he started his new job. I know I should go, but I haven't felt motivated enough. We couldn't afford a gym membership now if I wanted to.

I have no pregnant friends to talk to either. That's been really hard. It's not that none of them aren't sympathetic, but it is definitely different talking with moms or pregnant moms than girlfriends.

I have to agree about the Birthing from Within exercises. I was able to attend a second time or more moms workshop that was excellent (and free!). In it, the instructor used some of the exercises for facing fears and healing from traumatic births. I need to find time to do some of those visualizations again, but I highly recommend them. When I think of them, it makes me feel good.

I just got a copy of Hypbirth that I can't wait to start using tonite (thanks to natashaccat! ) I'm hoping this will also help with my stress and anxiety. It was recommended to me by my MW.
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