What age for first dance (daughter)?

[MomKT]

My BF's 11 year old daughter (5th grade) wants to attend a 50's Dance Party that is not a school event. It is a fundraiser/p.r. thing for a local cultural and arts foundation. Only 4th, 5th, and 6th graders can attend, a total of 75 kids, with one chaperon for every six kids. I am the mother figure in her life (dad has sole custody, mom is out of state and out of sight). Dad said no because she is "too young" to go to a dance. I never question him on his decisions. However, she came to me to ask if I could talk to him. I agree with his decision, but not because of her age - because we don't know the names of the adult chaperones, aren't familiar with the parents who are listed as contacts, etc. Otherwise, I don't think there would be any harm simply because she is only 11. As an option, I offered to him that I would chaperone and if I felt anything inappropriate for her age was going on, we would leave. She loves the idea and trusts me that I won't embarrass her. Dad is still hesitant and hasn't given an answer yet. I think it is reasonable. She is just starting to be interested in boys, but not in a big way like some of her friends. What age is okay? My BF said that he didn't get to go to a dance until he was in 7th grade, but admits his mother was psycho-overprotective.

[alegna]

First off- welcome to MDC!

I think that 5th grade at a dance specifically for that age group is perfectly fine. They seem to have put a lot of thought into making it a safe place. I think you should talk to DH and go with her to put his mind at ease (especially since she is cool with that.) I think he is being very unreasonable.

Good luck! Your BF's daughter is lucky to have you in her life.

-Angela

[MomKT]

Thanks, Angela. I don't have kids of my own so sometimes I am just winging it when trying to help raise the two girls (he has an 8 year old, too). I love them as my own and he gives me all the authorities of a parent and they certainly view me as one. Everyone always says how lucky they are to have me, but I see it the other way around! Their dad likes my influence on them as a role model since I have my PhD, own my own beach house, drive a cool convertible, have a very responsible career, play sports, surf, etc. He wants them to grow up independent and good citizens. He is overprotective at times and wants to keep them as little girls as long as possible. Right now we are also negotiating peirced ears for the 11 year old but the first bras/bikini underwear were more of a struggle with his 75 year old mother than with him!

I am going to be with them at a talent show tomorrow night, so I will push him a little then. I have to be gentle with him or else he digs in his heels. The deadline to sign up to go to the party is this Friday - he will wait until Thursday night to decide, I am sure! At least Rachel knows that I tried and I have explained to her about her dad's reasoning, not wanting her to think I am cool and he is not. I never ever question his decisions in front of the girls and we protray a united front at all times.

[UnschoolnMa]

I think her going to the dance would be fine. My daughter is 11 and I would let her go in the situation you describe. I might go along if I did not know any of the adult chaperones however.