Supporting breastfeeding moms

[mikedaddy]

Hi everyone. I just posted a message to the Breastfeeding advocacy forum about an article I read regarding a dispute over a mom who was breastfeeding in a public library. I found the article posted in a librarian's discussion board and found the messages there to be very condescending of the mother's experience, so I tried to bring a little seriousness to that group. I am a librarian so I was very upset that such a dispute could happen in a place like a public library.

Anyway, I have read about and have experienced through my wife (robin-ma on this board) the kinds of terrible things people can say to women who breastfeed and wanted to see what other dads have experienced and have said to counter the ignorant comments of people who ask mom to be discreet, to go in the bathroom, etc.

-Mike

[papabliss]

Hi,

I have not yet been able to get to read the site, but I often wonder what I would do if some buffoon made a comment to my dw about her public breastfeeding. I hope I would be nice and informative, possibly changing their views making them advocates.

However, more than likely I would adjust their dental work and wind up in a human-interest story on CNN like that woman who stole a sweater at an airport security checkpoint only to find that it contained a fake grenade.

Cheers.

[mikedaddy]

Ha!

LOL. My first reaction would be to get angry too! Hopefully I wouldn't end up as some CNN story, though.

I think you're right, the best thing is to try to educate these people and to take the high road. As my wife has experienced, even when you do do this, people still think their issues/insecurities are more important than the needs of the child. For these people, discretion is more important than a baby's comfort and nourishment. You know what they can do with their discretion? You can guess what I think.

-Mike

[tobiasbrick]

I would be *really* hard pressed not to "break out a can o' whoopass" on someone that actually said something to my wife about breastfeeding in public. I'm glad other fathers feel the same way. In Washington (where I live) and Oregon (where I used to live), there are state laws giving women the explicit right to nurse their children, so if you live in a state like that you can always throw that at someone who gets on their case.

[Mcaws]

from a mom...

I wish I could find support like that in my household...my dh would probably cover me up and turn beat red. Then chew MY BUTT ***R E A L L Y*** bad once at home...

Did you men get persuaded or did you enter your marriage with your better attitude? If persuaded, how??? I'd love to sway my dh opinion...

[papabliss]

My mom started the LL group in our town when I was a babe so I'm probably not much help here.

However, I did have quite strong feelings about other APish issues prior to my marrage and kids. I guess I never really thought much about choices with regard to parenting. One just did what was absolutely the best for their child, often at the expense of personal comforts. I see no reason not to BF, and I also see dozens of important reasons to BF. Case closed.

Good luck.

[Dale]

anywhere, everywhere!

Breastfeeding is appropriate anywhere and everywhere. How do we get the word out?

[parisfrance]

My dh is with you guys. He is French, and over here almost NOBODY bf's after 3 months, and only 20 percent even make it out of the maternity ward bf'ing. Nobody cares if I bf in public (they don't have the sexual hangups here ppl have in the US, thank goodness). dh wasn't bf'd, but when I explained the benefits to mom and baby, he was like, "oh, obviously this is what I want for my child". He has always been my best supporter, and he honestly doesn't understand how anyone could *not* want to bf. He has helped several other dads already. He is my biggest supporter, unwaveringly. That's the very best thing a dad can do!!!!

Michelle

[Greaseball]

My dh read Mothering's "Indiscreet Brestfeeding" article to our childbirth class! It was awesome!

[telekinetic pyro]

He told me, when I was pregnant, that he guessed he didn't care if I breastfed, he just didn't think I should do it in public. So he isn't my biggest supporter but he is also totally aware that I can will and have stood up for myself and my bubba. I get down right rude when people say things. I was at a resturant once ans ome told me "that is so totally digusting, if you must do that, at least do it in the bathroom" I looked at her and (quite calmly under the circumstances) said "well I think you are ugly but I don't ask that you eat your lunch in the bathroom, so if you will kindly leave my son and I to finish our meal in peace, I would appreciate it" She huffed and puffed and left me the heck alone!

[mikedaddy]

Nice comback, telykinetic pyro! I never think of witty comebacks until the moment has passed. -mike

[oneyellowbug]

I'm one yellow bug's husband.

Nobody has come up to my wife and said anything to her with or without me there. Although I had on employee with whom I was having a discussion about breast feeding in public and he disagreed with it. I responded "Why? It's natural." and HE responded "So's defecating but I don't do that in the back of the classroom." It's amazing how ignorant people can be. breasts are for nursing, if men choose to make them sexual that problem shouldn't be pushed off on the mother. On the other side I knew some women who were very "aggresive" nursers. They would whip it out and not be shy--lift up the shirt and pull down the bra rest it on the restaurant table, massage the breast to begin the flow, set the baby on the table and slide him in. While I have no problem with that, they can't be too upset if somebody stares. My wife nurses in public, doesn't use a blanket yet respect the art of nursing. Yes nursing is natural but breasts tend to be sexualized and that's the catch. If part of her breast is exposed, generally no more than a low cut blouse who cares? (even though some people do) If a woman is showing more she has to expect that, whether right or wrong, some guys may try to steal a peek. Is it right? It's natural but I think as breast feeding becomes the norm in America, the resistance will drop.

[zanarma]

Hi all- great topic. I have always told my partner tara that if people are staring at her feeding our son in public, or act weird at all, that I am happy to drop my pants as a distraction. Seriously, I do feel protective over her and our baby when they are feeding and luckily people have been just fine about it. It will be interesting when we get a negative reaction.
Thanks
Zan

[telekinetic pyro]

^^^^ I'll have to suggest that to my hubby, although I doubt that would the top distraction on his list

[Bekka]

Dh takes pictures of our kids nursing their toys on the sofa and often reads the Mothering magazine before I do, so um, I think that he's a great supporter. Plus, his guys at work are both (they are 3 in a research group) just married or just about to be married (1 each) and he's been talking up bf and things like that (you know, good stuff about kids) and also, what to expect. He can quote the statistics as well as I can about health, etc., and when my sister called me granola mom for nursing past a year, he was right on the phone supporting me.

It makes him sad that he can't help dd #2 get to sleep most of the time (24 mos.) b/c she only nurses to sleep, but he indicates that is the _only_ drawback!

[Gladmom]

Awesome thread! I've spent a little time thinking of great comebacks, but I think dh dropping his drawers would be the best!