okay, so are these normal mommy feelings?

[mommyofboy]

I guess I would just like to see what others think. I have had some issues with depression for about the last 10 years or so. Been on different meds, etc. This time I'm on ZOloft, doctor added Wellbutrin b/c I didn't feel like Zoloft was helping me totally. Do feel okay, but have my moments, etc.

Sometimes I feel really sad at times, but then it passes, but it is less sadness than prior to Wellbutrin. I guess at times still don't feel like myself.

Sometimes I feel really frustrated with being a mom. Other times I really love it. I love my son and I love being his mother. It's just a never ending job... plus I also work outside the home as well.

I find that if I stay busy and talk with other people that helps me a lot.

Also, going to work has helped me as well. I think I would really get depressed if I stayed home full time. I just work 2-3 days a week, so I get at least 4 days a week at home w/my son, so that is nice.

My hubby and I work opposite a lot to provide care to our baby, so we don't see each other as much as we used to.

Our sex life is really dead. I just don't feel sexual at all. Still nursing my son, wonder if it's that or just exhaustion. I konw Zoloft doesn't help either.

I scored a 17 on the PPD test that is referred to in the first thread.

I miss my family too, they live a couple states away. It's just me, hubby, and baby out here. They do keep in close touch. I guess things change when you have a baby, etc..

I guess everyone makes motherhood seem like it should be the most joyous time of your life, don't always feel that way. I don't hate it, but I don't love every minute of it. Sometimes I feel like running away and just getting a break. I have made it a point to try to take care of myself more or I feel so burned out, etc. I went to see a therapist once, she said I was trying to do too much, I already knew that.

I guess it's hard for me to judge things because before when I was depressed I didn't have a baby to care for. We had a lot more fun as a couple and were much more spontaneous, etc. I miss those times , but I woudln't give up my baby for anything. He's wonderful too. I wonder sometimes if what I'm feeling is normal. Before if I felt overload I could go and do stuff to try to feel better, etc.

Thanks girls! Hope to hear some replies soon.;

[kaydee]

Originally Posted by mommyofboy

I guess I would just like to see what others think. I have had some issues with depression for about the last 10 years or so. Been on different meds, etc. This time I'm on ZOloft, doctor added Wellbutrin b/c I didn't feel like Zoloft was helping me totally. Do feel okay, but have my moments, etc...

I guess it's hard for me to judge things because before when I was depressed I didn't have a baby to care for. We had a lot more fun as a couple and were much more spontaneous, etc. I miss those times , but I woudln't give up my baby for anything. He's wonderful too. I wonder sometimes if what I'm feeling is normal. Before if I felt overload I could go and do stuff to try to feel better, etc.

First off,

Like you, I have struggled with depression off and on for many many years. For me, I pretty much know when I am truly depressed (I call it "falling into the pit") and when I am just kind of down in a more "normal" or temporary, manageable way. That said, every time I do feel a bit blue, I become very frightened that I might be slipping into the pit again.

The ambivalence you describe is, IMO, a totally normal (but not very acknowledged) part of parenting--particularly new parenting. I hate that whole "it's the most joyous time of your life" spiel. Maybe it is for some people. But for me, my ds's first year was the hardest of my life.

I'm not sure if this is your first child or how old your child is, but if your dc is really small, give yourself and your marriage a bit of time to adjust. One good way of recognizing depression is to see if your life is really disrupted, if you feel that your functioning is really impaired. But some of the demands of a baby have the same effect--your life can be really turned upside down!

I would say that it's probably wise for everyone who has experienced depression in the past to keep a close eye on their moods--but also to recognize that some bad patches can be normal (particularly after a life-alteing and complex change like becoming a parent).