4 Year old so rude!!!! :( - Page 2

[bebeh20]

Heya,

Mine is 3, and I guess we skipped the supposed "year of bliss" between terrible twos and the tyrannical fours. Actually, that is not completely true - my babe is quite kind, gentle, sensitive and very, very smart. Especially when she's well rested! But tired?? Holy monster. She does have a 4 yr. old cousin who lives out of town and whom we visited briefly, but long enough for her to pick up some unbeLIEVable tricks.

I am blessed in that I, too, have a wonderful & patient husband. Even though we were blindsided with this new and wondrous occasional behaviour, we managed to sit down (a few times now) and discuss it between us, how we would handle it together. Someone up there wrote exactly what we do - she is not allowed to speak to us in a hurtful, disrespectful manner. We are quite aware that she is pushing, pushing, learning. We were fortunate enough to see her cousin in action, including her parents & grandma's responses, and there is NO way we are letting it go that far.

We do follow the "some things are allowed in the living room, some things are kitchen only" rule. She doesn't disobey us now, but let's say she did, or that she was four and did, and let's say she spilled her drink on the floor? She'd be in there with a towel wiping it up, right before she went to her room. Even at 3.

I know that wasn't the point of the last few posts, but I thought I might suggest some responsibility where choices are concerned.

Happy Halloween Little Monsters!

[Viola]

Y'all are scaring me! My MIL was just visiting and she said the reward for the terrible twos and threes is the fabulous fours and fives. But I've heard of four being a really difficult age as well.

We definitely have had the tyrannical twos and threes. Well, two didn't actually seem that bad to me. The time right around 20 months I remember as being difficult. Lots of frustration and meltdowns on a daily basis for several months. Then a bit after two she seemed much easier to deal with. I remember when she was 2.5 and other than some of the bedtime stuff being hard, in general she was pretty easy to get along with. But three, ugh. Yes, she can be very bossy. She still uses a high chair when she wants too. So many times she'd be sitting in the high chair and would want more milk. "AAAAHHHHH" (banging milk cup on tray). "Molly can you say, 'more milk, please, mommy' if you want more milk?" "MILK...please." Of course in a petulant tone, but I can't have everything.

For months I've been telling her how to ask, and it's finally sinking in. I've actually heard her start to get upset and then switch over to a pleasant tone of voice and say, "More milk please." Whenever I ask if she wants something, she'll say, "Yes, PLEASE!" Or "Umm, no thank you." Although she's been saying that for awhile, even when I tell her something that is going to happen. But she still has the "I NEVER get to do anything" "I'm bored, this is boring" "Go and get my toy, NOW!!! Get up, get UP!" Last night it was, "I'm NOT going to bed! I'm going to watch MOLLY tv!"

I guess I'm in for years and years of this, huh?

[Kirsten]

I have to chime in that our (now 6 year old - and sweet and polite again) dd1 totally went through this at 4!!! OMG - she changed from the sweetest, most polite, nice to be around kid into the bossiest, rudest child you have ever seen! And she saved most of this terrible behavior for me. They trust you the most and know it is safe to express/explore the newly found freedom/control/independence with you. Teachers and volunteer parents at school would comment to me what a sweet, polite child I had - one mom said "what a joy". I almost laughed and asked if she was sure she was talking about MY kid...
I also often got "Get me juice!" Excuse me? I would tell her "I will respond to polite requests." I would only tell this once - and no big long lectures on how and why - they tune you out anyway. After that, I would ignore her completely until she asked nicely. When she did, I would jump up with "sure!" or "be glad to".
Sometimes, when ignoring became impossible, I would send her to her room with instructions to "come down when you are fun to be around". Or you could say "will use nice words" or "be respectful". Whatever sounds right to you. I like having them in control of when to come back - however long it takes them to compose themselves. I would sometimes give a choice - "you can use that voice in your room or a polite voice downstairs".
Just want to say it is so normal - she will go back to being your sweet kid. Take breaks some evenings when your dh gets home - to keep your sanity. Hire a neighborhood girl to help out with the kids while you clean, make dinner, etc. Make sure she gets to bed at a decent time - for you as much as her - you need that alone/grown up time in the evenings to recharge.
Good luck!
Kirsten