MIdwife attachments post-birth - Page 2

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

no, because to tell you the truth, i have a serious attachment to my clients, too.

does she have get-togethers? I'm considering doing monthly potlucks because I really don't like the once a year get together afterwards.

this was a great thread- I especially love what Laurie Morgan wrote.

This is what my midwives do. They sometimes do pre-natals also, but if there are a lot of pregnant ones then they can't socialize.

[mama_at_home]

Is something wrong with me? I don't miss my midwife.

[rozzie'sma]

Well I am not super attached to my midwife yet but if nothing else I plan on sending her Christmas cards and pics of the baby. Her office is plastered with pics of the kids she has caught over the years and many are pics as they have grown. I can see myself getting attached to her.

[PGNPORTLAND]

I don't undestand the posters who said that the attatchment to the midwife was "innapropriate". Of course child would become attatched and it is sad when someone leaves. I remember feeling this way about teachers and camp counselors. And, I'm no expert on this, but I wouldn't think fear of attatchment to a midwife would be a good reason for a UC.

Personally I was very attatched to my OB. In fact, I cried alot post-partum when I realized that since dd was 2 weeks early, I would "miss out" on my last prenatal visit! At the time (hormones and all) it was very sad to me. But in time the sadness faded and now she is a very happy part of my memory of my daughter's birth.

I like what pamela said about being attatched to her clients too. I don't think it has to be a one way street. I think every birth changes a person, even if you are not the one giving birth. I would wonder about a midwife or ob to whom a birth became "just a job".

pauline

[laohaire]

I used the same midwife as some friends of mine. They invite her every year for their little boy's birthday, along with some other crunchy families, some of whom also used her services. So she sees everybody in the area once a year (she's an hour away from our area). Not only does she get to see "her babies" grow, coming to the party is probably good for her business too, since she can meet potential clients and keep in touch with the old ones (who might decide to have more babies).

I added this just as an idea for some families, that you might want to invite the midwife to the birthday parties (and she may want to come even if it's far).

[AmieV]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as my 6w appointment looms and I have no more reason to go see my m/w. But she seems to miss me too (I went to a birth picnic last week and when she invited me to it she said "Oh good! I didn't want to have to wait till your next appointment to see you guys!".) I guess I kind of assumed we'd keep in touch though I suppose that can be weird? I mean, she's attended over 1000 births so I assume she's not "friends" with all of them. She's really knowledgeable about natural healing for kids though and I definitely want to be able to call her for questions about herbs and stuff. We are also inviting her to a meet the baby party we're having in a few weeks, and she will likely be added to my Christmas card list.

I also had those feelings about my midwife at the birth center where I delivered my older daughter. And I had only gone there at the very end of my pregnancy but sharing the magic of birth bonded me to her strongly. (especially since it was the first time) But, she was pretty businesslike and then we moved and she never had any interest in keeping in touch.

so for the midwives...(the ones that say they get attached too) do you keep in touch with all your clients, just the ones that initiate it, or not at all, or what?

[pcasylum]

Originally Posted by AmieV

so for the midwives...(the ones that say they get attached too) do you keep in touch with all your clients, just the ones that initiate it, or not at all, or what?

I'd be interested to know this too.

[time4another]

so for the midwives...(the ones that say they get attached too) do you keep in touch with all your clients, just the ones that initiate it, or not at all, or what?

I would like to know also. Seeing as how I was just about to post a similar topic to this.

I don't see how becoming attatched to your birth attendant is all that strange. I would think that its quite common actually and that the intimate setting of HB would make it more happen more frequently.

I understand that people come and go from our lives and that's just the way things are but for me, my HB was life changing. I can't imagine not keeping in touch with my mw in some way for a very long time. I really hope that that happens, but if it dosen't then I will be happy to know that she really was such an important part of our lives and I will be forever greatful that our lives crossed paths. After all, who knows what would've happened if I never picked up the phone to call her at 20w?

Heather

[gumby74]

Just wanted to pop in and say that I miss my OB and look forward to seeing her every chance I get. She came into my life when I needed her the most and I will be eternally grateful.

[rrmrose]

My midwife has monthly potlucks on the third thurdsay of every month at 6:00 p.m. I go to them all the time.. I love that because you get to meet new people, eat great food, stay in touch with the midwife and talk to moms who cloth diaper. My daughter who is seven loves it when I tell her we have potluck that night she says "the midwifes pot luck oh boy". She gets so excited that I now have to tell her about 1/2 an hour before we leave or all day it will be how long until we go to the potluck.

Rahcel

[sapphire_chan]

-Birth and bonding go hand-in-hand, and the alchemy of birth is such that strong attachments are created. Imagine -- the midwife has listened to your fears and conceits more attentively than anyone else, and you are feeling very fond of her, and already grateful. Now she is sitting between your legs and touching your genitals while murmuring soothing words to you. She tells you that you need to maintain contact with her by looking deep into her eyes. She is supporting you through the most intensely felt event of your life, witness to your most primal self, your screams, your shit, your loss of control. Now she is the first to touch your baby, and the one ultimately responsible for your baby's life. As the baby emerges the bonding hormones are flooding through your body; of course they're supposed to for the baby, but there also is the midwife smiling at you, praising you, hugging you. And then you are expected to let go, just like that. Oh, it was only a business relationship! She was hired help! Those feelings of abandonment, the sense of loss -- it is all irrational, you know that. But still, unbidden, the grief rises in your throat. And you don't tell anybody, because, well, you know, you don't want to appear needy -- it's embarrassing.

From Are Midwives Failing Women

Which to me says that every midwife needs to have potlucks and get togethers so that women can have that closure.

[umami_mommy]

i think it's wonderful! imagine another adult for your son to have good feelings about. when i was little mostly i was just afraid of adults.

invite your midwife over for lunch. even midwives need to eat.

my midwife is friends with many of the families she has attended over the last 30 years. she sees some more often then others.

she attended 3 of the 5 births of a friend of ours and she stops in to say hi whenever she is in that area.

midwives are human and many often love kids as much as babies and would love to see some of the families attended in the past.

what a sweetie your son must be. mine cried right along with me when we went to see a puppet show of the "velveteen rabbit" this weekend. it was so cute and sweet.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by pamamidwife

no, because to tell you the truth, i have a serious attachment to my clients, too.

does she have get-togethers? I'm considering doing monthly potlucks because I really don't like the once a year get together afterwards.

this was a great thread- I especially love what Laurie Morgan wrote.

Oooo, yes please! I don't promise to drive down every month, but that would be awesome.

Originally Posted by gemelos

Is something wrong with me? I don't miss my midwife.

Nope! Nothing wrong with being attached, but nothing wrong with not being, either.

[rachelagain]

My mw still keeps in contact w/ alot of her clients, I think she probably let's it be client initiated. Some invite her for dinner, others call and chat. I love the pot luck idea though, I will have to remember that. :-)
I am attached to her- much like I'm attached to our mentor couple at church, they did our premarital counseling, and we have learned so much about life through them, since they have boys about 15 years older than our boys and they have been married 30 years. These (mentor and mw) are all strong personalities, people I would like to emulate, they encourage me and make me a better person than I was before I met them. I can see that as only a good thing. BTW- dh and dc look forward to spending time with these people as much as I do- they are extended family. I think part of it is, we have opened ourselves up and been vulnerable with them and they have been honored by that, not abusing that.

[nakkinmama]

Ok, so here's my (probably silly) question. I find that I'm missing my mw. I was thinking of inviting her to dinner. But what if she only viewed this as a business relationship? I don't want her to think I'm odd for hoping to have a friendship with her. I guess I'm afraid of rejection. LOL! But how would you know, until the invitation was out, how she viewed this whole thing? I'd just hate to never see this person again, or only see her for pregnancies. But if she thinks I'm weird for wanting to visit with her again, then I'd have to find a new mw because I'd feel too silly afterward. So I'm afraid to ask because I don't want to lose her as a mw. Dilemmas, dilemmas! LOL!

[rachelagain]

If you are afraid, why don't you invite her for lunch? Then she can fit you in when it doesn't take time from her family, or trying to work around schedules of her dc/dh and you can read her a little more. When you are visiting ask her about relationships she has with other clients and how they keep in touch with her. I'm sure your just as special to her!

[birthgreeter]

I enjoy keeping in touch with my clients. I try to stop and see them now and then just to check on how they are doing. I also encourage them to call me with any questions at any time, even non- birth related. If I can be of assistance, I want to. Sometimes someone in the community invites me over for a meal or tea, just to chat. I encourage you to do that now and then, if you want to with your midwife.

[Arwyn]

I know this is a little different, but my mom is a family doc, and she's friendly with (nearly all of) her patients, in that she'll happily say hi and talk to them if she runs into them in town, etc. (I joke that I can't take her anywhere - we've even been in different states and we've met someone she knows! ) She won't initiate relationships with patients, because that would violate ethics rules, but there have been patients who have invited her out and she's gladly accepted, and has become friends with them. And, of course, lots of people go the other way - they're friends of hers (or mine ) first, and then become her patients.

Midwifery, of course, is even more about intimacy and having a good relationship between client and care provider (though rare, my mom has patients who just chose her because she takes their insurance, or is close by, or something like that), so I can hardly imagine a midwife, especially a homebirth midwife, who would think it weird one of her clients would like to get together for lunch or dinner or coffee or birthdays or something. I suppose there may be some who wish to have more of a work-personal life seperation, but that doesn't seem to be the rule among women who are drawn to this profession.