Ok, so I think I'm starting to understand this all better. Storm Bride-I gotta say, I'm really glad you found this forum and you're feeling stronger about your ability to advocate for yourself.
I have one more question for you all though
Like I said before, I can understand all the emotions you have when that is said, but the people who are saying it--do they know that you were emotionally traumatized? For instance, when Molly was first born, some lady came up to me in the grocery store, she complimented and said Molly was beautiful, and how old is she? I told her whatever it was-probably less than a week and she said, ohhhh my, I thought she was older--her head is so perfectly round! I respond with "Yes, unfortunately we needed to have a c-section" adn she replied with "at least everybody is healthy and it was so worth it" Now this was just some lil old lady. For all she knew maybe I "needed" a c-section because I somehow thought the recovery would be easier (or however many other excuses people use when they have unnecc sections. She didn't know I had originally wanted a home birth, none of that--now because of that--I can't see taking offence--she doesn't knwo what I wanted--and I'm highly unlikely to stand in the cereal aisle and explain it to her-so from her viewpoint--as not knowing me or my ideals, I feel it's appropriate. Sometimes actually when I say to someone that I had a section (or even worse, wehn I was pregnant and told them I was having a section!) I feel the need to defend myself--I guess thinking right now about it-I have the same fears someone else mentioned-that they will think I'm just stupid, that I didn't know any better-they may figure I won't bond as well because she wasn't born vaginally--so I guess (and yeah, I'm just figuring this out now) I actually DO take comfort in "at least she's healthy, that's all that matters" mainly because I don't feel that comment will be followed with "you mean you didn't even TRY???" or worse (for me anyway) "you know if you'd had a midwife instead of an OB, she'd have been able to get your through a vaginal birth" or, "so you haven't actually given birth, you just had surgery"
Also Storm Bride, don't let stories of good recovery get you down, I strongly believe my lack of pain and quick recovery had to do with measured I requested adn solutions my OB and I came up with together. You've still got time, thats why I was saying earlier-do a plan A and a plan B birth plan so your'e ready adn know which points are most important. I think it helps knowing and accepting to a point what to expect from your section-and to have it done YOUR way. I jsut trusted my doc on pain relief, but OTF has a great surgical birth birth plan that described pain relief in detail.
I so hope you get your VBAC, I really do, but it's worth it to be prepared for worst case scenario just in case.
And thank you as well for helping me understand better where you're coming from. I really do think much of the difference between you and say myself or Kim--I came to terms with it all BEFORE it happened--so for me at least--the event really wasn't remotely traumatic--I'd already done that part--but in a non-urgent and relaxed state-at home talking to my tummy