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Csection Support Thread April 2005 (cont discussion from March) - Page 11

post #201 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by edamommy
**I disagree. I knew NOTHING of this community during my pregnancy and for the first year or so of my ds's life! It's finding this very community that has validated me as a woman and a mother and a wife and allowed me consider growing and moving on from that painful time. Reading the posts (on all subjects) by the mama's here at mmc has been quite a growing experiance for me.
I know exactly what you mean! I went searching for a forum where I could talk about this stuff, because this pregnancy has been emotionally brutal. I had no reason to expect my sections with either of my other kids, so the pregnancies themselves were great. But, with this one, I went into it "knowing" I'd have to have another c/s, and it's been awful. This forum helped me find the courage to talk to my OB about a VBA2C, instead of just accepting the surgery. And, even if I do have another of the damed things, I don't think I'll feel quite as much like life just bulldozed me.
post #202 of 424
Ok, so I think I'm starting to understand this all better. Storm Bride-I gotta say, I'm really glad you found this forum and you're feeling stronger about your ability to advocate for yourself.
I have one more question for you all though
Like I said before, I can understand all the emotions you have when that is said, but the people who are saying it--do they know that you were emotionally traumatized? For instance, when Molly was first born, some lady came up to me in the grocery store, she complimented and said Molly was beautiful, and how old is she? I told her whatever it was-probably less than a week and she said, ohhhh my, I thought she was older--her head is so perfectly round! I respond with "Yes, unfortunately we needed to have a c-section" adn she replied with "at least everybody is healthy and it was so worth it" Now this was just some lil old lady. For all she knew maybe I "needed" a c-section because I somehow thought the recovery would be easier (or however many other excuses people use when they have unnecc sections. She didn't know I had originally wanted a home birth, none of that--now because of that--I can't see taking offence--she doesn't knwo what I wanted--and I'm highly unlikely to stand in the cereal aisle and explain it to her-so from her viewpoint--as not knowing me or my ideals, I feel it's appropriate. Sometimes actually when I say to someone that I had a section (or even worse, wehn I was pregnant and told them I was having a section!) I feel the need to defend myself--I guess thinking right now about it-I have the same fears someone else mentioned-that they will think I'm just stupid, that I didn't know any better-they may figure I won't bond as well because she wasn't born vaginally--so I guess (and yeah, I'm just figuring this out now) I actually DO take comfort in "at least she's healthy, that's all that matters" mainly because I don't feel that comment will be followed with "you mean you didn't even TRY???" or worse (for me anyway) "you know if you'd had a midwife instead of an OB, she'd have been able to get your through a vaginal birth" or, "so you haven't actually given birth, you just had surgery"

Also Storm Bride, don't let stories of good recovery get you down, I strongly believe my lack of pain and quick recovery had to do with measured I requested adn solutions my OB and I came up with together. You've still got time, thats why I was saying earlier-do a plan A and a plan B birth plan so your'e ready adn know which points are most important. I think it helps knowing and accepting to a point what to expect from your section-and to have it done YOUR way. I jsut trusted my doc on pain relief, but OTF has a great surgical birth birth plan that described pain relief in detail.
I so hope you get your VBAC, I really do, but it's worth it to be prepared for worst case scenario just in case.
And thank you as well for helping me understand better where you're coming from. I really do think much of the difference between you and say myself or Kim--I came to terms with it all BEFORE it happened--so for me at least--the event really wasn't remotely traumatic--I'd already done that part--but in a non-urgent and relaxed state-at home talking to my tummy
post #203 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
Ok, so I think I'm starting to understand this all better. Storm Bride-I gotta say, I'm really glad you found this forum and you're feeling stronger about your ability to advocate for yourself.
I have one more question for you all though
Like I said before, I can understand all the emotions you have when that is said, but the people who are saying it--do they know that you were emotionally traumatized? For instance, when Molly was first born, some lady came up to me in the grocery store, she complimented and said Molly was beautiful, and how old is she? I told her whatever it was-probably less than a week and she said, ohhhh my, I thought she was older--her head is so perfectly round! I respond with "Yes, unfortunately we needed to have a c-section" adn she replied with "at least everybody is healthy and it was so worth it" Now this was just some lil old lady. For all she knew maybe I "needed" a c-section because I somehow thought the recovery would be easier (or however many other excuses people use when they have unnecc sections. She didn't know I had originally wanted a home birth, none of that--now because of that--I can't see taking offence--she doesn't knwo what I wanted--and I'm highly unlikely to stand in the cereal aisle and explain it to her-so from her viewpoint--as not knowing me or my ideals, I feel it's appropriate. Sometimes actually when I say to someone that I had a section (or even worse, wehn I was pregnant and told them I was having a section!) I feel the need to defend myself--I guess thinking right now about it-I have the same fears someone else mentioned-that they will think I'm just stupid, that I didn't know any better-they may figure I won't bond as well because she wasn't born vaginally--so I guess (and yeah, I'm just figuring this out now) I actually DO take comfort in "at least she's healthy, that's all that matters" mainly because I don't feel that comment will be followed with "you mean you didn't even TRY???" or worse (for me anyway) "you know if you'd had a midwife instead of an OB, she'd have been able to get your through a vaginal birth" or, "so you haven't actually given birth, you just had surgery"

Also Storm Bride, don't let stories of good recovery get you down, I strongly believe my lack of pain and quick recovery had to do with measured I requested adn solutions my OB and I came up with together. You've still got time, thats why I was saying earlier-do a plan A and a plan B birth plan so your'e ready adn know which points are most important. I think it helps knowing and accepting to a point what to expect from your section-and to have it done YOUR way. I jsut trusted my doc on pain relief, but OTF has a great surgical birth birth plan that described pain relief in detail.
I so hope you get your VBAC, I really do, but it's worth it to be prepared for worst case scenario just in case.
And thank you as well for helping me understand better where you're coming from. I really do think much of the difference between you and say myself or Kim--I came to terms with it all BEFORE it happened--so for me at least--the event really wasn't remotely traumatic--I'd already done that part--but in a non-urgent and relaxed state-at home talking to my tummy
*you didn't respond to my post so I hope it's okay that I'm answering your respponse to stormbride... but I think that the fact tha tfolks DON'T realize that a victom of csection would be an emotional wreck IS A SOCIETAL PROBLEM. It just shows how acceptable folks think csections are/should be. Just my 2cents.

*Also, I hate it when people ask when he was "born". I know that no on would be able to know that... but the truth is he WASN'T born. He was induced WAY early. He didn't want to come out. My body didn't want to let him out... then he was cut from uterus. There was no birthing going on. The word born in a double-edged sword to me. His first "birthday" was very hard for me. His second... a bit easier.. on March 7th. But, as I sit here on April 10th.... we're still not at his actual due date... the day he should have been "born". ugh. ANyway.
post #204 of 424
I see what you mean Kimberly, but you also have to accept (well you don't have to accept anything) that for MANY people a c-section IS NOT traumatic. There are many of us who were prepared or even if we weren't simply don't see it that way (Heavenly for instance) So why should the fact that people don't realize that YOU had a traumatic event mean that this is a societal problem.
Honestly, I really find what you're saying about a c-section not being a birth really offensive. My daughter was born and she was born the way I want in a beautiful and loving environment. While I may be able to think of a more beautiful birth, I made my birth what I needed it to be and my daughter was in deed born to me.
post #205 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
I'm really not sure what you found offensive.
I'm sorry I wasn't clear - I didn't mean I found what *you* wrote offensive - just that I found all the people saying to me "well at least you had a healthy baby - why are you upset" offensive.

I'm always really happy to hear about people for whom "I had a healthy baby and that's all that matters" is true.

Sorry for the confusion!!!
post #206 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
I see what you mean Kimberly, but you also have to accept (well you don't have to accept anything) that for MANY people a c-section IS NOT traumatic. There are many of us who were prepared or even if we weren't simply don't see it that way (Heavenly for instance) So why should the fact that people don't realize that YOU had a traumatic event mean that this is a societal problem.
Honestly, I really find what you're saying about a c-section not being a birth really offensive. My daughter was born and she was born the way I want in a beautiful and loving environment. While I may be able to think of a more beautiful birth, I made my birth what I needed it to be and my daughter was in deed born to me.

I consider it a "societal" issue because csections SHOULD BE CONSIDERED TRAUMATIC. Not every day. not an "alternative" to an actual birth. They should be considered on emergency basis. YES, women should be prepared and educated on csections, but they're so laxidasical (I'm SURE that's not the correct spelling! LOL) these days... that's why I consider it a societal issue. There's no pre-counseling for an emergency csection (and there could be... even five minutes of attention on my obs part could have helped me...) and no post counseling either. I sat in the hospital for a month and not one person asked me if I was doing okay emotionally after having my son ripped from my uterus. This is NOT okay.
post #207 of 424
But Kimberly have you considered that may not be the case everywhere??? My hospital has a support group for people who've undergone a c-section. My community offers the support of a community nurse once a day once you go home. I was thoroughly councelled on what would be occuring. YOUR experience is not necessary the experience of everyone and therefore why should society have to assume that every mother who gave birth by c-section is pissed about it and still an emotional wreck 2 yrs later. For your own health and happyness you need to take responsibility for you and seek out coucelling or help, it certainly appears that you are still emotionally paralysed by this--and that's NOT right! I spoke to MANY people before having my c-section, many were very well educated, but none as upset as you. That you sat in the hospital a month and nobody worried about your emotional health is the sign of a very lousy hospital-especially since symptoms of PPD I'm sure were blaring.

Women being prepared and educated on c-sections is the responsibility of both the patient AND the woman--that cannot be ignored--I read posts here every day where people mention the "stupid" OB started talking about c-sections and I tuned him out. Yes, it's major surgery and we need to be prepared--I had back surgery too, that was major--should people have not said at least you're ok--afterall--now I'm missing my L5 disc--that played a role in my having HUGE difficulty in pregnancy adn it was an element of why a section was best for me. Is it a societal problem that people didn't recognize adn don't continue to recognize that I'm not happy about having my spine cut open??
I have rhuematiod arthritis, every day I walk around in pain--some days agony--demerol and percocet no longer have much of an effect on me--that's how bad my pain is. My left hand is completely deformed--but you know, I don't expect society as a whole to understand what I am going through. I don't even expect my dh to understand the shear exhaustion. When people tell me to go home and have a warm bath--I don't get all offended because they should know damn well that even if I actually made it into a tub, I'd never be able to safely get up again. Perhaps it should be a societal issue that nobody understands the pain I experience EVERY day. Yeah people make comparisons that blow my mind--they look at my wrist, deformed, crooked, twisted and unable to move without horrid agony and they tell me that yeah, they broke their wrist when they were a kid--and you know, sometimes it still hurts when it rains--and yes, society things that's just hunky dorey.
All I'm saying is that instead of trying to change societal impressions--which you won't do, work instead on maybe changing the hospital policy where you gave birth, perhaps you could spear head a surgical birth support group. Perhaps you could write your OB and tell him that you still feel emotional pain and tell him the things he could have reasonably done to make your experience better. Next time you have a child you can make sure that you've educated yourself on what doctors are the best to prevent what happened to you before.

And still, above all, frankly--when I hear "that's what counts" what I get from that is-if you could choose to change the negative by giving up the subject of "that's what counts" would you? If you say no--well then--that is what counts. I'm not saying I don't understand the other emotions of pain and hurt--but those are not emotions that society as a whole is going to understand--why--because your situation is NOT the norm--and that's good, cause it shouldn't be the norm.
post #208 of 424
Shannon: I'm certainly not trying to downplay the pain of your arthritis. I've only ever seen one or two cases that bad, and I can recall thinking that I can't imagine what it would be like to get through a single day, let alone a whole life, with that much pain. But, I think I understand what edamommy is saying. C-sections are an invasive surgical procedure that our society is now treating as a "better" alternative to birth...more convenient, less painful, etc., etc. I have no problem with women choosing sections because they've assessed their alternatives think that a section is less risky for themselves and/or the baby. But, our culture has gone way beyond that. It's very difficult to be one of the women who have such a bad time with it (and there are many of us) and pick up magazines that contain articles about the "convenient alternative" of given birth surgically. I've actually had one woman comment (with my son) that I was so lucky to have avoided labour (which was an odd comment after I'd laboured for 20+ hours!). I think that's probably part of what edamommy is talking about.

Also, I have to say that I'd never considered that the situation here might not be the case everywhere. This is the first time I'd ever even heard of a c-section support group at a hospital. I certainly didn't stay in the hospital a month (I'd have probably killed myself if I had!!), but there was absolutely no concern about my emotional health. I've been hassled by nurses for taking too long to turn over, I've been badgered about what I'm doing wrong with b/f, even though their "solutions" were almost all impossible for me to achieve with the incision, etc., etc. The entire attitude with both babies was like I'd just had a comparatively easy labour was just being lazy. Most of the people I know who've had sections have had them in that hospital...it's the only one in the region, and their experiences are all quite similar. (Well, except for my SIL who would have just scheduled a section in the first place if they'd have let her, and who also bounced back so fast, she was doing sit-ups in two weeks!)
post #209 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon0218
But Kimberly have you considered that may not be the case everywhere??? My hospital has a support group for people who've undergone a c-section. My community offers the support of a community nurse once a day once you go home. I was thoroughly councelled on what would be occuring. YOUR experience is not necessary the experience of everyone and therefore why should society have to assume that every mother who gave birth by c-section is pissed about it and still an emotional wreck 2 yrs later. For your own health and happyness you need to take responsibility for you and seek out coucelling or help, it certainly appears that you are still emotionally paralysed by this--and that's NOT right! I spoke to MANY people before having my c-section, many were very well educated, but none as upset as you. That you sat in the hospital a month and nobody worried about your emotional health is the sign of a very lousy hospital-especially since symptoms of PPD I'm sure were blaring.

Women being prepared and educated on c-sections is the responsibility of both the patient AND the woman--that cannot be ignored--I read posts here every day where people mention the "stupid" OB started talking about c-sections and I tuned him out. Yes, it's major surgery and we need to be prepared--I had back surgery too, that was major--should people have not said at least you're ok--afterall--now I'm missing my L5 disc--that played a role in my having HUGE difficulty in pregnancy adn it was an element of why a section was best for me. Is it a societal problem that people didn't recognize adn don't continue to recognize that I'm not happy about having my spine cut open??
I have rhuematiod arthritis, every day I walk around in pain--some days agony--demerol and percocet no longer have much of an effect on me--that's how bad my pain is. My left hand is completely deformed--but you know, I don't expect society as a whole to understand what I am going through. I don't even expect my dh to understand the shear exhaustion. When people tell me to go home and have a warm bath--I don't get all offended because they should know damn well that even if I actually made it into a tub, I'd never be able to safely get up again. Perhaps it should be a societal issue that nobody understands the pain I experience EVERY day. Yeah people make comparisons that blow my mind--they look at my wrist, deformed, crooked, twisted and unable to move without horrid agony and they tell me that yeah, they broke their wrist when they were a kid--and you know, sometimes it still hurts when it rains--and yes, society things that's just hunky dorey.
All I'm saying is that instead of trying to change societal impressions--which you won't do, work instead on maybe changing the hospital policy where you gave birth, perhaps you could spear head a surgical birth support group. Perhaps you could write your OB and tell him that you still feel emotional pain and tell him the things he could have reasonably done to make your experience better. Next time you have a child you can make sure that you've educated yourself on what doctors are the best to prevent what happened to you before.

And still, above all, frankly--when I hear "that's what counts" what I get from that is-if you could choose to change the negative by giving up the subject of "that's what counts" would you? If you say no--well then--that is what counts. I'm not saying I don't understand the other emotions of pain and hurt--but those are not emotions that society as a whole is going to understand--why--because your situation is NOT the norm--and that's good, cause it shouldn't be the norm.

*I knew I was going to have a section about 6 minutes before having one. Guess I should have been more prepared in that 6 minutes... hmmmm

also, just so you're aware... I believe this thread is for csection support.... and it seems like you really don't need any support. thumbs up to you.

I somehow knew I should not have posted in this thread.
post #210 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry's_Mamma
Honestly, I think we all can agree that the most important thing is that we have our babies in our arms. I don't think a single mama here would say that the perfect birth would be better than a dead or severely compromised child. So in that respect, I think we're all on the same page.

However, I think where we disagree is the role of the birth experience. Some of us placed a HUGE weight on that experience in our minds. For others of us, it wasn't as important. For those for whom it was hugely important, we wanted something specific, and we were probably willing to compromise a little with respect to it, but somehow we ended up in an entirely different place than we expected, and we are now in a position where no one gets what our problem is. Our "problem" is that we are grieving the experience we lost. Some of us grieved quickly. Some of us will grieve forever. We are different people with vastly different personas and experiences. Some of us probably were "violated" during their births far more greatly than others. Some of us might have been betrayed by those we trusted a lot more. Some of us might have just been the victims of bad circumstances. But the best we can do is take each woman where she is at, respect where she has come from, and help her move forward toward a place of healing and acceptance -- at a pace that is respectful of her and her experience. And for some of us, statements like "healthy and alive" are hurtful simply b/c they remind us of what we lost (even though we are simultaneously so happy to have what we have).

I'm not sure if all this babbling has made a lick of sense, so I'll stop now. But ladies, can't we all just get along?
Excellent post, Henry's Mama. Sums up my feelings pretty much exactly.
post #211 of 424
Shannon: I just noticed your question about whether the people saying "that's what counts" knew that I was emotionally traumatized. In at least two cases that I can recall, my trauma was exactly what I was trying to talk about when I got shot down with "at least the baby is healthy - that's what counts" (in one case it was "that's all that counts"). I think these comments are one of the reasons things have festered for so long. I just stopped talking about it. I didn't talk about the trauma of the surgery - I didn't talk about the emotional pain of unsuccessfully trying to conceive for over three years - I didn't talk about my miscarriages. I just shut up, because people kept dismissing everything I said.
post #212 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by edamommy
There's no pre-counseling for an emergency csection (and there could be... even five minutes of attention on my obs part could have helped me...) and no post counseling either. I sat in the hospital for a month and not one person asked me if I was doing okay emotionally after having my son ripped from my uterus. This is NOT okay.
Yup, this isn't ok. I had never thought about pre and post counseling. THat is a good point.

I however don't think that c-sections are a societal norm. I think they are excepted in a way that is unhealthy because of its over use. I agree. It should not be used as a alternative to vaginal birth in women who do not have conditions requiring surgical birth.

Impatience. I think that impatience is the biggest factor. The leading cause for c/b is NOT uterine malformtion. It is NOT healht issues. It isn't een breech babies. Its induciton. Which leads to all sorts of problems that they use for reasonsing for c/b.
post #213 of 424
Hi, I'm new here. We are currently 7 months pp and slowly working through the issues that came along w/the c/s. Our story is long and sorted, I will post it later. So glad to have stumbled upon this group

Kimberley- I totally get what you're saying about dc "being born". I have been consumed with thoughts of what could have been (her birthday, my labor,etc..).
Her Papa & I referred to c/s as "baby extraction" before we actually had to go that route. Its still difficult for me but its getting better with time. The worst for me is when people suggest that I should just be grateful to have a child at all (I have raging endometriosis). How obnoxious is that?
post #214 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by edamommy
*I knew I was going to have a section about 6 minutes before having one. Guess I should have been more prepared in that 6 minutes... hmmmm

I somehow knew I should not have posted in this thread.

SOUnds like we were near the same bost. I knew about 15 minutes before. As soon as the epidural took hold ew started. I spent over a year depressed over my c/b. I tried tot alk to my dh about it and he gave me the "healthy baby" reason. It sucked. It pissed me off. It still pisses me off. How can anyone act like I didn't miss out on anything.

But in being prepared, I didn't even consider the fact that it might happen to me. I was igorant when it came to what I could ask and what I couldn't ask for. I was ignorant when it came to the drugs they were pushing into my body. I was ignorant for not being prepared. Preparing doesn't mean it will happen and I know some women feel that way. They think that if they prepare for the possibility of a c/b that it will become truth.

You should post here. There is a lot of support going on. DO you think Shannon was this excepting of her c/b when it was presented to her? Do you think anyone just goes, "Yeah, whatever."?

What youa re expressing is what I went through. I don't want to belittle anyone's emoition over their c/b. But Iv'e come to the conclusion that if I remain pissed about it it really warps my sense of now. It changes how I feel about myself and my children. Before I learned to move on I was miserable. There wasn't as much as a day where I didn't cry over my c/b that first year. I mourned hard for my loss. I still do.
post #215 of 424
I don't think its fair to say someone shouldn't post in the csection support thread because they are not in complete trauma over. Csection support can mean support to overcome your feelings over it or support from people who understand why you are planning another one.

edamommy - I don't want to sound rude when I say this but I really think you need to talk to someone about this. To actually think your son wasn't born, wow, that blows my mind. A child is born when they leave their mother's womb and enter the world. Your son did not come out of your vagina he was helped out of your uterus but surgery. He was born as surely as any other child is born. He came out of your body and took his first breath. You DID give birth and life to your child. I pray for you that someday you will be able to look back on your child's birth with joy instead of pain. The only person you are hurting right now is yourself but I fear your child may be hurt to if he learns of your feelings regarding his birth and the fact that you really don't feel he was born. He may blame himself for the trauma you've gone through for so many years.


That said I think it might be a good idea to have two separate threads. Everyone could still post in either thread but I personally would love a thread for people who are taking control over their c-sections and rejoicing in them. I would love to be able to talk to people who are planning another c-section and excited about it. To talk about birth plans and good experiences. I feel that the needs of someone who needs support because they were so traumatized by it and are determined come hell or high water they will have a VBAC are very different from the needs of someone like me who has overcome my pain of my c-births and will be planning another should I be lucky enough to conceive. Just a thought...
post #216 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heavenly
I don't think its fair to say someone shouldn't post in the csection support thread because they are not in complete trauma over. Csection support can mean support to overcome your feelings over it or support from people who understand why you are planning another one.

edamommy - I don't want to sound rude when I say this but I really think you need to talk to someone about this. To actually think your son wasn't born, wow, that blows my mind. A child is born when they leave their mother's womb and enter the world. Your son did not come out of your vagina he was helped out of your uterus but surgery. He was born as surely as any other child is born. He came out of your body and took his first breath. You DID give birth and life to your child. I pray for you that someday you will be able to look back on your child's birth with joy instead of pain. The only person you are hurting right now is yourself but I fear your child may be hurt to if he learns of your feelings regarding his birth and the fact that you really don't feel he was born. He may blame himself for the trauma you've gone through for so many years.


That said I think it might be a good idea to have two separate threads. Everyone could still post in either thread but I personally would love a thread for people who are taking control over their c-sections and rejoicing in them. I would love to be able to talk to people who are planning another c-section and excited about it. To talk about birth plans and good experiences. I feel that the needs of someone who needs support because they were so traumatized by it and are determined come hell or high water they will have a VBAC are very different from the needs of someone like me who has overcome my pain of my c-births and will be planning another should I be lucky enough to conceive. Just a thought...
** you do indeed sound rude. But, whatever... that's what I have to deal with, people who have no idea what I feel like and why. BTW-- I have since received counseling... from a counselor who thought I should stop bf'ing and go back to work to "find myself" insteadof focusing on being a mother. Yeah! Also, my ds didn't actually take a first breath... it took 20 minutes to resesitate him and he was on a ventilator for a few days. He was cut out of my uterus 7 weeks before he was even due. He was so NOT BORN!! And THAT is what I need to wrap myself around, accept, and move on from. I grow every day. I'm writing it down.... getting it out.... moving on. I delight in my son every day. He's truly amazing. He and I are like super-heros having survived this! I'm hoping to stay away from this thread from now on and I'm sorry to have entered it and stirred things up as it is. I totally do not find that, a bunch of mamas telling me to "get over it and accept responsiblity for it and move on", supportive at all! I have carried the weight
of responsiblity for it for two + years... and I know that the "get over it and move on part" comes from passing a bit of that weight around to other responsible parties and giving myself more healing and less "responsiblity". anyway....
post #217 of 424
Thread Starter 
I have been reading for the past thirty minutes this thread. Intense stuff.

I want to make this REAL CLEAR. The reason this is called cesarean support thread is for many reasons, all can post here, especially those who are happy about their csection or who have chosen elective csections (there is actually two posters who have chosen this route on mothering but havent posted in a long time that I see). While some of us have experienced trauma, grief over our csections some of us are also comfortable with them as well. (I fall into both categories)

I just want to make it clear, this thread was mainly started so women like myself could come onto the Mothering forum and not be judged or bashed for our choices, or be told "if you would have done this you could have had a vaginal birth." And don't think that hasnt been told to many of us who needed csections through no fault of our own. I personally wanted women who had csections to come and talk about their experience, good or bad, discuss their birthplans for csections to make them more friendly, to discuss planning a csection in future pregnancies (for whatever reason) and to also discuss healing after a csection (whether it be emotional or physical). Not to mention much much more.

I think HenrysMomma posted a wonderful post and I wanted to say a few things that coincide with that. I put pressure on myself to have a natural, vaginal birth before I ever came to Mothering. I was of the belief that if you trust the birth process anyone and eveyone could have a vaginal birth, and that if you didn't have one you were either stupid, ignorant, uninformed, or a wimp. I can throw a few more judgements in there if you like but I am sure they have been read plenty of times and spoke in the NFL/AP community plenty. Even though I had a valid medical reason for my csection I felt like I had failed and my body had failed, I felt like I wasn't worthy of being a mother because I had not given birth to my baby like so many others. I was the only woman in my family to have had a csection, EVER. Then when I got online and came to the NFL/AP communties and met other like minded moms, my shame and judgement on myself increased ten fold. I've been told it all. However I know my uterus better than anyone and I know that unless I have grossly premature babies, a vaginal birth is not going to happen for me. I've been told that it would have been more natural to allow my baby to die and that my baby would have eventually turned and that I could have birthed a transverse breech baby. I was told by lay people I could have a VBAC, however I spoke to midwives all over the country who said they wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole with my uterus, especially now that it had been cut. I've been sent all kinds of interesting information about bicornuate vaginal deliveries and breech presentation deliveries saying if I had done this, or that, then it would happen for me too. And some people dont care about my increased rupture risk or cord injury risk, etc etc because all I should really care about is how I give birth.

Well let me say this -- I do feel like my children were born. I had a labor of love for months to bring LIVE children into the world. So it didnt happen the most ideal way, however I can make it the most ideal way for *me*. I gave birth to my children, through a six inch hole in my abdominal cavity -- and I am going to do it again. And I am going to make it a beautiful, loving experience. There comes a time when emotionally and spiritually you need to move on, accept what god/goddess/spirit has given you to work with and learn the life lesson from it. Its not good to be bitter, nor is it good to see your child's birthday is a horrible day in your life -- the day you gave life to your precious children.

One of the reasons I like this thread is because hundreds of folks lurk here, and hopefully what is said here will help them understand women, help prepare a doula or midwife should their client transfer, or at least think twice the next time they say something condescending for someone who didn't squeeze a baby out of their vagina for whatever reason. And I know that has happened because I get emails and PMs from doulas and women in the MDC community asking my questions or saying "thanks for what you said, because I remember that info when my client was transferred". They normally don't agree with me, but what was said here benefitted them, and that to me is what counts when we all chat like this.

Later.

Kim
post #218 of 424
I took control over my c-section but I could never say that I rejoice in it. We planned our c/s in the 25th hour & somehow lucked out with the coolest, most accomodating OB I could ever wish for. The hospital stay was definitely the worst part for me (bitchy formula-pushing nurses). While I am grateful that the option was there when we needed it, I will do everything in my power to avoid another c/s. I'm disappoited by the experience but not bitter...it helps that the result is the most beautiful baby in the world. Next time I will again be planning a home water birth but we will write a c/s birthplan just in case. I guess I would post in both threads?
post #219 of 424
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnTheFence
II just want to make it clear, this thread was mainly started so women like myself could come onto the Mothering forum and not be judged or bashed for our choices, or be told "if you would have done this you could have had a vaginal birth." And don't think that hasnt been told to many of us who needed csections through no fault of our own. I personally wanted women who had csections to come and talk about their experience, good or bad, discuss their birthplans for csections to make them more friendly, to discuss planning a csection in future pregnancies (for whatever reason) and to also discuss healing after a csection (whether it be emotional or physical). Not to mention much much more.
I'm very grateful that you've posted this thread. I honestly think I've done more healing in the past two or three days than I did in the 12 years before coming here. Of course, the real catalyst for everything was this pregnancy, and being told I'd have to have the section. But, finding this thread has made a huge difference in my ability to cope with everything. Actually, Shannon, in particular, has helped tremendously, because her questions are making me get these feelings out and try to find a different perspetive. Years of having people shut me down and dismiss me certainly didn't do that! I'm still going to try for a VBA2C (depending how things go with my next OB appointment and ultarsound), and I don't think I'll ever be happy about having the sections, but I'm coping better every day. I just hope this baby doesn't decide to do a gymnastics routine at the last minute! (My kids like to turn breech right at the end of the pregnancy.)

I haven't worked out either birth plan (it's a very foreign idea to me) yet, but I'm definitely going to see if I can have my baby with me while in post-op recovery. I think that would make a huge difference in how I cope.
post #220 of 424
Thread Starter 
<<<I'm very grateful that you've posted this thread. I honestly think I've done more healing in the past two or three days than I did in the 12 years before coming here. Of course, the real catalyst for everything was this pregnancy, and being told I'd have to have the section. But, finding this thread has made a huge difference in my ability to cope with everything. Actually, Shannon, in particular, has helped tremendously, because her questions are making me get these feelings out and try to find a different perspetive. Years of having people shut me down and dismiss me certainly didn't do that! I'm still going to try for a VBA2C (depending how things go with my next OB appointment and ultarsound), and I don't think I'll ever be happy about having the sections, but I'm coping better every day. I just hope this baby doesn't decide to do a gymnastics routine at the last minute! (My kids like to turn breech right at the end of the pregnancy.)>>>

Storm I am very glad to see you post this.
i really hope you stick around and that you really get a wonderful birth, no matter how it happens!
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