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Csection Support Thread April 2005 (cont discussion from March) - Page 14

post #261 of 424
The "bubble shape" sounds a bit worrying...or did you just mean that you haven't been able to take off the weight?

I found with my second section in 2003 that I had lingering pain for quite a long time. I don't think the pain really went away until Emma was over 6 months old. The pain went away much more quickly with my first section (of course, I was 24, not 34...may have made a difference.)

Good luck with a full recovery soon, mellybean!
post #262 of 424
Hi - I'm Amy. I don't know if any of you have seen my posts in the VBAC forum (the "hostage" threads). I'm posting here because as I try to make this decision, I'm finding myself with uncomfortable thoughts I'd like some feedback on.

If you don't know my situation: Live in Alaska, the only docs who deliver babies will no longer do VBACs, homebirthing is out, my options are repeat c/s or travel (via plane - plane or boat are the only ways out) to some other city to try for the VBAC.

I flip-flop every five seconds - vbac, repeat c/s, vbac, repeat c/s.

I've read through the previous posts (at least 10 pages of them) and some of the positive repeat c/s stories have been very comforting to me. My c/s with my son was not traumatic. My recovery was fairly easy. Looking back, the c/s might have been avoided. But it wasn't, and he's here, and I'm okay and he's okay. (I know the issue of "well at least your child is here and healthy" has been debated, but this is how *I* feel about my situation.)

I have no medical reason, other than the slight risk of u/r, to have a repeat c/s. (Not to dismiss that u/r risk. I'm afraid of that risk. I understand it's low - very low - but if I'm one of the unlucky few, it won't matter what the stats are.) I'm told that I"m a good candidate - though I only had single layer suture, which I've heard puts me at a slightly higher risk, and my age - but overall, I'm a good candidate. HOwever, the fact is that relocating out of town to give birth, though an option, is overwhelming. My problem is I wonder if giving that any weight at all while I"m trying to make this decision is "valid."

What it boils down to is this - I have thought long and hard about leaving town (flying - the only option. Either 2 hours away to a city where we have no family, or 7 hours away to someplace we do...) There is the expense - not welcome but not a barrier either (thought I can imagine knowing the costs we're incurring and the fact that we're out of work will weigh on us.) What might be a barrier is the stress associated with it. The making of the arrangements, the flying with a 2 year old and then a 2 year and a newborn, while I'm recovering from childbirth. Staying someplace that's not home for such a long period of time.

I guess that might really be it - not being home. I want the time immediately after I give birth to be a relaxing time where I'm enjoying my baby, my family, getting adjusted to her, getting her brother adjusted to her... just relaxing and enjoying. NOT worrying about expenses and travel and what's going to happen when we get home and unpacking and is our dog being taken care of and etc etc.

But I feel like it is somehow not justifiable for me to put any weight on this babymoon period - or what I want for the babymoon period - when it means "compromising" an attempt at a VBAC. Intellectually, I know it's my decision and I shouldn't care what anyone thinks. But everything I read here - even on this support thread - makes me feel like it's somehow shameful for me to even be thinking this way.

I struggle with this every day. I desperately want to make a decision and feel peaceful about it. I want to enjoy my last few months of pregnancy, these last few months alone with my son. I want to enjoy the birth of my baby and feel peaceful and happy about how she makes her entrance into this world. I want the whole experience to be joyful for my son and my family as a whole. We live such busy lives - I anxiously await her birth, when time can slow down and we can all focus solely on each other without caring about anything else for awhile. I fear that trying for a VBAC will not allow that to happen. I fear not trying for a VBAC will forever haunt me. I fear if i try for the VBAc and something catastrophic happens, I will regret it forever. I fear that my desire for a VBAC is a bit selfish when I weigh what it will cost my family as a whole, and I at the same time fear that my choosing a repeat c/s given my circumstances is somehow shameful.

post #263 of 424
Hi Amy, wow, you've got a platefull here!!
I guess what I'm thinking is it depends on what you want out of this birth, what is most important to you. For some, yes, that attempt at VBAC stands in front of any other goals and wants.
I really don't think on this thread you will feel like you don't have the "right" to be thinking of anything other than the VBAC attempt. There are a few of us here who chose to have a c-section--even when a vaginal birth was something we could attempt (me for instance)
For myself, I would be inclined to stay home and do my very best to turn the section into a good experience. What I'm putting down next are the reasons I'd do it if I were in your situation--I'm not telling you that you should do it for those reasons.
*What if you go into debt to fly out of town and deal with a doc you don't know and end up not being able to have your VBAC?
*How much earlier will you have to fly out of town--7 hrs is WAY too long a flight if you are close to your EDD--most airlines will not fly you past a certain number of weeks.
*On the flight as well, women in late pregnancy and early post partum are at significantly higher risk for DVT or PE.
*For me, being in a comfortable environment (ie: my home) as soon as posible after the birth was very important.
*At least if you do have a planned c-section, you can try to work with the hospital and doctors to make it a beautiful experience (see Kim's birth plan and my birth story for some ideas of things that can help)
*From what I get out of your post, you are not wanting to attempt VBAC as a way to heal from a traumatic experience. You are already at the point of being ok with how your ds was born--as in you may wish it had been different, but you aren't still hurting because of it.
*Would you have any way of meeting the OB's in these other hospitals before hand to see if you even click with them?? For me, being in a different city, with strange doctors and few or none of the comforts of home surrounding me would be an extremely stressful way to have a baby-especially when there is no guarentee of a vaginal birth.

So, my question is, do you like or trust your OB that you are dealing with now?
And, what do you hope to accomplish with a VBAC attempt?

HTH, you do not have an easy decision to make
post #264 of 424

Out of curiosity... why do you say homebirthing is out??
That would be the less stressfull route to go, afterall youd be home with your son, dog, ect. & have MUCH less healing time.....
post #265 of 424
Thread Starter 

I have been reading your threads on the VBAC forum, and I believe you have another one on a homebirth forum. I've never commented because I never felt it was the place, but since you decided to pop in, well, heres my .02.

If *I* were in your shoes I would probably do the repeat csection in my homeplace with my own OBs who know me. I would probably plan and do everything to make it a positive experience. My reasoning would be this -- I know you have a toddler, and that would weigh heavily on me. Leaving one of my children just for an attempt at a VBAC seems over indulgent. But that is ME. At one time I may have said something different, but having a vaginal birth is not the end all and be all of my existence. Another thing that would concern me is flying at 36-37-38 weeks gestation. Most airline carriers will not fly you unless you have permission from your OB. I am not sure if you had given thought to this, but I know that we had to have permission to fly with a newborn when we adopted (he was 12 days old) and I do know of women who were refused boarding when they looked like they were about to pop.
On to the next thing, I know on one of your threads, discussion about flying to Seatle or the North East was mentioned. While you could be attended by midwives that do HBAC, do you know these midwives, do you trust them? who are their back up doctors? Have you checked out their facilities where you could be transferred too?
My concern would be, what if you fly out of state, away from your home, your child, and I assume your husband to attempt a VBAC and then have to have a csection anyway. That would be a real pain in the butt. You might not get an ideal csection like someone of us planned, and it might be with providers you know nothing about. I am of the belief, that you are better with the devil you know than the devil you don't know. I can't recall why your son was a csec off the top of my head, but I think you really need to weigh the risk that they may happen again, with the other things I mentioned.
Keep in mind, that if you have a csection out of state, far away from home that it could really affect your recovery. Csections that are unplanned actually do carry more risks than planned ones, and I think that is also something you have to consider since you will be out of state.

I think for you its going to be about what you feel most comfortable with. I know things have been said to you that imply to have a VBAC at whatever cost, to fly away from home and say screw your OB, and I am sure you have read that your risk is low, and blah blah blah. However, as you said in your own words, if you are that small percentage it really doesnt matter does it because it happened to you.

I will be supportive of whatever you do, you have to be at peace and I mean PEACE with your choices. I know that for me it was very important to go with my gut and I went against that and I paid for it. Since then I have made it a point to listen. I think you have to trust your instincts as a woman and a mother, you need to listen to your baby and your body, and you really need to feel comfortable with what you decide and move forward with it. Please keep us updated ---

post #266 of 424
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by Ms.Doula

Out of curiosity... why do you say homebirthing is out??
That would be the less stressfull route to go, afterall youd be home with your son, dog, ect. & have MUCH less healing time.....
I don't think she has anyone that will attend her. She has a thread called hostage on the VBAC forum and in the homebirth forum. She is really in bad situation.
It is really sad that the climate in the medical establishment is so bad right now. As my sister says it will turn again. In the early to mid 90s, most insurances were refusing to pay for repeat csections. You had to attempt a VBAC unless you had something to back it up that you couldn't delivery vaginally. My SIL who wanted a repeat csection was ticked off. She had had a bad first labor experience and then an emergency csection, so she thought a planned one would be much easier emotionally and physically. She did go to VBAC tho, but it was because she was forced. She doesn't regret VBACing now, (she is a L&D nurse) but she still says that she was angry that she didn't have a choice in her own health care decisions.
post #267 of 424
Hi gals Did everyone make up?? :LOL I only caught bits of threads but it looked like it got "fun" in here

I was told that getting a tubal at the same time as a c/b was not a good idea. NOt just for pain but because they are more likely to be faulty. I'm not sure why though.

MsDOula-- Welcome to our group I think...I never know quite how to say that. Ya know. : Well, definetely welcome...but I"m about your c/b...
post #268 of 424
Just popping in to say that Alaska Airlines doesn't give a crap how pregnant you are, you can fly. They said as long as your doc is okay with it, they're fine with it. Personal experience.

alaska - have you considered UC? I just VBACed UC, basically b/c I was in your situation (well, and b/c I felt drawn to it). Alaska just sucks for women who've had a c/s. In my situation, there was an OB who'd "let me try", but he made it pretty clear that he wouldn't be supportive at all.

Have you tried to find an "underground" midwife who can fly in to you? I know that certified mws can't attend a VBAC at home, but if you don't care about that piece of paper, I believe there are unofficial mws who might be able to help you out.

Sorry to post and run, but DS is demanding some attention - he's VERY two!

post #269 of 424
Hi everyone - I appreciate the replies.... sincerely do.

For those who asked why homebirthing isn't an option: two reasons. One, like Kim said, there is no one in Juneau who will help me have a homebirth. No midwife will take me on as a client. The birth center here can't because they cannot do vbacs by law. The one midwife I've heard of who can do VBACs, won't take on any new VBAC clients. With this recent change in policy, she doesn't want to be the "VBAC" midwife (this is what I"m told. I don't know if that's accurate, but I do know when I called her, she said she could not help me birth, but she'd see me for my prenatal visits.)

I thought about flying someone in - but I do know I ultimately would like to be in the hospital (see the reason below).

The second reason why homebirthing is out: I had an abnormal quad screen for DS - a test I regret ever doing. We had a Level II U/S after the blood work came back. It looked good, but I was told there's still a chance. I feel like I need to be in a setting where my baby can be cared for should it be necessary. If she does have DS, she's at a higher risk for things like heart conditions, etc. I feel like I need to have care available for her right away should she need it.

Shannon & Kim - I did truly appreciate your posts. I haven't checked this thread since I originally posted, but I haven't stopped thinking about the issue. I came to a decision today - and when I read your posts, they mirrored things I've been thinking about.

So the decision - I'm staying home and going forward with the c/s. here's why:
I did find a new ob - she's in the same practice, but I REALLY trust her. She spent over an hour with me last week doing nothing but talking to me about my situation. She also is the one ob the women I've talked to over the last week - including two women I really trust - recommended to me.

I also found a pediatrician who would be totally on board with making a c/s situation much more bearable - meaning, with my son, I didn't get to see him for over an hour, I didn't get to breastfeed him, they immediately took him from me when they were stitching me up. She disagrees with that "approach" and said she sees no reason why she couldn't examine the baby on my chest, why I shouldn't be allowed to breastfeed immediately, and why the baby shouldn't be with me in recovery.

I hadn't thought about it in quite the same context as it was put in your replies - but your point about being with doctor or doula or midwife I don't know doesn't sound like a good choice.

But the most compelling reason for my decision...
After really thinking about, I'm not willing to give up or compromise the time after the birth for the birth itself. The time I'm going to be home with my family is more important to me than how I birth. Today my son had a hard time falling asleep - he wanted me to hold him, so I did. And as I looked at him it struck me that I really didn't care how he got here - I love him so much.
And I looked at my husband and said the same thing - I don't care how she gets here, I just want her here.

my son is not feeling well - I have to go - but thank you -
I'm going to look at the birth plans and stories - start thinking about how I can make my next c/s the most rewarding experience I can. I might have questions

post #270 of 424
Thread Starter 

Thanks for coming back and sharing your decision with us. I think you are courageous! It sounds like you have found a great OB that is willing to make this is a really great experience for you and your baby. I hope you can find some things useful from our birthplans and please feel free to ask questions!
I believe you have made the right decision for you and your family, don't be discouraged by naysayers, you know what's best for you. I will be praying you have a HEALTHY baby and the best birth experience you can.


post #271 of 424
Amy, I'm glad you've found an option that seems to be right for you. This post sounds so much more peaceful than the last. I too went back and forth SO much regarding my c-section--mine was even my first birth so there wasn't even that excuse to use (mainly here) that I wasn't allowed to VBAC. I was so stressed about everything, part of me thought that I couldn't possibly be a good mother if I was willing to not even try to give birth vaginally.
Part of it for me was I just LOVE my OB, I honestly feel that Molly would never have been here without her. She'd have been that last miscarriage that would have put me over the edge. She'd taken such good care of me all through the pregnancy and I had this horrible fear that I'd go into labor and she wouldn't be available--even though she'd told me she would attend me whether she was on call or not (she'd worked to damn hard on our case to miss out on the big day ) I had this fear that she'd be out of town, or sick, or wouldn't have someone to take care of her ds. Mostly though I was so afraid of the fact that my chances for a successful vaginal birth were so small and I'd heard so many stories about the trauma of a failed vaginal birth followed by an emergency c-section. Like Kim said, I was so much more comfortable with the devil I knew. I'm the ultimate control freak and I just hate not being in control.
Like you, once I made my decision, I felt so much better about it than I had while trying to decide, I set about making plans for the best damn c-section in history. (With the exception of having felt everything, I pretty much succeeded )

Ask all the questions you want to! We'll do our best to answer them
post #272 of 424

I'm so glad you found a decision you are at peace with. Upon further reflection, and after reading all of your subsequent posts, I think I would make the same decision. I KNOW the women on this thread will help you make a great birth plan to discuss with your OB, ped., and the hospital (they have their own nuances), and you will have a birth that is healing, positive, and peaceful. And we will all be wishing you and your baby health and quick healing.

Keep us posted on your journey. It really helps the rest of us with our own journeys.
post #273 of 424
Thread Starter 
Okay, why is everyone so quiet?

Things are going smoothly here. I will be 30 weeks in just a few days. Its hard to believe I am in the home stretch.

I am working on updating my cesarean birthplan. I feel like I am forgeting something though.

post #274 of 424
I was wondering the same thing Kim! We've been busy here, I'm not feeling well and we ended up putting Molly on Zantac for her reflux--now I feel guilty because it's now obvious she was in pain before as her screaching episodes that used to happen 4 or 5 times a day have not happened at all since. Makes me sad, I know how bad reflux hurts.

Amy and Lisa, I hope your c-section plans are coming together and your doctors are working with you to make them special. Kim, glad all is well in your corner too--you're getting so close!!
post #275 of 424
I'm doing good. I jsut don't have anything to add. I'm jsut trying to lose some weight and concentrate on NOT getting pg before dh has his tests and is given the all clear. We are almost 2 months post vasectomy
post #276 of 424
I haven't got much down about my plan yet...I don't have another appointment with my GP until May 11th, and don't see the OB again until June 1st. So, I'm going to take my draft with me to the GP and talk to her about the hospital policies. She and the OB both have hospital privileges there, so they know how things are usually done.

As far as my c-section goes, there are only two changes I want to make to the way it went last time. If there's any possible way to do it, I want my new baby with me after the surgery!! That's my number one priority if it goes to section. I also want to try to arrange to have the section done after I go into labour, instead of just checking into the hospital for a scheduled one. I'm hoping I'll have less trouble with my milk if I do it that way.

I'm mostly having trouble with my preferences in case I get the VBA2C, actually. I think the monitoring requirements are going to be a battlefield.

But, I'm actually doing pretty well. That intense burst of posts on here a couple weeks back or whenever it was seems to have helped me quite a lot.
post #277 of 424
Thread Starter 
I think sometimes we have to give a little to get a lot in the case for trying for a VBAC in a hospital setting. Try to think about before hand what you are willing to make concessions on and focus on the big picture. I've come to realize that if you approach working with your OB hand in hand, that they are more likely to give a little.

post #278 of 424

I finally got up the nerve to get our hospital records

Hi All... I finally requested and received our medical records from my OB and from the hospital. Okay, I really put it off as myds is 2! But, there was a lot of negativity and I was scared to read the chart.

I was unhappy w/ my dh's reaction. He said "why did you order that?", "why would you want to reread that shi#", "Wasn't doing ti once enough?". But, that's another story. He really devaluated (is that a word?) my feelings and my need to "get to the bottom" of the whole cs experiance. My need to understand what went wrong.

That aside...

The chart was full of errounious information. It stated "child circumsized at parents' request before being transported to Denver" (uhhhhh we were totally anti-circ... he's uncut! plus he was on a respirator to breathe... and it was a flight-for-life transport... why would they even do a circ during that vital time??). Also, I was admitted on the 5th of March... and pitocin was started immediatly. In the evenings they stopped the pitocin and started the cervedel... every three hours all night... then started pitocin again at 8am each morning. My dh kept an indepth journal so I KNOW what went on. Yet in the file it says simply that I was admitted on the 5th and that on the 7th they started pitocin... leading to my sons' heart rate dropping and an emergency csection... HELLOOOOOOOO what about the two days of drugging I endured prior to that? Those days were the most hellish for me and they were not even mentioned or noted?!?! Is that normal? Also, it wasn't mentioned how sick I was during and in recovery... wouldn't that be important to note in case I ever had to have anesthesia again??? Anyway, the file really just upset me more... and maybe I shouldn't have read it... Also... after he was cut out of me the pediatrician said.. "this isn't a 36 weeker... this is a 33 or 34 weeker" and she noted it in her records... but the hospital file says only 36 weeks... over and over and over. anyway... I'm not sure if rewading it was helpful in my healing or not. ANyone else read their charts as part of healing and/or closure?
post #279 of 424
Ok, I have not read my charts...even though I really want to.

Just from reading what you quoted my heart is racing, I have a frown on my face, and I'm pissed!

Yes, your chart is supposed to be COMPLETELY accurate. They have to note everything they do in order to have "Evidence" if they get sued. Either they were complete morons (which it sounds like they were) OR your chart was edited to protect the hospitals ass.

No wonder you are hacked off. I have never heard of doing pit during the day and cervadil during thenight. Actually, it sounds VERY dangerous, and evidently it was.

I think that this WILL help you heal. I think now you have something to direct your energy and anger toward.
post #280 of 424
Wow Kimberly, I agree with Megan, I think this will help you heal for a couple reasons. Firstly--yeah, your case was screwed up royally--this was NOT YOUR FAULT. To me that says there is no reason you can't do it your way the next time (unless you are not permitted a VBAC) Also like Megan said, pit during the day, cervadil at night??? I mean what is that about?? I'm guessing they just didn't want you to have the baby at night! Myself personally, I would take your records and your husbands journal and make an appt to speak with the OB who was in charge of your care, or the hospital's patient advocate or maybe even the OB who did your section. (if I remember correctly she was not your OB) Did you like the one who did the section-I mean I know you wouldn't have wanted the section done, but if you look at it from the perspective of the OB in charge of your case (not her) dicked around until baby and mom were in trouble--the OB who did your section probably didn't have much choice in the matter. If nothing else, I would definitely take the records and your husbands journal into the new OB you choose, talk to her and ask her exactly what could/should have been done differently.
I'm really sorry they falsified your records. That sucks, perhaps you need to begin some disiplinary action against them.
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