My DD is 23 months and has been BF since birth, also raised by me exclusively, except for minimal "parenting time" with her father. Before her birth we agreed to practice AP, including but not limited to BFing, co-sleeping, cloth diapers. Her father abandoned us when she was weeks old (as well as his commitment to AP); he'd come back on occasion but never as a full-time parent. He's had visitation rights revoked by court order twice; but now he has several hours a week with her. She knows him as a playmate.
She's to have her first overnight with him next month (about a 36-hour time span). Then she'll have two non-consecutive overnights each month with him, as well as vacation time.
She still nurses, sometimes all day/all night. One constant is she still nurses at night, everynight. She nurses to sleep, wakes to nurse, and sometimes nurses in her sleep. She has a nursing fest in the morning upon waking.
I've been criticized in court by her father for "controlling" her by BFing her; I've been threatened by him to wean her. (FYI, her father is a batterer; the courts here are reluctant to recognize a batterer when one doesn't have a physical bruise or scar to reveal.)
He must be preparing her for the upcoming overnight; at bedtime one night recently she told me she doesn't want to have night-nights at his place. She then ended the conversation (I was telling her it will be fun; she'll be fine, etc.) and nursed to sleep.
I know my DD; she'll be strong and give it her best shot, but I'm left to ask, at what cost? She'll be stressed, tired and feeling let-down. Will she think I let her down when she calls for me and I don't respond? (Her father has never tended to her at night, has refused responsibility of bathtime, and has not followed doctor's orders when she's in his care.)
Any insight would be appreciated. BTW, I've tried to help prepare her for change in little ways, here and there, over the last two months. Just to help her adjustment. Some of these she's met with resistence, others result in more nursing!
She's to have her first overnight with him next month (about a 36-hour time span). Then she'll have two non-consecutive overnights each month with him, as well as vacation time.
She still nurses, sometimes all day/all night. One constant is she still nurses at night, everynight. She nurses to sleep, wakes to nurse, and sometimes nurses in her sleep. She has a nursing fest in the morning upon waking.
I've been criticized in court by her father for "controlling" her by BFing her; I've been threatened by him to wean her. (FYI, her father is a batterer; the courts here are reluctant to recognize a batterer when one doesn't have a physical bruise or scar to reveal.)
He must be preparing her for the upcoming overnight; at bedtime one night recently she told me she doesn't want to have night-nights at his place. She then ended the conversation (I was telling her it will be fun; she'll be fine, etc.) and nursed to sleep.
I know my DD; she'll be strong and give it her best shot, but I'm left to ask, at what cost? She'll be stressed, tired and feeling let-down. Will she think I let her down when she calls for me and I don't respond? (Her father has never tended to her at night, has refused responsibility of bathtime, and has not followed doctor's orders when she's in his care.)
Any insight would be appreciated. BTW, I've tried to help prepare her for change in little ways, here and there, over the last two months. Just to help her adjustment. Some of these she's met with resistence, others result in more nursing!
for you and DD. I'm sorry you two are going thru this.
so sorry your ex is putting you in this spot.
: Hope your DD (and you) do okay with it...
. My younger DS, Adam, is also 23 months and has been going overnight with his dad (ironically enough also a batterer with a history of violence towards me and our older DS) one night per week for two months now. He is still nursing two or three times at night as well as frequently during the day. I gave some EBM to his dad to give Adam at bedtime, which was a big help, and I continue to pump for Adam while he is gone (and give the milk, which is being used, thankfully enough!). The ex tells me that he sleeps through the night over there, so I'm thinking he doesn't expect to nurse so he doesn't wake. Expect some extra clinginess for the first 2 days or so after the overnights, and lots of nursing during that time. Little nurslings are amazingly resilient - keep in mind that your DD knows that she will have the comfort of nursing when she returns, so she will likely adapt better than a child who is not nursing.
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