How do YOU cope with dd's emerging womanhood?

[snuggly mama]

My dd is nearly 10, and body changes suggest she's not too far away from her first menses. She is very comfortable talking about it (we just had a long conversation!), and I am trying hard to be relaxed and open. My problem is, her development makes me so sad!! Is this weird? I mean, I'm so proud of her and her wonderful spirit, and I know she'll be a wonderful, inspiring woman. But she's still my little girl, and I am lost as to how to grow into this new relationship with her. I also feel like having her period is such a burden for her to deal with at this young age (though I certainly haven't suggested such a thing to her). I was comfortable raising a girl, but I'm feeling completely inadequate about nurturing a woman! How do you cope with the changes that this brings to you as the mother of a young woman?

[journeymom]

Sigh. I can only sympathise.

I'm so proud of my 10 y.o. dd. She's turning into a wonderful person. It's neat to see the changes she's going through, even the rough stuff. And honestly, I'll be relieved in one sense when she gets her first menses. Maybe some of this craziness will relent. Or at least get predictable.

I know what you mean about having a period be a burden. I know I didn't like growing breasts and menstruating once a month. Breasts hurt, got in the way, and because I have cysts it hurt to lie on my chest to sleep at night for a couple of years. Very unfair. Thank goodness having your period doesn't have to stop you from being active like it did to girls in the past.

Just the last couple of days I've been thinking about the negative aspects of being a woman, primarily safety issues. I'm wondering how to help dd deal with that. It's sad that dd has to discover that there are mean freaks out there who would like to hurt her for their own pleasure and I want to shelter her from that forever. Though that's exactly the wrong thing to do.

Nonetheless, she's my only daughter and it's been just so nice to have a little girl. It's been like therapy. I've learned a lot from her.

I don't think you DO anything about it. You just take it one day at a time. That's all you can do.

[UnschoolnMa]

My Dd is 11 and has been developing for about a year or so now. Her first cycle is due any time now I think. It's a conflicting time really I agree. It's not just a new stage but *the* stage that leads her to being a woman. I end up thinking "holy crap, how'd that happen?" It feels like it was so fast, but of course it really wasn't.

I thinks it's really been great to have another little woman around to talk to, listen to, learn from, teach, and giggle about "girl things" with. One day at a time is all you can do.

[SagMom]

My dd is 10 also--she's begun developing and since I got my first period at 10, I'm guessing she's not too too far off.

I'm actually feeling closer to her now than ever--she's always been my wild child and while we've always been close, we've also had our clashes (she's so darn opinionated and stubborn--where in the world she gets THAT from I'll never know ) But now that she's going through these changes, it's opened up a whole 'nother avenue of discussion. AND it's something that she and I can share--without "the boys" (her brothers and father.) She's never been a "girly-girl" and neither have I, so we never had any bonding moments over hairstyles or nail colors, etc. Our conversations about the changes she's going through, the things I went through, and what's ahead is turning out to be special.

BUT--I'm wondering how she'll handle the physical realities of menstruation...at the moment, she thinks all blood is "gross." And of course, she's still very much a little girl and it seems almost silly for nature to bring this physical maturity to her at such an age.

It sort of reminds me of other stages--like when she learned to walk and I thought, "She's just a BABY--what is that little body doing walking around by herself?" kwim? So, how do I cope? :LOL I've no idea--I'm just winging it.

[BathrobeGoddess]

That is how I feel about my dd...I feel very sad and very happy. She is such a great person but I know whats coming in the next few years that I cannot protect her from...

Jr. High school...heart break...etc....

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by BathrobeGoddess

Couldn't have said it better myself!!

One of my biggest problems with Leah is forgetting how little she still is. She's the oldest, and thanks to Hannah's issues it often feels like I have 2 toddlers and one "big kid." It's too easy to expect too much of her when she''s literally the only one who doesn't cry every time her feelings get hurt.

Some of my other concerns are regarding personal care products. I'm pretty "crunchy"- I use a divacup, all natural deoderant, soap instead of shampoo, etc, and she's going to public school with kids who watch tons of commercial TV- so she's indirectly getting all those media messages about consumption and all the "stuff" that's marketed to teens.

What kind of sanitary products do you plan to have on hand in preparation for your dd's first menses?

[Irishmommy]

I'm not too worried about it, we're pretty open with her. She's had some pubic hair since she was about 7, but no period/bust, etc. I was a late bloomer, and I'm hoping she's the same.

As far as sanitary products, I want to start her with pads, so she knows what's going on. I use regular tampons, so she'll probably go on to that.

Now if only I could get her to use deodorant!!

[snuggly mama]

"it seems almost silly for nature to bring this physical maturity to her at such an age."


That's it exactly! She's not emotionally ready for the complexity that lies ahead, and it seems so odd to me that the body is ready before the mind. Still, she is relaxed and open about this new frontier, so I will follow her lead.

I have to say, I'm proud of myself for being so much more willing to talk about it than my own mother was. When I got my period at 11, I was utterly mortified and desperately unhappy. I'm so glad dd won't feel so alone as I did.

Just so I'm a bit more knowledgeable . . . what is the usual timeline for development? Dd has pubic hair, no real underarm hair, and little/no breast development. She is petite (barely 60 pounds). Are there certain markers that indicate first menses is closer?

Thank you all for your responses. It's nice to know I'm not the only mama who's equally thrilled and terrified at embarking on this journey!

[Smithie]

I think the conventional medical wisdom (for whatever that's worth) is that menarche occurs around the time a girl reaches 100lbs in weight. That's not absolute, obviously, but there does seem to be a certain relationship between body mass and the hormone cascade that triggers menarche. If you weghed 80 lbs when your first perid came, then the same may happen for your daughter. I weighed slightly under 100 lbs when I got my period at 13, as did my mother. I had two very tall and large-boned friends (sisters) who weighed almost 100 lbs in fifth grade, and that's when their periods came.

[threeforme2005]

We are heading into this area ourselves My daughter will be 12 and the end of this year and I know she will be getting her period any time now. For me it's pretty wild to have an 11 year old and an 11 DAY old daughter. My older DD and I are both prepared for her womanhood but it is bittersweet for me. She is growing up so fast and time is slipping away quickly. I'm nervous for her to enter Jr. high in 2 years and I wish I could protect her from all the emotions the teen years bring. Sigh...it's not easy being a parent.

[3girls1boy]

My oldest DD is 12 and a half and though she seems perfectly fine with her body, I sometimes wish she would go ahead and get her bust going. I'm sure it's really more me remembering feeling weird when I didn't have breasts and my friends did (it didn't help that my older brother used to tease me about being "flat as a board")

I had a huge growth spurt when I was in the eighth grade and got pretty much to my adult height and weight then and got my first period when I was 13 and a half.

I assume my daughters might follow the same pattern. I think my oldest feels very ambivalent about it all.

[Red]

For me, it's like seeing the road to retirement coming closer! This is, after all, the point. They'll grow up, move out and bring me grandbabies to cuddle.

I agree 10 seems way to young. My oldest didn't start until she was 16! But my middle started at 11. I felt so sad for her to have to deal with it all.

Do you know that the dioxins and bleaches in those pads nad tampons are thought to cause lots of health problems, including endometriosis. Investigate the alternatives. My girls say the organic ones from the health food store work great.