Abortion recovery - Page 3

[deuxceleste]

Originally Posted by CMcC

Sexual abuse is so prevelant in our society that I believe it does indeed play a big part in reasons behind abortion.... I'm looking for the specific data that stands behind that....

This is all I could find: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/q...&dopt=Abstract. Don't know if that link'll work.

But hey- regardless of the history of the women, it's definitely not something to take lightly. I think it's absolutely wonderful (and that's putting it lightly- a superlative escapes me at the moment) that your church offers such kind, caring support to women (and men, I'm sure) who have had traumatic experiences and who need a listening ear.

I in no way, no way AT ALL intended to offend you or belittle your or your friends' experiences or grief. And in hindsight, the same way I get testy when posters tell me to "be careful" where I'm getting my information, or when they proceed to tell me what pain I am and am not legitimately feeling. I sincerely owe you an apology for the way my post may have come across. Truly it's a curious thing for me, and that's all I intended to imply. So please accept my apology if you were in any way offended or hurt by my words.

IMHO, and I'm sure others will agree, that this board, particularly this thread, is not a place for passing judgement or asking too many questions of one another. Each person here experiences their own loss and their own pain in a vastly different way, and it's those differences that can help us find strength in each other's anonymous, faceless words. So again, I definitely apologize for sounding snarky if that's the case, and even if it's NOT the case, I could have chosen my words more carefully.

On the subject of abuse, do you think that this possibly includes CURRENT abuse? As in, pregnant as a direct result of abuse by another?

[CMcC]

Deuxceleste: Oh, no apology needed. I was not offended at all. (I'm usually the one who is misunderstood and have to choose my words carefully....)

Without a doubt current abuse can play apart! How many abortions are results of rape and incest? I don't think we have an accurate count in these situations. But I would guess the number fairly high. Not just a rape from an outside source either...women who fear their abusive husbands and want to get away... Unfortunately, it happens, probably much more than anyone knows.

Some of the women I mentioned earlier had been in abusive relationships (as adults). The trend was to find an abusive man and marry him....want to get away, oops your pregnant, have an abortion so you won't be tied to the abusive man....

The way childhood abuse plays in it is not learning how to trust others (particuraly men), what love is (not just a sexual touch), choosing the right guy (they have a bad self-image)... Does this make sense? Many people continue the abuse cycle as adults....it's VERY difficult to break away. Obviously not everyone who has had an abortion was abused as a child or adult...but I believe it's more of a factor than anyone realizes at this time.

Here is a link to some abuse statistics: http://www.journeytototalfreedom.com/stats.html

If you look at those stats.... The likelyhood of continuing the abuse cycle is HUGE. So all those girls and boys have dysfunctional lives. The likelyhood of them having unwanted pregnancies is big...I wonder how many end in abortion? And the ones who don't choose abortion, or adoption, the cycle of abuse most likely continues to the next generation. IMO, if we could fix all the abuse and neglect.... there would probably be a much lesser call for abortion. Imagine if we all grew up in attachment parenting style homes that were truly loving... all the kids would learn how to grow up healthy, treat each other with respect, be responsible.... I think there would be far less unwanted pregnancies as a result... But those of us who didn't grow up in wonderful homes have enormous difficulty figuring out how to trust others, love ourself and manage our own homes/families. How do you parent your children when you yourself wasn't parented? It's SOOO difficult! Personally, I dated guys I knew was not good. Fortunately, I got out. The biggest attraction to my husband was 1 week into our relationship. We had an arguement....I threw a fit (like always) and instead of fighting back (like what I was use to) he got up and walked away. I WAS FLOORED! I didn't understand his reaction. Walk away??? Over the last 10 years he has helped me grow up...much less fits.... But if had I stayed in those bad relationships...who would have shown me a better way? They were hurting just as much as I was. As a teenager I bought my share of pg test...probably had a few miscarriages (now that I know the signs)...but like I said, I could have very easily been in that situation to make a decsion (keep baby, adoption or abortion). The same goes for my friends in high school... Abuse plays a role in promiscuity and getting into bad relationships and situations where you have to make a decision...

Hopefully this makes sense. And if I have offended anyone, it was not my intention. These are just my views and experiences.

[deuxceleste]

I didn't take any offense to anything you said at all... as I said, I'm absolutely thrilled that there's a group which is so supportive within your church congregation. I'm positive it's a step in the right direction to recovery for a lot of people, and hopefully those people will go on to counsel and support yet more.

I've gotten a TON of PMs as a result of this, but I do want to thank the majority of you for being so caring in your responses.

[asoulunbound]

I work at a crisis pregnancy center (CPC). Yes, we are a faith-based center.
That being said, alot of the women who are at a CPC are there because they love women, and want to help. Many of the women I know that work at the CPC have had abortions.
There's no judgement in the CPC where I work- every person has inherent worth in the eyes of God.
I would encourage your friend, regardless of her faith, to find some sort of support group where people can empthasize (sp?). It need not be at a church or CPC, many groups meet in conference rooms at hotels or universities.
You should be honoured she shared her pain with you.
for her child.

[deuxceleste]

Thank you It's good to hear that there are so many listening ears out there.

[maxsmum]

Originally Posted by Cadence

to you MMS. I totally relate to what you wrote, and wish I had some wisdom that was helpful. I wish it were easier- but then, I don't think it is should be easy. It is a such a difficult choice, and the guilt can be overwhelming. Like you, I know that I did the right thing for where I was and who I was with at the time, but sometimes even this knowledge feels like a copout. I think when you are up against having done something that goes against your very core, regardless of circumstance, it's going to hurt your psyche. I try to aknowledge the hurt and pain, and use it as incentive to be the best mamma I can. This is the only way I know of to "pay back" the universe, if that makes any sense.

The one thing that did help me so much was to talk to my little one that was not to be. I had been hearing children's voices in my head for a few months after, during my depression, and thought- wow, I'm really going crazy! I took a long road trip to N. Maine to recover, and one morning woke up at sunrise over a still lake. That morning, I told the little spirit how sad and sorry I was, how hard it was to make that decision and that I wished her well and to be born into a lovely family when she was ready. Something happened after this- I felt heard and accepted, and soon after the voices left. The gift of the whole terrible experience has been the deepening of my spiritual path- and a real quest to understand spirit and soul, and to live life in harmony with universal values.

I hope you are able to continue your path to recovery, and if you'd like to talk about anything, feel free to PM me.

Be well,
Candace

I had a similar experience, no voices in my head, but I spoke to the spirit of my unborn child and it did wonders for me. I was led into a relaxed state by a Jungian analyst because I was too afraid to do it on my own. During the experience I felt that the spirit forgave me and told me it would be with me again. It was very powerful.

I regret having had to make that decision but I am grateful that it was an option for me.

I got pregnant with DS the same time of year and had him right around the time I would have been due the first time, but 15 years later. Somehow I found this comforting.

[asoulunbound]

Reading through this thread again, I'd just like to say thank you to the women on the board who could have made it a very negative or political thing, but chose not too. As a PP said, it's way too easy to let politics get in the way of things. I wish it were not that way.

[Miatagirl]

I never had an abortion, but really didn't care if other women chose to have one or not.

When I gave birth to my dd in October, my views changed. Just seeing how my baby is such a miracle made me sick to my stomach that some little miracles were not being born. I actually cried for days over babies I never met... These feelings were during my postpartum depression, and most of the feelings were due to wild hormones. Also during my baby blues I wanted to then save all the babies in the world, and was thinking that I wanted to adopt all the babies that woment wanted to abort. It was very strange. I'm now back to normal, and now understand somewhat what a woman who had an abortion felt like, maybe... There is a lot of emotion and heavy feelings, and wish I could comfort women who feel that way. I just wish women could read the testimonies of other women who have had abortions, like on this thread so that they are more careful and use protection so that they never have to have such heavy bad feelings. (especially if it is going to make them have bonding issues in the future.)

I don't condemn anyone who has had an abortion, I just wanted to tell my what I went through during postpartum depression...

[Crazy Basil]

Originally Posted by Miatagirl

I just wish women could read the testimonies of other women who have had abortions, like on this thread so that they are more careful and use protection so that they never have to have such heavy bad feelings.

Just a gentle hope that this statement doesn't mean that you think that all, or even most women who have abortions do so because they were irresponsible or careless. There are infinite reasons and situations that result in a woman arriving at the decision that is best for her and statements and beliefs such as the above only foster a climate of shame, making one of the most difficult and intimate decisions of a lifetime even more heart wrenching. It sounds like you went through a very difficult period and I'm sorry for your struggles.

[Kleine Hexe]

Thanks for this thread. I think I will pass along the info.

How about support for someone who was present during an abortion? I was and it was hard. Now I know why most places have the suport person wait outside. However, my sister really wanted me there. So the Dr said I could stay and I stayed. I was sitting there on my birthday and on my period and there was my baby sister, pregnant and getting an abortion. I just kept thinking how I should have been the one pg and she the one on her period. Sigh. It just sucks that it all happened.

One thing is certain. Abortion is *not* an easy choice. Women who make that choice should have the support they need.

[Isaac'sMa]

I only made it through the first page of replies and I have tears running down my face. I had an abortion several years ago and it is still very painful for me at times. Other mamas have described it more succinctly. I was also on the afterabortion.com boards immediately afterward and wanted to encourage your friend to go there. The boards are supportive and she will find people who are going through the same things she is. It is a wonderful resource.

[Mrs. Cheerful Face]

I could have used a friend like you a couple of years ago, keep up the great, compassionate care!

[Teakafrog]

http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/ offers support and healing.

Tammy

[meowee]

One of the problems is that pro-lifers will take the trauma women go through from abortion to then claim that abortion should not be legal because it is traumatic to the mothers. But they don't understand that an abortion is almost always the least bad of two very bad options. Taking away abortion rights will be forcing them to the worse option. Abortion is often the only escape a woman has from an abusive relationship. I don't want to go into details but I know whereof I speak.

[Anglyn]

Originally Posted by meowee

One of the problems is that pro-lifers will take the trauma women go through from abortion to then claim that abortion should not be legal because it is traumatic to the mothers. But they don't understand that an abortion is almost always the least bad of two very bad options. Taking away abortion rights will be forcing them to the worse option. Abortion is often the only escape a woman has from an abusive relationship. I don't want to go into details but I know whereof I speak.

Well....I suppose they might, in fact, Im quite sure they already do. But I dont think that women who truly are suffering should do so in silence to help promote the prochoice stance. My pain isn't political. I cant help how others may use it, but I refuse to hide it anymore. It isnt political to me, its very personal. I myself am VERY torn on the whole issue. On the whole, I still believe it should be legal because I do not claim to know the circumstances of anyone else and so I dont feel I have the right to make that choice for them. On the other hand, having carried babies to term, I can totally see the prolife pov.

But regardless of my politcal views, Im just saying that I dont think women should hide thier pain,if they feel it, because of fear that others will use it to thier political gain, if that makes sense.

And as for PASS not being recognized as a 'real' diagnosis, neither was PTSD at first, nor was autism or pdd for that matter. Things sometimes take time to be accepted. Would PASS being recognized further the politcal agenda of the prolife movement? I dont know, but I dont that should be a primary consideration for recognized it. Helping those who have it should be. JMO.

[asoulunbound]

Originally Posted by Anglyn

My pain isn't political.

Originally Posted by Anglyn

And as for PASS not being recognized as a 'real' diagnosis, neither was PTSD at first, nor was autism or pdd for that matter. Things sometimes take time to be accepted.

:

[Kleine Hexe]

Originally Posted by maxmama

I would be very cautious about any support groups offered through a PRC, since most PRCs have a very clear agenda, regardless of what they claim.

What is a PRC?

[liseux]

"I would be very cautious about any support groups offered through a PRC, since most PRCs have a very clear agenda, regardless of what they claim. Also, "post-abortion stress" is not a diagnosis recognized by the APA, or any legitimate research, so again, I would be very cautious of any organization that offered support for that specific "syndrome". " maxmama

A PRC may have an agenda, but so do many abortion providers. It really is unfair to judge, b/c many, like Rachels Vineyard and After Abortion have helped many women.

I appreciate those of you who shared your stories of healing. I wish you only the best. I admire you for being open about it.

[asoulunbound]

PRC is a pregnancy resource center. I used to work at one for almost a year. They are designed to help post-abortive women and also to support women through unplanned pregnancies. PRC offer referrals to other community support as well, and often offer resources for women/couples who feel they may want to learn more about placing their child with an adoptive family. Many have support groups for single moms or adoptive parents, etc.

[maxmama]

The PRCs in our area are not unbiased in any way. They have one agenda: to keep women from choosing abortion. A good abortion clinic (and I've worked in several) respects all choices women make, including parenting, adoption and abortion.

The local PRCs also are not providing medically correct information (there are some very questionable videos and literature distributed).

Post-abortion recovery groups often seem to have the assumption that all women need to "recover" from an abortion, that it is de facto a traumatic experience. It wasn't for me and for some women I know. It was for other women, often because they were choosing it against their better judgment to please a parent or partner. To be told by "recovery" groups that my experience is invalid is frustrating and disrespectful.