UPDATE DD,Public school,innapropriate language, censorship, punishment (PLEASE READ!)

[menudo]

My DD is 7 years old and in the 2nd grade at a public school. She is in mostly special education classes as she struggles with alot of concepts. She loves to read and write although she barely could do either just one year ago. So she recently began trying to write "scripts" ie. movielines... She drives us nuts with her eagenrness and this is a good thing IMO. So her and her "friends" from school decided they wanted a scary movie since DD's Daddy loves them. It was innocent enough. I read it and thought nothing of this "Script". This is where the problem comes in:

Apparently, she said "I will KILL you witch!" in the script. (I know witch is not generally appropriate but a whole different story there for now). DD has never been in trouble at school besides occasionally being told she is talking too much. And unlike the average kid she rarely says Kill except on extreme occasions to her little brother! :LOL What happened is the little tattle tales of the class knew you cannot say KILL in school so they went running to her teacher and said "She said I'll kill, she threatened someone!" (I have witnessed these tattle tale kids before drives me nuts! Very innapropriate and ANNOYING!!) So besides the fact DD considered them her friends , she couldn't fathom, WHY they would "tell" on her and WHAT she did wrong! She said the teacher yelled at her (I think she used a stern voice)and made her wait by the door. She also told DD she may have to go to the principal! That is equal to the death sentence in DD's eyes! She did not take the time to explain to DD that this word is not allowed in school and why it is not allowed. She then had DD throw out all of the papers she WROTE! I am furious! DD is very sensitive and it took DAYS for her to tell me about this! Here is the clincher (IMO)..DD says "When she let me come back in the room, they were playing HANGMAN and I refused to join in-so people knew I was upset." HANGMAN-ummm..where they draw a man (stick figure) hanging if ya get it wrong? Umm but DD said she will kill a fictional character in a story from her imagination and she is in trouble. but the death of a man in a word game is ok? Isn't that very contradictory? Oh the irony!

Now I have no problem with the game hangman nor with DD using the word kill in her fictional story. While I can respect their request to not use this term at school, I feel they should have spoke to DD and asked her if she knew this and asked her to REVISE her little story! As DD said "Why doesn't anyone TELL ME about these rules?" I told her I had no idea and if I was in school today (I never got in trouble once throughout my school years btw) I woulda been kicked out b/c my specialty was morbid writings!

DD and I talke for over an our and I will spare you the details. I am debating writing or calling her teacher. To make her THROW out the paper w/o READING it first and to keep accepting this tattling is ridiculpous! The class is less than 20 kids-5 of whom go to special ed. a minimum of half the day! So it isa small group. I know the teachers are not fond of me already but I am pretty upset.

What do you all think?

[thoesly]

All of my kids are in special ed, too. I would request a joint meeting with the teacher and the principal even if special ed were not involved. Since it is involved, here is what I would do in your place: I would call the person in charge of coordinating IEP meetings and request a meeting with the special ed staff, the classroom teachers who interact with your child, and the principal. Once you have made a formal request, the school only has a certain number of days to comply (check your parents' rights handbook for the regulations). It doesn't matter that it's not an IEP -- there should be a box for them to check for "additional" meeting. I would bring in an outline detailing your perception of the problem and the resolution that would have been acceptable. I would ask them to include that plan in the IEP under necessary modifications or the behavior plan (if she has one -- it doesn't sound like she needs one, but I think they are standard at some schools). For the teacher to behave as if your daughter knew and understood the rules is unprofessional. Destroying student work instead of turning it over to the parent is more than unprofessional -- it may even be actionable if you want to pursue a formal complaint. The fact that the teacher didn't call you about an incident she deemed serious enough for a principal threat is yet another mark against her qualifications as a teacher.

I would also request (demand) follow-up meetings every 4-6 weeks so they have to keep your daughter at the top of their radar and they don't think it is okay to mistreat her just because they don't like you. (My son is another child who doesn't tell when something goes wrong. He just cries silent tears and shuts down. Extra vigilance is warranted.)

[menudo]

Looks like teacher was out today. I am leaving a message on her voice mail requesting we discuss this further....

[thoesly]

Good luck!

[mamaduck]

Oh my gosh -- this makes my blood boil! Poor kiddo. Please follow through with this, and let her know that you did! My son writes a lot too, and I asked him about words that he uses -- it never occured to him that certain words would be frowned on. He is mad for your dd too!

[Red]

Absolutely call! And calmly point out the incongruity of playing Hangman!

[lauren]

Wouldn't it have been sufficient to ask her nicely to change the wording in the script to something else that didn't break school rules? Their response does seem highly reactionary. I'd stick to the facts and discuss how this hurt your daughter.

I think this is the result of the post Columbine culture we live in. Definitely pursue it--verbally seems good, perhaps as thoesly recommended in an IEP mtg. so that it is documented.

Good grief!

[Tummy]

Greetings,
I do not understand the problem.. your DD was writing a story. ITS A STORY!!! Not as though she was being violent with other children. She did not threaten any one. ITS A STORY!! I just dont understand so much about public schools now days.. back when I was in the 2nd grade none of todays problems were there.. now I do understand that school age children today are NOT like they were when I was in school.. but seriously, what harm did your DD cause by writing a story. In my opinion by her getting into 'trouble' with the teacher over this is in a way telling her she is not right, that her thoughts are not good enough!
best of luck to you and your DD!!!!

[menudo]

Thanks-still to early for a teacher response. I had t oshare the fact that DD heasrthis crap daily. Heck I took her out of Catholic school for many reasons-in KINDERGARTEN-one was the nasty and rude language they allowed some kids to use towards other kids. (One girl consistantly said "I wish you were dead so I wouldn't have to look at you" I should kill myself so I don't have to deal with you!" Yeah they could care less abotu that-as long as tuition was paid!!) It was quite extreme there coupledby issues with the school. Anyway...

DD tells me what kids say on the bus, etc. and yet she gets in trouble for this. I hope to stay calm when I talk to the teacher. IT sure as heck sent the wrong message and I know she is a little leary of what she can write. She is so sensitive to this stuff. A semi similar incident happened at an LLL meeing wayyy over a year ago. She SAID "Oh my God!" and a little boy went off on her saying tha twasa BADDDD thing to say, etc. She was so upset asking WHY I never told her it was bad. I answered her honestly-I never heard of that being offensive (I went to Catholic school most of my life and it was not considered offensive there either.) I explained apparently his family feels it is and that is not your fault. Out of respect you can start sayiing just Oh my or something. She just kept saying "Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?!?!" Exactly what she said this time around!

So this is some venting before I speak with the teacher.

And Mamaduck-tell your son we said thanks!

[menudo]

The teacher just called...here is what SHE said:

She claims she did not tell DD she could enver use that word. She said she had read it and said it was ok in that sentence (surprising) but be careful, etc. She claims DD refused to put the papers away and she kept telling her that is not for class time and DD kept bringing them back out. She also said She DID NOT make DD throw them out and last she checked a little boy in the class had them. Hmmmm. SO I am torn. I will talk to DD later. As I expressed to the teacher (who brought up the IEP meeting first!!) DD does often misunderstand so IMO maybe DD felt she HAD to throw them out if teacher said something like "if you do not lsiten those will have to go away/or be thrown away. No doubt the truth lies between these 2 stories.

So while I am glad it does not appear to be an emphasis on the word kill in a fictional story-I am sure that is what made DD feel bad. She grabs onto one sentence sometimes and runs with it... What worries me is DD is apparently having even more issues at school with learning again. She is just soooo out there... I'll keep you all updated once I talk with DD some more...

EDITED TO ADD:

I talked t oDD and she was happy I spoke with her teacher and she said teacher talked to her too. But it sounds to me like the teacher fibbed to me! : DD says there is no way she misunderstood and says the teacher just found out TODAY about the whole "kill witch" line!! I later said what the teacher said and DD was lost-it was definately not a familiar story to her. So in my heart now I think the teacher lied to cover her butt. Sure there is probably truth to the issues DD may be having but I doubt they are related...ugh...

I told DD I beleive her and maybe there was a misunderstanding somewhere. I said leave It for now but come to IMMEDIATELY if anythign evr happens again...