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Leave one twin in the car??

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
OK i am sort of appalled. And Let me just state that I am not the mother of twins (although I am a twin and someday hope to be the mother of twins), but I just couldn't believe this lady at my dd's daycare.

She brings one twin in/out, then leaves a child in the car to get the other one.But I am just amazed. i would never leave my child in the car, even for two-three minutes to go grab the other one. I mean it only takes a second for something to happen.

Here's the kicker (oh the babies just recently turned 1 b/c they moved up to my DD class) a man tried to steal a car in the parking lot of the daycare with a child and mother in it. Mother was punched in the head, but managed to fight and scream enought that others heard and attacker/carjacker ran off. So I am standing over the knife this man had to keep any kids away, although they weren't actually near by but just in case. So this mother comes out with one twin, (and not trying to be rude or anything) i tell her that she needs to bring both kids out at once (and this is something that has been bugging me for awhile) So she says she can't, and I tell her what just happened not 5 minutes before, and she proceeds to go put twin 1 in the car walks back, says "that gives me goosebumps" and goes inside to get the other child. I mean it's not like she was even parked that close to the door or anything, anf granted there was a lot of people milling abou after the incident, but STILL!!!!

So I have decided that if I am there well she is I will help carry one twin out well she carries the other. I mean I can carry two kids at once, but maybe she has health issues and she can't in which case she has a few options.

Bring a stroller and push them both out togetehr


ask someone at the daycare to help her get the children out, I am 100% positive they would have no problem with this.

My mom got 5 kids under 6 to the car all at once with the youngest being twins. i mean really this is her children here, not dogs or something.

so the end of this long rant,, how would you do it?? does bringing one twin at a time seem like a viable option.

post #2 of 14

My opinion...

There are lots of things I do now as a mother that I thought I would NEVER do. And there are lots of things I don't do now even thoughI though I would.

You aren't this person. You don't know what her background is, what's happened to her, what her thoughts are or what works best for her kids. Until you've walked in her shoes you should judge her, imo.

Would *I* do it? No. But, that's ME, I'm not that lady.

I think it's a nice gesture of you to offer to help her.

mama to Emily and Nathan 7/14/01
edd with b/g twins (yes, again) 7/12/05
post #3 of 14
I only do (did) that in my driveway when they were sleeping--take one inside while the other was locked in the car then race outside to get the other one. It is REALLY hard to hold two sleeping babies in your arms when getting out of a car, then you have no hands to open the door, etc. And to wake them up from a nap when you have multiples, for me, was asking for trouble and major depression on my part. . .
I would never leave one in the car when out; just sit in the car and wait 'til they woke up.
post #4 of 14
First of all, to you.

The tragedy you folks have just undergone leaves me almost speechless, and completely uncomprehending. How can anyone beat a mother, try to kidnap her and her baby, and steal their car? Much less how can this deadbeat do this in public? And much less in a daycare center?????? And to leave a weapon behind with you as the guardian of the evidence. I'm beyond horrified. I cannot even hope to imagine what you folks are going through.

As you come back to read these responses, I'm sure you're already processing many more issues than the one you wrote here about. And I'm sure the question of your own daughter's continuing safety is coming uppermost to your mind.

I also hope that your daycare providers have sprung into action, providing you parents with as much assurance as they can reasonably muster that you will be as safe as they can make you. Hopefully a security guard has been hired, and hopefully all children and parents are watched and if possible escorted to and from the parking lot, at least for a while. And hopefully the staff and the responders to the crime have received help in the form of a Critical Incident Stress Debriefing. Hopefully parents have been brought into the dialogue about how to ensure safety in the future. Hopefully staff has contacted the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children to get their assistance and resources behind your efforts.

You may not have any energy left over from dealing with your own terrible trauma (I'm shaking as I think about you, standing over the knife and seeing two babies not unlike you and your twin so vulnerable to a future - possibly immediate - attack). And the horror of dealing with what your own daughter saw or knows or senses from your emotional state is probably taking everything you have in you to deal with right now. But if any of the things I mentioned above (or more importantly things you have thought of) have not yet been done, if you do have any energy left over from all that, you might nudge your providers to put some of these things and others you think of into action.

Regarding the twin mom, it's certain that she needs help. What you know from your own experience is that it's hard for twin moms to ask for help, we think we need to do it all ourselves. Your mom, I'm sure, could have used help many times. As you think of the twin mom in your daycare, don't forget the other moms who may need help who may be off your radar screen because their children are not twins. One situation that comes to mind where help is also desperately needed is where a mom has a newborn and a toddler to unload. Toddler may run around and be hard to keep up with while unloading newborn. You will think of, and see others, I'm sure.

As you consider your course of action from here, please also remember who you are mad at. The lowlife who took away the innocence of your children and parents at the place where they should have felt most safe - he's the a$$hole who deserves all of your appalled, shocked, and angry energy. Band together with the other moms, dads, and staff to get the creep behind bars and to make your daycare safe again.

Best wishes to you, mama. Your daughter's daycare center is lucky to have you. Take very good care and be gentle with yourself as you move forward.
post #5 of 14
Honestly, I'm really lucky that my dcp comes out in the mornings and helps me with the boys and my dd and in the afternoons when I pick them up, she helps me bring them into the van and into carseats. I don't know many places that would. Yes, she could take the stroller, but double strollers are fricking big and heavy and sometimes are so hard to get in and out of the van that I don't even bring it along. Maybe she did ask for help and no one would/could/did. Maybe she has health issues you don't know about. I know when I'm getting the kiddos out of the van in the afternoons to get us home, it's a whole juggling act to get everyone and everything into the house in one piece. I have to get out first with my purse, mail, bookbag etc, unlock the front door, disarm the security system, if not too cold, take my coat off (makes getting dd out of her seat easier!), go back and let dd out of her seat, get first twin out, dd pushes the button to close the van door (thank goodness for that!), while I rush to the other side where the second twin is having an all out fit that he hasn't been released yet! I carry them both in and up the steps. Let me tell you, that kills me almost every day. I just don't have the physical stamina for it now that the boys are getting heavier. They're about 23-25lbs each now and that's almost 50lbs in my arms (and they're almost 14 months old) so I can see how she felt like she couldn't get both at the same time. Good for you though for seeing a problem and being proactive about it. Offering her help would be a life saver for her, I'm sure!
post #6 of 14
Thread Starter 
When i went to pick DD up yesterday the mom in question was unlocking her car door with one twin in arms, the other walking next to her. I wish I had gotten there a little earlier so I could have helped. Although when I said hi she seemed a little put off, maybe that is just my imagination.
They sent home a letter about the incident, and put up the police poster with the perps(he he I feel like a police officer) sketch on it. They did however make it out to be random crime and attempted carjacking when i believe that it was an attempted abduction. my DH and I discussed forming a community watch program as our bieghborhood presently does not have one in place. As to my fears, i try to go to other people's houses when my DH works late, and I am planning on getting together with a fried of mine who's DH is out of state working.

post #7 of 14
I think there are alot of variables here. At age 1, I couldn't have safely gotten both kids in or out of our car at the same time w/o my slings, we have an SUV and I couldn't get one safely into the carseat while holding the other one in arms. And quite frankly, if it's dangerous to leave baby in the car for the few seconds it takes to run back in & get the 2nd baby, then I wouldn't be comfortable turning my back on one in the stroller while I buckled the other one into her carseat. One of the many challenges of twins is that no matter how careful you want to be, it's not as safe with two babies . . . I can't tell you how many times I've thought about things like the fact that if someone tried to grab one of my babies do I leave the other one while I go after that one or what . . . it's scary! There's not an answer to it.

Offering to help is a good thing, but do so in a non-judemental way, she very well could be choosing the safest option she can think of, asking for help isn't easy.
post #8 of 14
Hi, Jewelysmommy!!!

What a horrible incident you all had to deal with. So scary.

My twins are only 6 months old, so I can't really say much about the gal whose twins are 1 year... But I try to carry mine together all the time. Occasionally in my driveway I leave one strapped in while I unlock the door and carry half my stuff and the other baby. But usually, I've got my backpack diaper bag on my back, other bags in the crook of my arm, and a baby carrier in each hand. OH, and usually my 6 year old son is loaded up too. If we have to walk far, we use the snap in twin stroller.

I agree it's a good and productive idea to offer to help her. Many other concerned moms would likely have just continued to scoff at a distance, instead of jumping in and being a part of the solution.

My other suggestion is something I heard another mom of many kids doing. Sounded so smart! She and her kids all quickly pile into the van, then lock the doors behind them, before getting into their seats and seatbelts. It seems feasible that this lady could try that... If her problem is escape artist twins, it seems a lightweight twin umbrella stroller would also solve the problem.
post #9 of 14
Originally Posted by jewelysmommy
So I have decided that if I am there well she is I will help carry one twin out well she carries the other.

ask someone at the daycare to help her get the children out, I am 100% positive they would have no problem with this.

I've never done that but I CAN say twins are really hard, and that age is tough. Lots of people stand, stare and make judgements but very few care enough to jump in and help.

post #10 of 14
Trying to manage going places with twins is overwhelming. Often times I would rather stay home because it is hard to manange the logistics of transposting twins.
When I am in my driveway (very safe canadian small town, driveway is at the back of my house) I take one bb to the porch and come back for the other. I have a hard time picking up two bb's at once although once they are up there, i am fine. In my situation, I would be more likely to drop one bb on his head than it would be to turn my back on bb and some weirdo to snatch the other.
When I go to the supermarket, I park beside the cart return. Grab a cart, put one in sling, other in cart.
There is a playgroup in a church basement that I am unable to go to unless someone helps me in. The steps are extremely steep and narrow and I am not comfortable carrying two wiggly babies down them.
**BUT** i personally am not comfortable having a baby out of eyesight because of what might happen.
I think that offering to help is a wise thing. Or maybe make a suggestion to her about one umbrella stroller and carrying the other (I do this).
post #11 of 14
Originally Posted by julielenore
Trying to manage going places with twins is overwhelming. Often times I would rather stay home because it is hard to manange the logistics of transposting twins.

I hear ya on that one.
post #12 of 14
Can I offer a different perspective? Was the car with the twin in it locked? And are we talking literally two minutes or less that the mom is walking the other twin in?

It sounds as if a child in a locked car was perhaps safer than at the point mom was trying to get into/out of her car with a child. I don't think it likely a car thief is going to break a window and hot wire a car in a parking lot like that. It sounds more likely that the opportunity came when he saw a women holding car keys to assault her in an attempt to steal the car. So would that women be more or less able to defend herself and her children if she was holding two or them, or just holding one? I would think the distraction caused by trying to juggle two children might be more dangerous than the risk to a child in a locked car for a minute or two.

If the car was unlocked and running, I agree - that would be a risky situation. But if the car was locked, I think that may actually be the safer option.

Anyway, I do hope that the daycare center will place a staffer outside to help with keeping both the children and parents safe.
post #13 of 14
Before my twins could walk there was no choice but to carry them to the car one at a time. Of course this was my own driveway and I dont generally do these things in public. I make an effort to park right next to a shopping cart for instance. But seriously, I agree with the PP that the perp wanted keys and the other child who was accosted with his mother was not safer do to her presence!
Also the risks of a toddler running into a busy street might seem much more real to the mom of 2 1 year olds than the risk of a locked car being broken into in 30 seconds.
If you hold one baby and the other baby's hand with what hand to you unlock the car? Is it safer to let go of the hand of a toddler who has a habit of darting away or safer to carefully bring each child out individually so they are never let go of.
post #14 of 14
Thread Starter 
Yes, I can understand if the car was locked, but it's windows open. After the incident they sent a letter home saying if anyone wanted to be walked out to the car that we shouldn't hesitat to ask.

Also I realize how hard getting out with one child can be, and I think I am being a little high and mighty being so offended when I have never walked in this woman's shoes. I do still agree that I can see it at your own house, but not anywhere else. Also before the incident occured I believed the parking lot was safe enough to leave the keys in the ignition. As things happen in our lives we adjust to suit them. The mother no longer leaves one twin in the car, I no longer leave my keys in the ignition.

Thank you for your input.

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