help me get my kids to listen - Page 2

[DaednuSO]

Btw

Take the above as an over exaggeration to make a point. Obviously kids aren't abusive or drains on time. But you get my drift. Hour one, you can rationalize. Six days, no sleep and yet another screaming fit later....

It starts to get to the point where parenting isn't enjoyable, it becomes a burden, and it's no fun for the kids, either.

[nicole lisa]

I was going to same almost the same as cmb123. I used to get so frustrated thinking my DS was ignoring me when I'd ask him to do something or state we gotta go. I was hung up on why he wasn't respecting me, without realizing I wasn't respecting him. My partner doesn't state "we gotta go" and then expect me to drop everything and rush out the door. It takes time. Something usually has to be finished or put down, then there's a quick mirror check, or a quick brush of the teeth, I have to grab my coat, mittens, get my boots on. Do I have my wallet? Keys? Never would my partner start on me about how it has to happen now, because that would be infuriating and demeaning. Same goes for my son when he's bossy or demanding - I don't jump to what he's asking.

It can take me a moment or two to switch gears. How many times a day do we ask our babes for patience as we finish what we're doing so we can do what they're asking? I know I use it more than once. So if I'm going to teach my son the concept of respect I need to show him what it is, what it feels like to be respected. I only ask once and then give some time. If it's dangerous I'll remove him from where he is or what he's doing, but most of the time it's not. After a few minutes if he's not ready I'll ask how I can help him get ready to switch what he's doing...does he need help cleaning up the crayons? Can I tie his boots? Etc..

I guess it comes down to what we're striving for...I'm not looking to raise an adult who obeys everytime he's spoken to. It sure would make my life easier if I was, but I don't see my son as someone who should be controlled - not by me or anyone. Obedience isn't worth fighting for for me.

[burke-a-bee]

I'm sorry..as I was reading the replies my 5yr old was pulling the cats tail ( a two year struggle with us) and when I asked him if that is how we treat the cat he just smiled ..jumped up and down and ran away..back to reading. I hope I learn something here.

[nicole lisa]

DaednuSo,

I hear the frustration in your voice, I really do. And I don't think there's many here who haven't felt it, or feel it from time to time. I say this almost everytime I post so bear with me. And if you've read it before, sorry.

What really made and makes GD work for me is being realistic about what my child can and cannot do. To be honest with myself when it comes to whether or not I'm asking my DS to do something he can do. Am I expecting too much for his age? That doesn't mean I don't try to model it and talk about it, but it means that I realize whether a certain skill or behaviour is a short term or long term goal. We talk alot about compassion and respect in our house. We use those terms because they are important to us. We've used them since he was pre-verbal. But we haven't been expecting all along he can be those things; at one, or two, or three. It's something he's growing into.

Reading about what's age appropriate and responding to annoying stuff with that knowledge has made a big difference. It's let me drop a lot of power struggles. And I do still get frustrated but, because I know whether or not I'm expecting age appropraite behaviours, I can check myself and how I'm responding to my frustrations.

Someone mentioned GD not being an easy road, and it's not. It does require a lot from us, and it's a learning process. But so is what I'm expecting of my DS. He has a lot to learn as he grows and it's not always going to be done with ease for either of us. It's hard to say the same things over and over, but our kids haven't had (in my case) 31 years to learn that it's not OK to boot the cat. My son's only had 4. If saying something over and over isn't working I try to find another way to say the same thing. When I was teaching in a grade nine art class I learned that we don't all speak in the same metaphors, so it would sometimes take me explaining the same instructions four or five different ways before all students knew what they were supposed to do.

Hope something in this helps.

Nicole.

[burke-a-bee]

Okay I've read the responses. as far as switching gears...here's an example of why I get frustrated... I have told my kids from the moment that we've woken up in the morning the game plan of going to the grocery store. I gently remind them through out the morning. I ask them to get dressed so we can go..I do the whole "Ten minutes!" thing..."Five minutes!" As I am struggling to get out the door..they complain and ask "Where are we going?" I just feel like crying! There is no team effort. So it makes simple things become struggles. I feel that I have four people ( this includes my husband) working against me.
I have read some books on GD and it works sometimes. We have our good days. And believe me I think over every seconds of that day for possible clues on how to get other days to go better. But I have three kids...somethings work when you have one.....I can't redirect a dog hitting, peanut butter smearing, writing on the walls child while the other two are standing on the dining table, cleaning the inside of the fish tank with their hands, playing in the toilet,etc. All I'm saying is that some of these ideas are beyond my reach sometimes. These are the times when I stand in the grocery store and look at children calmly walking with their parents and think "What am I doing wrong?" "What are they doing that I'm not?" "Why are my kids wrestling in the aisle knocking over the soap and deodorant while their child is sitting in the cart not saying a word?"

[beanma]

i hope some of the GD gurus will respond to this, too. i think it helps if there are concrete scenarios to respond to.

burke-a-bee, in your example of the grocery store my first thought was some kids like to shop and some don't. i have a friend with just two, but her 21 mo old ds is a terror in the grocery store so she either goes alone or with her 3.5 yr old dd. this, of course, means enlisting dh's help or somebody else's (grandparent, neighbor, babysitter, friend).

your "no team effort" comment caught my eye. i just received the book "loving each one best" by nancy samalin and have only read the first 30 pages or so, but there was this passage i'll retype here in hopes that it'll offer commiseration if nothing else. (when i get further in the book maybe i'll find something more helpful :LOL.)

Like many of today's mothers who have achieved success in the workplace, Jenny was frustrated because the skills she had mastered didn't work with her kids. But why would they? One reason you can't apply the same skills to child raising is because kids don't share your goals. When you need to get out the door to your office or her school, your child is suddenly transfixed by the dog scratching fleas. You can't "manage" him. Parents who view their children as "part of a team" are in for a rude awakening when they try to reach a consensus on anything at all. We need a different set of skills and expectations for this job!

hth a little

[nicole lisa]

Oh, beanma, I LOVE that quote. It sounds like a great book. It's helpful to be reminded that kids and adults don't have the same goals.

And I am not at all a GD guru, but in the case of the grocery store I too would just not take the kids. Sometimes it's just not worth it, so it means I run my errands when my partner is home. That way I'm not assaulted by the constant asking for things. No fights that way.

Really listening to your kids when they're talking or showing you who or where they are keeps the power struggles and fights to a minimum. My DS could not sit through a play for the life of him, so when playgroup is going to a kids puppet show I decline that outing. He's repeatedly shown me that he isn't interested and I've started listening. Same goes for errands, shopping etc. Some kids can do it, some can't. Some things can't always be avoided so you take along a book, or some snacks, but the more you can elimiate the situations which cause power struggles the better for your sanity.

Instead of always needing redirection, can you start your day with direction? If you know DX likes to paint and DY likes to smear peanut butter can you start their day off paper and finger paints spread out on the floor while you, in the same room, help DZ get dressed and DU has a snack? For me, and I know we all work differently so this may not work for you, I think I would feel better being proactive and introducing something right off the bat to interest them instead of trying to get stuff done first thing and risk the chance my DS is in another room grating carrots and pouring water all over them to make soup, which happened today while I was getting laundry going. I should have made sure he was engaged in something holding his attention before I decided to head to the basement. That or asked him if he wanted to come along and load the machine, which he likes to do. If I ahve to get something done I try to involve him, and his friends if they're over, as much as possible. At 4 they love to help and it usually means I can get what I need done done.

[burke-a-bee]

I hear your point..but do I not take the kids grocery shopping because it is not fun for them? I disagree. We all enjoy the food. They should understand that if we want to eat we must go grocery shopping. How do they learn to be patient, respectful, etc in public if I don't take them places. It just seems unrealistic to me. As far as my hubby goes in helping out, he has been away on a job for a month at a time. I certainly can't go without food for a month because the kids can't contain themselves for thirty minutes in the grocery store. I have no friends , family , etc. in the area. No help there.
No we don't have the same goal but if we are going to be a family unit I feel then we need to work together. Sometimes I think that we have been too entertaining with our children. When the entertainment or attention is off of them everything starts to break down. Sometimes my husband and I can't even have a conversation without attention grabbing behavior. That is when I really notice the respect is just not there.
I really hope this doesn't come off as bitter. I am just frustrated with the whole thing.
Sorry if I got way off the subject.

[LoveBeads]

Originally Posted by burke-a-bee

I hear your point..but do I not take the kids grocery shopping because it is not fun for them? I disagree. We all enjoy the food. They should understand that if we want to eat we must go grocery shopping. How do they learn to be patient, respectful, etc in public if I don't take them places. It just seems unrealistic to me.

I agree with nicole lisa. I think part of lessening your frustration is done by adjusting your expectations. Obviously your kids are not real cooperative in the grocery store (I have the same problem, I feel your pain!) so expecting them to behave is going to frustrate you. "They should understand" is something that comes in time but they will not learn that lesson by driving you crazy at the grocery store. I don't think you should never bring your kids out into public places but the grocery store is a tough one.

So what can you do about it? That's the question! First I would advise avoiding it: I know you said DH is away for a month at a time - do you have any friends you can do a co-op babysitting thing with? You'll do her grocery shopping if she takes your kids or vice versa? Do you have Peapod (grocery delivery service)? Can you hire a mother's helper for a few hours per month? If you are not getting one single break in a month's time it is no wonder that you aren't climbing the walls, I don't know how you do that!

Can you farm out one or two of the kids so that you only have to take one grocery shopping? It would be easier that way.

If you must take all three then you just need to be prepared that it's going to be unpleasant so give them jobs (you get the milk, you pick out the cucumbers, you get the sugar, etc.) I also let DD pick 1 (one!) thing that she wants that I would not normally buy for her. She always picks those Godawful fruit snacks but it really gives her a thrill because it's forbidden fruit. I find that if I give jobs and the treat of picking an item then it is a bit better.

But I want to get back to one other thing. I think you need to find some type of outlet if you are truly alone for a month at a time, some type of break. There is no way that you can do what you do and do it happily if you don't have any time to yourself (at least I wouldn't be able to). I hope you'll figure out some way to do that and I'd be happy to try to think of some things as well.

[nicole lisa]

burke-a-bee,

Hopefully someone else will come along who is able to help you brainstorm. We all come at GD differently and for me inherent in the philosophy is listening to kids and being intuitive to their needs and abilities so that I can set up my house and day to minimize the chance of a struggle or tantrum. And that works for me and it means that I'm able to work on what I want to teach, gently, without getting distracted or drawn in to a frustrating situation.

I think part of the problem with deciding to GD and then implement it is for most of us, I would guess, we are all the first generation GDers. So when we find our babes being age appropriate and not listening or talking back, testing boundries etc we are at a loss because we didn't do those things to our own parents. But I don't know if I respected my parents as a young child - I don't think I knew what it was. But I did know that if I acted a certain way I would be grounded, or yelled at, or few and far between, spanked. So I think a lot of kids acted above what was age appropraite because of fear. And kids who are GD'd don't have that fear, which is an excellent thing. Growing wasn't a discussion, a negotiation, a process in my family and it wasn't mutual. It wasn't abusive at all, but it did adhere to a top down management structure. And with GD I'm taking a different path - it is more democratic and inclusive.

The thing is as adults we don't listen to everything we're told and often we don't do things we don't want to do. My GP's nurse practitiner told me I should read and practice 123Magic. I didn't listen. Every day I make decisions as to what I will and won't do, regardless of what, on a societal and employment level, I am told I need to. So it makes sense that kids will do the same. It would make sense that they don't always listen or do what they're told - that they would weigh whether or not what was being asked of them was worth doing or not. And that's where I come from when I parent. It's important to me that my son gorws up knowing he can weigh thoughts and requests and act from there. That doesn't mean there aren't consequences for decisions, but I'm not going to fight over whether he can or can't decide to listen or act.

For you, maybe GD looks differently. It is a process and we all come at it from different places.

It can be fun, really.

[burke-a-bee]

Thanks! I really don't know anyone here. My poor husband is trying to find friends for me. I went to his work last month and he was pointing out random people I might could be friends with. I truely feel like a loser. But there are worse things. I just look at it as a unique situation that we are in. My husband works no less than 10 hours a day and like I said sometimes he is out of town a month at a time. We live in a large city and it is hard to meet people. We go to the grocery store very often. It is just down the street. I might try the "pick out one thing" method.
I think I do need an outlet. Sometimes I go weeks without having a face to face conversation with an adult. Thanks for the support.

[MamaOui]

Hi burke-a-bee. I totally get what you are saying. I have limited help with child care, so I reserve those times for things like Dr's appointments. I am fortunate enough to have some great friends IRL, but we all have small children and we're spread out and worn out :LOL So I get why going shopping with all the kids is just something that you need to do.

I sling my youngest dc when I go. We bring lists and calculators and the kids "help" by using their calculators to add up are purchases. We have had some tough trips, but I feel the same way you do. Grocery stores and other errands are part of life in our family and we all just work to get better at it together. If I "used up" my babysitting help for things like grocery shopping, I'd never have help when I really need it.

For me, having three children is so much harder than it was to have two children. Following through with GD and thinking rationally in the heat of the moment is hard to do when that "moment" seems to be just a string of moments that last hours or days. PM me any time that you want to burke-a-bee. I'm always trying to learn and grow as a parent, and that's the best I can do.

[littlest birds]

Originally Posted by addiesmom

I am in this boat with you. From DD's infancy (and before), I had it set in my head to never use corporal punishment and avoid unneccessary power struggles. My DD is 2.5 and I try to empower her with choices and negotiation. You should see some of the outfits we have gone out in public in! But I'm with you, getting into your carseat, changing a poopy diaper, putting the winter coat on because it is 30 below outside - sorry, these things have to be done. How does one avoid the power struggle? She has been able to negotiate 5 more minutes before the diaper gets changed and has picked out the coat herself - why isn't that working?!

My opinion is DO NOT negotiate about non-negotiables. Do not even start. Talk as if something is a given, act as if it is a given. If your dd wpn't put on her coat, put it on her struggle or not, quickly and walk out the door. Or pick up the coat and the child and walk out without it...
Decide ahead of time, is it non-negotiable in that you will do it for her? Or is it a natural consequence situation and therefore not worth insisting (as in the cold is a natural and safe consequence for not wearing coat)? And as a pp said, make your request only once, then follow through.

When there is no choice, do not use language that offers the child a choice. Sometimes with a real choice I set a time limit by counting: I might say "You can brush your teeth now or I will do it for you. I will count to five and then if you are not doing it I will do it for you." That gives a definite space for the choice but you can nip stalling in the bud by absolutely following through at five.

I consider this "parent will do it for you if you don't do it yourself" a natural consequence for non-negotiables.

I think it is a trap for parents when they think that they must have the child's agreement about everything expected of the child. Talking a child into it is like getting their permission. For me, this is not a useful approach.

[luv my 2 sweeties]

Boy, I needed this thread today!

Just this morning I heard my mother's words issue forth from my mouth as if I were possessed: "Do you think I tell you to do things just for the fun of it?? Do you think I just like to hear myself talk??" : It was like an out of body experience, but I was *so* frustrated and angry at being ignored!

It's not always so bad for me though. I've got a cold today, and I'm pretty sleep deprived. I've noticed that the more drained I am, the less creative and upbeat I am with the kids. I fall into the mind-set of "Just do what I tell you for once because I'm so exhausted." It never works -- only makes things worse, acutally. Sleep is a big part of the solution for me. (Which is why I have to finish this up and get to bed!) Organization is key too. I recently changed our morning routine because every single day was a struggle to get to preschool on time. I remembered that quote about how insane it is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. The kids were fine with the changes, but it's new for all of us, and I forgot a key step this morning (having dd get dressed immediately after waking -- before she gets involved with reading or playing or eating.) It made a big difference for the worse.

As for the grocery store, I've had fairly good luck with a "3 strike rule" with my 2 y.o. If I have to chase him or stop him from taking things off the shelf 3 times, he must ride in the cart for the rest of the shopping trip. He is an "engergetic" little guy, and harder to shop with than dd ever was. He's thrown a couple of fits in the cart when I enforced this rule, but now he's a better shopper. I often take him alone while dd (4) is in preschool. If they both come with me it's harder, especially at the health food grocery where they only have smallish carts. I can't put them both in. At the big grocery, they have carts with a child bench attached so I can "bench" both of them if necessary. (These carts would accomodate 3 children provided one of them is small enough to sit in the "regular" cart seat. You could fit 2 bigger kids on the bench and a toddler or younger child in the cart seat.) Having snacks can help too -- they are often willing to sit on the bench and have a snack for at least half the shopping trip.

I'll second the tactic of letting them pick one treat. It really cuts down on the begging. If they beg, your answer is "sure, if you want to have that be your one treat." If they've already picked one, they have to decide if they want to switch it or not. (Thinking keeps 'em quiet for a couple of minutes, anyway! :LOL ) I've stopped taking my 4 y.o. to the big grocery store unless it's unavoidable. The marketing that is targeted at kids is so overwhelming. I spend half the trip trying to explain why we are buying the boring healthy brand (which she likes just fine) rather than the junky one that has the cartoon character on it. I know this isn't possible for Burke-a-bee, but that's what works for me.

[canadiyank]

deporgarten, I use a similar approach. I say something like, "You need to put your bowl in the sink." If she doesn't, I repeat what I said. If she doesn't move, I take her hand and hold the bowl in her hand and help her to walk to the sink. It is not punitive, it is not angry, it is simply matter-of-fact. Many times your child will NOT be happy. They may kick and scream and yell and cry. This does not mean you are being punitive - it means they're reacting to the boundary you have set.

Now, these boundaries must be both reasonable and age appropriate. In the above example I think it is both reasonable and age appropriate for her (3 yo) to take her stuff to the sink. I give two requests (as I know personally I often don't hear things the first time) and then follow through. Yes, sometimes this means putting the nursing baby down.

And I agree with a previous poster about looking for the reason behind the behaviour. This doesn't mean it's appropriate, but it will help you know how to react and address the behaviour. As my friend says, "Age appropriate does not mean appropriate." It's our job to teach them how to react appropriately.

As far as the grocery store, in addition to the above suggestions, I would outline to my children my expectations and how you want them to behave prior to entering the store. In theory I don't like rewards but we usually do swing by the bakery and get the free cookie. She also helps pick things out.

The biggest thing that has helped me is where to draw the line...if I'm feeling frustrated I need to draw the line closer to me and act sooner...otherwise I find myself overwhelmed that "she's not listening" and feel angry. I also find my patience is directly related to how much sleep I get...

I hear everyone's frustrations. Today was an exceptionally frustrating day.

[aussiemum]

Originally Posted by DaednoSO

What about in circumstances in which you have more than one child? Either you end up neglecting the one to constantly be on the other, the other will get the message that evil = attention, good = ignored and become just as evil, etc.

That's the ONLY drawback I see in this equation - and a very strong argument the wooden spoon brigade can make. I can't really discuss this with anyone not on here because the answer will be "after a few smacks the child WILL listen and settle down - rather than kill yourselves and neglect your other children, and not instilling discipline which isn't good for your child anyway."

I think I get what you are saying here..... I'm no GD guru by any means, but this is my take on that kind of situation.

My DD (6 1/2) is 2 years older than my DS(4 & a bit). She has always been a very.... demanding sort of child, one who needs constant attention & needs to be the centre of attention. She is a challenge, but she is very, very lovely in many ways. My DS is more reserved & more focused, but is also very passionate & can be hard to distract. When they were 4 & 2 I had a lot of trouble sorting out who to deal with first when they both demanded attention &/or had a disagreement (usually at the same time ). My DD is much more vocal in her opinion, & she will..... lie to cover herself. I don't quite know why, but she does. I have found it useful at times to require her to sit in one place until I work out what has happened. Not necessarily a chair, just right there on the floor will do. And I demand that they stay in one place until I hear both sides. I will return my kids back to their spot & repeat 'Stay there until you are ready to tell me what happened'.... I can vocally be quite 'stern' at these times, & my kids aren't very happy when I do this (many tears involved, usually), but I make them sort it out. I try very hard to make each side understand the other. Sometimes we achieve a breakthrough with empathy, other times not.

Originally Posted by addiesmom

My DD is 2.5 and I try to empower her with choices and negotiation. You should see some of the outfits we have gone out in public in! But I'm with you, getting into your carseat, changing a poopy diaper, putting the winter coat on because it is 30 below outside - sorry, these things have to be done. How does one avoid the power struggle?

Well..... some things are non-negotiable. Like car seats & wearing a winter jacket on a -30 degree day. I'd say that at 2.5 your DD has a choice with the poopy diaper. She can either have mama change it when she fills the diaper, or she can choose to use the potty/toilet herself & enjoy the thrill of seeing the toilet flush with her offereings..... I guess I have used the term 'non-negotiable' with my kids from an early age..... I don't use it often (safety is a biggie) but they know when I say it, I mean it. Dunno, hope that gives you some ideas/thoughts...

Originally Posted by CMB123

Or..when mine is coloring a picture, and it's time to leave the house, if I "say lets to get in the car" (there has usually been at least one advanced notice) I know she NEEDS to finish what she's doing before she puts the crayon down, so she does, and then we go . I used to think she was ignoring me when she didn't just drop the crayon when I said to, it took me time to realize she WAS getting ready to stop, she just has to finish...

With all due respect, how long does it take for your DD to finish her picture? Five minutes? Ten? A half an hour? What do you do when you have a plane to meet, or an appointment, or another child to pick up from school, yk?? I think that's what some PPs mean when they talk about how to GD when circumstances aren't perfect, yk? WHat do we do then??


And as far as booting an animal goes.... no mAtter what age, they come & sit in mamas lap & have a very serious talk about how we don't hurt animals. ( i must say, I don't have this problem much) They might be sitting there for 10 minutes or more, we might have to move into a different room if the discussion gets intense (ie: my child has decided to scream & flail about), but we talk about how it is wrong to hurt animals- nothing too graphic of course, just repetition of the simple message 'We don't hurt animals/others- it's mean.' or whatever. Kids know it's serious business when you sit them down & don't let them escape the conversation, I think.

Originally Posted by burke-a-bee

I hear your point..but do I not take the kids grocery shopping because it is not fun for them? I disagree. We all enjoy the food. They should understand that if we want to eat we must go grocery shopping. How do they learn to be patient, respectful, etc in public if I don't take them places. It just seems unrealistic to me. As far as my hubby goes in helping out, he has been away on a job for a month at a time. I certainly can't go without food for a month because the kids can't contain themselves for thirty minutes in the grocery store. I have no friends , family , etc. in the area. No help there.
No we don't have the same goal but if we are going to be a family unit I feel then we need to work together.

Right then- the grocery store sounds like a disaster...... Have you tried giving your older ones the 'family unit' speech? The one about how you all have to work together until dad gets back? Can you get the older kids to find items on the shelf for you? Ask them to remember what the cereal packet looks like, 'hmmmm..... now can you find the butter that looks like the one in the fridge?' That sort of thing, yk? And if worst comes to worst.... natural consequences..... Kids won't let you shop for groceries??? Well, I guess it's toasted plain bread (or whatever is mildly unpleasant for them) for dinner tonight then.....

just my humble opinion.......

[cmb123]

Originally Posted by aussiemum

With all due respect, how long does it take for your DD to finish her picture? Five minutes? Ten? A half an hour? What do you do when you have a plane to meet, or an appointment, or another child to pick up from school, yk?? I think that's what some PPs mean when they talk about how to GD when circumstances aren't perfect, yk? WHat do we do then??

No, we're talking less than a minute. I literally meant that if I say it's time to go and she's in the middle coloring in a shoe, she needs to finish the shoe. If I were needing to catch a plane or something, everything would be different! I was just talking about your basic everyday getting out the door kinda thing!

A lot of stuff has been written since I last checked this thread yesterday! I can see the frustration for sure! I honestly don't know what I'd do if in the situations that have been mentioned...cleaning out fishtanks with hands, jumping up and down on the table, running around the grocery store and taking stuff off of the shelves, kicking animals..I've never experienced that kind of stuff! Maybe I just have 3 pretty mellow kids...dunno.

Those of you who are having these issues. Do you have a sense of where the disconnect is? Do you have any idea why or how things got to this point?

[burke-a-bee]

cleaning out fishtanks with hands, jumping up and down on the table, running around the grocery store and taking stuff off of the shelves, kicking animals..I've never experienced that kind of stuff! Maybe I just have 3 pretty mellow kids...dunno.

Well,well,well,well, yes those are my kids. I really don't like it when mothers give you that " my child would never do such a thing" . Congrats! Now can I get some suppot not finger pointing.
Yes my children run around the grocery store, stand on the table, have cleaned the fish tank with thier hands, etc. I have removed them from the situation, taken way privilages, lectured, had time outs, etc. I have tried them all. As far as the animal hitting, kicking goes, we went through that phase for about two years. I cried, got angry, calmy discussed why we don't hit.That is why I am here to get your opinion, help, expert advice.

[canadiyank]

Originally Posted by burke-a-bee

Well,well,well,well, yes those are my kids. I really don't like it when mothers give you that " my child would never do such a thing" .

Hmmm. I read it more as, "I wish I could help you more, but I can't since I don't have the required experience in those areas." Perhaps you have felt scorn from other mamas, but I didn't read sarcasm or judgement in her post, just frustration that she coudn't help more. Sometimes it's hard to brainstorm ideas w/o seeming trite if you gaven't gone through it, kwim? We know you're here for help/support, mama - we all are! I'm sorry if you feel you're not getting the answers you need...

[cmb123]

Originally Posted by burke-a-bee

Well,well,well,well, yes those are my kids. I really don't like it when mothers give you that " my child would never do such a thing" . Congrats! Now can I get some suppot not finger pointing.
.

Holy Cow! That's not at all what I meant at all!

It's just that I posted a couple of times earlier in the thread with GD ideas that after reading the later posts I can see must seem idealistic or usless for the real issues that were later posted.
Believe me, I'm the last person to say or think "my child would never do such a thing" I've just never been in those exact kind of situations. We have other issues, trust me!