UC support thread #15 March 05

[ChildoftheMoon]

uc thread #1
uc thread #2
uc thread #3
uc thread #4
uc thread #5
uc thread #6
uc thread #7
uc thread #8
uc thread #9
uc thread #10
uc thread #11
uc thread #12
uc thread #13
uc thread #14

roll call

andrea -- UC 8/03 story
Aurora -- UC 10/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04
Mothernature -- UC 1/04
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics (first UC 5/01 story )
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/10/04 story
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04
amyamanda -- UC 5/04 story
Karenpl -- UC 6/04 story
bookwormmama -- UC 6/04
wildthing -- midwife-attended 6/04 story
grnbn76 -- emergency cesarean, 7/04 story
Hathor -- UC 7/04 story
Mamajaza -- UC 7/04 story
gr8fulmom -- UC 7/04 story
luna13mama -- UC 7/04
Chandar -- UC 7/04 story
Klothos -- UC 7/23/04 story
madrone -- UC 8/19/04
TinyBabyBean -- midwife-attended 8/04 story (if you're still reading - you may want to relocate your birth story, as that forum is closing...)
violet -- UC 8/19/04
Oshunmama -- midwife-attended 8/04 story
lovemygirl -- UC 9/9/04 story
mellie-bellie -- UC 9/27/04 story
blueviolet -- UC 9/04 story (first UC 7/01, story )
JesseMomme -- UC 9/21/04 (first UC 11/02, story )
StacyL -- Hospital transport 9/19/04 story
4xmamamia -- UC 9/30/04
amyjeans -- UC 10/9/04 story
rachel -- UC 10/25/04 story
lafemmedesfemmes -- UC 11/8/04 story
DancerMom -- UC 11/12/04 story
Ame -- UC 12/9/04 story
laurata -- UC 12/10/04 story (first UC 3/02, story )
Lula's Mom -- UC 12/12/04 story
AmyD -- UC December 04' story
nikirj -- mw assisted 12/04 story
Asheville Mama -- EDD January 1 2005
zonapellucida -- late January 2005
Chiromom -- 2nd UC 1/23/05 story (first UC 2/03 story )
Dandylion -- UC Feb 1 2005 story
Mama2Lennon -- hospital 2-8-05
Hayliesmom -- UC 2-16-05
mehndi mama -- UC 2-12-05
KateSt. -- UC 2-17-05
hawkfeather--unhindered w/mw 3-24-05 story and pics
jenniebug-- mw 3-26-05
sprinkle pocket -- UC 3-23-05

carlasher -- mid March 2005
liamandpipersmama (Laura)--April 2005
FreeRangeMama -- April 2005 (first UC 9/03)
SunflowerMama (Lisa)--mid June 2005
Selissa -- June/July 2005
Binah Yeteirah--July 2005
rainbowmoon -- August 2005
ChildoftheMoon (Brandi)-- late August 2005 (planned uc born still 7/19/04 peacefully at home with mwstory)
heldt123 (Jamie)--August 2005
Quickening--Aug/Sept. 2005
--


Please PM me to make changes or add new story links .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brandi

[firecat]

look at all those ucs!!

just looking over the roll call and look at all those uc stories!! gives me a load of confidence seeing all those who have gone before
I go back and forth thinking should I really do this? can I? what about "just in case"? but then I read some stories or articles and come back... yes I should and yes I can! thanks mamas.

[Kiki Runs]

Ugh.... I really need some positive thoughts today, mamas....

Yesterday, my DH called me from work (he's military) and said that a woman from the Work Life division (they're supposed to help you with problems, like they provide counseling or help you find some, or they can let you know about community resources, etc) called him and said she had received an anonymous call about "problems" with the baby. She asked him if I was seeing a doctor, and he said no. She asked something else (he can't remember what) and he said she should probably talk to me.

So in the middle of the day, DH's supervisor sent him home, so that we could call this woman and talk to her.... She called us, and I spoke with her, and politely told her that the things she was asking were none of her business. She seemed okay with that, asked if there was anything she could do to help us out. I said no, and she said just let her know if there was.

Ummm..... not good, and I was SUPER PO'd that DH spoke with her at all, particularly that he told her I'm not seeing a doc - NONE of her (or anyone's) business at ALL. But she seemed okay with me telling her we're fine and didn't need any help. I think the Work Life division has to follow up on every call they get, so it could have been just a quick call so she could say she called.


Then today, I got a message from the nurse practitioner at the base clinic. At about 30 weeks or so, I saw her for a rash on my hand, and in the course of the visit we were chit-chatting. She asked me point-blank if we were having the baby at home, ourselves, and I said yes (I don't volunteer that information, but I don't want to lie about if asked - it makes it seem like we're doing something we shouldn't, yk?). But the conversation was "off the record". Or so I thought.... the next time I was in (for the rash again), she told us that she had told the supervising doc about our plans, and the doc was very upset and had threatened to call DH's command and "force" me to have the baby in a hospital. Well, DH never heard anything from his command, so we figured either the doc didn't call or the command didn't care.

Until today, the nurse practitioner left that message, saying she was wondering how I am, and that she knew there were "concerns" going around (which is the same phrasing the Work Life lady used - interesting). She wants me to call her back - I think not.

Here's the thing - she should be thinking I've already had the baby, yk? My "due date" was the 20s of Feb. So why is she calling????



Sorry, that got sort of long. I just need some good "stay the hell away from me" thoughts until this baby arrives. I am so frustrated about these people coming into MY life and MY private space, with no reason!! I am trying to find a good balance and stay polite while telling them to shove off.... And the thing about it is that I don't know WHO made that anonymous call.... DH's coworkers are really the only people who know that I'm "overdue" - the nurse practitioner should be thinking I've already HAD the baby, yk? Yet her wording was the same as the Work Life lady's wording yesterday, and she's already shown that she'll stick her nose in where it doesn't belong.... So basically, whoever this "concerned" person is, the result is that I am just cocooning myself and not having any contact with anyone. One of DH's co-worker's wives has been calling me to see how I am, but I don't want to talk with her b/c SHE could have been the one to call. The NP could very well just be calling to see how I am, but I'm not going to talk with her b/c SHE could have been the one to call. Way to go, "concerned" person - you should have at least had the backbone to talk to ME and tell ME your concerns, at least I could have known who has these "concerns". When they're from an anonymous source, I tend to not give a crap. Thanks so much for leaving me feeling I have to isolate myself in order to protect myself. Thanks a ton.


Anyway, I think I am going to try to do some sort of cleansing/protective ritual today to try to get these negative vibes out of my house and my head. I may take a bath tonight, too, and talk to baby a bit - to let him/her know it IS safe, regardless of these Nosy Noras, lol.

Ironically enough, I had just been thinking yesterday how my "due date" may not even be here yet. When I first thought I might be pregnant, I waited until I was "late" and took a HPT, which was negative. So I waited a while longer (maybe a week? I don't remember right now) and took another, which was also negative. DH thinks I took one more, I don't remember that. Eventually, I went to the on-base clinic for a test (I thought they would do a blood test, but it was just a pee test), since I was leaving for a 6-week vacation and I wanted to know for sure before I left. That test was positive. So I ASSumed that the HPTs I took were defective, and I had been pregnant all along. I realized yesterday (duh) that that wasn't necessarily the case - I could just have had a long cycle and then got pregnant, yk? So I'm not necessarily as far as we thought I am, though I could be. I was nursing, and not charting or anything, so we really have NO CLUE. I refused u/s, too (not that that would have been accurate), so really we just have NO IDEA what the real "due date" is for this baby, lol. I feel fine, baby's still moving (though I can tell space is getting limited, so I really do think it HAS to be soon), so we'll just wait and see...


So please, think positive, non-interventive thoughts for us.... Right now, I am not so worried about what they can do (although those thoughts are certainly worrisome), I am more pissed about the interference in MY life. I am trying to relax and let this resentment go, and focus on welcoming this baby, but I know that good thoughts from all of you will help.


I'm going to go meditate a bit while DS is sleeping.

Thank you all for thinking good thoughts!

Kinsey

[ChildoftheMoon]

Kinsey-sending you lots of protection vibes!!!!! How rude and invasive and....ah! Frustrating! They better stay away so you can have your baby in peace. Gentle joyful birthing vibes to you mama.
Brandi

[hawkfeather]

is it actually possible for them to *force* you to have a hospital birth??.. after all women give birt *too fast* every day.. who is to say (or judge) your choices..
annoying really.. that would break my head.. so BIG huggss.. and lots of positive open loving vibes for you mama and yoru family...
I would like to be on the roll call list.. i am wondering how?.. i will email the mama who posted it..
but yeah...lots lof love to you mama.. universe protect you and your wee one!

[Marlet]

Kinsey: So sorry to hear about all that. You have far more patience than I do, I would have snapped and said something not so nice or something like that.

I don't think it's possible for them to "force" you to have the baby in the hospital. Isn't that like admitting someone (an adult) who doesn't want to? I was watching Montel today and it was about women who killed other women for their babies. The counselor lady at the end was saying that she has had people come to her and say that there is something wrong with their wife/spouse/significant other but unless that person says they need the help or admits to planning on something bad (like murder) than the spouse can't admit them. I would think the same applies with any hospital admittance. Besides you are an adult and capable of making your own choices. God forbid something happens you are ultimately resposonsible for those consequences. Tell them all to shove it to hell! Sending good thoughts your way and hoping you have your baby without any more interference!

[Kiki Runs]

Thanks, everyone. No, they can't actually force me to birth in hospital, but they can certainly make things yucky and stressful, yk? I am worried about what the next step will be - Child Welfare was mentioned. I know that I am completely within my rights to UC, but still the stress of defending myself is not what I need right now.... Nor should I have to do it - GRRR!!!


And since I am VBACing, that just puts an extra level of suspicion on my choice to UC - never mind that the original c/s was unnecessary and completely iatrogenic (hence my decision to UC this go-round)!

Thank you so much for all your positive thoughts... they are very much needed right now, and I appreciate it!

Kinsey

[majazama]

Oh, Kinsey Don't let those draining energies get you down, you are doing the best thing for your baby to have him unassisted. Here's wishing you a glorious, fantastic birth!!!

[TRIBE]

kinsey! gosh mama i know so much exactly what you are going thru only the "concerned" person trying to "force" me to go against my wishes is my own dh

we had our home visit last night (wed) with the midwife. my friend/labor supporter was here for it so she could meet the midwife and know what to expect yada yada. after the midwife and friend left, friend emailed me and said "did i read her wrong or is she totally condescending" it was SO nice to have an outsider of sorts confirm my feelings on her. my friend totally supports me wanting to uc and 100% understands why i do not want these midwives here. its suddenly become very clear (as i heard the lovely words standard of care) that has hippy/crunchy as these 2 midwives are, they truly truly are medwives.

so i had been trying to come up with a way to talk to dh about uc-ing again. we had already had some really long alks over xmas about it all. but as i said i was really feeling his command was a cop out excuse, and i needed to know why his feelings about uc changed, what was going on in his head. that pretty much just got us into a very loud heated argument with him stomping out the room yelling about his command, going to mast, and losing half his pay.

so, that was a pretty draining argument for me. i had been feeling inside for a few weeks now that if i want my uc i have to go solo. tonight confirmed that. but i have serious doubts in my head abou tbeing able to go solo. say i go into labor during the day, then its me and 3 kids here, how am i going to handle labor and take care of the kids? then what the heck do i say to dh when he comes home and sees me holding our new baby?

ok labor happens in the evening when he is home, for the most part i can pretty much bluff off contracions, but transition wil lbe obvious. of course by then it will obviously be too late to call the midwives but his negative energy will be in here. 3rd scenario, labor happens at night and i have the baby right before he wakes up for work, or as he is waking up for work. uggh the stress of it all is eating at me. this is not how i want to give birth, not stressed and worried about hiding this from dh. but not having to deal with those intruding medwives either.

which is the lesser of 2 stresses? giving up my birth and appeasing dh or lyng to dh to achieve the birth i desire and my child deserves? either way there is going to be a huge rift between dh and i

i need to go now, my one beautful uc babe has curled up into my lap and is asking for snuggles so i am gonna grab a blanket, turn off the lights and curl up on the couch for some sweet snuggles form my lil sweetie.

[BinahYeteirah]

bs"d

s to both of you, Kinsey and Jennie.

Kinsey, even if you knew nothing untoward could come of these nosey intrusions, just dealing with other people's issues is draining. Especially when they seem to believe they have some duty to "save" you or the like. I would be mad.

Jennie, you have all my sympathy for dealing with the midwife when your dh was totally on-board with UC in the past. So, you still feel he is hiding his true reasons for to wanting a UC?

[yvonnemlv]

New member to join?

Hi there,

I think I have posted a few replies to some threads here on the UC forum. I am Yvonne and live in Sweden with my hubby and son, who is 18 months old now. I _may_ be pregnant now by one week, but will wait one more week to test. It's that or food poisoning, LOL, that is causing my nausea right now.

I had planned on UC with my son and laboured completely at home, but lost it after 2 or 3 hours of pushing and went into the hospital. His birth story is on our server, but I will try to transfer it to a site online to read later.

Send that baby dust our way please. : I look forward to getting to know more of ya'll here.

[TRIBE]

Binah-- I do feel he is hiding his true feelings and yet after his reaction last night maybe he is really just scared of his command We have given every appearance & intention of calling the midwives so what can they do really if the baby comes too fast? It happens all the time!

[Kiki Runs]

(((Jennie))) I understand, mama. DH and I have had MANY heated "discussions" regarding this upcoming birth (and DS' birth, and birth in general). It was so hard for me b/c DH is my husband, and the baby's papa, so I wanted to give him as much respect and power as I could, but in the end *I* am the one giving birth, and *I* am the one who is still traumatized by DS' birth. I finally did just have to decide for myself that I would be UCing, and I told DH that I would love for him to support me in that, but if he couldn't that was fine, I'd find someone else. He thought about it for a bit, and then realized that I was serious (hello - of course I'm serious, lol) and that he DID want to be a part of the birth, and that it DID need to be a UC birth (b/c of my issues w/DS' birth).


I think he just didn't want to have the responsibility of saying "okay" to the UC, kwim? Once I took that responsibility (instead of trying to make us equal partners in the decision), he was able to just think about being there for me instead of feeling the huge responsibility for everything. Of course, that means *I* have the responsibility for everything, which is a bit unfair, but that's the way it has to be....

I wonder what your DH's "deal" is.... it seems a bit odd to me that he would really be that concerned about his command. I mean, heck, we are right in the middle of command interference and DH doesn't really seem concerned about THAT at all. He's more concerned about what the next step might be (child welfare, whatever) - and he knows that they can't MAKE me do anything. But then again, I don't know what branch you guys are - maybe they're sounding scarier to your DH than they do to my DH, yk?

But you've got your bases covered, IMO. They can't prove that baby didn't just come "too fast" - wouldn't that "proof" be interesting to hear, though?


(((sweetie))) It made me feel so lonely to read about how you could UC all alone.... Do you think if you just presented it to your DH as "I am UCing. End of story. I would love your help, though...." he would feel like my DH did (pressure is off him, etc)? I know lots of mamas do UC all by themselves, and heck, you might want to do that anyway, but it just made me feel bad that you were thinking how to hide labor. Labor's hard enough - I wouldn't even want to think about hiding it and trying to take care of kids/what have you. Heck, I'm looking forward to the pampering I'll be getting from my mama once I'm in labor (course, once I'm in labor, I probably won't care, but that thought keeps me going, lol)!


Something that seemed to sink in with my DH was when I told him that every baby only gets one birth - we only have one chance to do it right. He had been campaigning for me to have this baby in a birth center, and if everything was "okay", then maybe next baby we could UC. I told him that I compromised for DS' birth, and it got screwed up horribly (I wanted a hb, DH was nervous, so I compromised and ended up with an unnecessary c/s and TONS of guilt). I can't go back and re-do DS' birth. I won't compromise on any future births, now that I know how precious those moments are.

DH seemed to get that, a little bit. He did think it was still more for me than for the baby, but seemed to realize at least a little that the birth is important for baby (duh, but he really doesn't care what happens during labor or birth, so long as mama and baby are "healthy" - we're just working on the definition of "healthy" now).


I hope you and DH are able to come to some sort of agreement. It is not fun to be at odds, particularly over something as important and personal as birth.


Kinsey

[TRIBE]

Thanks Kinsey
I am having kind of a better day, how is yours going? Ok my day hasn't been all that bad but Wendy's ticked me off by not having any Dr pepper today and I really wanted a DP. Then my fries were semi cold, no salt and they didn't give me any salt packets LOL

DH came home acting like nothing happened last night ARG that is so frustrating! I still need to talk, not yell and fight, just talk. This negative energy hanging over me is very draining. The not knowing is not so great either.

I almost want to concede and say screw it call the midwives and hope my friend is capable of keeping them away from me. But the thought of all that energy being spent on worrying about whether they are going to bother me or not isn't exactly my ideal birth situation. But then again neither is birthing without the support of my DH.

I just need to get him to see that to the outside world, it does appear we have every intention of having the mw's here for the birth. They have monitored the pregnancy, they have made their home visit, the birthplan has been gone over yada yada yada. So we call them when my ctrx are oh 2 min apart and say they are 5 min apart...They are 30-40 minutes away and will need to take thier kids to a nanny before they can get here. 4th babies come fast...they don't make it for the birth, but they arrive shortly after the birth. They do at least make it here right, they just miss the actual birth. So we both get our way. i could compromise that way but I really don't think i can compromise the entire birth.

Like you said your baby only gets one chance at a good birth! I look at my daughter and think how peaceful, healthy and wonderful she is. And she had the best birth possible, born at home, in the peace and quiet of our bedroom and into daddys hands.

Hope our day has been good, and you have a peaceful positive weekend

[lizzie]

sorta off topic, sorta not..

Hey Jennie, Hey Kinsey...

I SO feel for you guys... YOU two, NOT your dh's... Jennie, I've *been to mast*, I've *lost half my pay* for two months... and what I'm wondering is where in the HELL in the UCMJ does it say military wives must birth in hospitals??

I know they can make up any random LAWFUL order and then require one to follow it, but A) They can't legally order your dh to make you do diddly squat... they don't own you like they do him and B) One is required to DISregard any UNlawful order, or one will get busted for following said UNlawful order... I don't know what his rank/rate is, and I'm sure a half months pay or more would hurt you guys a whole lot more than it hurt me, but ... ??? (I was single, in the barracks at the time)

I *so know* about squadron/command politics, but CANNOT conceive of how they could cause him to go to mast over *your birth choices*. It may get him some dirty looks, maybe a couple of midwatches/duty section hooey he doesn't want, but mast???

Dh needs a head repositioning, with all due respect. In the event that his command IS the reason he's so on edge about this, can you call the base legal office.. his command legal officer... a private NON military lawyer with an understanding of the UCMJ who could clarify just exactly what danger *your choices for your body* would put his career in?

Anyway, being former military, I'm so proud/ inspired/happy for you guys, of the way you guys are standing up to the BS they shovel around with such seeming authority. They don't own you.



lizzie

[TRIBE]

:LOL Lizzie. Yes he needs his head repositioned. Dh is an ET1/E6 and a teacher at subschool, so he is in a of ummm..what's the word I am looking for? Crap I don't know.

I don't think its the birth choice itself that would get him sent to mast but rather "if something went wrong" he would be responsible. My argument is that something can go wrong at the hospital (made abundently clear by the article I showed him of what just recently happend at Tripler AMC in HI, where our son Xander was born), something could go wrong with the midwives here, something could go wrong NO MATTER where we are and who is or isn't present. end of story. But see if there is no "medical" personale then he is held personally responsible. Well IMO we are responsible if something were to happen in the hospital or under midwife care as well. Hello, wtf did personal responsibility go these days?!

And this is where I feel his reluctance isn't about the command at all but rather his fear. Fear, something I thought we had taken care of before with our last UC. Its obvious he still carries a lot of fear, and I am not sure how to relieve of him of that fear. Or get it across to him that birth always works 100% of the time, it just doesn't always go 100% perfectly, no matter where you are. But our decision to have a birth with no one around is much safer than going to the hospital or having someone else in control of my labor.

I don't think he understands that for me, if something went wrong at home, that is a responsibility I am prepared to take. I understand my decision and know that I gave my child the best I could. But if I went to the hospital and something happened there because of it, I could NEVER live with the guilt of having given up my choice. Same with a mw in attendance, kwim? Heck I still have guilt over my 2 hospital births but nothing but joy and peace over my UC. I am rambling of course but I just have os much going thru my head.

So I still don't understand how he could go to mast if "something goes wrong" at home vs the hospital. I guess in a way I do b/c this is a country where doctors are God and blah blah blah. Arg..is there a hair pulling smiley? LOL

Ok I am off to find out what I can about the UCMJ. I wonder how to find out who his command legal officer is without giving away who we are....can i do this all anonomously?

[TRIBE]

Ok I am doing a lot of reading on the UCMJ and found something that could be used as a way to court martial or take DH to mast.
Its article 134-42 reckless endangerment.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/...bl134-42-1.htm

Now obviously we know that this could be applied to any birth situation (like what has just happened at TAMC)

But can it be defined as reckless if its a well researched birth choice? I mean as a UC-er I am sure I have done more research into the safety of all birth options, much more than your average hospital birther.

There is chance of bodily harm in any birth situation, more so in the hospital than at home, with no medical interference. But then of course they would have to prove we willingly choose this option when all outward signs would appear that we were planning to have the midwife here, but oops baby came too fast.

Of course if someone was a real you know what, then all of these posts could be used against me, however it would show how much DH is against the choice...soo

I don't know. Now I am concerned after finding this. There is a militaryuc list I think I am going to post to them and se what they know and can help me with.

[lizzie]

Hi Jennie~

So dh is a first class bubblehead! :LOL Heehee. So.. yeah, in his mind, it's like if he went to a party, and he was the highest ranking person there, and someone got hurt/commited a crime, he would be held responsible. I know they do that. Wish I could remember under what section of the UCMJ that falls under.

Have you said to him in so many words what you said in your last post... that you can take full and peaceful responsibility for what happens at home, but you'll never be able to forgive yourself if something goes wrong at the hospital?

I'm just beginning to understand the level of terror my dh apparently lives in throughout my pg'ies and labors... I don't know WHY, since we've never had a problem, but he seems to think that our easy births have been the luck of the draw, not because I knew what I was doing! Maybe he feels like (this is your 4th, right?) you're "tempting fate" because your children have been healthy so far? Especially since your last UC went so well? I know my dh thinks my hospital births we're 'perfect', (and for a hospital, they weren't too bad) but all I can see are the negatives.

Also, as you've probably noticed, commands that are schools often have nothing better to do than freak out over the littlest details of the lives/families of the men and women in them. They scrutinize everything (uniforms, haircuts, whiteness of your teeth) to nth freaking degree, and you know he's probably worried about getting passed over for chief because of some blurb in his record. After all, you should be asking how high when he says jump and have his whip hanging on (polished) brass hooks over the door...

Being a man (hate to generalize, but he is military.. ) would he respond to maybe statistical things about the safety of homebirth, and UC in particular? I came across some limited but no less true studies about the level of intervention in hospitals vs homes. And you can maybe tell him about one of the women you met at the commissary/exchange/beach/park/MDC who told you the horror story about how the wife of the PR1 in her squadron... well, I'll pm you if you want to hear it. No one else here probably does! But can you say... military docs who are there because they couldn't get licensed in any state due to their inability to pass the most basic of licensing tests??

I'm just typing to hear my fingers click now.. but back to your question, I thought about that, if you could do it anonymously, sp?, what about your supportive friend that thought the medwives were out to lunch? Is she in a position to possibly ask the base legal office what if any legal ramifications her/any dp would be held liable for if she were to give birth at home, uc? I've got some girlfriends who are still active duty on the west coast, maybe I could get them to do some nosing around? But we're p3's (subhunters, haha) so we're the opposite of anal, no one gave a damn about anything up there... I could still ask though! Actually I have an ex-Navy friend in SC, and she's in school out there, maybe I could get HER to call and say she's writing a report on birth and the military??!! What a crazy subject that would be.

I'm certainly willing to try anything I can for you! I know the dread of which you speak! You should be able to approach birth with so much more peace than you're feeling right now! And I second the "it happened so fast" concept! (third it, fourth it, whatever) There is NO WAY they can say that it didn't happen like that.. You're fourth baby? They can happen like that! I know it goes against everything we believe in, but maybe you could find out what's really going on with dh by offering to make all the plans that involve the hospital, if HE will agree to let you just "happen too fast"... seems like that would cover his butt with the command (well, they've come to their senses and have registered with the hosp, sir... ) but then BAM... what could you do? If he goes for that, maybe he really is just worried about his career (vs your child... you must be ready to smack him). WE know there's no comparison, but maybe if he's thinking this is all about you, and as a man can't understand that you are proctecting your and his baby, if he feels like you're (at least pretending to) giving his career the same consideration or at least acknowledging its value to him (if not to you) will allow him to relax and see that his professional destruction is not your goal... I should have just pm'd you, I'm rambling on and on... but I've been reading your posts for weeks, I know how relaxed you sounded about this before, and I hate that you've lost that and are experiencing this fear about how your birth will play out. Please let me know if I can do anything with contacting friends and whatnot!

lizzie

[lizzie]

Sorry, I didn't see your second post until after I typed for the last 45 minutes!

How frustrating! That link, you know that we read it as... "So WHY are they making me go to a hospital?" But they're reading it as "OMG, I KNOW you did not try to have that baby without a doctor to tell you how!!" Especially that nice blurb about bodily harm not actually having to happen.

I had no idea there was a military uc list. How cool.

lizzie

[TRIBE]

Wow, having a conversation with DH was nice, and this time it didn't start a fight :LOL

I said that I wanted to ask him some questions and I didn't want it to start another fight. He said ok so off i went
me: "what does your command know about our birth choices"
dh: "Not much"
me: "but they know we are having a homebirth with a midwife right?"
dh: "yeah"
me: "so to the outside world it would appear that we have every intent and purpose of calling the midwives correct?"
dh: "yes"

Ok so it keeps going pretty much like that. I feel like a dip because I had nothing to stress over! Dh has been all over my plan since we discussed it months ago! I was reading everything wrong and thought he was pushing for the mw's to be here but really he was doing exactly what I was doing. Giving them and everyone else the appearance they would be here for the birth.

The fear I sensed from him, wasn't about something happening in the birth but really it was his command. Now that we understand each other and where each of us is coming from, its now stress free *whew* I can't believe I caused myself so much stress and worry. Why didn't I talk about this just as i did today, before now? Ok I tried to Thursday night but looking back I think i went about it totally the wrong way. The way i approached it today was perfect.

Lizzie thank you so much girl! My head is clear and so is my heart. Its nice to know dh and I are seeing eye to eye on this Now bring on the baby

Oh PS he added a bit to my plan to make it even better, the man is a genius LOL