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UC support thread #15 March 05 - Page 5

post #81 of 116
(( anyone who hasn't seen this, you might want to check it out http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...17#post2860617 ))

and WHOA i just realized there are a TON of posts i hadn't seen!?
post #82 of 116
everyone mentioned most of my reasons for choosing freebirth... mine were...

* i'm a very private person, and HATE being touched... i CAN'T STAND being around lots of people, groups, people i don't know or aren't very familiar with...
* i'm also a control freak, particularly about my body, and wanted to have COMPLETE say over how i labored & birthed...
* i believe that unhindered birth is best for mother and baby...
* i had a bad hospital experience w/ my son's birth...
* i wanted to labor in MY tub, in hot water, surrounded by candles ( not forced to sit in a hospital tub that they won't allow to be filled up because of "the risk of infection" , which was my only other option for my daughter's birth -- the hospital)...
* it felt right for us!! both the baby & i were (and are ) healthy...
* and i wanted to be free to eat pancakes, eggs, and bacon during labor.

check out


What about vacc's or birth certificates or logistics like that? Are most of you women homeschooling?
we do homeschool... for a ton of very huge issues, which i won't get into here. [eta: if you're curious PM me if you want. ]

we vaccinate on a slightly modified & delayed schedule, & give only thimerosal-free vaxxes...

and getting the birth certificate and SSN were a nightmare. it took MONTHS. we JUST got her SSN -- and she was born last July!!!!! i talked about the problems in... someplace in one of the UC support threads. probably around november??



** note the link in my sigline UmmSamiyah ~ my daughter's birth story, with links & info.
post #83 of 116
: This would be me this morning. I am spposed to have a mw appt today but I really don't feel like going. I can't sit long and its a 35 min drive there, with 4 kids. I'm cranky and overdue so excuse me if I don't want t ojust hop (ha!) in the car and go for a visit that will tell me um nothing! Yet the mw that I don't much care for is trying to give me a lecture on coming in and having not called the last 3 nights that I was having ctrx. HELLO! I have told her several times I am prone to 1-2 weeks of prodromal labor. When the ctrx switch over to true labor I will friggin call (ok not really but thats what she thinks). Its pointless, IMO, to call every time I have a twinge that I know is going to fizzle out. I have long labors as well so its not like I wouldn't have time from the start of actual labor to give her plenty of "warning". Sheesh! This is exactly why I don't want her here! Its why I don't like her and why even my friend doesn't like her and would lock her in the bathroom if she showed up before I gave birth :LOL

She has become more and more condescending to me as the weeks pass. I am not sure what to think of that other than she is completly intimidated by me and can't for some reason accept the fact that I do not need her, that birth happens and it will happen MY way not hers. If it weren't for my DH I would be firing her, oh heck I wouldn't have even hired her. I knew that much from the first time I met her.

Luckily there is another mw in the practice whom I truly adore. She is much more the kind of mw we need more of. She believes in birth, trust the body and baby. She knows birth happens whether she is there or not and thats ok with her. I could totally see having her here just for the female companionship. But nfortunately she is out of town until Wed and knowing my luck watch me go into labor before she is back Part of me wants to go ahead and be done with the pregnancy, hold my wee one. But the muc hlarger part really wants this babe to stick around in the womb until the other mw returns form her trip. I realize DH and I already plan to not have them make it here in time but if for some odd reason we do give them plenty of warning to make it in time I would much rather it be this mw than the condescending one.

Sorry for the I am just irritated as heck this morning with her and the lack of sleep I had from several hours of strong, close together ctrx really don't help my mood at all.
post #84 of 116
post #85 of 116

Good luck

Hi Jenniebug, it's a shame you can't call the mw and tell her she ought to realize what a pain it is for you to drive all the way to see her, and then tell her that if it's so important to see you now that SHE should drive out.

Sorry you are getting so much grief. Maybe the babe will wait for the other mw–I bet the babe doesn't want this harrassing moron anymore than you do!
post #86 of 116
Originally Posted by cresorchid
I would start by looking at the sticky for this forum with the recommendations others have posted. The truth is, my mw issue only occurred 2 months ago (almost to the day now) so I am very new to UC too, although learning quickly. I have some of the books and websites they referenced, but not all of them.

My advice is to learn as much as you can about normal birth and symptoms of problems. While a problem is unlikely, in case it does occur, you want to be as prepared as possible. Also learn as much about the physical aspects of birth so you won't be surprised. Everyone's experience of each and every birth is different, but the physiological process is standard. If you haven't given birth before, I would also take a class or learn some relaxation techniques as well so you have some way of dealing with any discomfort.
thanks cresorchid. this would be number 3 and number two was a homebirth with a mw. I think the biggest thing I didn't like about that experience was the fact that i think she was drunk
So how do I tell my family? They had somewhat of a hard time swallowing my homebirth. hehe I figure the sooner the better, even if I am not preggo yet(as far as I know )
post #87 of 116
Oh, Jennie! I'm so sorry! Of course I know which mw you're referring to. I forgot Saras is out of town again -- and I'm glad you reminded me because I have to call them for birth cert stuff. Are you going to go to your appt? Why do they get so paranoid at the end of the pregnancy? Thinking of you and am so sorry you have to go through this when you didn't even want it in the first place.

UmmSamiyah -- your mw was drunk! Egads! I loved Laura Shanley's book too. Also -- "Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love" and "The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth" were great. You can buy all of these of Laura's website.

Jennie -- I also wanted to fully concur with what you said about feeling euphoric while discovering uc. That truly is what it feels like! I felt so blissful and heady while researching uc -- it's the most amazing feeling when you realize you're on the exact path you're supposed to be on.

Cresorchid -- I read your "father/mother" analogy on a different thread a couple of months ago and didn't get a chance to respond, but wanted to let you know how much that spoke to me. I couldn't agree more! In fact, I remember saying to my dh after a phone call from my mw that irked me, "I don't need another mother!" I remember even reading your post to dh -- we both thought it was accurate and articulate.

I'm also one of those mamas who felt FREE after breaking free of the mw's. It truly did feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and that I'd claimed my power back.

UmmSamiyah -- I'm glad you found this thread. It's nice to have some fresh energy that causes all of us to reflect. I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts.
post #88 of 116
Thanks Rainbowmom. I feel better after venting. My friend/labor support had me cracking up about the situation.

Cresorchid--:LOL yeah I don't think the baby wants her here anymore than I do. Probably why those really good ctrx stoppped last night. I did cancel the appt with the mw today. She is going to call during the appt time to "talk" Seriously if it is so dang important to see me she can drive out here afterall she isnt the one overdue and hauling 4 kids around
post #89 of 116
and Klothos -- thanks for sharing. I'm surprised no one said anything after your presentation. They must have been in shock.
post #90 of 116
LOL Kate we must have been posting at the exact same time! I canceled the appt. And you know what relaly ticks me off is she had even said if I didn't feel like coming to one of these that it would be ok to just call and do an appt over the phne. Of course that was when I was scheduled to see Saras, this must not apply when my appt is with her. Really why is she so paranoid? Babies don't come by their expiration date lol and I have a history of babes going past dates. Geez I am only 2 days past right now, get paranoid when I am 2 weeks past.

Oh lordy and that issue opens a whole new can of worms too b/c then they have to opt me out to the OB. Maybe I can convince Saras to flub my records a bit if I do go to 42 weeks. There is no way in heck I am going to the hospital nuh uh no way no how! DH command and everyone else can kiss it.

Oh so yeah I canceled the appt. I am not driving all the way down there today. I am exhausted and frankly its a useless appt. I haven't followed the standard appt schedule to date, why would I start now? I so wish I could have your freedom and just fire them. Well that one anyways, I really wouldn't have any problem with Saras being here.

Ok no labor vibes for me, gimme sticky baby until after Wed vibes :LOL :LOL and now I am going back to bed, if the kiddos will let me anyways.
post #91 of 116
huh, my sig disappeared....weird

and now its back, MDC is messin with me lol
post #92 of 116
Annakiss, thanks for your diligence in protecting this space. Not all such questions are friendly and sincere. (In fact they usually aren't...)

UmmSamiyah, welcome to the UC forum!

"Why would you ladies choose to have UC instead of at least a midwife? I had a midwife and thought she was great not interferring or anything."

It looks (from a later post) that you are rethinking that, but if you weren't I'd say great for you! Midwives fill a need for many women.

For me, it started with my first birth, in which I found out that the midwife who was so wonderful in prenatals was actually a terrible fit for me during the birth itself. I felt very violated by her actions, not a way you want to feel in what is supposed to be one of the most beautiful and sacred days of your life. For my second birth I was much more careful in my choice of birth attendant, and it was a very empowering experience. Even so, the experience was lacking. The presence of the midwife in itself was instrusive and inhibiting.

After that birth I began to learn about the hormonal process of birth, and how it is compromised by anything which stimulates the neocortex (which midwives often unwittingly do) and by inhibition. It turns out that birth is a lot like sex in that sense. I didn't want anything to interfere with the normal process and thereby make complications more likely. I don't mean just physical complications. Emotional ones too.

"... What about vacc's or birth certificates or logistics like that? Are most of you women homeschooling?

If you vaccinate, just take your baby to your pediatrician as you would usually. It's not like you need a referral from an OB or midwife, right? If you're concerned about the birth certificate, I'd just call your state's vital statistics office and inquire as to what would happen if a birth was not attended by a medical professional. They probably will require some sort of prove of pregnancy, or an affidavit from someone swearing that the baby is yours. Our state requires two affidavits, but no proof of pregnancy.

And no, our children don't go to school. It does seem that people who start questioning conventional beliefs about one thing in their lives tend to do so about others as well.

"Tell me about prenatal care then? How does that work out?"

I'm generally pretty healthy, so didn't have to do too much monitoring of my health. Just took care of myself and was aware of how I was feeling. The exception was taking my blood pressure a couple of times when I felt certain things were "off". I did use a fetoscope to become familiarized with the baby's heartbeat and position, and I had a midwife friend palpate my belly, just for a second opinion. But really, you can do just about as much monitoring as you like, short of doing your own ultrasound.
post #93 of 116


I love this group. I am learning so much here and getting such great support. It's funny because someone asked me whether there is a lot of support for UC where I live, and I don't know ANYONE locally who believes in or does UC. I have heard of one woman who believes in UC, spoke to another a couple of years ago casually (don't even know her name), and have a friend whose husband was birthed by UC.

But this group is made up of such strong, intelligent women and it is thoroughly empowering. It is just a shame that we are given such grief by others who don't know or understand the issues.

KateSt thanks for sharing that you understood where I was coming from. So many people don't. I posted my nightmare story on the "I'm pregnant" thread about how my u/s. The closer I got to the procedure, the more I knew I didn't want it, but the mw thought I was carrying twins and I would have to change midwives, so I NEEDED the darned information. A bunch of people are like "what is wrong with you? Sono's are exciting. " Yeah, well some of us don't want or need someone else telling us how we are doing or trying to "facilitate" our bonding with our children. Personally I don't get women who are incapable of bonding with a baby inside one's body without an u/s.

UmmSammiyah, don't feel bad about not knowing how to tell your family. I sound like this great, strong woman who has it all together. But I can be a real coward. My 1st son is 17 yo and my family still doesn't know he had a homebirth with a mw. They are very uptight, upper middle class and already think I'm totally nuts. I wouldn't even consider telling them that I am doing UC. In fact, I have only told 2 people where I live that I am doing a UC. Everybody else thinks I'm "looking for" another mw.

Klothos I loved your post on why you are freebirthing. I, too, hate people touching me. I am so private that until the past month I didn't have any furniture in my living room in order to discourage people to visit (no kidding). My son and I used camping chairs and we have lots of throw pillows for sitting on the floor. And I rarely invited people over unless there was good reason. In fact, my son and I usually won't answer the doorbell unless we are expecting someone.

And while UC/freebirthing doesn't necessarily imply any other differences from other people, it does take a person who will question authority in major ways and come to her own conclusions.

Personally, I am a homeschooling, vegan mother. I vaxed my son because I didn't think I could successfully get out of it where I was living. This time, there is no way it will happen. At least not with the vaxes containing thimerosol. It helps to UC and homeschool because then you aren't at the forefront of the medical establishment's attention too.
post #94 of 116
Thread Starter 


hello wonderful ladies
Dh and I decided to have an ultrasound this time around for some good peace of mind. We really wanted to get the heart checked out so we could just move on from our fears. Our sweet daughter who was stillborn had a bad heart. The ultrasound was today and everything was wonderful. As you can tell from my sig we also know who we are expecting........even if we didn't want to know, I saw right away that I have a son. That is what I thought immediately when I heard the heartbeat. I feel like it is a new pregnancy now and can move on from the fear.
I am almost at the halfway point and the days are going by both slow and fast. I can't wait for labor and the moment I meet my son face to face. I wonder how long labor will be. I have had 8hr, 4hr, and 2 hr, in that order. Wonder if this son will change everything up or finish off the pattern.
I will continue to see my mw for emotional support when I need it, but the labor and birth will be all ours.
Peace and love,
post #95 of 116
That's such wonderful news Brandi! I am so happy to hear everything looks well! and a boy!?!?! woohoo!!!!!!!
post #96 of 116
Hello. I'm new to this board/thread. Didn't even realize there was one here, though I guess I should have.

I'm planning a UBAC. My baby will probably arrive in early August. I wanted an unassisted with my ds, but dh was too scared (1 1/2 hours from the nearest hospital) and I was easily swayed, since I didn't know as much then. I wound up with a completely unnecessary cesarean for my trouble (water broke, baby & I weren't ready to labour, failed induction, stupid 24 hour rule). It took me over a year to stop feeling pain on a daily basis from it.

When I finally was able to face the thought of risking another birth, I knew there was no way I was going back in a hospital. A midwife isn't an option, for various reasons, even though I'm training to become one, and I really believe that we'll be safer/better off on our own. Dh is mostly on-board with the idea, though completely terrified. He doesn't want me to have to go through what I went through with ds. I think he's hoping I'll stop being so obsessed with birth once I have a good one.

I got a fetoscope a couple of weeks ago and can hear the baby's heartbeat everytime I try now. It's so cool! I debated for a very long time, but decided to have an ultrasound. I'm pretty sure the placenta is nowhere near my scar, but I really need the reassurance and I think it will help dh as well. I haven't decided what I'm going to do if it's over it. Really, I don't think it will be a problem, since I had a diagnostic ultrasound (due to multiple miscarriages) just before I got pregnant this time and she couldn't even see it. Deciding whether or not to have an ultrasound was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I'm still going back and forth a bit about it. I probably will be wondering if I'm doing the right thing even after it's over tomorrow.

Not sure what else to say. Gotta go help dh with supper and then I'm going to read some of the other threads in this forum.
post #97 of 116
Thread Starter 
Deciding whether or not to have an ultrasound was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I'm still going back and forth a bit about it
Right there with you!!! It was a very difficult thing for me to commit to doing.
I am after the fact now and am happy that I did it. Still knowing that an ultrasound would not have changed the outcome of my daughter who was stillborn at 40 weeks, I opted to get one this time for a few reasons. One thing it did for me was it allowed me to let go of the fears that had built up after losing my daughter. Fear really messes with your rational and instinctual thinking. Ultrasound is often an unnecessary intervention, but it does have a place. We all try and do what is best for our own individual situations. I believe that is the true unassisted attitude. To not follow any ones plan except for your own that you believe is best and safest for you and your baby, and knowing that things are always subject to change.

Oh yeah--Welcome to the list
post #98 of 116
Yay, brandi! a little boy!
post #99 of 116
I haven't been on in awhile, the one-handed typing thing isn't very easy! It's great to see all the new babies being born and the ones still yet to come ... I imagine SprinklePocket is in or very close to babymoon!
I have also still been trying to sort out this last birth experience, the biggest difficulty is in getting over the embarassment and the let-down I feel in myself. How could I, someone who knows why uc is important, who has read a ton of things about natural childbirth, have a baby in the hospital? if there had been something wrong than i would feel okay, but there was no medical reason. i wish i'd had the courage to leave the mw's, i wish i had not invited my parents to stay, i wish i had run away ... faenin was born 2 minutes after midnight, at exactly 42 weeks (according to an estimated due date!) and the "rules" say that at 42 weeks the mw's must transfer care to an ob. my parents were with us and i was not up to negotiating lying to the mw's or having my baby alone, with my father. i told the mw that at the beginning of my pregnancy that i intuited the baby coming feb 8 (which he did) and that if he did not, i would go into hospital to induce. they wouldn't go for it. i got a stretch and sweep first thing on the monday and had light, "menstrual" cramping throughout the day, by evening i had to go in for more inducing. i was 4cm dialated and the ob gave me protaglandin gel. in 15 minutes i was in full labor. i felt like vomiting, i was out of control and wanted to get it over with. i was "let" up to go to the washroom and i regained some control. it was so overwhelming to go from zero to full so quickly. i had to stay tied down to monitors for 2 hours, it was terrible. thankfully i am very good at relaxing and focusing and was able to make it through. when i was let up to go to a birthing room, i peed everywhere (ha!ha! a fine mess for the nurse!). i was told i had to be monitored for another 30 minutes and then i would be free to move. i told them before this that the baby was coming soon. the nurse said i was only at 5 cm but i knew i was in transition. the doctor went back to bed, one of the mw left, they sent my dad and older child home. when i went into the room, my mother laid down and 5 minutes later i had the incredible urge to push. i yelled that she had to get my older child back. no one believed me, too busy looking at the monitors. anyway, faenin was born about 10 minutes later, and i got another episiotomy (why???). i wasn 't allowed to squat, nobody massaged me (mw not allowed at this point), bright lights, cord clamped, all the crap i didn't want. the good thing is that baby was perfectly healthy and bf right away with no problems. i was so frustrated and felt so unlike myself. i don't even feel like i gave birth, only 2 1/2 hours. i feel like it was taken away, again! i even did ultrasounds for them so they could see that he was okay and he was perfect! this was so unempowering, i felt so out of control.
okay, done the venting for now ...
it could have been worse, right? i realized that it was not so unlike my relationship to the father. how could i have a peaceful, powerful birth when this man left my life in such chaos?
i think the most important thing i learned, in retrospect, and thank in part to KateSt, is the power of visualization. i knew i wanted to birth alone, i did feel it every night while i bathed and listened to the cd's i had made specially. i had prepared my older child wonderfully (he was so heartbroken to have missed it ). because i could never count on the "dad" i could never really fully focus on what it would look like. my "daydreams" about it were changing. i could not picture who would be there. i think a supportive partner is so very important, even if you do not want them there, knowing you are supported if you need to be,even as a "goper".
i knew as soon as this child was born that there was to be another, seriously, before the placenta even came out! i will not make the same mistakes. i will run away! i would love to have a baby in the ocean. i will not tell the "sperm donor" (because sometimes, that is all the men are) and i will have peace within myself. i waited to long for this man to come around, to care enough for the process, that i lost my womun power.
Visualization, and peace, are the keys to a magikal birth. Thank you for showing me this KateSt.
This is terribly rambling and incoherent but i had it in me to get it out today!
I hate that it says hospital birth beside my name in this thread. i hate that i have to tell people i didn't have a home birth, it doesn't sound right.
why do we have to get over the trauma that birth, medicalized birth, brings? it isn't supposed to be this way ...
post #100 of 116

I have to go make dinner But I wanted to respond with a for now. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and come back here tonight. I'm glad you got it out and shared this with us.
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