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Store Employee Enforcing Her Rules on My Child?! - Page 2

post #21 of 121
A friend of mine told my dd the "magic word" was "suckit!!"



I think you handled it very well and reacted in a completely acceptable manner. She was upsetting your son and it is only right that you would stand up for him. I am sure your son will remember that.
post #22 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by stafl
I place a very high level of importance on showing manners and respecting other people. My kids would have said please without being prompted, because they hear me and DH say it all the time. I would not expect them to get a balloon if they didn't ask politely and say please and thankyou. How old is he?

but I do agree, she did overstep her boundaries there, a little. Not by wanting him to say please, but by insisting upon it. You and your son hurt her feelings, and she has every right to feel the way she did about it. I think it would have been a really good chance for some constructive dialogue with your son about showing respect, using good manners, and hurting other people's feelings.
Exactly what I was going to say. Completely.

~Daednu
post #23 of 121
I think you handled it really well, May May.
post #24 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by chersolly
Oh, come on! Is she going to run into the back room and cry because a little, shy boy didn't say please and thank you? If she's that sensitive, she shouldn't be working in a customer service setting.
Okay people, relax. It's a matter of degrees. Maybe "hurt feelings" was the wrong wording but the meaning was correct. You could also say offended, slighted, put off, disrespected or whatever the heck.
The point is it's a socially accepted polite institution to say please and thankyou when asking for something. Even more so when asking for something for free.

~Daednu
post #25 of 121
Quote:
The point is it's a socially accepted polite institution to say please and thankyou when asking for something. Even more so when asking for something for free.
nak

it should also be socialy acceptable to understand that little kids are still learning and growing, and that we should all cut them some slack in requiring adult manners from them

this is a pet peeve of mine. ds1 is very polite - says please, thank you, you're welcome, i'm sorry, etc. but sometimes he's nervous or shy or overwhelmed or distracted, and doesn't say it. he's still a very nce, polite kid. he was also a late talker, and i would have strangers offer him something and then say "aren't you going to say thank you?" even after i said thank you. he would feel so embarassed that he would often hand it back.

i think some adults really need to get over themselves. You handled the situation much like I would have. The only difference is that I make a conscious effort not to say anything like "he's shy" or "he can't talk yet" or whatever, because I feel like it would make my son feel embarassed. But maybe that's just us.

Quote:
A friend of mine told my dd the "magic word" was "suckit!!"
Okay, that's rude, but it cracked me up!
post #26 of 121
I think you handled it well, and were right to be offended.

I am pretty big on "manners", but I don't think young children should have them forced on them. And, IMO, politeness is as much conveyed in tone of voice and attitude as it is in any word that a child is taught to parrot. As they get older it can be explained that using good manners, and certain words make people feel good.

And the phrase "magic word" drives me NUTS!!! It makes kids think that saying "Please" will get them anything they want ("but I said PLE-EAASE!"), which it won't. It's very confusing for kids.
post #27 of 121
I can't believe that petty lady who wouldn't give your child a ballon without hearing "please".







oh. and a little , but i had to say something.
Abimommy, I'm loving the avatar! We are reading those books to our dd as a bedtime story.
post #28 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by May May
My take on this is that
A) her initial request for a 'please' was ok, it was when she started insisting on it that I felt my boundaries crossed as a mother, and
B) when she became somewhat hostile at the end of the whole thing, I felt really offended.
I agree with you, and I think you handled it very well.
post #29 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenoline
I think you handled it well, and were right to be offended.

I am pretty big on "manners", but I don't think young children should have them forced on them. And, IMO, politeness is as much conveyed in tone of voice and attitude as it is in any word that a child is taught to parrot. As they get older it can be explained that using good manners, and certain words make people feel good.

And the phrase "magic word" drives me NUTS!!! It makes kids think that saying "Please" will get them anything they want ("but I said PLE-EAASE!"), which it won't. It's very confusing for kids.
post #30 of 121
Exactly my take. Please doesn't always get you what you want and children need to understand that. That phrase of "What's the magic word" implies that, if you do say please, you CAN have a nuclear bomb (hello GWB!) :. Just a wee pet peeve of mine.

I do however, expect my children to say please and thank you, and teach it by modelling as well as prompting. However, if a child was shy and couldn't say please to a stranger due to that shyness, well, I would never push it. Respecting children as people with wants and needs like everyone else is paramount in my book. The cashier's attitude that children are public property is just unacceptable and she should be taught as much.
post #31 of 121
I agree that manners are important, but so is respecting a child. She was not respecting him (or his mother) by being so obnoxiously pushy.

Nothing irritates me more than having people presume they can parent my child better than I can. And really, was this woman really upset that he didn't give her the courtesy of a please? Or was she upset because she wasn't getting her way in a spitting contest with a five-year-old?
post #32 of 121
Yea, I think you were okay.

I, personally, wouldn’t have confronted her directly but that’s just me.

And, I’ve got to say that had I been the cashier, I probably would have been a little offended ~ BUT, that doesn’t mean that I think what you did was wrong.

She can be offended and still choose to learn from this incident or not. That’s not on you, yk?

Oh, and yes, having read the whole thread ~ manners are much more than repeating words. Aya rarely says thank you to strangers (because she’s shy ~ NOT because she doesn’t hear it modeled) but she is quite obviously thrilled to have a gift.

A freaked out giggle and coveting of the gift combined by my “Vielen Dank” seems to be more than enough in these parts.
post #33 of 121
Wanted to add, I have been known to look people like that in the eye and say, "She has a parent, thank you." But maybe I'm just a rude witch.
post #34 of 121
I would ask once (if I were in the cashiers place) and after that..I would hand the loot over. I don't put stipulations on gifts. My children don't understand that and I would explain that to the cashier.

My question..do people think our children are puppets? "Say, thank you.", "kiss Grandma.", etc., etc....

What a load of bunk!
post #35 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoodWillHunter
Exactly my take. Please doesn't always get you what you want and children need to understand that. That phrase of "What's the magic word" implies that, if you do say please, you CAN have a nuclear bomb (hello GWB!) :. Just a wee pet peeve of mine.

I do however, expect my children to say please and thank you, and teach it by modelling as well as prompting. However, if a child was shy and couldn't say please to a stranger due to that shyness, well, I would never push it. Respecting children as people with wants and needs like everyone else is paramount in my book. The cashier's attitude that children are public property is just unacceptable and she should be taught as much.
Well said and I could not agree more.
post #36 of 121
Once someone asked my ds for the "magic word" and he yelled, "SHAZAAAM!", very loudly. :LOL

I think tone is so important when speaking to people. I ask my ds to do a million things a day, I don't always say please. "Baby, could you get me some water?" is a perfectly polite question. "Get me water" is not. I think I almost always say thank you, but I can't be sure. I'm really nice and polite, I swear! People need to remember that kids are learning and sometimes, "can I have a balloon?" is a HUGE step in talking to people you don't know. I very often say please or thank you for my ds if he gets too flustered or shy to do it. The lady should not have gotten a bug in her butt, mostly because she certainly wouldn't treat a grown up customer the same way.
post #37 of 121
I think she was even out of line by insisting that he say please in the first place. How is that her job again? : It is DH and I (and our close friends & family) raising our children. Not someone we've never met before. I don't think she should've said anything to begin with. I'm big on manners because I do think being polite and respectful are important but *I* will initiate the manners lessons, kwim? The fact that she kept pushing it was really weird. I would've been irritated and said something too. I don't think you should've felt the need to explain yourself or your son at all though.

See, my kind of response would've been more along the lines of "I can handle the manners lessons thanks." with a bitchy look on my face. :

If her feelings were hurt (which I'm really having a hard time seeing how they could be though), she shouldn't take on the job of trying to teach things to people's kids without the kid's or parent's persmission. JMHO
post #38 of 121
Quote:
Originally Posted by annettemarie
Or was she upset because she wasn't getting her way in a spitting contest with a five-year-old?
I'm inclined to believe this!
I agree the cashier needs to be reminded what true manners are. That a five year old displayed better manners (asking nicely for a balloon) than a person in her 20's, say's a lot. I would have been really bugged by that!
post #39 of 121
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenoline
IMO, politeness is as much conveyed in tone of voice and attitude as it is in any word that a child is taught to parrot. As they get older it can be explained that using good manners, and certain words make people feel good.
That's pretty much where I come from. I teach my children, through example to my little one (who by the way is FOUR, not even 4 1/2 yet -- not five) and through discussion with my older child, that attitude/vibes are very, very important. For example, when they hurt someone else, "SORRY!" said in an exasperated way due to adult 'enforcement' does not even remotely imply remorse. On the other hand, if they bring a cup of water/ ice pack/ other to the person they hurt (and even SAY nothing), that conveys even more genuine feeling, IMO. Sometimes, that's all a very young child can do.

I also believe that teaching manners is basically about teaching the ways of showing respect. I felt disrespected by her insistence toward my son in front of me (as if I wasn't there), and then responded, in a very respectful tone of voice, by telling her my beliefs (since she was obviously telling me her beliefs, albeit indirectly) and saying 'please' and 'thank you' for the balloon, myself.

Thank you, mamas... It feels good to know that others can see where I'm coming from.
post #40 of 121
My second daughter was shy like that in public and no amount of manners teaching from us would've changed that. The lady was obnoxious and I am sooooo glad you stuck up for your little guy. Good for you!
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