How do I help her?

[Alkenny]

My oldest didn't make the cheerleading squad...okay, it might seem shallow/cliquey/whywouldshewanttoanyways...BUTTTTTTT

We live in a small town and she just doesn't seem to "fit in" now that she's getting older. She's NOT your normal run of the mill/athlete/popular etc. She's musical, artistic, a kind soul, but we all know what it's like in junior high and wanting to fit in.

SO...how do I help her since she is DEVASTATED? I feel lost!

[Ruthla]

All you really can do is let her know that you're sorry she didn't make the squad- and be there for her if she wants a shoulder to cry on. Mostly, she's going to have to work this out on her own.

[crayon]

That happened to me. I loved to dance and I was never really good at it. I tried out for cheerleading and all the "cool" kids got in.... I dont remember what my parents did- problably nothing. I think the key is to really support what she is good in- Art, music... whatever.

I am sorry, let her know she can cry with you if she needs too. and it does get better. to your daughter

[Red]

Can you afford some sort of "booby prize"? :LOL Like dance lessons or some other class she'd find cool?

She might just need to find her spot. doesn't Jr high suck? She may feel she fits in if she has an activity that other kids from school take part in. Encourage her to try out for the school play, join clubs.

Teen girls are easily devastated. But they are usually easily diverted too.

[Alkenny]

Thank you for your responses...she called me from school, but had a proficiency test otherwise I'd have went and picked her up. My heart was just broken for her, she was crying so hard and I felt helpless!

[mamawanabe]

oh jr. high is hard, for EVERYBODY

The best thing my parents did was tell me over and over that it didn't matter one bit, that the jr. high social hierarchy wouldn't make one single bit of difference in my life (and they were right). They NEVER took my little social world seriously, and as odd as that sounds, it helped a lot. They couldn't care less if I was a cheerleader or on student council, which was a relief after spending 8 hours a day with little people who cared passionately about whether you were a cheerleader or not

Also, tell her that high school is SOdifferent. The school is bigger, kids aren't mean anymore; everybody has close friends who they get all they need from, no matter thier "status."

This is why I am homeschooling during jr. high . . .

[Alkenny]

Thanks, Lorrie! She's doing much better now, and we've went through all the rounds of the "social scene". I wasn't upset that she didn't make it as much as I was upset that SHE was upset and I didn't have her here with me to comfort. KWIM?

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by mamawanabe

Also, tell her that high school is SOdifferent. The school is bigger, kids aren't mean anymore; everybody has close friends who they get all they need from, no matter thier "status."

Wow, it is? That's not what I remember at all... That may be her experience, but just in case it isn't, you may not want to set high school up as better or different in some fundamental way, and just work on helping her deal with all the crap of jr. high.

'Cause in my experience, if you let it, that stuff (that status, clique-y, who-has-what and who's-dating-whom baloney) will follow you forever. But on the bright side, if she learns to deal with it now (and the pps have already given the best advice I know!), she'll be set up to get the most from highschool, college, work, life, etc. (And have all those cool friends who are into sensitive artistic intelligent women she deserves!)