Please tell me I'm not a freak..

[ctdoula]

I know that every pregnant woman worries about something going wrong with the baby (fetal demise, health problem with the baby that we don't know about, etc). But.... if feel like every day I'm thinking to myself at some point that something is wrong. It's strange, because I really don't think anything is wrong most times (and my baby is very in tune with me, she usually moves for me whenever I even think about her, just to reassure me). But, sometimes I'll be sitting or laying in bed & have this imaginary conversation w/me calling the midwife that the baby is dead, or coming home without her.

Please, tell me I'm not a neurotic freak.

Also, we've lost one of our own, which just makes me so sad! Warriorprincess, who was my mama-swap swapper, had her son on Monday, he was born still. I saw the thread in the loss forum & it just breaks my heart!

[proudmamanow]

ctdoula
I don't think you're a freak at all. Having experienced 2 m/c before this baby, I know that I tend towards being anxious at times as well, even though this pregnancy has gone wonderfully. and I know you've mentioned that in your previous work experience you've seen some hard stuff involving little babies.

Is there anything you can do that helps you when you feel anxious? (yoga, meditation etc.?) I think it's natural to worry, but it's too bad that it affects your enjoyment of your pregnancy

And that's TERRIBLE news about warriorprincess...so sad.

[JoyAnne]

If you are a freak, then I am too. When my kiddo is still for an hour I sometimes imagine the worst, I have anxiety about birth defects due to the cold I have or the Sudafed I took, I think it is simply part of this expereince. I hate to hear of a still birth, that is certainly one of my greatest fears. Having kids, does it get better after they are born? Or will I then spend all my time worrying about SIDS and such?

[sunbaby]

you are not a freak.


oh no, thankyou for letting us know about warriorprincess. that is heartbreaking. it really touches home when someone we know has a loss, i know i feel so much less innocent than i used to before my misscarriage and spending time on the loss boards. it makes it feel much more real, that heartbreaking stuff really CAN happen. pregnancy and birth allows us to walk such a very fine line between life and death. i feel in a constant state of blessed, ......and terrified.

[ctdoula]

Thanks mamas! It REALLY does make me feel better to know that other pregnant mamas are having the same (morbid) thoughts. I'm not obsessed or overcome with it, but I do think about it & even that makes me paranoid that I'm jinxing myself.

Originally Posted by JoyAnne

Having kids, does it get better after they are born? Or will I then spend all my time worrying about SIDS and such?

haha, this is what I thought the 1st time around. That when she was born I'd stop worrying... hahhahahaha. You worry all the time about them stopping breathing, getting sick, hurting themselves.. it goes on & on. It's the hardest part of being a parent... knowing that your little heart & soul is walking around in the world & you can't protect them from everything.

[JoyAnne]

Amy-

That is kinda what I figured, the fear and anxiety will not dissolve with the birth. My sister lost a baby to SIDS, co-sleeping even, so I know that will freak me out. My SIL lost a baby at birth, in the hospital, so THAT freaks me out. Someone has a quote in their siggy about having a child being like your heart now walking around outside your body- I can't remember exactly.

Usually I have faith that all will be as it should, good or bad, and thus anxiety and paranoia are not useful. Last night I was on another board and read some lady's message about co-sleeping being dangerous and how so many babes die from it blah blah blah- I guess I was just up too late, I started freaking out about that choice!

Plus I am home alone this weekend with lots of time to focus on my pregnancy fears- DH comes home tomorrow night, not soon enough! (paranoid about going into early labor....)

[cielle]

All the worries are normal, I think. I worried a lot with my first - too much. If you're keeping yourself up all night with worries, crying a lot, etc. it can help to find a therapist, etc. I had major PPD with the first and I think the anxiety was a precursor to that. Even if it did come to needing a therapist or other help it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or a freak!!! There are lots of us in the exact same situation. And honestly, when you hear about other people's losses, it is hard not to worry more yourself.

My thoughts are with warriorprincess too...

[wasabi]

I usually don't have these kinds of worries. I have been battling depression though and on particularly bad day I realized I hadn't felt the baby move in a while and I was fairly convinced that she had died and that was why I was feeling so depressed. Luckily she was a good girl and moved just seconds later. However I do know lots of women who got more nervous and scared as the time for delivery got closer. I have an online friend who took everything in stride until just a few weeks ago (she's due a week before me) and then she started worrying that every new pain or strange symptoms was some major complication. She was having a hard time with a family member's illness and an online buddies stillbirth. I think when we read about stuff like that it's normal to worry more than normal. And I definitely worried all the time once my baby was born. I worried I'd drop her and something horrible would happen. I worried she'd die of SIDS. I worried I wasn't making enough milk even as my overabundant supply sprayed across the room and my baby was gaining 2lbs/month. :LOL That quote about having your heart walking around on the outside is so true.

[~AttachedAtTheHip~]

I've had a lot of bad dreams the past week! I had 2 m/c's between my son and this one.. and had a few dreams here and there but this last week it seems like I just keep thinking of everything horrible! I think it's perfectly natural