Intimacy and Co-sleeping - Page 2

[bendmom]

We do it where we can, when we can

Usually mom and dad have to talk *privately* for a bit with door closed.
When Ds#1 was first born, he was on the other side of the bed asleep. Since then we've learned to be creative :LOL

[farmer mama]

The statement that making love with a baby in the bed or a child in the room is sick and abusive is really offensive to me. Seeing how a large portion of the world sleeps together in a one room home, are all these children being abused? Are all these parents sick? Hardly, they are just doing what is natural for humans to do, and I do not see how that can be destructive to a child. We sleep in a large family bed (two queen sized futons pushed together) and I "admit" it, I have made love quietly, discretely in one bed while the kids were in another, often spooning or in a way that if my child did wake up it would appear we were cuddling. We also don't have any street lights or night lights so it is very dark in the room. We made love when my baby was in the womb, so why is it sick to do so when my baby is lying next to me? Of course if we are wanting to be more rambuncious, adventurous, or noisy (which is how we usually are) we go to another part of the house. So to answer the OP, we usually sneak to another part of the house, but when we just want to have cuddly sex, we may just stay in bed. Granted, both kids are deep sleepers, our room is dark, we can be quiet, and if my 5 year old woke up and heard some heavy breathing and wondered what was going on, that would be okay. What if your child wakes up and looks for you and hears you making love in another room? It is really not a big deal.

[duckat]

When we were feeling amorous when ds was very tiny (not so frequently, heh) we were comfortable making love with him in the cosleeper. Now he spends the first part of the night in another room, so it's not a concern.
We're out of town right now and in a room with 2 queen beds. We had a nice quiet time with ds in the next bed just last night.

[doctorjen]

We've had a child in our room for a lot of our marriage. Mostly in a cradle or crib pulled up to our bed. Fortunately, all of mine are heavy sleepers, and as a pp pointed out if they woke up and heard heavy breathing, so what?
Now last year our oldest ds (then 15) walked right in on us, and THAT was mortifying. I was on call, he was talking on the phone downstairs and the call waiting beeped. It was the ER calling for me, so he came right in to give me the phone without thinking about it. It was late at night, and I didn't hear the phone ring since he was on it.
I think he's scarred for life, too. But he's darn careful about knocking anymore! :LOL
In high school, I had a boyfriend who mentioned once that he felt happy whenever he heard his parents being amorous at night. He was glad they loved each other and still were obviously happily married after all those years (he was an only and late in life child) I guess that colored my perception of how kids feel about their parents' sex lives. I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here, so even though we take pains to not be obvious about it, I'm not too worried that they might occasionally hear something.

[paquerette]

I have a five week old, so I'm curious about how this works, too. We have a cradle next to our bed, but she's never been in it. If she'll tolerate sleeping in there for an hour or so, that's a possibility. Honestly I can't think of another comfy place in our apt besides the bed. And the kitties have free range of the rest of the house, and I hate them looking at us. They know what we're up to, sleeping baby would not.

Oh, lovechild: we only have a full size, too. All three of us fit snuggly, sometimes even comfortably. The baby and I take up roughly the same space I did pg.

[kiahnsmum]

We all sleep in the same room, ds(5), dd(14mnths) and oh so patient dh. Because of our living arrangement creativity is definitly the key. So crazy as it may sound the closet is our regular meetin place so when things get loud the doors can be shut. (kinda makes me feel like a naughty teenager still) :LOL
Nothing wrong with those who chose to do it next to sleeping baby it just makes you learn to be gentle lovers!!

[squirrelletta]

OK, so its ok to be "Makin' bacon" as long as the childs not old enough to hold a camcorder?

[Still_Snarky]

I'll confess to being of the variety who do it on the bedroom floor (about 10 feet away) from the baby sleeping soundly in bed. We are currently living with my mom and I think it would be far more "abusive" to do it downstairs on the couch or in her room... We are quiet and respectful of our daughter (and my mom for that matter). If dd happens to wake up it's no big deal, she sees my boobs all the time anyway. I don't feel this is wrong for our family at this point.

[Still_Snarky]

Originally Posted by squirrelletta

OK, so its ok to be "Makin' bacon" as long as the childs not old enough to hold a camcorder?

:

[Aura_Kitten]

thank you, farmer mama, for your honesty.


i, too, am going to stand up here and admit that we've made love next to a very asleep baby. i kind of walled her in w/ blankets on the other side of the bed and we scooted wwaaaaaaaaaayyyy over. (she's 7 months now.)

we also have...

* the bed in the morning when the kids are in their room busily playing...
* the bathroom
* the office
* the floor

and so on.

I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here

:LOL

[onlyzombiecat]

We have made love when my dd was sleeping near us as a baby or toddler. I don't feel it was abusive or sick.
We have gone to other rooms after dd got a little older- bathroom, living room, etc. We learned to do it standing up. We've done it at all different hours. We try to be discreet. My dd has walked in on us a few times because the room didn't have a door to close. Kind of awkward.
I prefer to do things when dd is asleep but that has always been hard to manage since dd would stay awake all night and dh worked during the day.
Now that our dd is almost 5, we've just started setting a timer each evening and tell dd that it is our alone time. We get her something to do and go in our room and close the door. When the timer goes off we come out. It works okay. She is fine. We don't always have sex, sometimes we just talk or touch... reconnect as a couple. I kind of wish we had started it earlier since lack of intimacy on a consistant basis has been a stressful on our relationship.

[Ms. Frizzle]

My relationship with the hubblet has gotten better because of our son

Hubblet! That is so cute.

[KariM]

We're now sleeping in the "nursery" on our family bed comprised of two twin sized mattresses pushed together on the floor.

Our marital bed is available for alternative activities in the next room over. Before we moved to the family bed we had DD in the marital bed with us. Heck, she was conceived there and born there we thought it only right she sleep there.

After she got to be about 5 months old she was getting too big and I started to worry about her movement and safety issues.

We've been intimate in our bed with the baby in the bed sleeping and also in other rooms. Now it's convenient just to go back to our bed and leave DD sleeping in the next room in the family bed.

--Kari

[rgarlough]

When ds was that young, 2 months, we wouldn't worry about him being in the same room (or in his cosleeper) when we DTD. Its not like we're marathoners or anything so it didn't bother us. We would usually wait until he was asleep.

As ds grew, we would still try to refrain until he was sleeping. Whether that meant he was asleep on the couch or our bed, it just didn't matter. It would sort of freak dh out if ds was awake Our son usually falls asleep between 7-8 pm so that was 'our' time.

I do have a dh that thinks once a week is more than enough so we really don't have a lot to coordinate...

But now that ds is a bit more impressionable and its just not quite 'right' to DTD with him awake at all, we're more apt to wait until the 7-8 pm window of opportunity

We have been known to use other rooms, couches, kitchen tables, what have you, to make sure that ds isn't disturbed by our actions Course, he has woken up while we're DTD but since we're really not marathoners he is tended to asap.

[rgarlough]

OMG, my DSD busted us makin bacon when I was pg with ds! It was definitely an eye opener for all of us! She used to be so impulsive and didn't have much for boundaries... but she sure does now!!! :LOL And we certainly had the door shut but she would just barge right in...

[Vicitoria]

When Lukas was really little we just put him on a matress on the floor. Now we just put him in his bed and when he wakes up bring him to ours.

Co-sleeping is unconventional to begin with, conventional people don't understand it. Co-sleeping is incredibly intimate in itself. Sleeping is sleeping, sex is sex. They are two entirely different thing they just happen to be done in some of the same places.

[RubyV]

We have sex whereever we find a spot that moment.

Yes, we've had sex with her in the bed when she was younger. Now we just go to the living room, bathroom whatever.

Besides, as SO put it, if the only screaming she hears us us having sex, then she's ina much happier home than most.

[girlndocs]

Originally Posted by doctorjen

I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here

DH & I found that when Dd was real small, rocking the bed got her to sleep very deeply

And can I just say: "Makin' bacon!" :

[MilkyMcGee]

I always find it humorous when people try to educate me about co-sleeping.
"You'll never have another child if you have one in your bed"

:LOL
Whoa, is someone from the school where you always had to do 'it' in the bed, under the covers with the lights off?
Hehe, that is So 1950's grandma!

Obviously my dh gets some sex, 'cuz I managed to get myself pregnant again!
----

I wanted to add that we don't dtd in our bed anymore when the baby is there. We stopped because I was uncomfortable with it, not because the baby was paying attention

[orangefoot]

Abusive?????? Yikes.

Its freezing here at the mo and we haven't considered doing it anywhere else than out warm bed for a while now.

We are ordinary folk, we look just like other people but we do co-sleep and we do still have a sexual relationship. If you find it too weird don't do it. I can't convince anyone else, only make it know that it is a possible choice among many others.

From here in the UK it seems that there is a polarisation of sexual relationships in the US at the moment; abstinence vs promiscuity, modesty vs sexual nudity (see Janet's nipple incident) which we don't have to such an extent here.

Does this have a bearing on the current discussion in some way?