Intimacy and Co-sleeping - Page 3

[Plummeting]

Orangefoot, I would say you've summed up the American ideas of sexuality pretty well. I don't know that people actually think about it that way, but that's kind of the bs that someone out there is trying to convince us is true. They say, "If you don't teach abstinence in school the kids will be sleeping with everyone, the teen pregnancy rate will rise...." etc. "If you're naked, you must have sexual intentions. If your child sees you naked, you must be some pervert." It's very strange. Sexuality is definitely discussed in terms of extremes. I think that could be related to people considering having sex near baby "abusive".

[Morgraine]

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

Dh
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

Well I am 32 weeks preg and still having sex. I don't know if the baby is awake or asleep. However, I am sure when my uterus tightens suddenly
s/he wonders what the heck? LOL

Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.

[librarymom]

I have to share that our oldest child is 12, and my mother still tows the "how do you have sex" line. Our oldest is one of four, and we have been happily married and best friends for 14 1/2 years! Haven't we answered your question yet?? :LOL

[cutekid]

I don't think there is anything worng with doin "IT" while your child is sleeping in your bed, right next to you. My DF and I did that for awhile, well until about two weeks ago when my DF and I were going at it and I looked over and my DS was wide awake with this frightened look on his face. SInce then there has been no nookie in this house

[averymybaby]

Originally Posted by Morgraine

Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.

so very well said!

[JavaFinch]

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

[osioke]

abusive?

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

...
I think it's wrong to do it in teh room with your child no matter what the age is.

I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

I wonder how you arrived at your opinion. Care to share?

[trinity6232000]

Child's opinion.

I left my daughters father while I was pregnant. So this issue isn’t really apart of my daily life. BUT I can comment from the child’s perspective. I co-slept with my parents from birth till about age 4/5. My parents slept on two twin beds pushed together cause they worked different shifts, and when my father came home in the morning it would wake my mom and then she couldn’t fall back to sleep. Sometimes I would sleep in between them (when they weren’t working) and sometimes I slept on a crib mattress on the floor.

ANYHOW. I remember slight memories of hearing “noises” as a child. I don’t know if I was in the twin besides them, or on the floor. I don’t remember much. But I don’t think anything odd of my experience. I didn’t put together my memories, of what was really happening till I was much older, and I still don’t have any problem with it. Actually it’s a comfort knowing that my parents who were turning 40 the year I was born, were still loving each other in a physical way. Not that 40 is old, but after having 3 teens in the house, and me the new baby. It’s nice to know, you know.

Everybody keep on lovin on your partners. When there is love in a home, everything is good.

[PurplePixiePooh]

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

Dh I Use the living room, basement, spare room, shower, bath, and if we want to do it in our bed, then we move DS (26 months) to his brothers room.
I think it's wrong to do it in teh room with your child no matter what the age is.
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

I was specific when I said *In the bed next to them* (making love-whatever) while a child is literally right next to you in sick.

Does being so far up on your high horse make your nose bleed I wonder?

Please re-read your above replies. Can you not see how obviously offensive and outright rude they are? Accusing families of being sick and abusive for engaging in a beautiful, natural act of love and intamacy in the presence of an infant is just sad. Perhaps you hold such negative views of sex due to a childhood trauma of your own, but to point the finger at so many others for not holding to your own repressed ideals of sex is wrong.

[nhklh]

I don't understand other people's issues with co-sleeping and intimacy either. I guess they're lacking in imagination and creativity?

We've made love with DS in a bassinett right by the bed asleep, no problems. Now we usually just go to a room other than the one DS is napping in. Today he napped in the loungeroom while we had mummies-time in the bedroom

If we or DS were getting some sort of kick out of DS's presence, that'd be wrong, but we're not. He sees us both naked all the time as well, takes showers/baths with us, it's just not a big deal.

[Ms. Frizzle]

Originally Posted by PurplePixiePooh

Does being so far up on your high horse make your nose bleed I wonder?

Nope., Not at all Does yours?
I have seen people use both the words 'sick' and 'abusive' and others when talking about CIO, Circumcision and spanking here at Mothering, and no one blinks an eye at it. Reason being, is cause the majority agree's that those things are wrong. Use those same words against something the majority does then all gloves comes off.
If you feel sex is an OK thing to do while laying next to your child then by all means, do it, and have fun. But my opinion has not, and will not change on the issue.
I'm done with this topic now, so if you want me to see any replies you should PM them, cause I wont be checking this thread again.

[HelloKitty]

Originally Posted by Morgraine

Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.

What an awesome post! You rock girl

ITA w/ what she said...

Kitty

[JavaFinch]

Originally Posted by Ms. Frizzle

I have seen people use both the words 'sick' and 'abusive' and others when talking about CIO, Circumcision and spanking here at Mothering, and no one blinks an eye at it. Reason being, is cause the majority agree's that those things are wrong. Use those same words against something the majority does then all gloves comes off.
If you feel sex is an OK thing to do while laying next to your child then by all means, do it, and have fun. But my opinion has not, and will not change on the issue.

In my case (since I don't know what other people do) I can say there is a HUGE difference between sex on one side of our King bed while ds sleeps on the far other side (and soon we will be upgrading to another Queen bed next to the King, so then it will be in a separate 'bed') and CIO or Circ or those other things you mentioned which is done TO a child. Here is the difference - My son has never been conscious when we have had sex - never. So how can it affect him if he is oblivious to it?? My son is a VERY deep sleeper, and I can tell by his breathing when he is sleeping. We also live in the country and no street lights plus blinds closed on the windows (to keep out even the moon light) means that even after an hour of your eyes adjusting to the dark, you can't see 12 feet in front of you. So at MOST my son would HEAR or feel the mattress moving a bit. Now, seeing as he's a very innocent child, he wouldn't know at all that **SEX** was going on.

Your view seems ultra prudish to me and judgemental based on some twisted view of what you THINK is going on in family beds who do this. It reminds me of someone who says nursing a child X years of age is "sick" or "abusive". It's just pure ignorance at best - and perversion at worst (meaning the one projecting these 'feelings' on the other is actually the one with the "issues")

Anyway, you're not reading this anyway, so maybe that's best. Sorry that my post was harsh. But your post insinuates that *I* am abusing my child, which is utter BS.

[Aura_Kitten]

Jody ~ ITA ~ and if nothing else, even though Ms. Frizzle won't read them, your words will reach others who may come to this thread looking for information / advice / support.

[willowsmom]

Wherever and whenever we can. Willow is pushing 2...and she certainly has no idea what's going on when mom and dad slip out of bed at night...or...toss the pillows onto the floor...

In my opinion...and completely in jest...people who think you can only have sex in your bed...CLEARLY aren't having enough sex.

[Past_VNE]

My name is Jaclyn and I'm sick and abusive.



DH and have sex mostly in bed, but that's just because this rental house is so cold and drafty. Normally, we're much more creative. Jett is often in bed with us and generall asleep. Sometimes we get really sick and twisted () and do it when he's awake. He just hangs out, cooing at the ceiling fan - definitely has no idea what we're doing.

In other cultures, this is perfectly normal.

We'll stop when it seems awkward. As said above, I don't want him crawling over us! LOL...the ferrets try to do that and it's a huge distraction. Or watching us....the dog does that - looking at us like, 'No fair. I never get any. Why should you guys?"

[KermitMissesJim]

Dd slept in a bassinet that was on the same level as our mattress. We were makin' bacon when she was 5 months old and she woke up. She just started babbling, and I cracked up because it sounded like she was giving color commentary or play-by-play to a baseball game. It's one of my favorite memories.

[proudpapa]

Co-sleeping for 9 years now

Our oldest will be 9 in June. He has been sleeping in our room for most of his 9 years.

He has a bed on the floor right next to my wife's side of our bed.

We manage fine.

[Galatea]

My dh was never comfortable doing it in bed while ds was there. That was fine with me, b/c we never did it in bed anyway. We always preferred the couch or floor or wherever. When ds was really little, we'd put him asleep in his swing and have a 1/2 hour of peace.

I never understand this question. Doing it in bed at night *only* is boring and uncreative!

[IncaMama]

well, i'm a sicko then. we've made love while our DS was on the other side of the bed. he never woke up. i suppose he'll grow up and be a serial killer now.