How do you feel about being a stay at home mom?

[Deepa]

Hi

I am a new member and I am not sure whether this subject has been discussed somewhere in detail before. Please let me know. I am a stay at home mother (I have a 5yr old son and expecting my second one in June) and though we always have felt that additional income would be helpful, I am not sure if finding a job would be the best thing for us. I would like to know how others in similar position feel about working?

Thanks, Deepa.

[Amys1st]

Hello!
I think you're in the wrong section- staying home w your children in not living off the grid yet!

Are you looking for support?

[yitlan]

Well, a stay at home mom who lives off the grid is defnitely a WORKING mom!

[kangamitroo]

hi Deepa,
my first reaction, since your post was listed in the country living section, was to wonder whether you are feeling isolated, being home with your child. this reaction may just reflect the fact that I am a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) in the country and often feel isolated. I moved to the country (after being a city girl for my whole life) only 2 months before dd's birth. too much change at once!

let me know your thoughts. what do you think your challenge is, as SAHM?

[Deepa]

Hi

Thanks for the replies. First of all, I am sorry I got the question on the wrong forum. I am not living in the country, though I would love to. My basic concern was that though I feel good about staying at home with my kid, I sometimes feel bad about not being able to contribute financially to the household.

[Amys1st]

Originally Posted by Deepa

Hi

Thanks for the replies. First of all, I am sorry I got the question on the wrong forum. I am not living in the country, though I would love to. My basic concern was that though I feel good about staying at home with my kid, I sometimes feel bad about not being able to contribute financially to the household.

Think of ways you are contributing to your family though. That was my realization after doing this for 3 years now.

[yitlan]

"A penny saved is a penny earned," right? For each dollar you save, consider it 1.5 dollars earned, cause you gotta figure in taxes!

[UUMom]

I agree with all the wise ones. If staying home is something you want to do, you are contributing to the household. You 'd need to pay for child care, you'd need to pay for work clothing (if you would need them) and you might have less time to cook, and might eat out more. Saving money is a virute as well. Sometimes it's more effective to save money than to make money. It's different for each family, of course.

I feel really good about being a sahm right now. I prefer to care for my children myself. I don't want to pay someone to do what I (mostly lol) enjoy. Whining bugs me, but i certainly had co-workers who drove me even more batty on bad days. I also have more time now to cook, look for bargains (although that doesn't take any time. I know where to go for what we need). I guess I have turned into a homebody in the last few years (I have been a SAHM for 6 yrs now). Taking the kids to the library for DVDs, books and books on tape, going to their concerts, knitting with friends, hanging out with the other hsers sometimes, inviting people over to eat, yk---doing things that don't cost too much (yarn is a problem for me right now. lol) are pleasurable. My dh also plays in a jazz quartet as a hobby, so I do go with him to clubs sometimes-- often people will buy the musicians partners drinks. :LOL

My kids are older, so their activities do cost. When they were little they were cheaper to keep. for sure. But now music lessons and other such things are places money gets spent.

So basically, enjoy the time with your little one and try to save. That's as good as making money, imo.

[Amys1st]

I agree- think of the cost of going to work.
But again I say- think of what you're contributing. No one goes to their grave saying gee I wish I made more money when Dchildren were smaller. Or Gee I should have spent less time with my family.

For me to have kept getting a paycheck (I consider myself still working!) it would have been a larger tax payment, daycare $$ which could equal our mortgage, working clothes, getting to work, more medical bills to pay for sickness from daycare, blah blah blah....
I would have had maybe a grand or less left over monthly. 12K a year is not worth leaving my daughter with someone else. I also think using my parents and in laws for babysitting full time is totally wrong. They can watch DD for a few hours here and there and then be exhausted but 40 hours weekly? Thats disgraceful. Thats not good for their health or helping their kids. I see people who do this so they can pay for nice cars and bigger houses.

But keep doing what your doing even if your renting and there is not much money right now. Seeing your child grow is worth it. You have plenty of time to get a house down the road or earn some $$ but your child's childhood is very short- and you do want to see it, thats why your home. But being a SAHM is not for everyone. If you're not happy, maybe a few hours a week doing something will help and you can contribute. But thats a decision only you and your family can make.
I wish you the best!

[Deepa]

thanks so much for these encouraging words. Personally, I am more than happy to be able to spend so much time with my son. No amount of money will equal the time I spend hugging and enjoying his love. I feel sorry for my husband that he is missing all that. But sometimes when I start thinking that our living condition is not going to improve for several years to come and our expenses are increasing all the time, i get very worried. Just like Momma4, I spend for my 5 year old's music lessons, etc. I am sure my regret will be huge if I go to work and miss all the time I could have spent with my son (Right now I am not even able to bear the thought of him starting full day school next year). So I guess I have no choice anyway and must start seriously looking at ways to save money (there are so many eco-friendly things and organic cotton stuff I would like to buy but can never dream of them right now). I would appreciate any money saving tips and any ideas for things that can be made at home for which we generally pay a lot. I started a home business last year making all-natural, organic skin care products on a small scale and had a very good response, but I gave it up since I just couldn't take good care of my son and do a business. Now that I am pregnant and expecting my second child this June I don't even have the time and energy to cook properly. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent out and I again appreciate the feedback.

[KariM]

Deepa,

Have you checked out the Frugality board yet?

You can find it at:

http://69.20.14.30/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=312

I thought I was doing a great job living frugally, but have picked up lots of tips there.

--Kari

[tinybutterfly]

I've been a SAHM now for 16 years. I had originally planned to go back to work when my younger son started 1st grade, but due to illness have not been able to do that.

I read an interesting book and they should be able to get for you at your library. The title is The Two-Income Trap by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi. It might make you feel better about what you are contributing and the safety net you provide.

I don't know how old you are, but when you are young and just starting out with your family, very often money is tight. Hopefully, there will be raises and you will learn ways to save money and make the most of what you have. That all comes as you progress as a family.

The frugality board would be a great place to check.

[Deepa]

Thanks. I will check out the frugality board and the book.

[snowflake]

((hugs)) Deepa. I soooo understand how you feel! We've never been in great money shape, but always made it. But I struggle with feeling the same way about not contributing. I'm over it for the most part because with three kids childcare would be a fortune. *LOL* Seriously though, when I add up the amount of money I save us by breastfeeding and cloth diapering (not to mention all the other frugal things I am able to do by staying home), I contribute BIG TIME!! ha ha

[ekblad9]

I used to feel guilty but I had a few more kids and now I know it would be too expensive for me to work. :LOL So have some more kids and the guilt will go away

[PikkuMyy]

Deepa - there is a SAHM forum! Here it is:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=329

Since you are knew, take some time to look at all of the forums and sub-forums on the main page since there is a category for almost everything. That way you'll get lots of advice on the right topic, plus you can search within a forum to see if your questions have already been discussed!

Welcome to the boards!

[Deepa]

Thanks guys! I did check the SAHM forum and it is just what I was looking for!
ekblad8: I am expecting my second child in June and surely that makes me feel a lot better about staying at home and taking care of two kids. If it was upto me alone I will have many more kids, but it took a lot of effort to convince my husband about the second kid. He somehow feels we need 2 incomes to have a bigger and better family!!

[stacey0402]

Originally Posted by Deepa

Thanks guys! I did check the SAHM forum and it is just what I was looking for!
ekblad8: I am expecting my second child in June and surely that makes me feel a lot better about staying at home and taking care of two kids. If it was upto me alone I will have many more kids, but it took a lot of effort to convince my husband about the second kid. He somehow feels we need 2 incomes to have a bigger and better family!!

Hi Deepa You should check into cloth diapering as one way to save money with your new baby We have a very active diapering board under "Natural Family Living". I would be happy to answer any questions you have about cloth, I am very passionate about it!

Always remember, you will never look back and regret being home with your kiddos, but you may regret working while they are so young

[yitlan]

Originally Posted by stacey0402

Always remember, you will never look back and regret being home with your kiddos, but you may regret working while they are so young

Right! Who ever says, "Drat. I wish I had been away from my kids more when they were young. Then I would have had more money and great memories of work."
??? No one, I hope!