my dog is dying

[Elphaba]

i just left my sweet dog at the vet for more tests, but it doesn't look good. she's only 5 for god's sakes, i didn't think we'd have to face her death for another 10-15 years.
she hasn't been herself since shoshanna was born, and 2 months ago started refusing to eat. this weekend she started vomiting bile. i took her in yesterday and her blood tests came back with bad results. her bilirubin is deathly high, her thyroid is low, and the results were consistent with a badly damaged liver. they are x-raying her this afternoon to see if there are any masses in her abdomen. she may have an ultrasound tomorrow. they were going to start her on some IV antibiotics and fluids this afternoon to help her feel better.
i just hate myself for not taking her in sooner. i hate that she's been suffering for so long. she's the sweetest soul and shouldn't have had to be in pain at all. i feel so guilty because i haven't given her the attention she deserves because i have been so focused on shoshanna. i let her down and it's killing me. i don't know how i am going to be able to let her go. we've been together since she was 5 weeks old. she was my only comfort when sean was away. it just hurts so much.

[AnnMarie]

I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I lost my cat a week and a half ago. I had him from the time he was born 12 1/2 years ago till his death. It is so hard. They really can become part of the family. PLEASE don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. These things happen unfortunately.

I hope she's OK.

[lisamarie]

Pets are such a huge part of our family~they love and comfort us no matter what and are always there for us. Its so hard to go through times like these. I have always had pets and this part is the toughest and roughest. Sending you much love and hugs.

Best of Luck~

Lisa

[Irishmommy]

((((Shoshanna's Mom))))

[Els' 3 Ones]

[JessicaS]

I am so sorry. You had no way of knowing your dog was hurting, you are doing what you can to help her.

Poor sweet puppy..

[cumulus]

Hi:

Pets are so precious. My girls and I have had a dog for 11 years and he's obviously aging. I think he'll be around for a few more years but we sometimes grieve in advance thinking about him being gone.
I would not assume your dog was in pain unless the vet said so. We've all been "off food" for spells without the cause being pain. Perhaps all your dog felt was like she didn't feel like eating. And whatever problem your pooch has, and let us hope it is something easily managed, you did not give it to her and she, I'm certain, would never want you to suffer for any reason. Meanwhile let's hope for the best and let us know how things went

[USAmma]

I know this may sound corny but when we had cable for 2 months I liked to watch the Pet Psychic. When she connected with animals already passed it was comforting to hear that they were no longer in pain and that they understood that their owners did the best they could at the time. It was just their time to leave.

I think animals process pain and illness differently than we do. Instead of fighting it and trying to find cures (part of our human nature) they just accept it and deal with it the best they can. Dying is a fact of life.

My dog died of tick fever last year when she was nearly 10. She'd had it years before and it came back but I was too busy with Abi to see it until she was in a very bad state. When she did get very sick I could not afford to treat it, and besides she was suffering so much. I had to have her put to sleep right there on the spot. I feel bad that in her last year of life, which was Abi's first year, I didn't give her as much attention as she was used to. But she was loved and I'm sure she knew it. Pets are so forgiving.

I'm sure it never occured to your dog that you were doing anything less than you could have-- because you were doing the best you could. When it's time for her to go you'll know it and if you need to help her get to the Rainbow Bridge I'm sure she'll be grateful, and I know you'll be strong enough to help her this one last time.

My eyes are tearing up as I write this. I'm thinking of you and your dog right now. I hope you can find peace in all this and just know that your dog knows she is loved. She's lucky to have you.

Darshani

[Elphaba]

well, things are still bad here. i really appreciate all the kind words and support from y'all.
bailey was on IV fluids and antibiotics for 3 days and seemed to be improving. but today was full of setbacks. i woke up and stepped in a puddle of urine, and while we were at church she peed on the carpet and threw up bile again. my poor baby. i know she feels so bad about it, too. she's very sensitive, and has only had one or two accidents as a grown dog and always gets very embarrassed and upset. she still won't eat. i even cooked her up a special meal prescribed by the vet, which she swore has never failed, and bailey wanted nothing to do with it. sean made her eat a few spoonfuls, but she puked it up a couple hours later.
we're supposed to bring her in again tomorrow morning to get her blood rechecked, but i wonder if we should even put her, and ourselves through it. she's obviously not getting better. if we get more bad test results, we could get an ultrasound to diagnose exactly what is wrong. the problem is that we then have to decide what to do with that information. it's not like we are wealthy and can afford thousands of dollars in vet bills, or any kind of bills. i want to save her, but i also don't want her to be in pain longer than she has to. she's getting so thin, it's painful for me to hug her. more and more it seems like euthanasia is where we are headed. i can't believe i am going to lose her like this. she doesn't deserve this. i know so many asshole dogs that bite kids and other animals, and it's my sweet angel dog that dies young.
i'm so sad. i hate that money has to play any part in this decision. i wish she was on our insurance.
today happens to be the day when our priest blesses everyone's pets, i just know i'm going to break down.