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Originally Posted by LilithParker
Living with BP is like building on sand... no matter how nice a house you build, the foundation is always going to be shifting, and the whole thing might fall down at any moment. With Lamictal, for me anyway, it's like moving that house from sand to stone. The foundation is rock-solid, so I can spend more time working on the house itself.
A lot of the day-to-day stress is situational, and you can learn to deal with it by spending some time in therapy. I've found that the therapy is much more effective now that I'm on Lamictal, because I'm not worried that the next mood swing might undo all the good of the therapy. I can focus on dealing with the situational stuff, and I feel a lot healthier.
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Yes, yes, yes!!! That is it
exactly, Lilith! You explained how I feel about meds sooooooo much clearer, and beautifully, than I ever could.
My drug-of-choice is Depakote, which is actually (relatively) compatible with bfing (there are no known or reported side effects, although, as always, if possible, it's better to avoid introducing psychotropics to a developing brain - but getting you sane and keeping your kid bf'd is way more important!).
And yes, cyclothymia
is on the Bipolar Disorder spectrum. It was my initial diagnosis as well (I was still so sick I couldn't let on how sick I was
I've since been diagnosed with BP type II). It runs in families; someone with cyclothymia is more likely to have BPI or II relatives, including they can "pass it on" to their children (fortunately, we can also "pass on" how to live with it well
).
I also want to encourage you, Chickadee, to be careful adding an anti-depressant - in many people on the bp spectrum, it can make us go way over to the manic or psychotic end, even if we've never been there before. (Actually, that can happen to Unipolar Depressives, too, but it's more likely to happen if you already have a known tendency toward any kind of mania.) There are mood stabilizers, such as Depakote, that don't have that side effect, and are compatible with bfing, that maybe should be considered in addition to - or even instead of - a straight antidepressant.. (Not saying that that's right for you, just letting you know there are options.)
And hon, feeling like this:
Quote:
| So I'm either making things up because I can't handle life or I can't handle life because I am ill to the point it frightens me. Either way I feel bad about myself and either way I feel terrible about being a bad mom to my kids. |
is just ("just!" hah!) a symptom of the disease.
I know I'm getting really bad when I start thinking that
I am too weak, too stupid, too lame, too whatever, to live a sane, productive life, rather than that this disease that I have makes it difficult (but not impossible!!) to be happy and healthy.
And like Lilith said (have I mentioned recently how much I love what you said?), the meds just help the foundation of the life you're trying to build - eventually you're gonna have to work on the house itself. But first things first, let's get that foundation stabilized and solid, and then you can work on everything else - that's where the "right" supplements and modalities of treatment come in.
So to answer your second question, the things that have helped me (after the meds gave them a solid foundation on which to work) were, in no particular order;
- getting regular amounts of sleep (I need 8-9/day, no more, no less, and I'm kind of dreading what's going to happen to that when I have a kid...), and getting up at the same time every day (that's even more important than when you go to bed).
- Omega-3 fish oil supplements (I'm currently on 2g/day)
- eating organic, and eating enough protein (I don't know why that matters, but it does, to me)
- regular medical massage therapy - I've been getting a massage from an amazing body/energy worker every 2-3 weeks for the past two years, and it's not just a luxury (although it is luxurious
), it's really a medical/mental health necessity for me.
- weekly psychotherapy, with a great guy who understands the "paradox" that bp is both a chemical disorder and a result of (or rather, is triggered/aggravated by) screwed up thinking, and who's helped me move into living in the "now," rather than obsessing about the past or the future, both of which were severe symptoms of my disease
- regular sun exposure (I'm not so good at this one, but man does it help when I do)
- exercise (ditto)
- meditation (ditto again )
- not talking about the disease with people who aren't going to be helpful about it, and talking about it openly with everyone else (until they prove they're going to fall in the first category) - this, actually, I think is one of the most important things I've done, so I'll say it again:
- be completely open and honest about my disease, just as I would about, say, having cancer, or a broken bone, or any "socially acceptable" medical condition. BP disorder, in my experience, and particularly depression, is a darkness- and pain-loving creature. The more I bring it into the light, and the more I let it know that its mere existence cannot cause me pain, the less power over me it has (and the less pain and darkness it can bring into my life). I learned many years ago that the first symptom of an oncoming depression was a lack of desire to discuss, or even acknowledge, my disease - and conversely, the more often I was able to push pass that extreme hesitancy, the less severe and the shorter the impending depression would be.
Wow, I think I may have managed to outdo LilithParker for length.
(Without near the beauty of her metaphors, alas.) I hope you may glean something of use out of all this.
Good luck. 
Arwyn, thank you so much for your praise! Your list of suggestions is right on.
