My lose it moments- wwyd? DS1 waking DS2

[harmonymama]

I'm trying to be more proactive about the situations where I tend to lose my temper, or say things I regret. Here's my biggie at the moment- I often (daily) ask my 3-1/2-year old son not to disturb me while I put my 8-month-old to sleep for an afternoon nap. This usually involves lying down on the bed and nursing him to sleep for 10-15 minutes. DS1 usually handles this OK, although I know it is difficult for him. When he is having a rough day, I will sometimes put on a video or audio story for him to keep him occupied. Often he is already having his "rest time" where he knows I expect him to lay in bed or play quietly, but sometimes he gets really loud, opens our door, or knocks on the door just as the baby is falling asleep. It drives me nuts! And sometimes I yell, lose it, or send him for a time-out, I'm not proud to say. It's really hard for me to put on my GD thinking hat, when DS2 is screaming and exhausted, having just been wakened. One day after I yelled, and apologized, I asked DS1 what does he think we should do about this problem, and he suggested making a sign for the door to help him remember. We colored it together, and it has helped, but he has still forgotten a couple of times, and I have feeling we are not out of the woods.

Sometimes I try other ways of giving the baby a nap, like walking him in the sling, but I find that I need at least a few quiet moments, usually nursing lying down, to get him back to sleep. This is generally only for his afternoon nap, which also my DS1's rest time. In the morning, the baby just sleeps on the go in the sling, while we are at the park or whatever. For my calm, I need to have the baby down in bed in the afternoon. Having DS1 with us at nap time just doesn't seem to be an option as he is transitioning away from napping and often isn't tired, and seems unable to be quiet for more than a few minutes, no matter how hard he tries. We have tried this. Have other people dealt with this,napping issues with two kids/baby? How can I make this easier on DS1, respect the baby's need for a nap, and calm myself when it doesn't happen the way I'd like it to. Ideas would help, as I'm a little stuck. Thanks.

[um_hanna]

Originally Posted by harmonymama

I'm trying to be more proactive about the situations where I tend to lose my temper, or say things I regret. Here's my biggie at the moment- I often (daily) ask my 3-1/2-year old son not to disturb me while I put my 8-month-old to sleep for an afternoon nap. This usually involves lying down on the bed and nursing him to sleep for 10-15 minutes. DS1 usually handles this OK, although I know it is difficult for him. When he is having a rough day, I will sometimes put on a video or audio story for him to keep him occupied. Often he is already having his "rest time" where he knows I expect him to lay in bed or play quietly, but sometimes he gets really loud, opens our door, or knocks on the door just as the baby is falling asleep. It drives me nuts! And sometimes I yell, lose it, or send him for a time-out, I'm not proud to say. It's really hard for me to put on my GD thinking hat, when DS2 is screaming and exhausted, having just been wakened. One day after I yelled, and apologized, I asked DS1 what does he think we should do about this problem, and he suggested making a sign for the door to help him remember. We colored it together, and it has helped, but he has still forgotten a couple of times, and I have feeling we are not out of the woods.

Sometimes I try other ways of giving the baby a nap, like walking him in the sling, but I find that I need at least a few quiet moments, usually nursing lying down, to get him back to sleep. This is generally only for his afternoon nap, which also my DS1's rest time. In the morning, the baby just sleeps on the go in the sling, while we are at the park or whatever. For my calm, I need to have the baby down in bed in the afternoon. Having DS1 with us at nap time just doesn't seem to be an option as he is transitioning away from napping and often isn't tired, and seems unable to be quiet for more than a few minutes, no matter how hard he tries. We have tried this. Have other people dealt with this,napping issues with two kids/baby? How can I make this easier on DS1, respect the baby's need for a nap, and calm myself when it doesn't happen the way I'd like it to. Ideas would help, as I'm a little stuck. Thanks.

I cant offer any advice, we are going through this also...dd is 5 and baby is 3.5 weeks...I constantly tell her not to go in the room, she says shes awake as i go in and she is holding a sleeping baby this is like i said constant..i am thankful she loves her so much, always wanting to hold her etc...but I NEED A BREAK FROM THIS TOO LOL
:
hope more chime in for some advice

[bendmom]

I hate to admit it, but it took dh telling our 5 yr old to be quiet for it to stick. We don't do the *good* parent *bad* parent aproach, but it really seemed to work for him to hear it from both parents. I let him come in the room when I am getting baby to sleep and he can lay down or play with quiet toys on his bed on our floor. It took a while for him to get it, and he still wakes baby occationally, but it helps to have silent toys if they are going to come in the room, or whisper, of course.

[harmonymama]

Glad to know there are others going through same thing. Any more ideas out there?

[Piglet68]

Well, this has sometimes been a problem for us as well. I have explained to DD what she needs to do, and when she does come in while I"m putting DS down, I speak to her in a really quiet whisper. If all else fails, I get DH to come and get her. But he's working at home so that is an option for me. DD is pretty good at leaving us alone when I'm putting him down, or whispering when she comes in. But hey, she's only 2.5 and I don't expect her to be perfect at it. I'm thinking reading the OP that you're doing the best you can, a good job, and seems like your older one is pretty good most of the time. I love the sign idea! Just keep up the reminding. Kids that age are very self-oriented, and also full of energy. Those two in combination make it hard for them to remember to stay out and be quiet. Sounds like your little guy is doing a pretty good job.

[lilyka]

Stay calm and be consistant with calmly sending ds back to whatever he needs to be doing. Continue to be proactive. We have a lot of success with books on tape and head phones. I am sure the novelty will wear off . . but until it does. . . I am also not opposed to videos for just such instances, to keep little ones busy while you navigate a tricky situation.

So Another option would be to have your older child sit or lay down on the floor by your bed while you were putting the baby down. the darkened room and special place would be a reminder to be quiet and still, he would be able to reach up and touch your hand but since he as lower than the bed he wouldn't distract the baby (in theory )

Lets see, is there any chance the baby would go to sleep while ds was right on the other side of you? fat chance huh?

this was the trickiest thing to navigate when I had my second baby. My 3rd was a really good sleeper and would sleep through anything. we joke about her being used to the noise from before she was born. Well and she didn't need to be nursed to sleep either which was helpful as far as creating an environment she could sleep in. But #1 and #2 were a train wreck.

[SimonMom]

I don't have a suggestion that will help you oldest son stay quiet, but how about some white noise in with the baby while you're trying to get him down and while he's napping? Maybe a fan or buy a tape of white noise. I use white noise with my 23 month old during his nap just so I don't have to be as quiet. It might help muffle the noises your son makes.