I'm not as open as I thought! - Page 2

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by bebesho2

Nah! IMO kids are just more blunt. I grew up in a subur band went to a very middle to upper middle class public high school my last 2 years of HS. I graduated in 1994. The highest rate of pregnancies at the time wasin the Junior HS-which did go from 7-9 grades. And in my 8th Grade confirmation class (at the Catholic CHurch) we had at least one pregnant girl.

I tal kt omy DD alot, I want her to keep coming to me even if I cringe inside.

I graduated in 88', so that 6 years might have something to do with it, also location. I grew up in Long Island in a heavy catholic community. When I was in 7th grade, the girls who french kissed were gross, we got over it by 9th grade. But when I move to California in the 10th grade I had friends who were having sex, and I couldn't believe it.

Not to sound classest, but I really think the fact that it was an upperclass community in Long Island had a lot to do with the difference. Practically none of my friend's moms worked outside the home. Their mothers were more aware of what they were doing, who they were with etc... I wish I could say it was because they had parents who talked to them more about sex, but I can't. About half the girls in my 7th grade class missed the sex-ed because their parents did not sign the form to allow it. Old world catholic Italian families.

Gethane you are a great mom for teaching your kids they can come to you with anything.

[journeymom]

My dd is 10, and is still absolutely disgusted by anything remotely resembling sex.

:LOL Same here. Which means she's facinated, no doubt.

OK, what does mad props mean?

I am currently reading Sex and Sensibility; The Thinking Parent's Guide to Talking Sense About Sex by Deborah Roffman. That 'thinking parent' bit appealed to my vanity. It's an excellent book. I'm not terribly eloquent this time of the month, so I'll quote from the inside jacket:

"If you are shy about having the so-called sex-talk with your children, or worried you have missed your once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Deb Roffman gives you everything you need to get over it. She provides you the tools to shape a developmentally appororiate conversation, not to mention the encouragement and confidence to put this book down and knock on the your child's door right now." - Joseph DiPrisco, co-author, Field Guide to the American Teenager

She is a non-nonsense person and she insists on giving kids facts (she is a sex ed teacher who gives seminars at jr highs and high schools), and she hammers home that when we parents are timid about stating our values and providing factual information to our children, we put them at risk. She says it's a myth that kids will get de facto "permission" to have sex if parents talk freely about it.

UnSchoolnMa, I appreciate your roll modeling. I know I have a very hard time thinking straight when dd mentions some things. :

[mammastar2]

Wow, so much to look forward to dealing with later on...my daughter is 3, and the biggest thing so far is learning that daddy in fact has a penis and not, as she first hypothesized, a 'long vulva' (pronounced voova :LOL ).

[journeymom]

daddy in fact has a penis and not, as she first hypothesized, a 'long vulva' (pronounced voova

[coleslaw]

I am going to be there before I know it. Today alone, my dd (4) was wearing one of my bras and wanting to wear a "sticky thing" (a maxi pad). And here too, Daddy has sperm calls and dd and Mommy have egg cells. I think the birth of this baby is going to cause sex conversations to go on for a very long time. : :LOL

[Curious Me]

Originally Posted by AnthroMama

I think it is even more important t be able to be honest and calm with our girls. I teach college courses on sex/gender/sexuality (so none of this comes close o shocking me ) and I see so many girls who don't know nearly enough and are being taken advntage of because of it. Teach them now all about their bodies, ther choices, about sex being a wonderful thing that should be pleasurable for them. There is nothing shameful or negative about safe, consentual sex and we need to make sure our kids know that so they don't end up making mistakes. When I ws 15 my mom was telling ne about oral sex, about making sure I had orgasms too, etc. and I think she really had the right appraoch. She was the one who was shocking me! and it meant I NEVER felt like I couldn't talk to her about something.

Good luck!

Hear! Hear! Anthromama -- again, I was getting a little worried that I was an odd duck amongst y'all.

I had NO relationship with my mom -- to the extent that I was mortified that she would find out I had started my period and begged my sister not to tell. We never talked about periods, sex, love, relationships, money, life, etc. Nothing. Nada. I decided as a teen, that if I ever had kids, I would want a very close bond and that we would be able to have open conversations about anything.

It was not easy or instinctual for me early on, but I made it a habit -- to always be open, honest, direct, matter-of-fact, and informative and I like the results. Sometimes I have to breathe deeply to keep calm, but the overall message my daughter has is that it's okay to talk about it -- regardless of what "it" is -- especially sexual stuff, including masturbation.

One thing that is important to me is that (when the time comes) my daughter will always have an enjoyable sex life that is experienced out of her own desires and which is based upon mutual respect and consent and that it not be something she does out of peer pressure, pressure of a partner, for attention, to gain love, etc.

Yesterday's conversation was about vibrators. I've been thinking about saying this for a while, and finally got the nerve up yesterday --- I said "Do you want me to buy you a vibrator?" She was shocked in her own way (which came with lots of giggles) and said "No!!" which was soon followed by "Uhmmmm....I think the pillow will do just fine." Then she said "Have you ever caught me humping my pillow?" I was cooking and, like I would with just about ANY conversation, I didn't look up, kept chopping veggies and calmly said "No -- that's why I knock on your door when it is closed -- I would not want to catch you because that is private." She said "Sometimes you barely knock and come right in." I said "True, but I give you enough time to pull yourself together if you're "busy." Cool, calm, colllected -- we both survived and the bond is stronger.

[Storm Bride]

gethane: Hang in there. It honestly doesn't sound as though you're so much shocked by what your daughter is saying, as uncomfortable about the circumstances in which she says it. My son is 12, and he's definitely got these things figured out. I can't think of any examples at the moment, but I know he's said things to me that were fine...but if he'd said them in front of my mom, or even my husband, would have at least somewhat embarrassed me.

Of course, it's not always teens/preteens. My sister, at about 21, asked my mother (during a family dinner, with company!) the following: "But, how can the woman get on top? Doesn't it break?" The dinner guest thought we were the coolest family ever to be talking about these things, but I was honestly somewhat mortified. Mom barely batted any eyelash, and just told her that they don't break that easily...

And, then there's my son...at about age 3, he saw my sister getting dressed. So, he piped up at a family dinner with this fascinating observation: "My mom's nothing like Auntie Lori...Auntie Lori has hair down there". Thanks, kid. I really needed my stepdad to know that I shave. :

It will all end eventually, and your daughter will be better off for being able to talk about these things. You're coping better than you think!

[PoppyMama]

Originally Posted by Curious Me

Hear! Hear! Anthromama -- again, I was getting a little worried that I was an odd duck amongst y'all.

I had NO relationship with my mom -- to the extent that I was mortified that she would find out I had started my period and begged my sister not to tell. We never talked about periods, sex, love, relationships, money, life, etc. Nothing. Nada. I decided as a teen, that if I ever had kids, I would want a very close bond and that we would be able to have open conversations about anything.

It was not easy or instinctual for me early on, but I made it a habit -- to always be open, honest, direct, matter-of-fact, and informative and I like the results. Sometimes I have to breathe deeply to keep calm, but the overall message my daughter has is that it's okay to talk about it -- regardless of what "it" is -- especially sexual stuff, including masturbation.

One thing that is important to me is that (when the time comes) my daughter will always have an enjoyable sex life that is experienced out of her own desires and which is based upon mutual respect and consent and that it not be something she does out of peer pressure, pressure of a partner, for attention, to gain love, etc.

Yesterday's conversation was about vibrators. I've been thinking about saying this for a while, and finally got the nerve up yesterday --- I said "Do you want me to buy you a vibrator?" She was shocked in her own way (which came with lots of giggles) and said "No!!" which was soon followed by "Uhmmmm....I think the pillow will do just fine." Then she said "Have you ever caught me humping my pillow?" I was cooking and, like I would with just about ANY conversation, I didn't look up, kept chopping veggies and calmly said "No -- that's why I knock on your door when it is closed -- I would not want to catch you because that is private." She said "Sometimes you barely knock and come right in." I said "True, but I give you enough time to pull yourself together if you're "busy." Cool, calm, colllected -- we both survived and the bond is stronger.

[PoppyMama]

And, then there's my son...at about age 3, he saw my sister getting dressed. So, he piped up at a family dinner with this fascinating observation: "My mom's nothing like Auntie Lori...Auntie Lori has hair down there". Thanks, kid. I really needed my stepdad to know that I shave.

:LOL I am going to laugh at my children if they ever tell me that I embarass them. My daughter thinks it is hilarious to discuss (loudly-in front of others-while checking to make sure people hear) the way I use to squirt booby milk at them in the bath. I am so used to it now that (especially if it is guys around) I just look at whoever is standing around and say "Well, wouldn't you?".

[trinity6232000]

Originally Posted by coleslaw

I am going to be there before I know it. Today alone, my dd (4) was wearing one of my bras and wanting to wear a "sticky thing" (a maxi pad). And here too, Daddy has sperm calls and dd and Mommy have egg cells. I think the birth of this baby is going to cause sex conversations to go on for a very long time. : :LOL

When my dd was around 2yo she was watching me in the bathroom during my moon and she seemed alarmed, she thought I was hurt. I comforted her and I said it was a band-aid (cause she loves band-aids). That cheered her up, so that is what we called maxi's, band-aids. Come to about a year ago when my Father was caring for dd and he got cut. He was putting a band-aid on and my dd says "Yeah Mama gets cuts too. She wears BIIIIG band-aids in her underpants". She then started to do a dance around the kitchen singing "I'm gonna grow uuuuup, and I'm gonna get booobiess, and hair on my bum bum". My Dad was embarrassed, but my Mom said she laughed so hard she could barely breathe.

[Valerie.Qc]

Well... my DH's family is very into sex talk : I've heard infos "I" didn't want to know... (young SIL asking if we wanted to see her piercing or FIL telling us that they didn't see the end of the XXX movie they had rent )

DD(14yo) is very private and will turn away when we kiss or hug... so every talks we had were bring up by me - I don't push but some things need to be said even tho it makes her blush She was way more into talks (and into embarrassing her mother ) when she was a toddler.

[boingo82]

Originally Posted by Curious Me

Hear! Hear! Anthromama -- again, I was getting a little worried that I was an odd duck amongst y'all......
..Cool, calm, colllected -- we both survived and the bond is stronger.

You sound like such an awesome mom.

[pjlioness]

Another good book....

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex But Were Afraid They'd Ask

I've been reading the book. It's very funny and informative.

So far, the worst I've had to deal with was ds1 talking about boobs in front of my cousin and his girlfriend at Thanksgiving last year.