12 yo can't find ANYTHING!

[dukeswalker]

Ugh! I guess this is a vent and a HOPE that someone out there can say "OMG - my son is the SAME way!"

My 12 yo son - can't ever seem to find anything - EVER. He is a responsible kid (very) - he gets himself ready for school in the am - makes his own lunch - I would trust him with my lil' ones (and yours for that matter) , makes dinner once a week (with guidance), he is excelling in every area of his life - except this! It has gotten to the point where my dh doesn't even want his "help" anymore because we have to walk him thourgh every single step.

Today I asked him to get the folded, blue blanket out of the back of the car - he came back in because he couldn't find it - I went out, yep- there it was. Later I asked him to please go brush the dog and that the brush was on the patio, either on a chair or on the floor - he came back in because he couldn't find it. So out I go...I take 2 steps, and there on the floor, with nothing surrounding it, about 4 feet from the door was the brush! Grrrr! THEN (and this is what prompted me to write/vent) I ask him to please got get the bag of frozen strawberries from the freezer - telling him that he is going to have to move things around to find it. Also warning him that if he tells me he can't find it - or asks for my help I will S E R I O U S L Y flip out....

Can you believe he asked me!! ACKKK!!!

Now granted, today is a very busy day - I'm home with the 3 kids while trying to pack all of our food & clothes for a week long trip to Mexico - so my nerves are a bit frazzled as it is....

But please, please tell me this is a 12yo boy thing?!?!?!

[sunnysideup]

It must be the 12yo brain. My daughter is imposible when it comes to looking for anything. Like your son, she is also very responsible and smart, but I don't think she could find her own head. I assume they will figure it out eventually. It gets pretty darn frustrating though-- having to find her backpack, book, hat, you-name-it, every day.

[bamamom]

He may be having selective hearing...it seems to get worse with age :LOL !! When you ask him to go do something , before he goes, make him repeat it back to you, whatever it was you said. See if he's really listening. Who knows maybe it's a song playing in his brain louder than you can talk!! Making him repeat it back will prove he knows what you're asking of him. If he doesn't repeat it back correctly, tell him what he missed and make him repeat it back again.

[Irishmommy]

Neither can my 10 year old.

Or my 40 year old.

[oldcrunchymom]

According to my mom, this is a Y-chromosome thing. My 9 year old already does it!

[wasabi]

Ditto to the y-chromosome thing. :LOL My mom used to joke that the uterus was a homing device. For some reason none of the males in my family could ever find anything but all the women could. My Dh suffers from the same problem. I can tell him almost exactly where something is and yet I know I'm going to have to go in and find the damn thing. It might not be exactly where I thought it was but it's going to be so close that you feel like anyone not brain damaged should have been able to find it based on the instructions given!

I think Bamamama's suggestion is a good one.

[journeymom]

I can't remember which sex is which of the xx/xy thing. But I can tell you my 10 y.o. dd is the same way.

[girlndocs]

Could it be strategic incompetence?

("What is strategic incompetence, anyway?!" "I had it written down, but I think I lost it.")

[sunnysideup]

("What is strategic incompetence, anyway?!" "I had it written down, but I think I lost it.")

:LOL

Yeah. Sometimes it does feel like they do it on purpose. Hey, if they can't find it mom always does.

[UUMom]

My 11 yr old ds is similar. he needs a lot of help finding his shoes esp. i don't get it. His slippers have been lost for a monthm and they ar eunder his bed. It's not that i don't have baskets of everything everywhere. Doesn't seem to help the poor guy. he can never find the milk in the fridge, either.

[Deja]

It's possible that this is due to a form of ADD.

[orangefoot]

Lots of this happening in our house too. It makes me and Dh feel really desperate sometimes. How can it be so difficult to do the simplest things????? Even more perplexing when our ds is a competent, bright, sensible, reliable chap. I think it is a hormone thing though; I've been re-reading Raising Boys and a lot of it makes sense at the moment.

[UUMom]

well, seriously, much of my life is a form of ADD. My ds is perfect, even if he can't find his shoes-which are quite under his nose. :LOL

Edited to add: Which is not to make light of folks dealing with ADD. Just teasing on myself.

[johub]

My dd is almost 13 and has the same problem.
I tend to think it is selective incompetence.
Drives me nuts.

[bravofrenchie]

I think all kids go through it. I did. Mabye it's a brain development thing. Although I think it takes males longer to grow out of it. (Like, 50 years...)

[mwherbs]

so write it down
or have him repeat what you just said-- I did this with my older son who not only had selective hearing I think that he did no process verbal instructions well. he could usually get it right if he could repeat the instructions back to me.
or could be your child needs his hearing and vision checked to be sure he isn't having a problem that could be fixed via glasses or a hearing aid

[canadiangranola]

Honestly, without causing offense...I wonder if it is self-fulfilling in a sense. Not consciously, because I believe you when you say your son is bright and competent...but hey, if someone asked me to do something, and I knew that if I didn't do it, they would come along and "rescue" me by doing it themselves, then perhaps I would stop trying, kwim?

Perhaps when he can't find it, instead of going and getting it for him, you can send him to look again. After awhile, I bet it will get to him that it is easier to look until he finds it the first time than it is to come back, complain about not being able to find it, and then be asked to go back and look again.

Just my 0.02$.

I think all mother's should teach their children (and excuse the blatant sexism here) ESPECIALLY their sons, to open their eyes :LOL They owe it to other women who will grow up and marry those sons. ( I speak only from experience with DH )

[JenniferH]

My brother used to be that way up until he moved out and got married (don't know about now), and now my 30 year old husband is the same way! It can be right in front of him and he will NOT see it. I have to say, though that my 6 yr old daughter has trouble too, so it's not just males.

He says it's just because I know where everything is that I can find it so much easier. I told him if he wants to know where the laundry is HE can put it away next time.

[SagMom]

This happens sometimes with ds--mostly when he's engrossed in some other activitiy or thought. It's like the "missing" item just can't break through to his consciousness.

I'm mostly incredulous, although it does get annoying at times too.

And then *I* walk into a room and forget what I went there for and we're even.

[dukeswalker]

While camping this past week - my dh and I were sitting around the fire with another set of parents of a 12 yo ds - We were chatting about this whole topic and my dh said - "I swear this kid could find a cure for cancer - but he can't find his way out of a paper sack!"

I too think this is a male thing (sorry! ) (my 3yo dd will often say to her brother (or daddy) "there it is!" )

I've actually thought about the whole vision thing as well - but all seems to be ok there too.

Even if it is something he desperatly wants to find, like his latest book or whatever...he will come looking for help after about 1 minute (MAYBE). I'm thinking I actually need to "teach" him how to look for things...