how do you deal with toddlers cursing???

[IncaMama]

omg DS is CONSTANTLY cursing! he's about to turn 2 and he unfortunately knows the words s**t, f**k, and christ. he learned s**t from me and DH (hasn't heard it for MONTHS though), but i don't know where he learned the other 2. anyway, he uses them "appropriately" - as in, when he's upset. he combines them, yells them, etc...what would you do?

we've been ignoring him but then he just gets louder to get our attention. i'm hoping he'll eventually learn that he's not gonna get our attention that way, but it's taking a looooooooooooooong time and i'm hoping some of you have some experience with this.

[homemademomma]

i havent dealt w/it with my own child (hes only 1) but i have w/friends children. we just keep on going like it was a "normal" word, and eventually the shock value wears off. we dont consider the normal swear words to be bad, and we have no problem w/ our kids saying it, but there is still that societal shock value, so after learning the word the kids tend to go crazy with it for a while. in our house, any word is okay, as long as you are not using it to be mean to someone.

[lilyka]

If he is old enough to understand them he is old enough to understand "we don't use those words in our family, and I don't want to hear them come out of your mouth" Of course if you are going to say "we don't say those words" you'll have to back it up with action.

[4evermom]

Maybe you could come up with some fake curse words and have dh exclaim them loudly at appropriate times. Fortunately for us, ds picked up dammit instead of anything worse. He is an attention hound and ignoring things usually results in him behaving more outrageously. I tried switching him to darnit. He thought knit-it and crochet-it were pretty funny. He used to say OMG a lot, thanks to some uncles. He'll pick up on anything people say with great emotion. He is pretty good now (at 3.5) and was much worse at 2. Squid has a nice sound to it.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by lilyka

If he is old enough to understand them he is old enough to understand "we don't use those words in our family, and I don't want to hear them come out of your mouth" Of course if you are going to say "we don't say those words" you'll have to back it up with action.

If he is like my ds was, it's more mimicry than understanding. Daddy would drop something and curse so if ds dropped something, he would say the same word. If I tried to get him not to say it, it turned into a big game of which I wouldn't be the winner.

[Vermillion]

Originally Posted by homemademomma

we dont consider the normal swear words to be bad, and we have no problem w/ our kids saying it, but there is still that societal shock value, so after learning the word the kids tend to go crazy with it for a while. in our house, any word is okay, as long as you are not using it to be mean to someone.

I’m with you.

My son is allowed to use any word to express himself as long as it isn’t an insult to someone else. He has a colorful vocabulary thanks to me (one thing I have a very hard time controlling) but I don’t fuss over it. I have explained to him that because of “social rules” it is best if he only uses certain words at home to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and amazingly at 3 he really understands because I have had very few occasions where he said a “bad” word in public.

Because he is allowed to swear without consequence it has never been an issue for us. He doesn’t even swear excessively, but occasionally he will pick a more colorful work to express himself. I have never understood what the huge deal is with certain words, why some are bad and who gets to decide which ones are bad At any rate my son has been respectful of others who may not feel the same way, so i've been lucky.

Sorry, I realize that this is probably not the least bit helpful as I am sure I am the in the minority when it comes to allowing kids to swear, but that’s how it is in our family, for whatever it’s worth.

[AmandaBL]

he uses them "appropriately" - as in, when he's upset. he combines them, yells them, etc...

I would die laughing. That would not be helpful, I know, but the other night a girlfriend's 4 year old sais "Damnit mom! Let's go!" It was so hard not to laugh. I know I'd loose it if it was a todler! Good luck

[IncaMama]

thank you for all of your replies! this has been really helpful...

i don't really have an issue with the words themselves, which is why i think he's picking up on our inconsistencies. I *do* get very embarrassed when he says them in public...so maybe i'm the one with the issues.

DH suggested that we replace our curse words with either nonsense words or words that are totally ok to say in public. of course, in the moment, we both want those power words to express ourselves...so we've agreed on "balls" LMAO!!!!! please don't flame me bc of the sexist nature of that term...it feels "bad" enough to us bc we know the other meaning, but to rowan it's completely different and we wouldn't be embarrassed if he said "balls" in public. he talks about bouncy balls all the time anyway! LOL

so we'll try that and see how it goes.

we're also going to reeeeally try to ignore his words...he does it with such intention and will actually touch my face to get me to look at him and then yell it. so it's sort of hard to ignore it...but i do use the "We don't use words like that".

oh, and it's sometimes IMPOSSIBLE not to laugh at him. he thinks of the most hilarious combinations (gotta give him credit for creativity) and hilarious ways of expressing himself. tonight at dinner DH almost peed in his pants he was laughing so hard at some of the stuff coming out of DS's mouth. :LOL

i'll check back in tomorrow and let you all know how we're doing with it. i'm sure you'll be on the edge of your seats!! LOL

[lilyka]

:
maybe it is the junior high kid in me but "balls" just makes me giggle.

[Mommy&Will]

Well, for the past few months my ds (2.5) has been saying.... f-ing OGRE. I guess he just likes the sound of those two words together. (yes he watches Shrek on occasion. lol).

But now he combines properly with his mama's favorite expression... f-ing nightmare... he's heard me mumble this on occassion amongst the chaos of a messy house, hungry baby and strawberry-juice-down-the-belly, sticky red fingers toddler running naked through the house...

Anyway, its embarrassing to me and more than anything I feel guilty that my anger and frustrations are so apparent. I dunno. I just feel he's too young to have to deal with that. He also uses the terms in context - when he is mad and angry.

I'm really working at keeping myself in check. I have actually done really well lately but he still holds on to those words... its just a part of his vocabulary now. I honestly wish it wasn't. But I think if I make a big deal of it, it will just encourage him to use it more. I would just die if he said "that" word in front of my MIL.

:

[abac]

my ds (2.5) has been saying.... f-ing OGRE

:LOL

[Frogmorest]

my 21 month old likes farking h*ll... lol! I have a hard time not swearing (no kidding!)

We mostly ignore it. We try not to laugh very hard I try to give them other words to tell me how they are feeling (mostly with my 3.5 year old cause the babe is really just mimicking) I notice that the words fade out after a time.

Maddy's first swear was when she was about 13 or 14 months old. She dropped her sippy cup on the floor and loudly exclaimed "oh sh*t" I laughed so hard I though I'd die

[newmommy]

Lurking

Just curious, why do some of you NOT mind your toddlers/kids use cursing words?

I've never heard of this before...

[Vermillion]

Just curious, why do some of you NOT mind your toddlers/kids use cursing words?

Mainly because I use them and I would be a hypocrite & unfair to punish or fuss when my son say them. He learned from me! Honestly I really just don’t see the big issue with swearing :

All kids are going to exposed to “bad” words, and most are going to use them. In my opinion, like everything else in the world, there are appropriate times to do and say certain things and there are inappropriate times. Instead of forbidding certain words I’d much rather teach my son when and where he can use them. And in the privacy of our own home, I don’t see how the occasional curse word is harmful.

Just because someone at some point said such and such word is bad, doesn’t make it so. I also fail to see how teaching my son to use alternate words would be helpful. Whether my son says “oh sh!t” or “Oh fish sticks ) makes no difference to me as the meaning is intended to be the same. I can't see how one word is worse or better than the other. Words are just words to me as long as they aren't used to attack someone else.

Anyway,

Just my opinion, since you asked! :

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by Vermillion

All kids are going to exposed to “bad” words, and most are going to use them.

So what's wrong with *combatting* "bad" words with *good* words or alternative phrases?

[LauraN]

We just came out the other end of a bad word period. In a moment I'm not very proud of I yelled "f*** you" to my DH. DS (3yo) immediately picked up on the power of that word and before I knew it he was using it at preschool (As in "I don't want to take a nap. F*** you.") His teacher said that, while she had a hard time keeping from laughing, she couldn't have him saying that b/c all she needed was for the other kids to pick it up and for the parents to freak out. So we did several things. First, the next time I heard DS use it, I had a talk with him and told him that that was an ugly word, that I was very sorry I had said it to Daddy and that I didn't like using it because it hurts people's feelings and makes them sad. I said I would work on not using that word anymore. Second, every time he used it after that, I (and DH and his teacher) would say to him, "How about if you say 'rock you,' that sounds much nicer." And then we would use "rock you" in a nicer context. "I'm going to rock you right now and then we'll make supper together." Or pick him up and dance and sing, "We will, we will, rock you!" He only used the word at school once more, and it took about two weeks for him to stop using it at home. Of course, the main thing was that I never said that word myself again.

[Vermillion]

Originally Posted by newmommy

So what's wrong with *combatting* "bad" words with *good* words or alternative phrases?

Nothing, if that is what you choose to do in your family. In my family, I don’t believe in good words or bad words, just words. Even at 3 my son understands basic social rules enough where he doesn’t use “bad” words in public, only at home. I have explained to him that he needs to be respectful of those who do not want to use or hear certain words, and he seems to understand pretty well as public swearing has never been an issue for us.

[IncaMama]

well, since DS is only 2yo he's not really able to grasp the concept of "ok at home, not ok in public"....so i'm trying to work on a universal code of conduct right now LOL

[4evermom]

I suspect if I told my ds the literal meanings of curse words, he would think they are ridiculous things to say and not say them because they didn't make sense. Unless he knew it bothered me and wanted to push my buttons.

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by Vermillion

I have explained to him that he needs to be respectful of those who do not want to use or hear certain words, and he seems to understand pretty well as public swearing has never been an issue for us.

Thank you. I just hope other mamas explain this to their toddlers. Example, if we are in a *family* restaurant, I wouldn't want my family dinner ruined (and my toddler subjected to this) because a 3 year old is yelling "fu?! you mama" and "kiss my a$$" at the next table.

I agree that if it works for your family, then those words should only be used in the privacy of your home.

It doesn't work for my family and they should NOT have to be subjected to that in other places. I can go to a bar for that LOL! (but I don't do bars, just making a point)

I just didn't know a cursing toddler boy: was considered "cute".