How do you get anything done with a 1 year old in the house?

[Dal]

I find that "just" taking care of Simon is more than enough work for me to do in one day. That is pretty much all that I do. At the end of the day, our apartment -- which isn't even very large -- is a mess, I haven't responded to e-mails I feel like I should respond to, and there are huge piles of laundry here and there. I have trouble even preparing food for us when Simon is awake. I wait until dh can help with Simon before even trying to cook dinner on most days.

When Simon goes to sleep, I have 4 interrupted hours (he usually nurses 2-3 times in this span) to do whatever I feel like doing. I'm usually tired. I spend most of my time at websites like this one reading about parenting and participating in related discussions. When I'm not doing that, I'm updating Simon's webpage, researching something else related to him, or just relaxing with dh.

I am not responsible for the cleaning, laundry, cooking, and most of the childcare in this house. Dh does far more cleaning than I do and all of the laundry. But he is not much more of a cleaning guru than I am, so most of the time our place is not filthy, but it is disorganized and unclean enough that it makes me quite unhappy. Why don't I do something about it? In truth, I seem to have some kind of block that prevents me. Maybe this is because my dad always shamed me about having a messy room/apartment when I was growing up? Probably it's not his fault. I won't say I'm lazy b/c taking care of a very busy 1 year old for most of the 10 hours that he's awake and the 3 or so times that he wakes up to nurse during the night is extremely demanding work. I am, however, lazy when it comes to housework. I will admit that. I don't know how to get over it. I guess I just have to force myself. Even if I got over this, if I were to exert myself more than I currently am -- on housework, which I HATE -- I'd have even less time for responding to old e-mails and trying to get some work done. (I'm a grad student.)

I have been working at getting dh to do more of the childcare. He tries. This hasn't been working out very well though. Even if he did more, if they are home at the same time as me (which they nearly always are) I still have the same problem most of the time. Whenever we are trying to do anything, Simon wants right in on the action. I don't blame him. If I'm cutting vegetables, he wants to be held up so that he can see what I'm doing. Even that is usually not enough. He wants to touch the vegetables. He wants to play with the knife. He wants everything that is on the counter. He wants my attention. This is so much wanting. I don't want him to be miserable. I usually just wait until he is really absorbed in something, which is rare and doesn't tend to last too long, or I hold off until he is asleep.

(I'm trying to get a Learning Tower for him, which I think will help a bit. I've had bad luck getting one for a fair price - equivalent to $150 American or less - in Canada though.)

I do feel that if we do some major de-cluttering and some super organizing it will be easier to keep our apartment clean. This will help with how I feel about life.

I guess there is a lot going on here. I am truly astonished by mothers who are able to AP, keep their homes relatively clean (enough that you could have company over with fairly short notice), and still do other things on top of this. I simply can't imagine how someone with more than 1 child does this. That is amazing to me! Kudos to you if you are one of them!!! I don't seem to have it in me to work that hard. If it's going to work for me, I have to find a way to make it easier. Is this possible? Finding external childcare (i.e. anyone but dh) is out of the question for now. My family is too mainstream and have issues, I don't have anyone I trust nearby, and even if I did, I don't feel comfortable with it yet.

Anyone relate? Any suggestions to make things better for me?

[4evermom]

I quickly stopped expecting to get any thing done. Anything I did get done, I considered to be a bonus. Dh will be able to help with ds a lot more in another year or so. Don't feel guilty about not getting any thing done in your child free time. It is incredibly draining to be around a small child all day and "on call" when he is asleep or with dh.

[AppleOrangePear]

Long day.. typing this sentence is less time then fixing typos

HI Dal some days are better then others.

My DH also does alot around the house which i feel bad since he works outta the house all day .

I find that having a rhythm tends to keep things somewhat smooth ( of course there are those days where it looks like you house has been ransacked and its better to just grab DS and head the park )

However i notice if we tend to keep things predictable it is nicer
for ex mon is storytime and then our over the bridge day we go inland to go shopping at the health food store.

tuesday is cleaning the house day and then the park and sooo on

when i do a cleaning the house day Kai will usually play beside me, i will stop and play with him a bit or better yet he willhelp me clean. hes been swiftering since hes 10 months ( did someone say child labor law

Kai has his own area in our kitchen to imitate what DH or I are doing he also has his own lil broom. When Kai was a lil younger ( hes 16 months now) if there were days i felt i really needed to get hold of things around the house ( especially after the hurricanes) i would sling em.

Even at 1yrs toddlers love to imitate what we do and most would rather pull a favorite cabinet apart then play with a toy of there own. Maybe make a certain cabinet his.


A really great book is
Beyond the rainbow bridge,

ourbaby ourselves

and

you are your childs first teacher




OH yeah they also learn so much from imitation: example ( though im probbaly ratehr fortunate that Kai has picked up on this LOL)

Before we leave the house to go somewhere aka the park i sing a song about tidying up our toys and start to put them away. he always joing in and helps well now ( probably for about a month or so) Kai will actually run to his toys when i say its about time for the park and he will say "BACK" and start to put them where they go. he has even started doing this with ktichen utensils he was playing with ( he loves to help unload the dishwasher)

I hope this helps some

BTW the learning tower is awesome however at times He loves being able to push it across the kitchen to utlilize to get on top of the counters



When we go to the food store he walks along side or pushes the cart and we always 'take time to smell the flowers'
today i went in the back room to get something before leaving for storytime and where was Kai on top of the kitchen table 'taking some time to smell the flowers' all i heard was SNIFF SNIFF really loud and then FOWLER (Flower) Of course i grabbed my camera LOL


Michele

[Denise K]

I too am stunned by moms who can pull it all off--and then I realize I don't actually know any moms like that. Hmmmm.....

If your relatives and other resources cant do your childcare, could a few of them maybe come help you have a work party day and clean it all up and organize? You probably wont keep it pristine afterwards, but it might give you a while to enjoy it.

A good book for this time for me was Mothering Your Nursing Toddler , by Bumgartner. Helped me jsut let go of a lot of my stress and expectations, and trust that it would get easier after a while. Also lots of practical other advice.

And an attitude that helped: whenever somebody (mom or not) visits me and sees my house a pit, that person has one more example giving them permission to prioritize baby over housework, or to support someone else in that. I made a rule that I would NOT clean the house before visitors. Now I do, a little, but the rule was relaly helpful for a year or so. Helped me remind myself what I'm doing here.

[AppleOrangePear]

Another idea that works well is if you have a friend with a toddler you can set a day where you will go to her house and both will clean , cook, play with toddlers ..taking turns, then another day she heads to your house and you do the same..Free help and gives DS your attention and helps you catch up some


it can work out as a nice evening too .. some of those days have the friend stay and have her DH come too and eat dinner so then she doesnt have to figure out what to cook after helping you that day

make sense?.


michele

[monkeymommy3]

HEHEHEHEHEHE.....I have one two, he's 20 mo. now though. He is just now playing on his own and "letting" things get done. What works for us is when DH gets home, or when it's time to make dinner, either DH or older brothers put the little monkey in the tub and he is happy with that usually long enough to get the prep work done, it also gives DH his special time with DS. As far as the housework goes, it helps me to plan things out, like sunday you change the sheets and clean the bathrooms, etc. A little anal, I know, but it doesn't get done otherwise. I have also gotten rid of alot of things just so I don't ever have to pick them up again, LOL, that's my personal favorite stategy. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be spotless, anyone who can't understand why your house looks "lived in" doesn't have kids.
I agree that it does help to go through the rythms of the day though, they just love to have a purpose.
I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but mine are 7,5 and almost 2, no such luck yet, I'll keep ya posted

[IncaMama]

Dal, we must chat. I could have written every single word of your post. except that my son is 2yo. I am also housework-challenged, my DH is also the primary "cleaner", he is also trying to be more of a child care provider but DS still always wants me, and i'm also a grad student.

have you been spying on me? LOL

let's PM! email! something!!

[janerose]

One word...Flylady!

OK, OK, so DD is only 6 months. Still, her system has been a huge help to me. You can read up at www.flylady.net . Her yahoo group sends out TONS of e-mails each day though as "reminders" to do your routines, daily chore, etc. If you're already feeling overwhelmed at e-mails they may be a bit much. You don't have to join the e-mail group to do her routines though. Plus she has a great decluttering philosophy, cleaning lists, tips for cleaning with babies & toddlers...oh, all sorts of good stuff on her site.

I specifically find her ideas of morning and evening routines a huge help. For example, my morning routine is: get up, make bed, wash face/brush teeth, dress us, feed us, put away yesterday's clean folded laundry, toss in 1 load of laundry, feed & water animals. This is all made A LOT easier by my evening routine which is: lay out our clothes for tomorrow, prep breakfast (I make her cereal up the night before), make sure dishes are done, reboot laundry if needed (I usually fold at night while watching TV), check calendar for next day, and take 15 min and walk around the house tidying up (this is NOT cleaning...just tossing trash, putting papers in recycling, picking up toys or dirty dishes).

I know these sound like a lot, but honestly, neither one takes more than 30 min. I started with the evening routine, once it was habit added in the morning one, and then assigned specific chores to each day. For example, I water plants/feed fish on Tuesday, wash the bathroom on Wednesday, vacuum on Thursday, errands on Friday. You get the idea. It takes a couple months to get into the habit of doing a routine, but honestly, once you do AND you declutter on top of it life becomes so much easier.

Anyway, sorry this got so long, but if you're really feeling that overwhelmed you should check Flylady out. I know there is a Flylady support group here at Mothering in the Mindful Home Management subform of Natural Family Living.

Best of luck!

Holly

[famousmockngbrd]

It's not just you. It really *is* hard to get anything done with a one year old around. Your main job right now is just to be his mama. Your second most important obligation is to school. Way, way, way down on the list is having a house June Cleaver would be proud of, lol. I know it's hard to look around and see clutter and dust everywhere. But it does get easier as they get older. My DS is 2.5 now and we're at the point where I can set him up with something entertaining and do my own thing for 45 minutes. Of course I am getting ready to have another baby so in a few months my house will be a disaster again. And, there are definitely still times when my agenda and DS's agenda are not the same, and I'm fighting an uphill battle trying to get my stuff done and keep him out of my hair, so those days I just give up and accept that the dishes will stay in the sink and the dust bunnies will live another day. Well, I *say* I accept it, but sometimes I do it grudgingly.

Anyway, having said all that, I realize there is a fine line between "messy" and "health hazard", lol - so here are some tricks for distracting the little bugger for thirty seconds.

The Learning Tower is a good idea - you can make one by getting a sturdy wooden chair and nailing rails to the sides.

If you are trying to clean, give him a spray bottle of water and a rag and get him to "help".

Give him a bowl of uncooked rice, a few empty bowls, and some measuring cups and big spoons. This used to keep DS busy for quite a while. It does make an unholy mess but it's worth it sometimes if you really need to get something else done, and it just sweeps up so it's not *that* big a deal. You can also give him dry pasta to play with. Sometimes I give DS a big bowl with a little water in the bottom, a few cubes of bouillion and a wooden spoon. Get the kind of bouillion that is individually wrapped in foil, getting all the foil off kills five minutes in itself. Then he makes "soup". These things are all good for when you are cooking dinner because it lets him pretend he is cooking too. Tearing lettuce is also a good activity and that actually can *help* you.

DS likes "painting" with plain water on ripped open cardboard boxes. He likes to use different size brushes and cut up sponges. If you are feeling really adventurous you could try washable watercolors but I think a year is to young for him to do this unattended for any amount of time.

If I think of anything else I'll post again. Good luck, and hang in there - this too shall pass.

[famousmockngbrd]

One more thing - I agree that a routine helps. It doesn't even have to be anything really structured or specific. Like, for us mornings are for playing and hanging out, and afternoon is when I do dishes or vacuum or whatever. It helps DS and I to organize our day like this, because then it just becomes the accepted thing that this is when Mommy does the dishes and you need to amuse yourself for a while. When I try to do chores in the morning, even if we're not really doing anything else, I always run into trouble. Don't expect this approach to work miracles right away or anything, because your DS is still very young, but it might be a good idea to make an effort to lay the groundwork now and get into a habit that will pay off later.

[Mizelenius]

I tried flylady but couldn't keep up with the e-mails.

For me, decluttering is truly the key. If you don't have much, there just isn't a lot to put away or clean.

Also, I tend to do little cleaning throughout the day-- in spurts of a minute here and there.

Dishwashing gets done when DD (on occasion . . .and she's three) plays by herself in the kitchen or, more often, rides on my back in a carrier.

Laundry is pre-sorted. We have one of those 3 bag thingys, and it doesn't hold much, but this is a GOOD thing. I do laundry more frequently, which means less to put away each time. I never spend my whole weekend doing it like I used to, when I'd procrastinate.

This article helped, too: http://www.lazyhousekeeper.com/speed-cleaning.html

Grocery shopping can be a pain, though. I am OK with cooking IF I plan ahead (the menus and the shopping) but the planning part gets tough for me as I'm just not creative. DH isn't a vegetarian and I am, and I'm not a great cook . . .so it can be overwhelming.

The key is, I think, to spend very little time doing the housecleaning. Give the sink a quick scrub after you use the bathroom, the toilet too, try carrying things from one room to the next when you move about, put toys away while DS is distracted for a second, etc. It will become 2nd nature.

Also, I try to not clean on weekends, other than maybe to do a good vacuuming/dusting (I use the vacuum cleaner attachment to dust).

Really, though, if you just don't have a lot, it will solve most of your cleaning problems, I promise!!! Our 1st apt was so cluttered and it was a pain . . .we got rid of tons when we moved (and have less closet space) and it has made a HUGE difference.

BTW, I am STILL waiting for DD to get absorbed in something other than wanting my attention. This has not yet happened, and like I said, she's three. That's where a good back carrier can be crucial! I even bribe her with TV . . .she usually says no or even, "Why?"

[girlndocs]

Not being the June Cleaver type myself, I will just say: two words, baby, back carry

[amybw]

i recently cleaned out two drawers for DS 14 mths- one with all the towels and dishrags and another with all the plastic utensils, measuring cups, slotted spoons, ladels, etc... and these are his drawers. he seems to like throwing all the towels into a pile onthe floor, but i dont care. it is a lot of fun for both of us. so much to do with a towel, peek a boo, a wrap, a hat, etc.. :LOL and i cleared off the shelves on the microwave cart to include all the plastic and metal mixing bowls and pitchers and other safe items.
We had a blast one day sitting in the floor for about an hour playing with everything. who knew metal mixing bowls could make such pretty sounds! I gave him a whole bunch of smaller items and a weird pitcher thing with a screw on lid that he can now do . He fills the pitcher with measuring spoons, taco holders, small tupperware bowls ( the tiny ones) etc..etc... this keeps him pretty busy when we are in the kitchen together. he seems to have a lot of fun and he is learning things with the stacking bowls, the dumping and fillling... etc..
i really enjoy him in the kitchen with me, most of the time. he is so hands on and these things really seem to fascinate him while i can do the dangerous stuff. (usually lunch time)

we did buy some safety items - the knob covers for the gas stove and a lazy suzan latch. Ours is a very old lazy susan and i about broke my own finger in it. it hurt so bad! So... we have it latched closed.

another thing that helps us is the bathroom is off of the kitchen. He really enjoys throwing everythiing into the (empty) bathtub :LOL it is funny. he also carries around the plug to the tub and is so fascinated by it... he has a bunch of small balls that he throws in the tub and watches them roll around. I can see him just fine and he is within a few steps distance.

maybe make dinner time a special time for him and daddy. when my dh comes home, ds "helps" him take off his shoes and put them away. opens and shuts the closet door. He is a show freak! then he follows daddy into the bathroom... they often have their time while i cook. reading books or rolling inthe floor.

good luck to you! hope it all works out!


Amy

PS: my house is a mess I'd rather play than clean
I can do a 10 minute tidy if someone is coming over. HIDE= CLEAN
there will always be dust, dirt and dishes.
Make life easier on yourself! Do the basics and leave the rest. cut out the extra dishes- have 4 plates, bowls, etc...store the rest away so that they arent constantly piling up. We used to have 16 plates. So..they didnt get washed til they were ALL dirty : that was an awful task and pretty gross...

[Dechen]

So wait a minute ... some people get things done with little ones around? :

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Dechen

So wait a minute ... some people get things done with little ones around? :

Not here Usually I pick up what's necessary (old food gets thrown away and toys thrown in the general direction of *his* spot) once a day before going to bed. Either Saturday or Sunday mornings are devoted to cleaning. DS goes in the back carrier (like someone else suggested), which my dad wears, we turn on music and clean. It usually doesn't take too long to get it good for the next week.

[amybw]

Originally Posted by Dechen

So wait a minute ... some people get things done with little ones around? :

well, if making sure milk doesnt sour in glasses in the sink and the cat food isnt molded yet, then... maybe ... :LOL

i was so embarrassed today! I had a client i had never met in person come over. I had to hide and shove things. I pulled the vacuum into the living room to make it look like i did something :LOL Shut the bathroom door. luckily DS was eating lunch so the cheerios in the floor didnt look like theyd been there since breakfast. :LOL well, i look up as we are discussing matters and there is a sock and a huge dust bunny in the middle of the kitchen floor which she can see from where we are sitting : I apologized for the crazy house and she said, ahh you have a little one. I thought that was nice !


Amy

[Dechen]

What you need for that cheerio problem is dogs.

[abac]

Originally Posted by girlndocs

Not being the June Cleaver type myself, I will just say: two words, baby, back carry

Well girlndocs beat me to it! I was going to post the same link. This is a great site! I made my own (no sewing) for under $10 and it's a lifesaver. I just finished 2 hours of housecleaning with 11 mo. ds on my back. He fell asleep in the process, so I put him down and now relax while he naps. I only clean when he's up. Nap time is for me. Some find carrying older babies hard as they're quite a bit heavier, but not if you carry the way it shows on this site.

Oh, and I don't normally clean for 2 hours...I was feeling very ambitious today and the house was a pigsty.

[mom2alicia]

i can relate....first of all, i had to lower my expectations. then i hired a housekeeper. :-) she only comes twice a month. but like today, my house is a mess and she is coming tomorrow so i am forced to find a way to pick up everything so she can clean tomorrow and the effects last almost to her next visit. this way i can just focus on trying to keep things picked up, laundry, dishes, paperwork etc. and not have to worry about the scrubbing and scouring. and yes my housekeeper uses nontoxic cleaning stuff that i provide. the stuff i do actually do around the house, i do when she is occupied. i do it around my dd's schedule rather than the other way around. so i don't decide that i need to do the laundry and then try to get her occupied. rather when she is happily playing with something i go throw in some laundry. when she is playing happily in the backyard, i pull some weeds or mow the lawn. the times when my dd is contentedly playing i do some work or take a break myself, i try to balance that.

[Dal]

Thank-you for all of the suggestions! I love this site!!! I'm going to keep returning to this page for reminders and reassurance.

I tried the back carry today with my Sutemi gear carrier. It was o.k.; Simon tends to get bored when I stop moving for any length of time, so I had to keep moving. I'd like to try to make my own carrier even though I already have 4. I think I'm addicted and I haven't found anything perfect yet -- if there is such a thing as carrying around a 25 pound baby without really feeling it!

Michelemiller, I'd love to chat! Simon was up most of last night sick. I'm beat because of it so I'm not feeling up to writing a message at the moment. Whoever has a chance to write first can get the ball rolling. Have you seen a site call Phinished? http://www.phinished.org/ They have tips to help get things going. I haven't spent a lot of time there, but it looks like they have some good advice and a lot of humour. There don't seem to be many discussions about how to manage grad work with parenting, though. I can't imagine now why I didn't get way more done before Simon was here! Oh the time that I had then!!! I guess when there is a will to procrastinate...