not dealing well with 3 yr old behavior

[moonshine]

I am wondering if you sage mamas can give me some insight and help in dealing with DD's new age of 3. Actually it isn't so new, she turned 3 in Jan, but of late I have not been coping so well. For one, "why" has started. While that can get annoying, I can usually manage that alright. But the insistance of doing most everything herself and having a meltdown if I try to do something for her that she wanted to do herself, not listening "on purpose" and just generally pushing the limits is getting really trying on me. I find myself yelling ALOT, and I see the rewards in this when she is yelling at her sister (15 months). I know that a lot of her behaviors trigger stuff in me (not listening to authority, anger stuff, etc) and that my reactions can make the situations worse. But how to deal when my resources are tapped?

I have read some GD books, Playful Parenting, Kids are Worth It, but for whatever reason, I have a hard time using the ideas, concepts in my every day. The thing is, I have felt pretty ok up until this age.

There is a lot of stressful stuff going on in my life right now, so I know that I don't always have the energy to deal with things as I would always like, but I have to find a way to stop yelling so much.

[sunnmama]

Originally Posted by moonshine

But the insistance of doing most everything herself and having a meltdown if I try to do something for her that she wanted to do herself,.

When dd was going thru this phase (*really* freaking out when I would do something she wanted to do), I would just say (loud and happy) "Do over!" and throw up my hands. Then we would back up and let her do it herself. She soon learned that this meant I had "heard" her, and would calm down quickly. Then (over time), when her initial reaction was less intense, we started working on better ways for her to let me know that she wanted to do it herself.

When dd is not listening "on purpose", that is when I pull out the playful parenting strategies. *always* more effective, IME, than engaging in a power struggle. Challenge her (I bet you can't do it.). Race her (I bet I can do it faster!). Amuse her (make up funny characters that "help" her to cooperate).

Also, remember that at age 3, a verbal request must often be followed by physical direction. Meaning, if she is ignoring you from across the room, approach her and get eye contact. Touch her to get her attention.

[annettemarie]

3 is really hard. At 2, they are running on pure emotion- annoying at times, but easier to excuse. At 3, they have their own little brand of logic, and they're not afraid to use it.
I really like the suggestions above- keep things light, don't get sucked in, and actively engage their help as much as humanly possible.

Hugs, Mama!

[foreverinbluejeans]

Simplify your life. Take care of yourself. Learn relaxation techniques. Try to 'fix' yourself rather than your 3 year old (it's tougher to change a 3 year old than it is yourself)!