DS (3) is obssessed with clothes - HELP!

[lilgreen]

DS is 3 and is OBSSESSED with his clothes. It began last October or November and I kept thinking it would just pass like all other 'phases.' Neither DH or I put much thought into our clothes, so we're not sure where he gets it.

He changes constantly, several outfits a day. He usually wants to wear what he sees other people (his friends, big kids, daddy, etc.) wearing. I don't really mind since it seems very important to him, but lately it's reached a point of real conflict. An example is if he wants to wear certain pants, but he soiled them the other day and they haven't been washed. Obviously he can't wear them, but he relentlessly fusses about it until he's in the middle of a tantrum. Another example is he wanted to wear a red shirt like me the other day. I pulled out some red shirts he has, but he wanted one that was solid red like mine and none of his were solid red. He flipped out.

I have tried sitting with him and saying "You want to wear those pants really bad, don't you? But they're dirty and can't be worn. Let's find some that are clean." He only gets even more upset. Of course, the tantrums roll over and he finally settles on an alternative.

Unfortunately, dh can't handle ds' outbursts and thinks ds is mental because he is only 3 and already obssessed with clothes. It's true that most fussing and whining from ds is about clothes and it is also beginning to drive me a little crazy.

So, I'm wondering if any of you have any ideas of how I could gently help get ds away from this obssession.

Thanks so much in advance.

lilgreen

[TortelliniMama]

Just a couple of quick thoughts--

How about if you and he pull out a certain number of outfits that he can change between that day? So, one day he might have 3 shirts and 3 pairs of pants, and he change as many times as he wants, but only uses those clothes. That way, he could still get to change, but he won't be going through his entire wardrobe every day, and it might be a way of putting some limits on the changing without it being as directly from you, IYKWIM? For some kids, being able to say, "These are the clothes we have for today," is easier to take than saying, "I don't want you to change into those other clothes."

Of course, since it sounds like your ds is frequently unhappy with his choices even when he has his entire wardrobe to choose from. When he's upset because he wants to wear clothes that just aren't available, I might try encouraging him to draw a picture of himself in the desired outfit, or watching and directing as you draw him wearing it.

Good luck. I used to work with kids who had a lot of obsessions. It's tough to keep your cool sometimes when inside you're thinking, "What does it freaking *matter*?!?"

Lisa

[cmb123]

I don't have any ideas for getting him away from the obsession. All of my kids at some point have had clothing obsessions, my son included (in fact, he may be the worst!). I've always just gone with it. It's really important to them at the time, and doensn't hurt anyone.
I remember a couple of years back reading a really great article in Mothering Magazine about the value of letting them do this...of course I have no clue when that was. Maybe one of you other women out there remember?

[lilgreen]

cmb123 - thanks for the tip. I might have found the article:
http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr...ing_souls.html

Is that it? Regardless, it helped put me at ease about the situation. Now if only I could get dh to feel the same...

Thanks again,
lilgreen

[jentilla]

My DD is still too young to obsess over clothes, but my much younger sister (10 yrs apart) was totally clothes obsessed from like 3-5 and would change up to 7x's a day. My mom would get harried with all the mess and not knowing what was clean or dirty, but mostly we thought it was HILARIOUS! At first I was really uptight about it (her outfits were VERY INTERESTING), but my mom just shrugged it off and said I had dressed up a lot too. Have you thought about getting him a dress up trunk with neat hats and ties, capes and DH's old stuff and some of your unisex stuff for that matter. It sounds like he is doing a lot of imitating and wants to express himself with clothing. Unless it's like a family photo,expensive dinner out or something you just back down on, I would just let it go. I used to care for a 3yr old who I let wear his PJ pants out all the time. His mom would kinda cringe, but he LOVED it. Stuff like this makes them so happy and it just seems like adult pride causes the real conflict.
Good Luck!

Crazy
: mom to O : and married to my BF John

[lilgreen]

Yes, he has a trunk of 'dress-up' clothes and loves to wear those, too. I let him wear anything he wants, even if its the same thing three days in a row (because he's into police men and that's his police outfit, or something)! He wears his wedding suit to bed regularly. It's quite funny, really, the outfits he puts together. I agree with a laissez-faire approach, but...

i guess the issue is that it so frequently leads to fussing and whining and fits because he doesn't have a piece of clothing he wants or it's dirty (I'll let him wear something if it's just dirty, though. but if it's soiled he obviously can't wear it), or I can't find the exact piece he's looking for, or if we left it at school, etc.

So, I'm not trying to stunt his creativity or limit his independence in choosing what to wear, I'm just trying to avoid the negative situations that are so commonly associated with his 'obssession.' I want to help him avoid getting so upset.

Anywho, there have been some good ideas brought up in this thread and I'll give them a shot. Thanks so much for all your input and ideas and stories.

lilgreen

[mommyofshmoo]

Originally Posted by lilgreen

i guess the issue is that it so frequently leads to fussing and whining and fits because he doesn't have a piece of clothing he wants or it's dirty (I'll let him wear something if it's just dirty, though. but if it's soiled he obviously can't wear it), or I can't find the exact piece he's looking for, or if we left it at school, etc.

Heya- my dd is pretty similar about the clothes and also the whining sometimes.

One thing I realized is that the fussing and whining is a separate issue frokm the clothes. I'm noticing that dd gets rigid and whiny when she is hungry, has low blood sugar, or is tired and though the whining may focus on the clothes, they are not the issue.

Maybe thinking of it that way might help- focus on the mood and the reason for the mood, rather than on the obsession.