Need opinions on this set of books...

[janerose]

My mom wants to sign Emi up for a set of books put out by Scholastic about "discipline". They have titles like disobeying, complaining, teasing, whining, lying. I guess the idea is to introduce the concepts of those things to your kids. My mom says that when when Emi whines for example I can say, "Do you remember what we learned about Jill in the story where she whines?".

What's your opinion on this type of book? I'm going to withhold my own comments for a bit cause I'd like to hear what other's have to say first.

TIA!

Holly

[Deja]

I think you may be referring to the Help Me Be Good series. I really love them even though I think the style of the books could be improved on.

The author has also written several books exploring feelings. http://www.fitseek.com/shop/shop-ite...locale-us.html

You might want to read one of these books before you formulate your opinion on them. Like I said, there is room for improvement, but I've found that children respond very positively to these books for the most part.

[CerridwenLorelei]

I could be wrong but the covers look

like some that used to be in DD"s first grade classroom
Not real GD thinking but more like shaming/wrong to have these emotions rather than here is a better way to deal with it

They could be a different series though

Dd is 11 now so it was long ago

[nicole lisa]

I don't really like the "Let's Talk About" series. I have been getting some from Scholastic's "the Best Me I Can Be" series and I've been really happy with them. The titles are things like: I Can Make Good Choices, I Am Confident, I'm a Good Friend, I Care About Others, etc.

Here's the text to I Can Make Good Choices;

Which shirt should I wear when it's cold outside?
Do I cross the street in the middle or at the corner?
I stop...I think...I can make a good choice!
Do I look at my classmate's paper and copy the answer? (Only one I don't like )
Should I tell the truth even if it's hard to do?
Should I scream and shout or tallk about how I am feeling inside?
I stop...I think...I can make a good choice!

and it goes on for a couple more pages. On the last page it does the I stop...I think...thing and then asks what are two good choices you made today?

I like these books because they're really short and because the whole series acknowledges the power the child has to do things like make a choice to be who they want to be. I also like that they all advocate talking feelings and conflict through.

I did find the "Let's Talk About" series to be guilt driven and I prefer my child act from a place of empowerment, and that he sees that as an option.
Maybe, if this series sounds better to you, you could suggest it as an alternative to the one your mom is looking at; I think it tackles most of the same issues but in a positive rather than a negative context. Ex. Instead of offering up teasing is mean and we shouldn't do it, it says good friends help each other out, make each other smile, share, talk etc. I think it gives them examples of an ideal rather than what not to be or do.

[annettemarie]

Are these the Joy Berry books? If so you can see them yourself here
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/se...040209-5265620
and even look inside some of them and see reviews. I've never been a big fan of the "Help Me Be Good" series. Just the title makes me cringe- it seems counterproductive to label a child, rather than actions "good" or "bad". Alot of the reviews speak of the books as being shaming, and that is my memory of them as well. If I am remembering correctly, the books also heavily rely on the idea of social pressure ("do this and your friends will like you/do this and your parents will be sad") rather than guiding the child towards intrinsic motivation.

Just my two cents!

[peaceful herbivore]

I've never been a big fan of the "Help Me Be Good" series. Just the title makes me cringe- it seems counterproductive to label a child, rather than actions "good" or "bad". Alot of the reviews speak of the books as being shaming, and that is my memory of them as well. If I am remembering correctly, the books also heavily rely on the idea of social pressure ("do this and your friends will like you/do this and your parents will be sad") rather than guiding the child towards intrinsic motivation.

Though I believe the intention is positive (you know what they say about good intentions though...) I completely agree with the above poster, which is why I would be leary of the set and probably wouldn't like it in our home.

[Deja]

Here is an excerpt from the Help Me Be Good Book, "Being Rude"

The text is accompanied by illustrations of interactions between the characters.

"This book is about Eric and his friends, Lennie and Patty. Reading about Eric and his friends can help you understand and deal with being rude.

You are being rude when you treat other people as if they are not as important as you are.

You are being rude when you insist on being first.

You are being rude when you insist on having the best for yourself.

You are being rude when you insist on having the most for yourself.

You are being rude when you insist that everyone notice you and no one else.

You are being rude when you insist on having your own way all the time.

When you are being rude, you are being selfish and unkind.

Other people might not want to be with you when you are being rude.

Avoid being noisy around people who need to be quiet.

It is important to treat other people the way that you want to be treated.

If you do not want people to be rude to you, you must not be rude to them."

[peaceful herbivore]

I just wanted to add, I am also leary and suspicious of one set of books (for both adults and children) that outline a very specific set of rules or examples. Just as I would not take one parenting book and claim it as my parenting *bible* if you will, I would not neccessarily choose one set of books that teach how to behave or act and how not to.

Again, I don't see anything inherently evil in these books, but for example, sometimes you have to be rude to people when they are invading your personal space, (tickling you and not stopping when you ask)....or to an adult who is perhaps trying to touch you inappropriately, or take you with them etc...

I just feel one has the potential of falling down a slippery slope of good intentions if they choose to teach in this manner, not allowing for grey areas. It seems it would confuse a child to teach them to *avoid saying anything that will hurt anyone*...when one of a child predators favorite lines is *it will hurt mommy if you tell*.

See my point?

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by Deja

The text is accompanied by illustrations of interactions between the characters.

Wow, Deja, thank you so much for posting this! I definitely would not want to buy these books. They are so negative. Do not... Do not... avoid.. try not....

We have a great book called "Hands Are Not for Hitting"- for every time it says "hands are not for hitting" there are four other examples of what hands are for.

[Deja]

I posted the text because I realized that how people view these materials is so subjective. Rather than give my own take on it, I put it out there for the individual to evaluate.

Personally, I have found these books to be wonderful teaching tools, but of course my context is different from yours. My child is grown, and I'm working with children from a array of families and cultures. I find value in identifying negative behaviors such as rudeness as things you should not do. Most of the books do describe behaviors that are to be encouraged, but this one does not for some reason.

I like the fact that these books cover so many different kinds of behaviors that the children may not have had explained to them with any detail. There are books on Being Selfish, Cheating, Lying, Being Destructive, Being Lazy, Being Messy, Being Bossy, Being a Bad Sport and a whole lot more.

When I first used these books, I thought they would not be very useful but to my surprise mature 4 yo children and 5 yo children were really captivated by them and would ask me to read many of them at one sitting, maybe because these subjects had not been really discussed in their homes.

Another thing I like is that in several of the books, a character is used to display the negative behavior and other characters who are affected by him frequently choose not to treat him as he was treating them. Sometimes this is done in a context of giving him another chance, and sometimes it's done in the context of empathy for him. But in other books a negative behavior results in fewer choices of playmates, and I think that's an appropriate lesson for a child to learn.

Another thing I like is the exploration of how negative behaviors affect those around you. It would seem that you have to explore the negative behaviors to explore those affects, so again I don't have a problem with the 'don't do these things', especially since the books usually do detail behaviors that are encouraged. I don't know why this book on rudeness does not.

Regarding the 'grey' areas, I agree that it's important to address grey areas, but for me personally, I think you have to establish the black and white and then build the greys. And working on the grey areas never seems to end, as the many ethical debates raging in our times seems to demonstrate.

[Deja]

An excerpt from Being Bossy.

This book is about Katie and her friend Tami.

Reading about Katie and Tami can help you understand and deal with being bossy.

Bossy people want to have their way all the time.

Bossy people think they know what is best for everyone. They think they know what everyone should do.

They do not want others always telling them what to do. They do not like to be bossed.

If you are like most people, you do not want to be bossed. It is important to treat other people the way you want to be treated.

If you do not like being bossed, you must not be bossy.

Try not to be bossy. Take turns choosing what to do when you are with someone else. Let the other person choose one activity, and you choose the next.

Select an acceptable activity when it is your turn to choose. The activity should be save, something you parents allow you to do, and something that everyone can enjoy.

Try not to complain when it's another person's turn to choose. Do whatever you can to make the activity enjoyable for everyone.

Try not to be bossy. Do not bribe, threaten or frighten anyone into obeying you.

No one likes to be bossed. If you do not want to be bossed, you must not be bossy.

[chickadee79]

Originally Posted by nicole lisa

I don't really like the "Let's Talk About" series. I have been getting some from Scholastic's "the Best Me I Can Be" series and I've been really happy with them. The titles are things like: I Can Make Good Choices, I Am Confident, I'm a Good Friend, I Care About Others, etc.

Here's the text to I Can Make Good Choices;

Which shirt should I wear when it's cold outside?
Do I cross the street in the middle or at the corner?
I stop...I think...I can make a good choice!
Do I look at my classmate's paper and copy the answer? (Only one I don't like )
Should I tell the truth even if it's hard to do?
Should I scream and shout or tallk about how I am feeling inside?
I stop...I think...I can make a good choice!

and it goes on for a couple more pages. On the last page it does the I stop...I think...thing and then asks what are two good choices you made today?

I like these books because they're really short and because the whole series acknowledges the power the child has to do things like make a choice to be who they want to be. I also like that they all advocate talking feelings and conflict through.

I did find the "Let's Talk About" series to be guilt driven and I prefer my child act from a place of empowerment, and that he sees that as an option.
Maybe, if this series sounds better to you, you could suggest it as an alternative to the one your mom is looking at; I think it tackles most of the same issues but in a positive rather than a negative context. Ex. Instead of offering up teasing is mean and we shouldn't do it, it says good friends help each other out, make each other smile, share, talk etc. I think it gives them examples of an ideal rather than what not to be or do.

After reading this thread, these books seemed interesting to me so I tried searching for them. I couldn't find anything on scholastic's website, but I think I found the author's website. It says that there are 8 books in the series, but none are called anything about making good choices. Is that the series you were talking about? The author is David Parker? Or can you point me in the rigth direction for the books you are talking about? Thanks.

[nicole lisa]

chickadee 79, it looks like it's the same series. David Parker is the author. I can't find any of them on the scholastic canada web site, but I did just get them this past fall.

I don't have eight, but five:

I Can Make Good Choices
I Care About Others
I Have Manners
I Am Confident
I'm a Good Friend

Maybe what's offered in the series is different between the US and Canada?

HTH,
Nicole.

[chickadee79]

Thanks!
I'm guessing you are probably right about the series being different between US and Canada. Only 1 of the books you have is the same as the 8 books listed on the author's website. Darn, because I'd rather have the books you have! :LOL
Thanks again.

[annettemarie]

[QUOTE=nicole lisa]
I Can Make Good Choices
I Care About Others
I Have Manners
I Am Confident
I'm a Good Friend

/QUOTE]

Those just sound so much more positive than the Joy Berry series!

[chickadee79]

yea, i thought so too, I'll have to keep my eyes open, maybe I'll try emailing the author. In case anyone was interested in what seems to be the "US" series, they are:
I Accept You As You Are
I am Generous
I am Responsible
I Can Cooperate
I am a Good Friend
I'm in Charge of Me
I Show Respect
I Tell the Truth

[sagira]

I did a little bit of research because I liked what you mamas said about these books, and I found this link:

http://www.hellodavid.com/author.html

The whole set is available for $15 only! Wow! I only found two on Amazon so I may go with this one.

Thanks for recommending these books,

[janerose]

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I am going to suggest the David Parker set of books to my Mom. The Joy Berry ones would probably be OK, but I'd also prefer to come at these issues from a positive direction.

What cinched it for me was the sample of the "Disobeying" book they had in the flyer. The page it shows reads "Your parents tell you what to do because they want you to be liked by other people." Um...yeah. That's not exactly how our parenting philosophy goes. Just seems a little too "you have to act a certain way to fit in and make other people like you" to me.

Thanks again!

Holly