I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It is very upsetting to feel like you are the only person doing most of the household work. Is your husband the only one who works outside the home? Unfortunately, there is a wide belief with a lot of men that "bringing home the bacon" means they don't have to lift a finger at home and it is SO completely irritating and upsetting, anger inducing and hurtful.
I am lucky that my husband finally *gets it*. It has taken some time and now he is absolutely wonderful, however, we had to have a year of separation for him to realize what he had with me, so I don't really recommend that, as we had no children at the time and I didn't use it as a *tool*--I was honestly leaving for good. We just happened to reconcille and it is wonderful now thank God, but I say this to illustrate that people can and do change.
It is a shame that letters don't work, as they are useful to explaining your position without yelling or fighting etc. Maybe you can come to a compromise if your husband is willing. Maybe have a conversation along the lines of:
"I realize you financially support the family (I assume this is the case), and I really do appreciate that. I also realize when I get upset I have a tendency to yell, and nag, and push you away and I am sorry for that, as it is obviously getting nowhere. It is important to me though, that you see where I am coming from and understand my position. I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time, and while I don't expect you to take on all of the work, or even most of it, it would help me so much if you could do a, b, or c, at least part of the time. I would be a calmer, more relaxed, happier person and that would extend to being a better wife to you, which I want to be."
I know all you want to say is, "You don't do CRAP around here and it is pissing me off! Why can't you help me DO ANYTHING!!!!"....but obviously, that isn't working, and much of it is in the delivery.
Try to approach it when you are both calm, having a nice, pleasant moment together, and not right in the midst of you being upset or angry. Try to approach it when things are neutral and when no one is on the defensive. Try to avoid accusations and stick more to facts. "I would appreciate some help with the dishes occasionally, as sometimes it is an overwhelming, seemingly endless task. Do you think we could compromise on that somehow?" I am not saying hide the fact that you are upset, but if you have already discussed this with him, cried and yelled, he already knows it upsets you.
It might sound like I am telling you to kiss his @ss, but seriously, I am not. I am just saying that yelling and screaming and nagging and crying haven't seemed to work so far, so maybe a different, calmer, more factual approach would help some. Of course, if he truly wants you to be happy, calmer, and feel relaxed, he should be willing to meet you part way. However, if he is a chauvenistic (sp) jerk, no *angle* will help anyway. I am assuming he is a good guy though, hence the suggestions.
Please take care and I do hope it gets better for you. I know how it feels to feel overworked and underappreciated.