videos a contradiction to attach. parenting?? - Page 2

[PM]

Grateful-mom, I started a thread about this in the toddler forum. Hadn't seen your thread yet. Could you go take a look at it and give me your input. I can tell it will be valuable.

MaliasMommy I agree with everything you said. My 21 mo dd has never seen a video. She takes a shower with me or we wait till daddy is available to stay with her. She plays with the pots and pans while I wash the dishes. If she doesn't want to, I wash the dishes later. She helps me hang the laundry, put away the toys. There's just not a lot that I absolutely must get done at a determined time of the day. But that's *my* lifestyle.

I have really been thinking about this today. I used to think that TV had fueled my imagination, too. But I'm not so sure that it was such a "good" fueling. I tend to think it perverted my sense of imagination, conditioned it. KWIM? When a child reads he/she creates his/her own images; they're not thrust upon the child by a corporation or Hollywood studio.

That said, I do see some merit in animal videos, science videos, Mr. Roger's Neighborhood (excellent enunciation, diverse figures, sign language, good grammar, etc.). But I will sit with my dd when she watches so that I can explain, answer questions. And I don't think I'll start her until she's 2 1/2 or 3.

[Heavenly]

I am of the belief that very little is inherently bad, just the misuse of it. We do have a television and a VCR. We do not have cable or any channels at all. DS (1 year) watches 0-1/2 hour daily of suitable videos. I agree about the problems with kids cartoons and shows nowadays so my son only watches Veggie Tales (Christian and adorable!) and Cedarmont Kids (kids music videos - also Christian). I feel there is no problem with that.

[Jish]

I have to say that I had never considered the TV issue as a conflict with AP before. Just because my preschooler watches Bob the Builder doesn't mean that we are not "attached."

I use the TV to get ready in the morning. My ds's usually watch "Bob" and depending on how many times I was interrupted and how ready I am, I might let them watch one more 1/2 hour show. When I am around they watch a max of one hour a day. I have tried not turning it on, but my 15 month old was getting injured as they played, and it is hard to hear from my bedroom. Sadly, my 15 month old also loves "Bob the Builder." As ashamed as I am to admit it, one of his first words was "Bob." He only has an attention span of a couple minutes then he loses interest and is off playing.

My dh lets them watch about two - two and a half hours on Saturday mornings -- Nick Jr. on CBS, and an hour and a half on Sundays -- PBS. I don't have any issues on the content of the shows and have found that I just have to let this go. It is a special thing between my son's and their dad and I am much happier now that I don't nag on it. It still bothers me, but I decided that the damage I think it might do, is much less that the damage that nagging about it was doing to my relationship with my dh.

[devotedmama]

Selective T.V.

I believe this is not an AP issue it is an issue that can be easily answered by looking at what your values are. What and when do you want your children exposed to things.

For many years my 9 and 7 year olds had no T.V. (except occasionally at grandmas) We had no main T.V. in the house and got used to living without it. I had one in a closed cabinet in my bedroom for dh. This may sound crazy, but we recently went from having no T.V. to getting a sat. dish, we are able to chose alot of interesting programs for my older kids and even record them. Tonight we will be watching My Fair Lady.

I can tell you that my 9 and 7 year old have been playing a pretend game for three hours together today. I don't know if they would be playing together so long and so well if T.V. was a regular part of their lives. They do encounter issues at school, as to not being in on the latest characters and programs so far they have handled this O.K..

To be honest I have bigger issues over playdates with the boys, and violent videos, computer and game boys. Its terrible to say but i try to avoid playdates where these games are the regular play fair. It makes it easier for everyone.

Anyone dealing withthis issue lately?

[ekblad9]

We limit our children's television viewing and don't have cable. We have one TV which is used occasionally for DVD's or videos.

We do have a Nintendo. I wish we didn't but we do. My 10 year old is allowed 30 minutes per day on it and that must be earned. We do not have any violant games nor is he allowed to play any violant games no matter where he plays. I had one neighbor tell me, when I expressed concern over the games that they were playing one day when my son was there and the fact that they were watching "The Simpsons", that if my son went over there he would be subjected to that so he shouldn't come over at all.

I feel that I am much more flexible and ALWAYS ask when there is a playdate if the child can play computer games, video games, is he/she allergic to anything, etc. If the answer is no then that's the end of it. I clearly try to avoid them doing those things during play dates anyway, since it's not interactive but I do always ask.

[Jish]

Devotedmama,

My son is only 3 3/4 and I have already run into the nintendo issue. The next door neighbor boy is 8 years old and is a total sweetheart. My ds loves him and they play great together. The two boys from across the street (ages 6 and 8) are a different story. They are much more aggressive, loud, pushy etc. My ds really enjoys 'running with the big boys' and as of this fall we have let him go into the next door neighbors house (we'll call him A) when the three boys go in. A is an only child and has nintendo, the boys across the street (J and E) don't but love to play it when they are at A's house.

One night when all us parents were outside the kids were in playing a game. From what I could see it didn't look to bad. It is one of the Mario Bros. games and as far as video games goes it isn't too bad. From talking to A's mom no one dies so to speak, they just disappear when someone "gets" them. That is pretty vague, I know, but I haven't played it. I watched A and my son and although I didn't particularly like the game or see much value in it, he loved being there with A. The problem arose when all four boys were there one night and we parents were outside. I could see through the window that they were playing the game, what I couldn't hear was the two not so nice neighbors yelling things like "Kill him!!!" "Yeah, he's dead!!! and the like. You get the idea. Suddenly my son was talking about the game all the time. We would be in the car and he would suddenly start talking about how he "died" the blue guy in A's game. He was using "killed" and "died" often in his vocabulary, even though he had no idea what he was saying or what the words mean.

My dh and I decided after that that although we would allow ds to play at A's house, he would not be allowed to play nintendo. That is fine with A's mom who totally understands. She would prefer that A play games like car racing or the like. I wouldn't even mind that. We have also decided that ds won't be allowed over there without one of us if the other neighbor boys are over there. We are not very fond of their influence. They are in cub scouts and have just started carving -- that means they now have knives -- Aack!!! They came over yesterday and just HAD to show my sons (the younger one is 15 months.) I can only say that I am a bit scared. I'm digressing here.

Anyway, I wouldn't feel bad asking the parents of your son's friends if they wouldn't mind the children not playing nintendo when your son's visit. I can't imagine that it would be that much of a hardship. If they have a problem, have the boys to your house where you can know that your son's are participating in activities you approve of.

[Alexander]

We AP

Videos? Brilliant

We are really into The Magic School Bus at the moment.

Yeah!

a

[devotedmama]

Videos, gameboys, Nintendo; Pop boy culture

I'm new to the boards it's so great to be having this dicussion thanks for you input everyone. I really struggle with issues over boys popular culture.

jbcjmom
I have had similar neighbohoods problems. I usually ask before the kids play for the parents to limit the violent video play. Most of the mom's of my sons playmates know where I'm at and are accomadating. I find it easier to have playdates at my house with the boys whos lives are more filled with "media violent play". What I have noticed is that my son does not gravitate to these boys as much as to the ones who share his interests. This was not always the case. When he was 1st in school, he wanted to play these games and make all those weird violent sounds, and play at these kids homes.

ekblad6
I have just been offered a used Nintendo machine by my SIL, she has 5 "non-violent" games. My dh wants my son to have it, my son wants it. I so don't want to start with it. But we have been able to moderate the comp. and T.V. If you could go back would you avoid getting one?

[ekblad9]

Welcome Devotedmama! Hmmm, at first I wished I wouldn't have gotten it at all. I didn't have a handle on limiting play and what games would be allowed. Now that we limit play and that he totally understands the rules I feel OK about it. I know he really enjoys it and feel that he would want to go to other kid's houses all of the time if we didn't have it. At least I can moniter it at our house.

A friend of mine offered our son the Sony Playstation and we had it for about a day. The games were more violant and I just couldn't deal with it. The Nintendo games that he likes are Mario related and that's about it. So, that's what has worked for our family!

Amy

[youngnhappymamma]

I don't have time to read through all the replies but wanted to respond anyway. The reason we choose videos is two or three fold. We don't want our kids to watch regular t.v....commercials, hidden messages, etc....we can't screen it as well and most of it is pretty mindless anyway and actually introduces concepts or ideas that we don't always agree with or are not suitable for children (even from a childrens television show). The videos we choose we know the content and it is all (mostly) educational. Sometimes videos can spark a childs imagination or interest in an area or subject that wouldn't have other wise been sparked. My 3 year old son knows more about dinosaurs than most 8 year olds. He started watching very imformative dinosaur videos from the library when he was about 24 months or so. He was not into books. In fact, learning from the videos made him want to learn from books, too. I feel confident that if he hadn't started watching videos about dinosaurs (and insects and numerous other subjects) he would not be that interested in them or be so knowledgable. It may be unfortunate, but it is true that young children learn very well from watching things on the television...and I would be dishonest if I didn't say that I was happy they did. There is no way that I would have been able to teach him in a way he was interested in learning about those things were it not for videos...that still holds true. MOst of the time I wouldn't even know where to begin...but he will watch a video about something and it will plant this little seed that I get to help nurish and see grow...he asks questions all the time and wants to know more. We had thought about getting rid of the tv all together, but then I realized that my son would be missing out. Not that children raised without t.v. are missing out, but this is what works best for us. I will also say that half the time I watch the video with him, the other half I get things done around the house or something.

[flutemandolin]

I believe TV and videos are not inherently bad as long as they are used thoughtfully. My kids (4, 2, and 2 months) and I have morning and evening cuddle time in bed, watching 1/2 to 1 hour of videos or PBS, Nickelodeon, or Playhouse Disney. Favorite videos are Thomas the Tank Engine, Veggie Tales (which I like almost more than they do!) and Little Bear. When it's not cuddle time the kids get bored fast watching TV and do other, more imaginative things on their own (often involving large amounts of water on the bathroom floor while I try to nurse the baby! ) I try not to let it be a substitute for reading with them, and they look forward to books as much as they do videos. And I think Thomas has actually fueled my son's imagination--he spends hours acting out Thomas stories and making up new stories with his toy engines.

[organicmama]

We've watched more lately than usual since I've had so much morning sickness. Some days it's been all I could do to put in a video & collapse. Hopefully, I can wean them back off now that I'm feeling a little better. They have a few videos & love to watch taped episodes of Zaboomafoo, which is focused on learning about animals. We only get 2 local channels. One problem I do face is dh likes to watch certain shows in the evenings...though not every evening.

The issue I'm really dealing with right now is we've started going to a really neat church & they have regular meetings in a particular family's home. One parent usually supervises the children while the other adults meet. This usually involves watching a video to keep them occupied. Last meeting they watched a veggie tale video (which has good moral lessons but personally, I think they are often too graffic & overpowering for young children...at least they affect my little ones that way.) I found out later, when that one went off they watched *Scoobie Doo*!!! We don't DO ghosts & scary stuff at our house & my 2 y.o. was terrified! They were only in the next room & I could see them on the couch but didn't know that the video content had changed. I'm feeling very frustrated about this situation but I seem to be the only parent concerned which makes me look like a nut.

We've also been invited over to their house for family movie night with the same group. It's been a Disney movie every time. We tried to go once, when we first met them, we love these new found friends. The movie was Shreck (sp?). Everyone watched it on a big screen in the garage with the volume up WAY high. My 2 y.o. wouldn't even go in the vicinity! Even the sound was too much for him. He & I ended up shut in the music/play room for 2 hours. I'm at a loss on how to enjoy the adult friendships without compromising my values or sacrificing my children (& without looking like a nut!).

[Maisie]

...we do tv/videos but only in moderation..
Just to add I had a friend at college who had never been
allowed to watch tv/video/go to the cinema/etc...he had also never been allowed any candy/junk food....you can guess what he spent the entire first year doing!..Sitting in front of the tv eating burgers!...

[levar]

I couldnt read all the replys, but thought I'd add my 2 cents.

I dont think AP = No TV. Actually I dont think AP = alot of things associated with AP.

I pesonally think AP has alot more to do with developing an Attachment to your child at any age. Putting the families needs first and responding to the children appropriately. I've been reading alot of books and such about it lately. No where have I read that you must do or not do something to follow a style of attachment parenting. There are suggestions but no rules. That is actually what I LIKE about it and why it works so well for our family.

So No TV? Well we use TV as a babysitter every morning while our son eats breakfast and we shower for work. Do I wish he didnt watch any tv? Yeah, but it has nothing to do with his attachment to us but more from the fact that I dislike the violence on most tv programs. If it was a time when there was No TV I would still be sticking him in a highchair with breakfast so I could bathe while knowing he was safe. Would he be better off if I did that now? I dont think so -- he'd be bored.

~Sandie