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Free treats at restaurants  

post #1 of 32
3/19/05 at 1:02pm
Thread Starter 
When you are eating in a restaurant and the waiter brings something to your child, such as an ice cream sundae, and you don't approve of it, how do you handle it?

We had this happen this past week (while on holiday) and I sent the ice cream back explaining that we don't allow dd to eat sweets on a normal basis. I told the waitress that we reseve them for special occasions. The dessert was free; dh thought I was being rude and that being on holiday was a special occasion. I felt that the waiter (restaurant) was being rude because she was giving dd something she didn't even ask us about. What if dd has severe dairy allergies?

Big discussion with dh (who did not agree with me, obviously) on the walk back to the hotel...

Nothing resolved.

So now I'm curious... How do you deal with these situations when waiters do this??
post #2 of 32
3/19/05 at 1:40pm
I would say that I don't want my daughter to have an ice cream now, if she could take it away again.it is rude bringing one without your consent.
post #3 of 32
3/19/05 at 1:44pm
wow, I've never had that happen, thankfully. I've been asked if she can have, or does she like, etc. It's a tough call. I think the principal of asking you first wins out in the end. While being on holiday could be considered special, that was your choice to make before being handed the ice cream. JMO!
post #4 of 32
3/19/05 at 2:03pm
I find something along the lines of, "We don;t take treats from strangers" works well. Then I would go speak in private to the waiter and explain that I should have been asked first. It doesn't matter if my 2 yo wants a sucker, I'm the mom, I get to decide.
post #5 of 32
3/19/05 at 2:11pm
I think for the most part we have always been asked first. There have been a few occasions where the server has asked DS and not DH or me. Ds tho, looked to us and asked if he may have it before answering the server. If we know it is included in the meal we let the server know wheter or not to bring it. Ds orders his own meals so he usually asks us and includes it in his order ie "I would like to have the cheese pizza and vanilla ice cream for desert please." If a server were to bring it without asking and it was a time we didn't want it we ask for it in a to go cup and take it home and put it in the freezer. When ever we bring any dessert home ends up getting tossed out later tho.
post #6 of 32
3/19/05 at 2:19pm
We've either been asked first, or know by reading the menu that it is included, so it's never been an issue.
post #7 of 32
3/19/05 at 2:43pm
Happens to us quite often. I normally let her have it *unless* it’s a ‘bribe’ for getting her in a better mood, which happens often as well.

It’s a tough situation though and I don’t think either choice is wrong, yk?
post #8 of 32
3/19/05 at 5:23pm
thankfully, i've never had anyone *not* ask.

when i waited tables i gave a way a lot of free deserts (family owners were really cool with kids). i always asked first.

kinda related...we were at B&N 2 wks ago. dd picked up this stuffed elephant ballerina ( i don't know which character it is) and then a dora explorer book. so we give her a choice to pick which one as we're checking out. she picked the elephant, which didn't have a tag so i had to run back and get another. when i came back she still had the dora book. i asked dh and he said this older guy behind us who i'd noticed earlier in the store with what looked to be 2 teenage daughters, had asked dh if he could buy it for her. dh said he was kinda caught off guard and just said yes. the guy had one of his daughters give it to dd. i totally didn't know what to think. he did ask....but i was also trying to set limits with dd. the other thing is my ds was standing right there....what does that say to him? i'm still thinking about it.

i don't think i'd have a problem saying no...but i'd also put it as politely as possible.
post #9 of 32
3/19/05 at 9:49pm
That has never happened to me, but your right what if your child had an allergy but still really wanted the ice cream, now you are the bad guy for saying no. I think that ppl should learn to always ask first before giving anything to a child and you were totally in your rights to send it back. I would have probably just let my child eat it, but since we don't have ice cream all that often it would have been ok.

Once though when we were in the airport the security guard gave my ds a candy, a hard candy and he was only 3!!! I let ds take it as not to make a scene on the very long line but once we were away, I took it away and told ds that the man was not nice, that he should have asked mommy first and that since we don't know him it is not ok to take his candy and that we needed to throw it out. Ds asked me why and I told him that since we didn't know the man that he may have done something to the candy and that it was not safe to eat it. Ds threw it right out and now when ppl offer him something he asks me first if he can take it, even ppl that we know. I was very angry at the man and after we got my ds settled in the waiting area I went over to him and told him that it was very nice of him to offer my child a treat but that in this day and age it was a very bad idea to give candy to children that he didn't know and that he might want to rethink it in the future.
post #10 of 32
3/19/05 at 10:00pm
That does bite.

I keep thinking how stupid I was when I was a young waitress.

There are some things I did that I don't like to.
think about. It was many yrs ago, but I can see me offering a free ice cream to a cute kid.

I can see someone (or me) trying to be 'nice', and having *no clue* what's not OK.

I know that "in the old days' I prob did these ignorant things.

Nobody ever told me not to, but I would have felt like a total scum offering p'nut butter fi, to a child who could die by simply inhaling the fumes.

I don't even want to think about all the ignorance I portrayed as a college waitress. Makes me ill, really.

The world is not an easy place to manuever. I hope that people get what they need, and can avoid those things which can cause harm.
post #11 of 32
3/20/05 at 10:46am
Thread Starter 
Dh was the one that told the waitress to take the sundae back. He told her dd wasn't allowed to have it, but he was polite about it. I know it was my right as a parent, but I guess I was looking for reassurance that I wasn't being too uptight. Dh thought I was just being ridiculous, even though we had let dd have ice cream the night before (the little girl sitting next to us was eating some and dd was just drooling over it). I thought ice cream two nights in a row was too indulgent... dh's thoughts were that you indulge on vacation. But as dd, at barely 3 years old can hardly understand that ice cream every night on vacation is okay, but not otherwise, I thought we should maintain the same rules as at home.

Besides - I was already indulging her... I let her eat french fries for dinner, which she never gets at home. :LOL
post #12 of 32
3/27/05 at 1:03am
Just an aside, DH and I went out to dinner at a chain called Pasta Pomodoro last night. (food was great, service outstanding and we got a free dessert because they made a (quickly corrected) mistake on our dinner. And DH's meal was free because he had a b'day coupon.) The family near us had a little girl, and the waitress asked her dad if she could have ice cream. I didn't hear his reply, but it was negative for some reason. (dairy allergy?) and the waitress offered a bowl of strawberries instead. I just thought that was cool.
post #13 of 32
3/27/05 at 4:45pm
I wouldve just let my daughter have the ice cream!
post #14 of 32
3/27/05 at 5:12pm
Was your daughter upset? If not, I wouldn't worry. If she was, I'd give in, but privately tell teh waiter that they should ask first.
post #15 of 32
3/27/05 at 5:31pm
Answer to the OP - i would have done the same as you and my dh would have also thought I was overreacting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBug
Once though when we were in the airport the security guard gave my ds a candy, a hard candy and he was only 3!!!
Where I live this happens EVERY single day, starting as soon as the kid has teeth. (3 is old!) A grandma at the bus stop or the salesclerk in a shop will offer dd candy or chocolate. I do most of the time (not aways) refuse them, but I am considered very rude to do so. I wish I knew why pushing sugar addiction on kids is considered a sociable act (and trying to keep your kids healthy is not!).

Are there really people who are so allergic to PB that they can get sick from the fumes!? that's incredible. I didn't know that.
post #16 of 32
3/27/05 at 10:36pm
I am really surprised that people actually believe someone is being RUDE to offer your child a treat! They are trying to be NICE! If you want to refuse it fine but it blows my mind that people are offended by that. What kind of a world do we live in that is pisses people off when someone tries to do something nice.
post #17 of 32
3/28/05 at 2:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by boston
I wouldve just let my daughter have the ice cream!
Me too.

Heavenly, I am pretty much with you with "what kind of a world do we live in that is pisses people off when someone tries to do something nice." I guess the concern for some is that they want to be asked first - offically offered. I can kind of see that. It is hard to take icecream from a child if it has already been brought. Still, I am not the kind of person who would be offended if icecream was just brought to the table. I don't think letting my child have icecream is so bad. It isn't really just a special occasion treat for us, though we certainly don't have it every day. Besides, if I was worried about it, I would just grab a spoon and dig in, thereby reducing any ill affects on the kiddos and adding to my ample bottom.

In the great scheme of harms to my children, the occasional unordered treat is not on my list of worries. I know others feel differently, but I am just adding my POV.
post #18 of 32
3/28/05 at 3:42am
I definitely agree that people mean it kindly and I take it that way! I am never offended, but I would like to be asked beforehand, because I can't let my kid have 10 bonbons in a row on any given day, so it can definitely become a source of frustration for her and me. I just wish people would offer a treat that isn't food... a balloon or a sticker or something like that would be great.
post #19 of 32
3/28/05 at 3:57am
i'm in the Heavenly and Boston camp ~ although i think they SHOULD have asked first, it's still a nice thing & i would have let him have it.

when we eat out, it IS a special occasion (we do so very infrequently) and whatever he wants he is pretty much allowed to have.
post #20 of 32
3/28/05 at 8:18am
Quote:
Originally Posted by sphinx
I just wish people would offer a treat that isn't food... a balloon or a sticker or something like that would be great.
Not to be a PITA, but, soooo many kids are allergic to latex these days. Please don't ever offer balloons! Mylar are ok, but I always worry about really little ones taking a bbite and choking as well.

A sticker is cool. Almost anything will upset someone, though.
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