Pregnant after a loss? Gather here. - Page 2

[Tuckersmom]

Hey, just checking in! I am actually up and out of bed every day now! It is so nice being part of the family again! We have our first MW appt this week. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat finally! I am still spotting, but it is old blood, so hopefully it will stop soon. I am still having nightmares that I am miscarrying, anyone else? I wake up thinking it was real, totally freaks me out. I am now 12w3d, but my last mc was right around this time, so I still don't feel any safer. How is everyone else doing?

itsybitsy, I totally know how you feel about how many children to say. I always want to say this is my third, but then I feel like I would be fishing for pity from everyone. It just doesn't feel right to totally ignoe the baby we lost.

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

I hope to be joining you ladies very soon.
My third child died at 37 weeks, just over a year ago.
Been ttc...thinking I will be over on these threads either April or May...

Thanks for starting this thread.

[dancingmama]

Hi folks! Well, it's taken me a long time to be able to post here... I was feeling so hesitant to "out" myself as pg! My loss was in November, at 9 weeks. I'm 8.5 weeks right now, and I am scheduled for a 9-week U/S on Monday. If everything looks good on that U/S, then I will tell everyone I'm PG. It's been really hard to keep it a secret, and it feels a little weird to do so. But our loss was so awful. Dd knew we were pg and she was crushed -- "so i'm not gonna be a big sister anymore?" Ugh. So this time we are waiting till the U/S to tell her. Apparently, if all looks well, the chances of m/c are down to 2-3 percent. I can handle that. Also, I have plenty of symptoms this time, and last time I did not. Last time I just knew there was something wrong. I don't feel that way this time, but I'm still having a hard time trusting it. Well, I'm rambling. And dd really wants to do some typing, so bear with us....

Nice to meet you all!


EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE

[Tuckersmom]

We had our first MW appt yesterday! I was kind of nervous because a few days before I had a dream that the MW couldn't find a heartbeat and then an ultrasound said the baby had died. I was petrified to even go, but I wanted so desperately to hear that hb! So the MW tried and tried to find the hb and thw whole time, I am just freaking out! We tried again a little bit later in the appt and shw found it! I almost started crying! I am just over 13 wks, so I feel like I may be able to relax a little bit now! Yeah!

[Soos71]

Hi everyone,

I just joined the November Club (posted on "Getting to Know You" thread yesterday).

I'm glad this thread exists, as I've also experienced a loss. Mine was a blighted ovum at 12 wks on DH's birthday (1/12/05). Amy, like you, I had all the usual symptoms as my body continued growing the (empty) egg sac. We didn't know there was anything wrong until the m/c symptoms actually started. True, we'd been to our midwife the day before and heard nothing when she listened for the heartbeat with a doppler. But it was the first time trying to hear the hb, and she said it was possible I had a tilted uterus, which could be obscuring the sound. I didn't really start worrying in earnest until I began spotting brown at work the next day, and then started bleeding that night. When we went in the next morning for an u/s, the sac was there, but empty, and the perinatalogist said my body had probably reabsorbed the fetus weeks before.

I felt betrayed by my body and by my own inability to somehow "know" there was something wrong, even though my rational mind understood full well that it happened for a reason, and no one was to blame. Now, it's hard for me to get excited about any of my pg symptoms--it's just too early for me to trust anything that's happening. DH feels the same way. The other week, he said he couldn't bring himself to look up what stage I'm at because he was afraid to jinx it. I've been feeling the exact same way.

Basically, we won't feel any sense of security until after we visit our midwife at the end of the month and (fingers crossed) hear a good, strong heartbeat. By that time, I'll be in my 12th week, and maybe, hopefully, out of the woods.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying watching my pg co-worker/friend (due eight weeks before me) hit each milestone of a healthy pregnancy. I pray that I'll follow in her footsteps, and I wish the same for everyone here. I was lucky in that my m/c was natural and relatively straightforward, and that af returned again quickly. So many here have suffered greater trauma, and I marvel at your strength. It's nice to be able to share the unique worries--and joys--of pg after m/c with people who understand.

Happy, healthy pregnancies to all!

[Awaken]

tuckersmom- I am so, so, so happy for you that you heard the hb! What an awesome thing, you must have been SO excited and relieved.

dancingmama- welcome- you probably don't remember me, but I was in the same due date club as you, and I also had a m/c with that pregnancy. At the time I said I hoped to be back in the Nov 2005 club and here we both are! Congrats to you! We don't plan on telling anyone about the pg anytime soon either- I was going to tell our parents after the u/s, but that still isn't for 2 more weeks (I"ll be either 9 or 11 weeks at that point- some confusion over due dates!) so for now it's our little secret.

Soos- welcome to you, too. Pretty much ditto everything you said. I also had a blighted ovum that we didn't discover until 12 weeks.

[Soos71]

Hi all--

I think I need some encouragement. I'll be starting my 12th week tomorrow, and this morning I woke up with a strong feeling of anxiousness. No mc symptoms of any kind, but I just felt less pregnant. It seemed as if my breasts were smaller, and my belly, too. I'm pretty sure I'm feeling this way because this is just about the exact point I had reached when I had my my mc in January. Plus, we have our first appointment with our midwife on Monday night (to listen for the hb). Last time we saw her was when we didn't hear the hb and the mc was two days later.

I hope this is just my imagination and fear playing tricks, and that there really isn't anything wrong at all. It's strange: I was very calm and philosophical about the mc. Extremely sad and disappointed, of course, but not as thoroughly depressed as one might expect. Even for the first stretch of this pg, I was trying to be as fatalistic and rational as possible, and doing pretty well about hanging in there and waiting to hear the hb before getting too excited or telling anyone. It's only now that I'm really suffering from emotional distress. I guess my confidence took a bigger hit than I realized.

It's only four days until our mw appointment. Any advice on how to pass the time and not drive myself crazy between now and then?

Thanks for reading.

[Slackermom]

Susan - I was nodding in agreement with so much of what you wrote. My losses were both quite early -- between 6 and 8 weeks - and when I hit that point in this pregnancy, I went through a period of feeling very gloomy, sure that everything was wrong. I had a u/s last Friday and saw a healthy, wiggling babe, so I feel much better now. We all have those milestones to get past. In fact, I didn't really allow myself to believe I was pg until after that u/s!

The only advice I can give you is to acknowledge that there are those milestones to get past. Each day is one more day that you are pregnant. Celebrate the fact that you are pregnant now, rather than fearing that you might not be in the future. Practice positive visulalization about your mw appointment. Let yourself bond with the idea of being pg, and send positive thoughts to the babe. Easier said than done, I know...it takes work.

Be kind to yourself!

[DreamsInDigital]

I had a m/c in May of last year and I have had the CM panic attack almost every day of this pg. I have two beautiful healthy boys but I worry that the stress of my new job, living situation and random life stress may cause me to miscarry again. I try not to stress about it but I had some brown spotting last week and was in tears for the entire day thinking I was losing the baby. So far so good, but now that I don't have any prenatal care I won't be having a u/s any time soon. Praying all our babies stick this time!

[Soos71]

Thanks for your replies. The kind words mean a lot to me--and to poor dh, who doesn't know what to say when I voice these fears. He's glad I have somewhere to vent where people understand, and I am, too.

I'm feeling better as the day progresses. Going to stay "in the moment" and try not to worry in advance.

Thanks again ladies.

[gossamer]

This is a great thread. I am living ina world of fear, terror, anxiety, joy, anticipation and excitement. I am so worried about getting sick again. I have been told at least twice in the last couple of weeks that if I had waited even a week to see the doctor with Mary Rose we would have both died. THat is how sick I was. SO now I am constantly vigilant about how do I feel, how is my blood pressure, do I have a headache, etc. I just pray for all of us that we get to bring our babies home safe and sound in November.
Gossamer

[gonnabeamom]

I'm gonna stick my toe in the water here. I've had two m/c since I started TTC. The first was fairly early about 7 or 8 weeks. The second was at 11 weeks when the baby didn't have a HB on the US.

I'm now 12 weeks, and this one feels like a keeper. I've had two U/S (one after bleeding at about 6 weeks) and the other at 8 weeks, when the baby measured the right size (which it hadn't with the previous loss). Today we had our 12 week prenatal, and actually got to hear the heartbeat. So in some ways I'm very optimistic, I'm feeling like I can actually breath again.

Here's the silly part, I didn't post in my due date club until now, because the last two losses came within one week of posting on this pregnancy boards. Even as I type this I can feel myself getting light-headed with fear. So posting this seems like an act of bravery to me.

I completely identify with the CM panic, and since I've been on progesterone suppositories, I'm constantly damp.

When people ask me if it's my first baby, I just say yes, because to me it is. If someone asked me if it's my first pregnancy, I'd probably feel compelled to say "It's the first one that got this far". I think I'd probably feel differently if I had lost a baby later in the pregnancy.

This is all pretty disjointed, but for now making the post feels more important than having it make sense.

[dancingmama]

Ah, welcome gonnabeamom!!! I have good vibes about this pregnancy for you. Happy you can join us!

[sputnik]

I join with all the others a little scared to join in here. DH and I don't even refer to this as a PG - we call it "Our Little Project". After two m/cs and a long time TTC #2 I feel very superstitous - and it all panned out yesterday when I started bleeding (I'm 10w3d). Luckily my doc had me come right in and have an u/s and everything looked fine... but it's making me crazy nervous and I'm running to the bathroom every 2 minutes and googling things like "10 weeks pregnant bleeding" all day long. Sigh. I really hope I get to the stage where I can relax and enjoy this, because I don't just want to be a stress monster. But this first trimester is very hard!

[Soos71]

Hi everyone,

Just an update after my freak-out of last week. We went to our midwife Monday night, hoping to hear the heartbeat, but she couldn't pick it up on the Doppler. There was a momentary spike to 140, which she said could only be the baby, not me, but the actual hb was indetectable. She could see I was anxious, so she wrote me out a slip for an u/s at her back-up dr. just for my peace of mind. So, we went last night after work, and the technician immediately picked up a little jumping bean! He/she started out in profile, then flipped so its back was facing us, then flipped again so that it was facing us head-on with one of its little arms waving. Seriously, it looks like an alien in that face-to-face shot (which is the one we ended up having printed out, since he/she decided not to move one smidge after that). But we're so happy and relieved to finally see that everything's OK. Two arms, two legs, beating heart, and just the right size for this stage of development.

Thanks to everyone in this thread for being so supportive, and welcome to all newcomers. Hopefully, we'll all have lots more good news to share with each other in the coming months.

[hypatia]

Hi Soos,

I'm glad you found your little one on the U/S.

I went to my midwife last week (11.5 weeks), and she couldn't find a heartbeat. She kept on saying, everything looks fine ... uterine growth, pregnancy symptoms, etc., etc., but it still made me nervous.

I'm going back next week for another try for the heartbeat.

Sara

[Soos71]

Hi Sara,

I completely understand your anxiousness. If it's any comfort, both my midwife and the doctor weren't surprised that she couldn't pick up the hb with the Doppler yet, and they agreed that in two weeks it would be a totally different story. Once I saw how much the babe was moving, I understood why (maybe) it had been so tricky to pick up the hb with the Doppler. You and I are due only one day apart, so the same could be the case for you.

Hang in there, and good luck next week. I'll be thinking of you and sending good vibes.

[gossamer]

Sara,
I am sorry you have to wait so long. I will just keep my fingers crossed that you hear a heartbeat asap.
Gossamer

[gonnabeamom]

Sara,

I've had a couple of scares this pregnancy, and everything has been okay. The hard thing to remember is that how scared you are has little to do with how things are actually going.

I got panicky before each appointment because I'm worried that I'll get bad news. From my reading it's not at all unusual to have a hard time finding the HB at this stage. It took my Dr a couple of minutes to find one for me, a week later, and I held my breath the whole time.