The Size of the Child ~ impact, experience, perception, treatment, health…

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I thought it would be interesting to discuss children’s size and how this impacts their experience.

My child is very small for her age and she has a friend who is very large or her age. It’s amazing how differently they are perceived and treated.

TAO…

[Jennifer Z]

I have a child who is very large for his age. I am forever getting looks like 'is there something wrong with him?' (and have actually had people say this out loud to me) because he looks like a 5-6yo, acts like a 2-3yo (turned 3 about 3 months ago), and has the verbal abilities of a 1-2yo. It is also really hard to find diapers that work, and clothes that work over cloth diapers. I have been given really dirty looks while breastfeeding since he was 6 months old (and in 12-18 month clothes) Now I don't even feel like I can bf in front of people I know, much less in public. He outgrew the marathon car seat at around 18months and we had to get our 3rd seat for him...this time a Britax Wizard, which goes up to 65lbs. Hopefully that will last until he is legally able to be in just a booster seat.

At his 2 year well-baby visit the ped wanted to set him up for a whole bunch of testing because "he is way behind where a 4 year old should be" with a stern look. I replied...that is because he turns 2 in two weeks. :LOL People assume he is older than he is, and since he doesn't act the age he looks like, people think he is very developmentally delayed. He absolutely towers above kids his age in YMCA classes. (and with some apparatus they have set up, they have to adjust it for him...like rings he is supposed to hang from...everybody else has to be lifted to reach them...he reaches them while standing on his knees) He is several inches taller than our friend's child who is 4.5 and of normal size.

I think it is going to be a really big issue until he catches up verbally. He finally had a verbal explosion a few months ago (right around his 3rd birthday) and I suspect by 4 he should be caught up. (how his dad, my dh, developed). At least then he will 'just' be big for his age, without the verbal delay.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Yea, that’s a similar issue my friend has. I find that I don’t ‘baby’ her child as much because it just doesn’t occur to me. I have to consciously tell my self that she’s only 4.

With my child, she often gets looks and comments about how ‘advanced’ she is ~ and yea, it’s the same thing ~ she’s 3.5 *not* 18 months :LOL

Also, my child is a little ‘behind’ in some socialization (at least what’s expected where I live). So, she’s often enrolled in activities with even younger children. She fits in visually but seems so ‘advanced’.

When I tell people her age they look at me quizzically. I actually had someone doubt me :LOL

Also, we have been given a discount that she’s no longer eligible for ~ not that I’m complaining! I wonder if those with really large kids have to ‘fight’ for a young child’s discount.

[maya44]

I read somewhere that something like 90 percent of smaller than average boys in the fourth grade state a very strong preference for being taller (and most of the other ten percent wanted to be taller, to varying degrees).

But only something like 15 percent of the smaller than average girls wanted to be taller while a full half of them stated a strong preference for remaining small.

I think that gender plays a large roll in how children feel about their size which is not exactly suprising.

[jenaniah]

My nephew Drew is very big for his age (overwight and extremely tall) Now (he's almost 8) it isn't such a big deal but when he was younger people ALWAYS mistook him for older the he was and would place unreasonable expectations on him. I know this bothered him a lot. His size also bothers him now (he makes comments about being "fat" at times) Hedoes tend to act older then what he is, but I don't know if thats b/c people treat him that way or b/c thats his personality.

My niece Rylie is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum (13 lbs 6 oz and 24.75" at 7.5 months) Everyone assumes she is 2-3 months old and are shocked when she is crawling. I am sure that as she gets older it will continue to be that way but she is too young to have it impact her right now.

[4evermom]

I had a friend when I was a girl who had to pay adult admission to the movies when she was 10 because no one believed she was under 12. On one level, looking older might be beneficial because children sometimes live up to expectations. I'm thinking school age children, not toddlers who deserve to be "babied" as much as they need. Sometimes the younger looking schoolage children are given more latitude for behavior because they are viewed to be younger than they are. For boys it's nice not to be the smallest in the class, and for girls it's nice to not be the tallest or the first to grow breasts. It would probably not be such a problem if schools didn't keep kids segregated by age. Then the different ones wouldn't stand out as much.

I read an article pertaining to overweight girls which pointed out that they frequently are thought by strangers to be much older. I'm talking about preadolescents getting catcalls from adult men, or told rude things by teenage boys who probably wouldn't have said them if they realized the girl was 10 not 16. Not that it's OK to say things to the 16 year old, but the 10 year old is so much less prepared. Many girls want to dress stylishly. It is good for the self-esteem of an overweight child to do so. Many stylish clothes are rather "adult" which makes judging their age difficult. The article suggested making sure that these girls' hairstyles, make-up (if any) and accessories are age appropriate to minimize people thinking they are older.

I'm glad my ds is completely average, though I still have people tell me he's big for his age!

[stafl]

mostly it's doctors who treat my very petite DD differently. It's not as much an issue since I quit going to wellbaby visits, but even the doc I sorta like always made a big deal about how thin and short she is and would offer "helpful" suggestions to get her to eat more and gain weight. What's worst is that she would say these things in front of my child, which made me feel really uncomfortable as i was also a very thin petite child, DH was too, and I realize it's just genetic and nothing I can do will make her larger than she is meant to be. :

She does get some special treatment from other kids, especially older kids, but she also gets special treatment from strangers everywhere we go just because she has red hair. She won't be attending school, ever, so that's not an issue with us. We have a really great homeschool support group, where kids from infants to teens interact and play together! I think it's great! People do think she's younger than she actually is, and make comments about how well she speaks and "how smart she is" but she is really smart. I just don't want her feeling superior to anyone else because of it.

[Dar]

My daughter has always been big for her age, mostly tall but she was always solidly built, and by 11 her breasts were bigger than mine. I was always tall but thin, and she's had a different experience because she looks *much* older. Recently a ticket seller at a box office couldn't tell whether she was under 18 or not - she just turned 12!

It's been really painful, at times. She's been accused of lying about her age repeatedly, starting when she was one! It probably doesn't help that she was fairly "advanced" as a baby and young child, so as a 8 month old she was walking and talking, but looked 15 months or so, so everyone assumed she was that old...

She also does theatre, and being big for your age is a huge liability in theatre... there are kids her age (12) who look 7 or 8, and so if the show needs a 7 or 8 year old those kids get cast... whereas Rain loks maybe 14 or 15, but if you need a 14 or 15 year old why not cast a real 14 or 15 year old, who has had those extra years to grow and learn and develop vocally... or even an 18 year old who looks younger. She was cast in Annie a year and a half ago, as the second youngest (Molly is generally much smaller and younger than the rest) and also the tallest... so it was a coup for her.

It is good that she is not in school, and therefore not stuck with just kids her own age. She has a wide range of friends... but I still think life would have been easier for her if she had been smaller and looked younger. I think people generally expect too much from her - I've bee guilty of that, too - and when two kids are arguing and one looks 2 or 3 years older than the other, people tend to take the smaller child's side... even though in our case Rain is often the younger, even though she looks older.

I try not to be bitter. I had some of these issues when I was a kid, because I was tall, but because I was thin I didn't look as old as Rain does...

Dar

[polka hop]

*

[onlyzombiecat]

This is an interesting thread.
My dd is not really short but has always been thin. She is also kind of quiet outside the home so I think somepeople see her as delicate... and maybe younger than she is.

[TiredX2]

DS is small (25%) but perfectly proportional. We constantly get stares at his behavior and people asking "How old is he?" (but they do *stay* a bit shocked, lol) because he is so focused.

One of DDs best friends younger sister (by two years) is the same size as DD and most of her older sis's kinder class. She often gets mixed in with the 5-6 year olds even though she isn't yet 4.5 which can be really hard.

In fact, one of DDs friends who is older than DD is much, much smaller than this girl (like 4" shorter and thin) and gets away with a *lot* because people assume she is closer in age to DS (3.5) than her real age (6)

DS's best friend is over 40" and 50lbs at just turned 3 (and this is slowed down growth) but he looks so babyish it doesn't seem to effect him.

[Zach'smom]

My ds is 3 years and 4 months old. At his 3 year check he was 42" tall and 40lbs and wears a size 10 1/2 shoe! He is now taller and a bit heavier! My pediatrician has never mistaken him for older and has always just said "He is going to be a tall kid" People always think that he is about 5. He is also very articulate for his age, but still behaves like a 3 y/o. I get looks from a lot of people and when I tell people "He is 3!" They are very surprised. I get lots of comments like "Daddy must be tall" I am about 5'3" and dh is 6'3". He is always towering above the kids at his YMCA classes, etc. We have had issues when dining out or going to places where 3 and under are free. People don't want to believe that he is 3. Even when they ask him and he holds up 3 fingers and says I am 3. I also have a hard time finding age appropriate clothes for him. I fear that it is going to get worse as he gets a little bit older! As far as people not believing his age, I think I will start carrying his birth certificate with me!

[GruppieGirl]

My dd has always been very tall and verbal. Looking back, we treated her like an older child. On the ped growth charts she is expected to be 6'4'' as an adult.

Dd started camp and nursery school at 2 because she was verbally and socially ready, not to mention she looked like the bigger kids. On the first day of camp the kids formed a line and walked into the building. DD walked in the opposite way. She had never formed a line before. :LOL

We had tons of problems on the playground. Imagine my 2yo playing with 6yo girls.

There have been questions from when dd was 2 yo as to when she will start kindergarten.

Now, I have a ds who is much smaller than my dd was at the same age. He is only in th 90th percentile for height and the 50th percentile for weight (dd often didn' fit on the chart or even the peice of paper the chart was written on). I find I treat him more like a baby. More carrying, snuggling, etc. It makes me feel sad for my dd that she didn't have more time to be a little one too.

I just noiced that lots of you are posting "stats." DD "slowed down" at her 4 yo check-up. She was 49 inches tall and 48 pounds. Almost 6 months later now and she has grown out of her fall clothes. I am 5'8'' on a poofy hair day and dh is 6'1''.

[Copper]

With our dd I always get the "oh she is so tiny and petite" routine. She is thin with long legs and a long waist, however it makes her look taller and older than she is. Then we get the "oh look at her pretty blue eyes and blonde hair" then sometimes a comment or two about school. Well she is about to turn 4 so I think she looks older than she has. I could really tell when she lost the "babyishness" about her.

Though I wonder if people notice because she has a few friends older and younger who are much, much heavier than her. I honestly never noticed (except for one girl who IS overweight and her mom has her eating "low carb" snacks). The other two I never noticed.
Then I took some pictures and sent them to my mom and MIL and independently, separately I could not believe what they said; "those girls are so FAT!"
I am still really surprised I never noticed and really don't think so as much as they do. With my MIL she has some umm, body image issues anyway and I think has her whole life (i.e. always is dieting and says she is fat although she is 67 and is not overweight). So I don't know how else to say this but it is like she gets some kind of perverse pleasure out of saying how "tiny and petite" my dd is. I hate it. Then she will say ignorant things about herself "oh if I eat that I will get fat" and so forth about other people.

We have never called people fat, dd has never really noticed or said anything and I don't want her to start. I have repeatedly told MIL we don't talk like that about other people in our house and that she does have a friend or two that is "overweight" the last thing I would need is for my dd to notice and call them fat because of MIL's paranoia.
Sorry about the vent.

[eilonwy]

My son is on the small side for his age; he's getting taller now, but for a while there he was really tiny. He's also been slightly advanced in terms of physical milestones and very advanced with intellectual, social, and emotional things for his entire life. He's 28 months old, looks and acts about 40 months old and is the size of the average 20 month old. For a long time, people would assume that he was a premie and ask me how early he was born, because he looked and acted so much older but was physically smaller than other kids. I don't get that so much anymore, but I do get strange looks from people when I say that he's two. He's the same size as a lot of smallish two year olds, but he really acts a lot older, and looks much older (especially since his haircut! ) than that.

The premie question got old very quickly, and I always felt defensive and miserable when people brought it up. I was really glad when he started to grow a bit after BooBah was born. Now people assume that he's older, despite his small stature; I guess they're finally realizing that I myself am not all that tall (people seem to forget this, even in real life ) so it's perfectly reasonable to expect that my son wouldn't be huge.

Miss BooBah is 25th percentile for her age, so size-wise she doesn't come across as exceptional. She's *very* advanced developmentally, though, and I get really strange looks from people when she talks to them, or climbs up stairs, or claps in time. She's very sweet, but not as extroverted as her brother and it seems to me that people are already put off by her on some level. I've seen parents with slightly older babies just get up and leave the park when they see BooBah climbing the stairs to go down the slide, and that really makes me feel bad. If that sort of thing can happen now when she's really just a baby, what will it be like when she's older?

Then there's the fact that I always feel a bit defensive when someone mentions that my babies are small. It's totally irrational, but I feel insecure when I see a baby who looks all big and round, the way that babies are "supposed to look." I guess I've got my own issues.

At any rate, I've got a niece who's going to be 5 years old in a few months, and until she got sick a month ago weighed 65 pounds and was just shy of four feet tall. She's got Asperger's Syndrome, so despite the fact that her development is nothing short of remarkable for the autistic spectrum, people assume that she's older because of her size alone and that she's very far behind. People often expect much much more from her than is reasonable, things that they wouldn't expect of any normal-sized four year old to say nothing of a four year old with Asperger's. It's very sad, and irritating to deal with. On the up side, she looks and acts like a 3.5 year old, just a huge one, so it's not difficult to get people to believe that she is her actual age.

[raleigh_mom]

DD1 has always been around 95th percentile, and many people do think she is older, but currently it isn't much of a problem. She is 4yo and wears about a 6 or 7.

Now, DD2 is way off the charts. As a 22mo baby, she is wearing a size 4T. Most kids she plays with know us and are used to it, so it's not a problem, but finding clothes that are appropriate can be a problem. She still has a baby shaped body since she is...well... a baby, and most 4T's seem shaped for a longer, thinner body. So sometimes I get comments about her "belly". That drives me crazy. She is already wanting to learn to "go potty", so I'm sure that will really throw people off, too.

My mom actually thought I was joking when I said we predict DD1 be 5'10" and DD2 will be about 6'. Um, at 5'10", I am the shortest of my siblings. Maybe she forgot about that?

[girlzmommy00]

All of my 3 girls are on the taller side but my middle dd is very tall. People usually think that she's at least 3 years older than she is. I think the only hard part is that they assume she's older so expect the behavior of an older child. Thankfully she's proud to be the tallest in her class. She just made the cut off for school, so she's the youngest but the tallest. I just hope that the other kids won't tease her one day.

She's seen the same dr since she was born so the dr doesn't question since she's always been tall. Her sisters are also on the tall side so I think the dr would only be surprised if I brought in a child under the 95th%.

P.S. People often think I'm joking when I mention that she was a preemie. She was a 33 weeker. The drs told us she'd be small for her age since she was early. LOL

[ameliabedelia]

My dd1 is big for her age as well. At her 3 year check-up she was 42lb and 41" She wears size 5-6 usually, occasionally a 4 or a 7. However, she still looks babyish, has a roundish face, shorter hair and a round belly, so I don't think she looks too much older than she is. She isn't really mature looking, more babyish looking. Clothing is an issue, since I do think the older girls clothes are made for a leaner body. She is also slighly less mature than other kids her age. I would say she has the same maturity and verbal skills of a 2 1/2 year old, even though she just turned 3. She's not developmentally delayed or anything, just on the slower side of development, but still normal.

[Diane B]

Interesting thread - I especially appreciate hearing from those of you with older children. We adopted our daughter from Guatemala, and she is small compared to white, US-born babies, but probably average size for a Guatemalan. So when people comment on how small she is, I just remember that it all depends on your frame of reference.

I'm fairly small myself, so I'm grateful every time I pick her up that she still weighs less than 20 lbs!

[Shonahsmom]

My dd is tiny. At 5 1/2 she wears 3T and a few 2T itmes. 4T falls off of her.

I also get the preemie question constantly (she was full term). And I've had people, upon asking and being told her age reply with "she should see a doctor" or "omg! Is something wrong with her?" Right in front of her.

She's also always been advanced for her age. At 15 months she was speaking in small sentences and was wearing 6-9 month clothes. She totally tripped people out. Seriously, people used to gawk at her out in public like she was a freak of nature. Now, its not quite as noticeable. Most folks still assume she's about three just looking at her. She was 29 lbs and 31'' at her 4 year check. She's perfectly healthy and well porportioned. She's just itty.

She does have a bit of a complex about her size b/c all of her classmates are taller than she is (she's the smallest in her class) and because everyone's always telling her how "cute and tiny" she is.

One day we were out walking in our city and a woman and an adolescent girl were walking towards us. The girl didn't see dd and ran into her a bit. The woman said "Watch out for the baby!" DD got soooo sad she was near tears. She said "Momma, everyone thinks I'm a baby because I'm so little. But I'm not. I'm a big girl." Poor baby!!! I mean big girl! (but secretly I love how tiny she is because I can still carry her so easily. Its going to break my heart the day she's too big for me to carry).