Mothering › Forums › Natural Family Living › Grief and Loss › They found his body.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

They found his body.  

post #1 of 20
10/6/02 at 10:16pm
Thread Starter 
My mom just called and said the sheriff's dept pulled my brother's body out of the lake. The whole family wanted to leave him there, because we don't like funerals and neither did Harley. He was in the lake for a year. I don't know why they had to get him out; it's not like he floated to the surface or anything. When he died they told us they could leave him there.

Now it's all over, now no one can pretend that he just ran away or anything. They have shattered all my hopes. I wish that if for some reason if they had to get him out, they just hadn't told us.

Now we have to have another funeral service. This is horrible. It's like he's died all over again.
post #2 of 20
10/6/02 at 11:14pm
I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you have to go through everything again...
post #3 of 20
10/6/02 at 11:54pm
I'm so sorry for you and all your family. My thoughts are with you.
post #4 of 20
10/7/02 at 12:26am
Greaseball~

Such mixed feelings in this news. Its like opening up a wound that hadn't healed yet. How raw you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you and your family. Please take care of yourself during this time and come here and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Much Love & Hugs~

Lisa
post #5 of 20
10/7/02 at 5:36pm
Thread Starter 
It said in the news that the sheriff's dept had just gotten this new high tech body-finding device so they went and found a bunch of missing dead people with it. It's like our family's wishes were ignored in favor of an experimental procedure.

We're just going to have him cremated. I don't know if there will be another service or not. I know that funerals are for the living, but to me it makes sense not to do anything you know the dead person wouldn't have liked, and we all know Harley would have preferred to stay where he was. They should have put him back.
post #6 of 20
10/7/02 at 5:45pm
Oh greaseball.I am so sorry


If you feel strongly that strongly about it,then you should have your voice heard.Call the sheriff and tell them how you feel,write a letter,send an e mail.It may not help your brothers body,but it may help you in the healing.The sheriff's office needs to also hear these things from real people.And most of all people they have affected.
post #7 of 20
10/9/02 at 11:07pm
I am so sorry Greaseball. I know what it is like to try to keep hoping the worst is not so....

(((((((((((Greaseball))))))))))))
post #8 of 20
10/12/02 at 7:36pm
Greasball - I'm so sorry. I keep thinking of the pictures you posted of him a while back. That's how you need to remember him. His spirit and the love you had for him.

It's almost like a crule joke that they did this - I'm so sorry.
post #9 of 20
10/12/02 at 8:05pm
Thread Starter 
He was cremated a few days ago. I don't know what they did with the ashes or if my mom has them or anything like that. My dad said "I just have to remind myself it wasn't really Harley anymore." It's true, I guess it wasn't, although it's kind of sad that his body isn't whole anymore. I always think if the body is whole, there's a chance he could be brought back.

They probably didn't have malicious intent when they brought him up - there's another missing kid in that lake as well, and his parents probably want him found, and it could be that when they foudn Harley they didn't know who he was. I don't know how badly being in the lake for a year will distort your appearance, but I thought that since it was so cold he would be preserved. I guess they had to ID who they found, and once they were sure it was Harley, I suppose they couldn't just put him back, although I wish they would have.

I definitely want to remember him alive, the last day I saw him, all happy.
post #10 of 20
10/12/02 at 8:56pm
Oh Corinna! I am so sorry this brings up sadness for you! I hope that others in your family can find completion in his body being found. Are you going to discuss putting the ashes back into the lake? Seems silly, to have drug him out only to pour him back in, but as you had all accepted him being there and having your memorials there, it makes sense to just leave him there.
After having DH cremated, the kids and I each got an amulet with a bit of ash inside (before turning over the bulk to MIL for her own memorial ~ one Mitch did not want, but was necessary for his mother to grieve ~ a niche at a cemetery), maybe something like this would be good for you, to have a bit of Harley with you at all times. Or if it will give you peace and the others don't agree, ask for a bit of ashes for you, yourself to put back into the lake... it's tough to respect the wishes of the dead and the grieving of those still living and loving.
Sending lots of love and peace your way!
post #11 of 20
10/13/02 at 12:30am
o
post #12 of 20
10/13/02 at 12:37am
I am sorry you lost your brother, my condolences to you.
post #13 of 20
10/20/02 at 10:14pm
Thread Starter 

I'm mad.

I just heard that my mom that she and some of Harley's friends put the ashes back in the lake this morning. Apparently she called yesterday and dh never gave me the message. So I'm mad at him for that, and mad at my mom for not trying harder to get ahold of me. She knew how much I had wanted to get in touch with Harley's friends. I guess now it's really over. I suppose I can go to the lake by myself again later.

I'll ask my mom sometime if there are any ashes left over.
post #14 of 20
10/23/02 at 7:56am
Sorry sweetie, I know that would have brought you some comfort and closure.
post #15 of 20
10/23/02 at 8:45am
Thinking of you and your family today. I will light a candle for your brother tonight. I am so sorry. . .Sandi
post #16 of 20
10/23/02 at 2:28pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all the support everyone. Things have been really tense with dh and I (I posted about it in Parents as Partners) and I am also avoiding my mother. I'm not sure what to do yet.

Lighting candles sounds good.
post #17 of 20
10/28/02 at 7:43pm
Thread Starter 

Interesting!

Well, my dh called my mom to apologize for not getting me the message in time, and she talked to him about the ceremony. She said that when she got to the lake, the family of the other boy who drowned there two years ago was there! His body was found as well, and they also just wanted to leave him there.

His death was the same as Harley's - he was canoeing with a friend and the boat overturned, and he went under but his friend was able to swim to shore. And it turns out, his friend's name was Harley!

I'm still upset about not getting to go, but I'm glad my mom was able to talk to the other family.
post #18 of 20
11/3/02 at 8:55pm
Hi Greaseball. I don't usually come here but I just found this thread and wanted to offer you my sympathies. Unfortunately, your experience is very close to my own.

My brother was a bush pilot and died six years ago when his small plane crashed into a lake. It took searchers a week to find his body and bring it up. His passenger's body remained there for a year due to harsh weather conditions (this was waaaay up north in real rough country).

Anyways, reading your post brought back alot of sad memories for me and I just wanted you to know that I *do* understand what you are going through.

post #19 of 20
11/3/02 at 10:19pm
Piglet68 - hugs to you too. Thank you for sharing that. Knowing that others understand is so healing.

I wish you gentleness and peace when you think of him.
post #20 of 20
11/10/02 at 9:13pm
That seems to me so meaningful that the other poor boy's friend's name was Harley! I don't think of it as a very common name!

blessings and healing to you. love,
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Grief and Loss
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Natural Family Living › Grief and Loss › They found his body.