the term "traditional" style of parenting

[soccerchic21]

So I have been hearing this a lot. When people hear how we are practicing an AP parenting style (co-sleeping, breastfeeding, child-led weaning, cloth diapering, etc), they say we prefer the "traditional" methods of parenting...aka...mainstream.

I don't say anything because I am a big believer in to each their own and I don't want to force my parenting ideas on anyone but if they inquire as to what we do I will gladly share

Anyway when I hear this I just chuckle inside because technically isn't AP parenting more traditional than mainstream? The AP concept has been around for hundreds...one could even say millions of years and mainstream concepts have really only been around since the 1900's right?

[cmb123]

I know what you're getting at..but actually I think most "civilized" ( now that's a term that cracks me up!) have been finding ways to not touch thier kids, not feed them human milk, beat them, leave them alone and push them into independence. Stereotype womens and mens roles, feel shameful about sexuality, stuff emotions etc.... I'm sure you get the point..
I for one am happy to be "alternative" :LOL

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by cmb123

I for one am happy to be "alternative" :LOL

me too!

[zo's ma]

I think of traditional as *old fashioned*, so to me it is more like AP! My grandma(88y/o) parented much the same way I do!

[nycapmom]

I think of myself as traditional I don't use all those newfangled whatchimacallits like mattresses with bars around them and battery powered swing-things and chairs with wheels on them and plastic fake nippled cup things filled with another species milk.......yep, breasts, cloth, fabric slings, co-sleeping.......those are what I call traditional Been around since the beginning of time...

[maya44]

The only thing that is not really "traditional" about AP is GD.

I know some will argue that TCS has been around in many socieites forever, but my personal studies indicate that most societies have NOT been in any way GD!

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by maya44

The only thing that is not really "traditional" about AP is GD.

I know some will argue that TCS has been around in many socieites forever, but my personal studies indicate that most societies have NOT been in any way GD!

what is TCS?

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I was wondering about this. I know we have “AP” and I wasn’t sure if we were the only ones with a label.

[maya44]

Its "Taking Children Seriously"

Its somewhat contravercial here and VERY contraversial in the rest of the (mainstream) world.

I know it has caused problems on this board, so don't want to get into it too much.

There is some sort of website which explains it but I don't have a link.

[captain optimism]

Originally Posted by maya44

The only thing that is not really "traditional" about AP is GD.

I know some will argue that TCS has been around in many socieites forever, but my personal studies indicate that most societies have NOT been in any way GD!

In some societies people do discipline gently. for example, I read a book many years ago by an anthropologist who lived with the Inuit. One day another white person came and was going to defraud them, and she became angry. They rejected her--they didn't believe in showing anger in that way. So of course, their way of raising children didn't involve any hitting or anger display, either.

In other cultures, for example in Europe, the most elite people had other people nurse their children. This wasn't only true in the 19th century, but much earlier.

I don't think there are many societies where a TCS model was the norm. Treating children like they were capable of adult behavior did not necessarily go along with according them adult responsibilities and freedoms. Ironically, I don't think societies that required child labor, for example, actually took the personhood of children seriously.

I probably wouldn't use the term "traditional" style of parenting about anything, except maybe a few things like giving children sweets on their first day of school...I wonder what people mean when they say "traditional" about a lot of things!

[wildmonkeys]

I agree that some aspect of AP are very much the old way of doing things but also that GD and giving kids sooo much attention/responding to their cries is, sadly, very new. The "old kids should be seen and not heard" and "spare the rod spoil the child" way of thinking was quite central to old-fashined parenting techniques.

First off, women used to have to put their kids down more to accomplish the tasks necessary for their families to survive. Handwashing clothes in boiling water with lye, having to make everything from scratch in a fireplace, working with extremely sharp tools, raw meat, etc. didn't lend itself well to the hours and hours that I have be able to spend laying around cuddling and reading board books while my appliances do all the heavy work around here

Secondly, I think kids were forced to contribute more manual labor to running the household and were thus expected to grow-up a bit faster. I mean my grandparents co-slept with the kids and breastfeed them when they were "babies" but according to my mom (and the unsolicited advice she remembers getting) they only considered them "babies" until they could walk. By one - they had long been out of the bed and eating meat My mom actually tells the story about my grandmother tried to wean me off the passy the first time she got me alone for a few hours because "it was about time my mom stopped babying me"...I was like 7 months old!!!!!

Anyway, I like to build on the old stuff that makes sense to me and innovate, isn't innovation what Gen-X is all about?

BJ
Barney & Ben

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by wildmonkeys

I agree that some aspect of AP are very much the old way of doing things but also that GD and giving kids sooo much attention/responding to their cries is, sadly, very new. The "old kids should be seen and not heard" and "spare the rod spoil the child" way of thinking was quite central to old-fashined parenting techniques.

Anyway, I like to build on the old stuff that makes sense to me and innovate, isn't innovation what Gen-X is all about?

BJ
Barney & Ben

Your whole post was very insightful and brought up things that I never thought of. I feel VERY fortunate to be raising a child now and that I live in the northwest (seattle) where I am not TOO weird by practicing AP.

[UnschoolnMa]

http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/

The link to TCS page The term traditional seems hazy to me too. Im just happy to be AP.

[greenmama]

Conventional

Mis-use of the word traditional has bugged me for years. It first really ticked me off when people would say traditional vs organic agriculture. No organic is traditional -you mean conventional. Prevalent parenting today is conventional. AP parenting is traditional (although I would have to agree that in most cultures GD hasn't been traditional.)

[maya44]

Originally Posted by greenmama

AP parenting is traditional (although I would have to agree that in most cultures GD hasn't been traditional.)

Since after age 4 or so, GD is the primary thing that is left in the AP arsenal, (except co-sleeping) I have to say I just can't call AP, "traditional"

I think its best just not to touch that label.

[monkey's mom]

Since after age 4 or so, GD is the primary thing that is left in the AP arsenal, (except co-sleeping)

You might be interested in Attachment Parenting International's 8 Ideals for School Age Children:

1. Become knowledgeable about your child's development and cognitive levels.
2. Stay emotionally responsive.
3. Strive for optimum physical health.
4. Maintain a high-touch relationship.
5. Develop and maintain positive sleep routines.
6. Be present and available for your children.
7. Use positive discipline.
8. Maintain balance in your life.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/idealschindex.shtml

[cmb123]

Thanks for the list. Sometimes when I think to say I practice AP I wonder if it's accurate to say that now that my kids are older...but I guess i can still keep saying it!