Help my dd wants to Gauge her ear - Page 3

[frontierpsych]

Originally Posted by shishkeberry

(I used to be able to let people drink through my ear! It was great.)

my brother has 00s and we used to do this. I also had a friend in high school whose tongue was gauged to about the size of a coffee stirrer and we used to do that. Pretty gross, eh?

[mommy68]

Originally Posted by Vermillion

Being a tattooed, pierced and stretched ear mama myself, yes it does keep certain people (ie. judgmental and closed minded) from making friendships with me. Fine by me. It's nice to be able to weed those types out without any effort on my part. Anyone who would be put off from having a friendship over a hole in an ear isn't someone worth giving time to anyway. JMO.

but you're an adult. If the OP is a mom that wants to allow her child to do this type of thing then fine. But she obviously put this question out there because she wasn't sure what to do. If it were my "child" then they would be told no and told to wait until they are 18 because I've been a teenager myself and know that certain things are just fads.

It's kind of like seeing the tramp stamp on every other 22 yr old right now. I bet there are a few of those girls that wish they would have never fallen in to that little phase when they were younger. I'm not saying all of them probably feel this way but I'm sure some do. I feel that under 18 that children will do "anything" a certain friend is doing just to fit in and that's not right. The lesson here for a "child" mind you under the age of 18 is to teach them to be themselves and not to do what all their peers are doing.

I want to teach my kids to be themselves. Let's face it, they are NOT being themselves when they want to get peircings or tattoos like all of their friends are getting. How is that thinking for themselves or making their own decision to be "different" when all their friends are doing it?? Give me a break.

If we were discussing smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, doing drugs, starving to be thin like her friends, etc..... I bet this whole thread would be going along differently -- considering that we are discussing a child under 16 yrs old doing something to her body. I'm talking about the AGE here, not necessarily what they are wanting to do to themselves.

[mirlee]

I think there are way worse things she could do. Mine weren't huge, but you can't tell I ever had holes larger than standard piercings. The size your daughter wants to go isn't that big to me. They will close up. Who knows, maybe once she gets the first size, she won't like the way she looks. Like others have said, there are way worse things she could be doing.


On the other hand, 13 seems young to me for this kind of body mod. If you don't want her to do it, maybe you could talk to her about the impression people will have of her? Talk to her about how adults might see her and how other friends' parents might see her. I would also look at websites that show pictures of people who have done this and talk about how you react and get her thoughts.

If you were in Lousisana, i would have her talk to one of my very dear friends. His ears are serious. I think his disks are about 1/2 inch. No kidding. He has worn his ears this way for over 20 some odd years.

[talk de jour]

Originally Posted by mommy68

I want to teach my kids to be themselves. Let's face it, they are NOT being themselves when they want to get peircings or tattoos like all of their friends are getting. How is that thinking for themselves or making their own decision to be "different" when all their friends are doing it?? Give me a break.

If we were discussing smoking cigarettes, smoking pot, doing drugs, starving to be thin like her friends, etc..... I bet this whole thread would be going along differently -- considering that we are discussing a child under 16 yrs old doing something to her body. I'm talking about the AGE here, not necessarily what they are wanting to do to themselves.

So it's okay that I did it as a young teen because it wasn't cool then?

[stellimamo]

I had bottom holes a 6 and the middle a 10 about 4 years ago and had to take them out for a job and now they are no different then a normal sized piercing.. no perminate damage.

[Piercedboy]

Bear Big Ears

10 gauge is small! :

I really think that the argument about what people think of you if you have stretched ears is ridiculous. I live in Texas, and off the top of my head can think of about 35 friends, both guys and girls who have ears considerably larger than 10 gauge. We aren't freaks, we do hold down good jobs, and we are nice people. Claiming it shouldn't be done because of what vanilla people think, is just being small-minded imho. It ranks right there with discriminating because of race, religion, or sexual preference.

(Vanilla is not a derogatory term, it just means people who haven't yet had flavors added to them. )

[bright-eyes]

i may be a bit biased in this conversation as i'm currently stretching to a 0.
and as for the 'gauging' versus 'stretching' thing, i think its different depending where you are. just like you can call the things you use to stretch either tapers or stretchers. not really a big deal. but again, i really love body mods, piercings, tattoos, the whole bit. i also think that it depends a lot ony our daughter's maturity level. you can have a 13-year-old who behaves like a 17-year-old. only you know your daughter.

[Korkana]

10 really isn't big at all.. It will definitely close up, it's small enough. I'm 16 and my ears are at 00's because my mom won't let me go any bigger for the time being, and I've had them stretched for awhile, but definitely went too quick, I was from 16's to 2's in less than 5 weeks. She's really weird about stuff too, and pretty judgemental, which suprises me. She complains but she knows it's something I wanted and I love having them, and know in my mind I won't regret it. She also let me get my monroe done last year... Which was a big suprise. So your daughter is asking pretty little really, why not let her?

[MamaWindmill]

Originally Posted by bright-eyes

i may be a bit biased in this conversation as i'm currently stretching to a 0.
and as for the 'gauging' versus 'stretching' thing, i think its different depending where you are. just like you can call the things you use to stretch either tapers or stretchers.

Yeah, the MBP I mentioned in my PP usually calls it gauging (or stretching, I realized - he doesn't ALWAYS say gauging), and the thingies he uses, he calls tapers. I really think it differs from place to place and shop to shop - I asked him about the whole "body piercers consider it uncool to call it gauging" thing and he just laughed. And he's been doing it for 14 years!

As an aside, I would let her do it. I don't think it's at all comparable to smoking cigarettes or doing drugs to fit in - those things are destructive and illegal, stretching/gauging her ears is not. Just my opinion.

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by mommy68

Aren't we supposed to be teaching our children to be themselves??

I always thought this about the "alternative" people at my high school. I thought it ironic that (1) they tried hard to look different from the mainstream because that in and of itself VALIDATES the mainstream and (2) in their attempts to look different, they ended up looking exactly like each other.

I would allow my DD to do anything that was temporary. And even piercing the ears . . .I dunno. I have mine pierced, but after seeing a girl in HS with huge keloids as a result of getting hers done . . .I am not sure even that is a great idea.

[MissAbbyRosesMamma]

ive wanted to go to at least a 10 for the last...6 or 7 years...havent gotten around to it but the desire is still there. the reason? cuz i like the way it looks, so yeah, it might be that some of her friends have it done but thats probably not WHY shes doing it, its probably WHERE she saaw it...

[trmpetplaya]

If you think a 10 is too big, then maybe compromise on a 14 or 12. It's not going to cause lasting damage (from what I've read) and as pps have mentioned, the holes can size back down in time. I looked at the chart with sizes and the 10 isn't big at all. I wouldn't do it, but if my dd really wanted to and did the research then I don't see why not.

Unlike starving herself and doing drugs or binge drinking, etc, this shouldn't do lasting damage and I don't see where the comparison is (other than doing things other kids do). Not ALL popular things are damaging or bad to follow. My group of friends in high school wore black, studied a TON, and had really good grades. So I wore black and studied Just like you can take off black clothes once you tire of them, so can you let the stretched holes get smaller. You can never undo all the damage from years of drug abuse or severe eating disorders. There's a HUGE difference

love nd peace.

[amyjeans]

Hi OP-
this thread has given you (and me!) lots of information about the whole event- procedure, types etc. FWIW, if our dd came to us wanting to do something like this, dh and I made an agreement long ago that our kids can do anything they want as long as they approach us with a good argument backed with proof, and information making their choice a sound one, in this case providing info about the procedure, risks, benefits, long term effects and the like. Thereby proving to us that not only was she ready, but well educated through her own means to do the piercing (or whatever it may be). Now in your case, you have an added advantage that you know a great deal about the piercing to compare your findings to hers.
So maybe putting the ball in her court and offering her that as a solution. She can do it, as long as she researches it to the enth degree and reports back to you with her reasoning.
Does that make sense?
What I mean is, "I want to peirce my ears because everyone else is doing it in school" is not an acceptable reason. Little more explanation required. kwim?

all my best!

[talk de jour]

The point is that saying "gauging" is not the correct term, because you're not measuring your ears.

[talk de jour]

Originally Posted by Korkana

10 really isn't big at all.. It will definitely close up, it's small enough. I'm 16 and my ears are at 00's because my mom won't let me go any bigger for the time being, and I've had them stretched for awhile, but definitely went too quick, I was from 16's to 2's in less than 5 weeks.

I wouldn't let you stretch any more either if I were her, considering you didn't do what you already have intelligently and safely.

[MeganW]

Well I couldn't

read through all this and keep my mouth shut. I agree with the PP that said this about AGE no What they want to do per se.

My DH is an EXCELLENT piercer and NONE of our children will have anything pierced other than ears before 16 and nothing will be stretched till 18.

These holes do not always close as they should. DH has his ears stretched to an inch and a quarter and nothing short of plastic surgery will correct it if he ever decides he doesn't like it.

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)

[hookahgirl]

Mine are at 00 and if I leave them with nothing in them for more than 2 days they are quickly on their way to 2g....just an FYI!
Take her to a shop, they will talk to her and let her know whats up, ivolve her in the process 100%, if oyu dont she may start using things like q-tip sticks and marker tops to make those holes bigger (eek!!)

[Mizelenius]

Originally Posted by MeganW

read through all this and keep my mouth shut. I agree with the PP that said this about AGE no What they want to do per se.

My DH is an EXCELLENT piercer and NONE of our children will have anything pierced other than ears before 16 and nothing will be stretched till 18.

These holes do not always close as they should. DH has his ears stretched to an inch and a quarter and nothing short of plastic surgery will correct it if he ever decides he doesn't like it.

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)

Interesting!

[amyjeans]

I bet not a single one of these children could tell you the REAL tribal and ritualistic reasons for any of their piercings. (or the ones they want)

well, to me that is a shame. I would expect that to be part of the explanation. Perhaps a child wishing to do this could learn something along the way about another culture (kinda the point of the research).

[Piercedboy]

The reasons for getting pierced are incredibly diverse. I know some christians who have gotten their ears pierced to show their willingness to serve, many of my friends in Togo have gotten their ears pierced as part of a coming of age ceremony, and people from all over do it as a trial, to prove themselves.