My husband wants a gun

[Nurturing Mama]

Ugh. My husband works with a man who just retired from the police force and is selling one of his guns. My husband has said on and off that he would like to own a gun, but I have always been able to dissuade him, but now the opportunity is there and it is happening soo fast, we haven't really been able to discuss it.

Yesterday my husband told me that the guy was selling a gun, today the guy brought it into the office to show it to my husband, and my husband said on the phone to me that he would probably buy it. I didn't know what to say, but I definitely don't want a gun in my house!!

So far my husband said that he just wanted to learn to use a gun at a shooting range, and that he would never keep ammunition in the house. That sounds reasonable, but I still hate the idea.

So, do any mamas here have a gun in the house? How do you feel about it?

Also, could anyone point me to gun statistics? Are kids with guns in their homes more at risk for gun accidents? It would seem to me that they are, but I'm looking for statistics to show and hopefully sway my husband.

Thanks.

Carrie

[MsMoMpls]

Guns are most often used to kill people in your own home... your family. As a psychologist working with some very depressed people, I worry so much about how easy it is for kids and adults to get a gun when they are depressed... or as happened in Minnesota this week, when they are depressed and very angry. This would be a deal breaker for me. No guns in my house. He would need to find somewhere else to keep it.

[willowsmom]

We don't own a gun...my dad and stepmom do...and when I was living there and came in late one night...my stepmom had been drinking and didn't know who'd be coming in her house. So she pulled the gun on me. It's just too easy for something like this to turn into a tragedy....no matter how careful you are...kwim?

I hope this works out for you...I'd also have to tell him to find someplace else to keep it....
Best of luck

[momof1sofar]

At the risk of being flamed off this forum, I'll say that we own firearms. They are stored in a locked gun cabinet, partially disassembled, with trigger locks. Ammunition is locked in a separate safe. DH and I are both comfortable with this arrangement for now. We've agreed to re-evaluate the situation when our children are older and having friends over. Our kids will be educated on gun safety, so honestly it is the other kids that worry me.

There was a recent study released which showed that the increased threat level to kids in homes with guns really comes into play with firearms that are unsecured. I'll try to find the reference and edit to post it.
ETA: I think this is the one I'm remembering:
http://www.centerforhealthstudies.org/news/050208.html

All that being said, this is a huge issue, and I would recommend requesting that DH store the gun in a safe deposit box until you and he can reach an agreement on having it in the house. We wouldn't have our firearms (and won't in the future) if we were not both comfortable with the situation... and if our kids aren't comfortable with it when they're older.

[MomInFlux]

We're another family with firearms. Like momof1sofar, the guns are locked in a safe, partially disassembled. My DH likes going to the shooting range and he wants to start hunting (for food only). Two of the guns are "mine", and I'll become proficient with their use when I find some time to get to the range with DH. We are teaching DS gun safety from an early age, and he's already been to the shooting range with DH. Quite frankly, he got bored and has lost interest, which pleases me greatly, because guns aren't this big ticket item out there that we don't talk about. The gun safe doesn't open with a key, but rather with a number pad, and only DH knows the combination, so I know there is no way my child or any other child (or adult, for that matter) in my house can get into the safe. I'm more worried about my child playing in someone else's house where I don't know the status of their guns.

Having said all that, if you're uncomfortable, then your DH needs to respect that and come up with a plan to keep you comfortable. Storage of the gun in outside your home (or at least no amunition in the home) is a good compromise, in my opinion. Good luck!

[MomInFlux]

Originally Posted by willowsmom

my stepmom had been drinking and didn't know who'd be coming in her house. So she pulled the gun on me. It's just too easy for something like this to turn into a tragedy....no matter how careful you are...kwim?

I absolutely don't mean to turn this thread into a debate, but I really need to point this out. This is NOT an example of responsible gun ownership/use and this is NOT an example of being careful and still having a tragedy occur. Drinking and guns never belong together.

[mylilmonsters4]

Hi.. I'm new here and this probably should not be my first post...lol
I hate guns.. but my DH convinced me that we needed one. At first I threw a big fit at the mention of guns.. but when he pointed out how I would feel if he couldn't protect my children if someone invaded our home.. I caved. We also live in the country where the police are a half an hour away at a minimum.
I have also noticed that since we live in cowboy country... EVERYONE HAS GUNS... so I have enrolled my boys in a gun safety class. I want them to be educated about how dangerous guns are... I also want to take the excitemnt out of them so that if they ever come across one.. they won't feel so curious as to touch it... Oh man.. I hate the thought!!!!!

[Stone Fence]

ITA with MomInFlux

Another Mama (to be) with guns.

We have a safe and a locked cabinet. DH and I are fanatical about safety. There are lots of places to get training for shooting, safety and cleaning. The NRA website can probably help you find a place locally.

Depending on your state there may be permitting requirements like a backround check and training class. Responsible gun ownership is not something to take lightly. Maybe both of you could take a safety class? There may even be one for women only.

[L.J.]

I'm anti-gun.
I would think that your house & home is yours too.
If I were married to someone who wanted a gun in the house, I would be clear that I will not live in a house with a gun. He can buy it and keep it somewhere off my/our property.

[Eaglevoice]

Just the thought makes me shudder....

[pajara2]

Okay, another person here that may get flammed.

I grew up in a house with guns. Not guns secured away, dismanteled, etc. My father's revolver was loaded and in his holster hanging on the headboard of their bed since probably WWII.

From an early age I was taught gun safety AND the value of life. My father's moto was this... "Don't have a gun if it's not going to be loaded. Don't draw the gun unless you intend to use it. If your intent is to protect yourself, shoot to kill." Based on this teaching I have NEVER drawn my gun out of its holster at home, because I've never had occassion to protect myself or my family. I have never even thought of drawing a gun on another person in anger or depression, because I was taught that life is precious! Also my father taught me to not point EVEN A TOY gun at a person, that it was disrespectful.

I have had and will always have guns in my home. However, from birth, my son has not been allowed to have ANY KIND OF GUN AS A TOY. Meaning nothing other than a water gun once he was 4 or 5 years old. From the beginning I have explained that a gun is not supposed to be a toy, so that hopefully he will never confuse a real gun for something to show his buddies and 'play' with. (Sidenote-he too grew up with my parents as caregivers and dad's same gun on the bed. He touched it once, the only time my father has ever reprimanded my son, the reprimand scared him so much that he never got near it again.)

BUT...that said...my mother never liked my dad having a gun and I'm sure they reconcilled themselves somehow. So I strongly urge you to take the PPs suggestions of storing the gun elsewhere until this can be resolved.

Great question/topic, thanks...

Ana

[iamama]

I had this same talk with my dh just this week. He feels the best way to protect his family is with a gun. I told him by the time you unlock the safe, unlock the gun and unlock the bullet I'm going to be running with dd out the door in our room and down the block and the robber can have what they want. In my town there are hardly any armed robberies and the ones we have had are relatives of the victims looking for drug money. My dog makes me feel safer than a gun.

[newmommy]

Why a gun ?

Has he considered Brinks?

[UnschoolnMa]

We've had guns. Our kids shoot (one competitively actually...) It's not an issue for us. It's about responsibility and common sense IMO.

[Dechen]

I would not personally allow a gun in my home. I realize opinions differ, and I'm not chastizing anyone for their own choice.

But in my house? No way. Non-negotiable.

You need to decide for yourself where you stand. It is a very individual thing.

[Nurturing Mama]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I realize this is a touchy issue. We talked about it some more, and we both are okay with him owning it, but keeping it somewhere else, like a childless friend's house or, more likely, a safety deposit box. Thanks for that idea, I don't know why I hadn't thought of that.

Why a gun ? Has he considered Brinks?

Huh? Was that supposed to be helpful? Insulting one's spouses intelligence is not a very good way to convert somebody to your agenda. You can't shoot a "Brinks" at a shooting range, I suppose that's why he didn't consider that.

Carrie

[~Quse~]

Personally, I wouldn't live in a house without a gun.

[newmommy]

Originally Posted by Nurturing Mama

Huh? Was that supposed to be helpful? Insulting one's spouses intelligence is not a very good way to convert somebody to your agenda.
Carrie

I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be insulting and I can see why you'd take it that way...

I'm at work and I am responding short hand, my apologies...what I mean't...I understand your DH is trying to protect his homefront, but instead of using a gun have you guys discussed other *security measures* like a home security system such as Brinks as a *compromise* since *you* are not comfortable with it being in your home?


*PersonallY* I could not live with a gun in the house...not with a curious wandering toddler...loaded or not.

We just had an incident in our hometown where a 3 year old and 4 year old were playing....well the 4 year old found a loaded gun in the drawer of a nightstand by the bed and was showing it to the 3 year old. He pointed and pulled the trigger shooting the 3 yr old in the head. This just happened about 2 weeks ago. No this is NOT responsible gun ownership, but it IS the reality of what can happen with a gun in the house.

And of course, the Minnesota Shootings, such a tragedy...

Seriously, I think you and DH should compromise on other *security measures* if YOU are not wholeheartedly agreeable to the gun concept.

[dallaschildren]

I have grown up around guns, and knew how to properly shoot them, clean them and secure them, at a young age.
We have a revolver that we consider our home defense weapon which remains loaded at all times. All other rifles and pistols and ammo are kept in a gun safe and all are equipped with gun locks. My DH and I target shoot once every three months to retain our familiarity and skill level of our weapons.
With that said, I can totally understand where you are coming from and I urge you and your husband to discuss the real reason why he wants a gun. Make your wishes known loud and clear. It dumbfounds me when people go out and buy a gun and have no clue how to even shoot it. That is asking for trouble. If you decide to purchase this gun, I would strongly suggest that both of you attend a gun safety class, and be trained (and proficient) on how to shoot a gun BEFORE buying one.
DS # 1 has been taught what he should do if he sees a gun and he can repeat it by heart. We have also tested him (with the help of some police officer friends) and he has passed with flying colors. DS # 2 is a bit too young yet but he will be taught the same thing. We do not allow fake guns of any kind in our home. In addition, we do not allow him to play with any fake guns anywhere else. Many real guns out there look just like fake water pistols. That's why we have a no gun at all policy in our house. Kids are too little to be expected to know what is real and what is not. So there is no gun playing at all.
Having a gun in your home is a decision that needs to be made by BOTH of you.

[bravofrenchie]

I grew up in a house full of guns. My Dad is an avid hunter and a collector of guns. None of his guns were ever locked up while I was growing up. They were either up on a gunrack in my parent's bedroom, in a holster hanging from said gunracks (if they were pistols), or leaning in a corner. Almost all of them were loaded. (But without a round in the chamber.) I honestly can't remember a time where I didn't know that guns were not to play with, ect. If I wanted to go out shooting with my Dad, we'd go shoot targets, pop cans, ect. If I wanted to examine a gun, he would unload it and give it to me to look over. It was always drummed into my head that guns were NOT toys, and you were never to point a gun at a person, unless that person was a threat to your life. And to always treat a gun as if it was loaded, even if you "knew" that it wasn't. I didn't have a facination with guns because they weren't some forbidden, mysterious entities. Like MomInFlux's son, target shooting bored me. But I'd get a hankering for it every once in a while. Guns just weren't a big deal in my home.