A little lactivist hurt my feelings today (VENT) - Page 3

[Viola]

Originally Posted by guerrillamama

There was a thread recently on advocacy vs. zealotry. IMO you just can't reason w/ a zealot.

That's a good point.

To the OP, I'm just flabbergasted that people are so rude. I think I would have said something too, hoping it might make a difference.

[boston]

IMO you just can't reason w/ a zealot.

[Meiri]

but I just thought it is possible that the child may have come to those conclusions himself, and the mom's error then would have been not to try and talk about being sensitive to other's feelings.

Exactly.

But the fact that she encouraged him afterwards by telling him he did a good job telling the OP about breastfeeding tells me that she is teaching him that that is an appropriate way to talk to others.

I hope the next person he does that to happens to have had a mastectomy, opens her shirt, and asks him and that anal orifice mother of his how they suggest she breastfeed. Maybe she'll get a clue when it's delivered by 2x4.

Yes, I do have such evil moments occasionally.

[twilightmoon17]

I'll leave my opinons aside....but that mother is teaching her child a horrible way to communicate his opinon! Its one thing to feel strongly about something, and to teach your children how you feel. But, its another thing completly to teach them that being totally rude is OK! :

[Victorian]

What this child did was hurtful. The mother should not have encouraged it.

But, I wanted to point out that this was one woman, not

the pro-bf movement

as someone said. I think that if we had a big scale, breastfeeding mothers are still treated a lot worse than bottlefeeding mothers (and by those bottlefeeding mothers). Let's not pull a "the View" and blame an entire group.

Victorian

[loomweaver]

I hope that this young boy does not grow up, marry and have a wife who has physical issues that prvent her from breastfeeding. Then he will alienate both his wife and child.....

[wasabi]

What a horrible experience. I'm sorry.

You know it is hard as a pro-BFing mom to know exactly how to talk to your young child about this. I got a package of formula samples the other day. I wrote return to sender on it but DD was all excited because we got a package and wanted us to open it. I told her it wasn't anything that we wanted and it wasn't good. But she really wanted to see what was inside because it had babies on the box. So we opened it. She immediately said "ewww yucky yucky" which is her highest condemnation. And it was funny so I laughed. Then I thought what if she goes out in public and starts calling formula yucky obviously she was picking up on my attitude towards the package. So I told her that some babies eat this and it's called formula but in our family babies eat nah-nahs. When her books talk about babies getting bottles I will add that the babies in our family don't get bottles but I don't say anything negative about bottles or formula. But she's young and so she doesn't ask questions yet like why don't all mommies give nah-nahs etc. But what do I say when she does? I want to raise her to believe as I do that the vast majority of women can BF and those who can't are the exception that proves the rule but of course I also want her to be sensitive to the feelings of others. It is hard line to walk with young kids.

[Ruthla]

Originally Posted by wasabi

But she's young and so she doesn't ask questions yet like why don't all mommies give nah-nahs etc. But what do I say when she does? I want to raise her to believe as I do that the vast majority of women can BF and those who can't are the exception that proves the rule but of course I also want her to be sensitive to the feelings of others. It is hard line to walk with young kids.

I would simply explain that there are some women who cannot breastfeed, or who can't make enough milk for their babies, so they have to use formula.

When she's a little older, I would explain that some women need help learning how to breastfeed, and women don't always get the help they need. So these women could have had enough milk for their babies, but they now need formula.

When she's a little bigger, I would also explain that some women choose to use formula even if they don't have to. It's not the healthiest thing for the babies, but the Moms are grown-ups and they make the choices that they think are best for their families. Grown-ups deserve respect for their choices, whether you agree with them or not, and you have to be nice to people.

[farmer mama]

It is a very fine line, and I am not sure how to handle what to tell my children, especially my daughter. Now I know information is always good, but she is in a culture that does not supprt breastfeeding. One only has to look at our culture's breastfeeding rates compared to ther cultures to see that it is not supported. So I am really wanting to give my daughter (and son) a firm foundation that breastfeeding is normal and it is something her body will be able to do. She will have her whole life surrounded by other people's formula feeding and hearing people's stories of how they tried to breastfeed and had x problem. Now all of my friends bf, but the majority of the babies she sees out in public are ff, and at parks and children's museums I am often hearing of bf difficulties that lead to ff. So at this young of an age I am very leery of putting the idea in her head that bf is something that some women can't do and it is something she may "fail" at. I want to balance the cultural message with the attitude that bf is normal and I am confident in other her and other women's ability to breastfeed. Obviously if she directly asks about why so and so are given bottles we will run down all the potential reasons, or if the person is open to it (someone we have a relationship with) I may have her ask the person. Does that make any sense? I hope this wasn't offensive to people who cannot or do not breastfeed, I am just trying to explore my own ideas about how to balance the cultural messages that my children will be faced with.

[wasabi]

My question was really more rhetorical recognizing how difficult it is to explain a situation that has many shades of grey to a young child that is likely to going to miss some of the nuances. Thanks for the suggestions though. They are certainly in keeping with what I had in mind.