irritated at a new mother

[Jen123]

Last night at small group (like a home bible study) , a new couple was introduced. Amongst all the new questions...I asked one. "do you have any children ?". The woman replied "yes. a two week old, our first. ". I looked around. "where is he?". The woman said "with an aunt for the night". WHAT??? I bit my tongue SO hard. Another woman sensed my growing anger and began asking typical newborn questions to relieve the moment. The rest of the mothers encouraged her to bring the newborn to the future small groups...we are all anxious to hold lil ones again...no sense in paying a sitter....newborns aren't a bother..... we've got a sitter downstairs if you really feel the need..... yet there I stood with my mouth hanging open that she'd left her two week old baby overnight. The rest of us bring our kids and let them play downstairs while we have group...I'm hoping she'll see how NATURAL this is and bring her baby along too.



whew.
okay. venting over. I feel better now. I'm just floored that there would be any normal reason to leave a two week old with someone else for a whole night.

[crayon]

My baby is 8 days old, I could never leave her.... never!!!! I mean not only would she miss me- I cant even imagine how my post-par emotions would deal without my baby.....

I have never left my other daughter either- she is 2- I think it is weird to leave your until they are years old... I mean like 5 or 6....

My sister left her 9 month old- I was shocked, but 2 weeks

[JesiLynne]

the only "overnights" my kids have had is with my VERY AP MOM and just b/c I was giving birth! Oh and we were moving and had 12 hours to do it in
and ds1 was over 18 months by then adn had already CLW
Man that makes me mad
I cant imagine leaving one of my babies

[philomom]

My kids were several months old before I even went on a date (couple hours)and left them with a grandma. They were several years old before dh and I went away for a whole weekend. I just can't imagine having done it otherwise.

[Fianna]

Ummm, not to be a party pooper or anything, but this thread has all of the classic symptoms of becoming one of those "I'm such a perfect AP mom and let me show you the evidence" threads.

Maybe in this new mom's family, leaving a newborn in the loving hands of a family member is the norm. Maybe she has never met moms who think it's unusual. Let's cut her some slack, ok? Yes, most of the moms here at mdc would never leave an 8-wk-old, but that doesn't make the rest of the moms out there evil, heartless and/or pathetic excuses for parents. KWIM?

[Simply Nurtured]

I guess I would look at it a little differently, but maybe it is because I have seen lots of new mamas/parents.

It could be that they were very nervous, their first meeting and everything. They might not have known what was expected of them. They might not have known it would be ok to bring the baby. This has happened to us before, where we invited someone over and they did not bring their children. Even though we were assuming they would.

HTH

[Viola]

Originally Posted by Fianna

Ummm, not to be a party pooper or anything, but this thread has all of the classic symptoms of becoming one of those "I'm such a perfect AP mom and let me show you the evidence" threads.

I love you!

Not that I'd leave my 2 week overnight, mind you. And I would probably feel a clenching up inside if I had been at that Bible study.

[Fianna]

I know I've gotten calls at home from new moms asking if they can bring their babies to LLL meetings! We don't exactly have a baby-friendly culture.

[Vermillion]

Well with our society being so unfriendly towards children perhaps she automatically assumed that the baby would be a bother and she wanted to make a good impression. It may not be something many of us here would do but I can see how one might think they have to considering the general attitude towards kids.

[mama ganoush]

Originally Posted by Fianna

but that doesn't make the rest of the moms out there evil, heartless and/or pathetic excuses for parents. KWIM?

are you sure???? what about that mom in the parking lot at walmart's?

[Fianna]

G, I'm trying to appear mature and reasonable at least in one thread. Geesh! Stop luring me over to the jr. high table, would ya'?

[stafl]

How long does your Bible study usually last? By two weeks, my second DD had already settled herself into a very predictable schedule, and I would have had no trouble leaving her for an hour or two if I had planned it right and nursed her real good right before I left.


....my firstborn, nope, it never ever could have happened. She needed constant mommy-attention every day, all day long. But my little one, she's really laid back and it would have been no big deal to go somewhere for a little while. It never happened, but it could have and I wouldn't be any worse a mother for it.


eta - the momma said "for the night" that doesn't necessarily mean overnight, unless it's some sort of overnight bible study, which the OP never said it was.

[Bex80]

Originally Posted by mama ganoush

are you sure???? what about that mom in the parking lot at walmart's?

Are you referring to me?

[PrinceE&LsMom]

Well my sister has her beat...she left her 3 DAY old overnight with a friend so her and her boyfriend could go fishing. She wonders why baby refused to bf after the first week.

[mar4JC]

I agree with Fianna... we have enough to worry about without having to become a judging squad for other parents.

[KellyB]

This was a Bible study?
I could have sworn I read something in that book about judging other people...something Jesus said...what was it?
It's on the tip of my tongue...

[homebirthing]

Well, I think it is sad. And I think it is wrong. BUT that is if it was overnight, not for a one hour Bible study.

If it was overnight, yes, I think that is sad and wrong and really just plain sucks. Flame me all you want. It doesn't make me a better mom, but it makes my baby happier.


sarah, proud mama to three babies

[bunsmom]

A little judgy....Are you sure she said/meant "for the night", maybe she just meant for the time they were at the study group. Maybe she needed a break and this was her only opportunity.

DD is 6 months and I have been away only twice, once to go to Target when she was about that same age and again at 3 months so I could get my hair cut. Both times DH watched her and I hurried back to BF her.

I just think we Mamas have a hard enough job without judging each other. She obviously felt comfortable in doing it HER WAY. Maybe to her, leaving her with a trusted aunt rather than have a bunch of strangers pawing at her newborn or bringing her newborn out of the house (which to me is a worse situation) is better for HER.

I still don't like strangers, or really anyone other than my parents and DH to hold DD, that is just me, and I bring her everywhere and wear her in a sling so that people WON'T touch/try to hold her, but that is just ME, and I am sure that very nice new Mom has her reasons, give her a break.

[Ruthla]

Maybe she left the baby with the aunt "for the evening" rather than overnight.

[bunsmom]

Originally Posted by kellyb

This was a Bible study?
I could have sworn I read something in that book about judging other people...something Jesus said...what was it?
It's on the tip of my tongue...

and

:LOL