irritated at a new mother - Page 2

[Fianna]

Yes, it does make your baby happier, and any other baby who is fortunate enough to have a mom who questions the norm. I wish all babies were so fortunate. Our world would be a much better place, IMO. I'm very thankful that I had people in my life to pave the way for my parenting off of the mainstream. I am grateful that I knew about LLL and had the opportunity to attend meetings. I feel blessed that I had older sisters who co-slept and nursed their toddlers. I am grateful that my family supported my beliefs about parenting and allowed me to go with my heart. I wish all moms had such experiences.

[amybw]

i bet "for the night" she meant "for the evening".
that seems like an honest miscommunication.
i have often said tonight and this evening interchangeably

Maybe she needed a break and this was her only opportunity.

i was thinking the same thing! maybe she is feeling overwhelmed and just needed a couple hours away. Even if she is bf'ing that is still highly possible.

I left my son at 15 days with my DH for a few hours. Surely there is nothing wrong with that, is there? (Of course i know what is right FOR ME, just thought i'd throw it out there.)


Amy

[Arduinna]

everytime I read this thread title I see Irritated by a new MEMBER

:

[Fianna]

Ard, don't make Dar report you.

[huggerwocky]

I don't understand why you're so upset.So what if the AUNT has the baby for an hour?You have yours as much around as she does the same.I don't think a couple of hours is going to harm anybody,seriously.

[homebirthing]

The OP said "for the night", which is why she was angry.

[annettemarie]

I can't imagine leaving a newborn at all, but a lot of people do. I think the ladies in your Bible study handled it very compassionately by letting her know her options.

[Galatea]

Well, personally, I don't see do *anything* for a bible study, but whatever...

[DaryLLL]

Originally Posted by Fianna

Ard, don't make Dar report you.

[KayleeZoo]

I think she could have meant that she left the baby for the evening, not overnight, based on the wording.

If I had to go somewhere when my baby was 2 wks old, I'd definately leave him/her with a family member instead of having strangers try to touch or breathe on them. We are really neurotic about going out with a nb for several weeks and I left my first dd w/my mom for a couple hours while I went to Target when she was less than 2 wks old- I didn't want her exposed to the general population that young.

[jannan]

not to saound like a smart ass, but whenever something someone else has done my question to myself is "how does it affect me" if some mother leaves her new born overnight with someone she trusts , more power to her.

so, my question to the op is ,..............."how does it affect you?"

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by jannan

not to saound like a smart ass, but whenever something someone else has done my question to myself is "how does it affect me" if some mother leaves her new born overnight with someone she trusts , more power to her.

so, my question to the op is ,..............."how does it affect you?"

I sort of understand what you are saying, but if we all only involved ourselves with things that directly affected us, there would be precious little change in the world.

Also, I cannot imagine any proponant of attachment parenting or breastfeeding saying that it would be acceptable to leave a newborn overnight with someone else, if it were possibly avoidable.

[lifetapestry]

I think it's dangerous to socialize mothers into believing that you can't ever leave your kids until they are 5 or 6 or whatever age posters in this thread find acceptable. All mothers are different in what makes them good mothers, and for some, that includes time away from their children. I personally think it's preferable for mothers to feel that they can take time off from mothering rather than starting losing it with their kids or sliding down into post partum depression or even into that terrible place where you drown your 5 kids in the bathtub or stab them with knives.

And isn't it just basic that attachment parenting has at its core that you provide for your children's needs, not that you stick like glue to them for 5 years? Perhaps nobody here wants to admit it, but fathers and other family members as well as competent non-relative caregivers are all perfectly capable of providing for a baby's needs, no matter what the age. My 3 1/2 year old has been cared for by several different people, for time periods ranging from 2 hours to 6 days, from when he was about 5 weeks old until now. His needs have always been met, and I'm secure enough in my relationship to him to realize that while nobody can take my place, he does not need me 24 hours a day.

What's irritating in this thread is not the original situation posted about, but the b.s. prescriptions about what mothers have to do in order to be acceptable to some people who wave the AP flag. No wonder tons of people make fun of AP and the kinds of things that people espousing AP say.

I also wish that this forum was less about what other parents do and why we're just so gosh darn great and more about the honest struggles of trying to parent in the best way possible.

Karla

[annettemarie]

Newborn baby.
Not five or six years old.
Two weeks old.

[CryPixie83]

A couple I know has a preemie son (he's about 7 weeks now and he was 4-5 weeks early) and my niece has gotten him for hours and hours, several times overnight since he came home from the hospital at around 4 weeks. My dd is 8 months old and I still wouldn't dream of leaving her with *anyone* except maybe my mom.

[BusyMommy]

Yes, 2 weeks old. At 2 weeks of age, each of my kids slept a lot! Who on Earth are we to judge this woman for trusting her infant w/a family member for an hour or so of time while she gets a mental sanity break.

Now, that's assuming :LOL Babe was sleeping, it was a short period of time and she'd run home if Babe awoke and needed her.

and

assumptions are ALL that we have as the OP hasn't clarified.

[raleigh_mom]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Newborn baby.
Not five or six years old.
Two weeks old.

But for a couple hours. Not overnight.

Some moms don't need a break. Some do. Sounds like it was for a short time and with a trusted family member. But I am glad that the group made it known that the parents could bring the baby if they wanted to.

[KellyB]

Geez, ya'll.
This is the reason I'm scared to join my local AP group...I'm scared I'll be scrutinized.
This is also the reason I left my old church (well, not the only reason, but one of the main ones).
I always tried to convince myself I was just being paranoid when I felt like the people I met were trying to find my imperfections...like I was under the microscope or something.
To me, AP is less about not leaving your 2 week old with your sister for a couple of hours, but more about being a gentle, loving mama...but to be that, I feel I need to be a gentle loving person in general, as well...
Does that make sense, ya'll?

[lifetapestry]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Newborn baby.
Not five or six years old.
Two weeks old.

So what's your point? Or do you just like to repeat things?

A 2 week old's needs are a lot more limited than a 5 or 6 year old's-- they need to be fed, burped, changed, held, eased into sleep. All of these things can be done by someone who is not the mother.

Karla

[Aura_Kitten]

major to what kellyb & lifetapestry have said (cool name, btw LT )...

just adding a little more perspective: my sister & i are very, very close. we wouldn't hesitate to leave even our newborn's in the other's care, because we have similar parenting beliefs & we trust each other. so i would HATE to be judged by someone for leaving my 2-week old for a short time (and even overnight IS a short time) with her (that would be, in fact, the baby's aunt, as my sister is my children's aunt, just to clarify), because we ARE so similar. we alo have kids who are the same ages, who get along great together. we're -- well gosh, we're like SISTERS we're so close.