tweens and teenagers from 9+?

[huggerwocky]

Why is that wherever I go children from 9 onwards are betitled as teenagers or preteens?Is it just me?A pre-teen for me is a 12 year old and certainly not a 9-year old.They are children!Anyone else upset by this forced adolescence?

I don;t understand how it could come to that.It starts with the fact that I have to look really hard to find approbiate clothing for my now 8-year old and ends with the fact that normal temper tantrums are called "typical teenage girl!"

ok, rant over

[Vermillion]

I know what you mean. To me, 11-12 is preteen and anything under is still a child. I think that the label preteen or “tween” starting at around 8 is just a marketing ploy to sell more crap to a younger age group. :

[yaM yaM]

ITA...



I feel like a vigilante momma when it comes to the extent I go to to protect/shelter -- whatever you call it -- my ten y/o. She still plays with her dolls and lots of other imaginative stuff, and is rather weirded out by 'popular' music when she (very rarely) hears it. I can see that, as much as she's grown up, she's still a little girl and needs to grow at her own pace. I know there'll be plenty of time to indulge in all of this when she's more clear about her own ideas and values, and more mature in other ways, too.

But from every direction, out there, the stuff comes....

I had to teach her about sex before I think she was ready to because she was hearing such confusing information from the older children at school. Too many other sad things to list, right now... time to go....

[Persephone]

.. I was 9 in 1991, and I have to say, I had started the process of puberty. I had body odor, and had to start wearing deoderant, and I developed breast buds and the start of pubic hair then. I also started caring about clothes and how I looked. I did NOT feel like a child anymore, and I was still being treated like one, and I can go back and read my diaries and see the change beginning to happen emotionally as well. I didnt' start my period til I was 13, but there it was, starting. In my mind, that's a preteen. Not so much an age, as a state of being, a state of mind and emotion and body. And I was there, at 9 and 10.

Of course, now that I'm older, I look back and think how incredibly short childhood is. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things, and children should be allowed to be children for as long as possible. But don't prevent them from growing up either, even if it starts to happen before you think it will.

[Dar]

Yeah... clearly all kids will develop at different rates, and I think the age designations are fairly fluid here... I got breast buds when I was 9. My daughter had them at 7, though. And there are a lot of hormonal changes that start at around that time, and developmental changes...

Dar

[yaM yaM]

My daughter's breast buds just recently appeared, after she had turned ten this past January. I can also see she's going through some new emotional territory, too.

I do not question that she is blossoming.

However, as many of my IRL women friends would agree, (who's now-adult daughters have been on both sides of nine or ten) I believe that girls begin to experience physical puberty (often, anyway) before emotional maturity matches it. That means that they can have the body of a more mature female, but still be like a little girl emotionally. This is confusing on an outsider's visual level, and maybe even to the girls themselves, but I've seen it many times nonetheless. They often don't even understand exactly how powerful their femininity is, so they may be accused of being a 'tease' when they're an older teenager. This type of situation can occur even as they approach adulthood.

My daughter and I have all sorts of complex, personal, and infinite conversations these days. And she has lots of new questions for me. But I know that, while she's definately understanding things in a more mature way, she's not ready to know about some things that, frankly, are considered normal for some people's ten-y/o daughters. I know this because she is sometimes exposed to these other views from other children her age, and she'll come to me with questions about the subject and her own comments which are often along the lines of, "This seems really inappropriate." I tell her to listen to her intuition (this is where it starts) and that there'll be plenty of time, later on, for.....

[gethane]

With both my daughters I noticed some real changes at around 10-10.5 that makes me say they really did enter pre-teen at that time.

My oldest, 12, hasn't had her period yet, but she already has an hourglass figure. Sigh..

[UnschoolnMa]

My daughter is 11 and she is very clearly in the process of puberty She started developing around 9 or so (the same age I did). I think it just depends. I don't think Ive ever worried much about the labels "tween" "preteen" or "teen". I don't think I have ever used the word "tween" actually. The clothes thing hasn't really been an issue for me because Dd picks all her own clothing. She asks for my advice/opinions, but in the end the choice is hers. I can agree on the "typical teenage girl" rant though. When I was 9-12 or so, or even when I was actually a teen, it was infuriating to have someone toss that at me when I was upset. As if my emotions do not matter and are trivial because I am some certain age. It was so annoying lol.

[Alkenny]

Though I agree about the clothing/styles being too provocative for that young of an age, I do have to say that around age 8 both of my older two (and ESPECIALLY my DD) have gone through a sudden transformation...and not for the good.

Besides the hairiness, body odor, and normal PHYSICAL changes...the emotional changes and mouthiness have been TERRIBLE.

DD is almost 12, and over the past couple of months things have started on the upswing for the better. Of course, her brother is right in the midst of it now.

Though they'll always be OUR BABIES, there IS a difference from little children too. Just a fact of life...they're not little and I have to respect the changes that they're going through and deal with it. They're not just going to wake up one day adults, there has to be a "pathway". :

[LunaMom]

The "tween" label was created by marketing and advertising folks. Supposedly children and teens are a HUGE target for them. Babies, too. Companies are trying to develop brand loyalty in infancy - teeny Nike sneakers, anyone? They didn't have those (for pre-walkers) when DD was a baby, but now I see them everywhere.

Some children do start puberty at a young age, but I don't think we should confuse physical maturity with emotional maturity. I'm sure that there is a range of when kids start to "feel like a teenager" as far as concern over appearance and the opposite sex and so on, but just because a girl has breast buds doesn't mean she's any more mature than one who is less developed. Heck, if that was true, I would have been a child until I was 16! :LOL

I do strongly dislike the tendency to label kids with "teen-like" names at earlier and earlier ages. Pretty soon someone will be calling five-year-olds "pre-tweens."

[Dar]

I guess I don't see the label of "pre-teen" as "enforced adolescence". It's descriptive of an age - the years just before you're a "teen" would be "pre-teen". Pre-teen is not "teen", it's the years *before* teen-hood. For me, it doesn't imply that someone is emotionally mature at all - more that he or she is in a transitional phase. During the pre-teen years different areas of development are growing at all different rates, and that's a hard thing to handle.

Dar

[mommyofshmoo]

For my part I was very much a pre-teen starting from 9-10 years old. I was very upset at the time because I felt that 12 was the "designated" time when it was OK to become an adolescent and that everyone was trying to force me to stay a child against all physical evidence to the contrary.

I certainly don't think 9-10 year olds are "mature" by any stretch, but many of them are no longer really "children" either.

I suppose if you consider starting to wear a bra, playing spin the bottle in the woods, having a first few girls get their periods, and hearing constant sexist remarks and sexual harassment from boys part of "childhood", then 9-10 years old is still a "child." To me, these things signify the start of adolescence.

Granted I moved from an all-girl school to co-ed at 9, so I the beginning of adolescence started at a bad time.

[mama ganoush]

the whole concept of 'tween' bugs the crap out of me too, and i agree it is a huge marketing ploy. my niece is 9 and in 3rd grade. when dp saw her and her younger sister over xmas, he took them to the mall to pick something out. and the 9 year old wanted a 30 dollar bottle of exfoliating gel. she pretty much acts like a teenager, eye-rolling, knowing all the words and dance moves on mtv. i find it very unsettling.

[K&JsMaMa]

Originally Posted by Persephone

..In my mind, that's a preteen. Not so much an age, as a state of being, a state of mind and emotion and body. And I was there, at 9 and 10.

Of course, now that I'm older, I look back and think how incredibly short childhood is. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things, and children should be allowed to be children for as long as possible. But don't prevent them from growing up either, even if it starts to happen before you think it will.

Well said.

My son is 10.2 yrs old. He is definately in the pre-puberty phase. Some days are just miserable...he's soooooo emotional. And he has really stinky pits some times. He's just thrilled. He has me check under his arms for hair. When I tell him I don't see anything yet, he points out that there is hair (it's less than peach fuzz). He's so cute. :LOL

Oh, and he's just asked me last week about the full story of "the birds and the bees". So I explained it to him.

::sigh:: See like yesterday when dh and I were : then boy: and :